Football Cliches

LONDON LIVE QUIZ - TICKETS ON GENERAL SALE WEDNESDAY 16TH - ⁠quiz.footballcliches.com⁠

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the fallout from the Manchester derby, Tottenham's goal drought passes an important threshold, referees commentating on goals, a very familiar-sounding voice from a game in Australia, whether Manchester United vs Sabah set an incredibly niche world record, overdue praise for the steadiest commentary duo in the business, sci-fi heritage in Scottish penalty shootouts and Andy Gray’s booming return to co-commentary.

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Dean Saunders continues his intermittent campaign against modern football terminology, tinpot scenes in the Yashin Trophy nominations, a Talksport debate about the threshold for in-game dominance, John McGinn's trademark caressed curler, the growing usage of "late doors", an unacceptably casual word for a headed goal, the least "rounding the goalkeeper" striker in the Premier League, commentary to the accidental rhythm of football chants and Richard Keys's top 6 commentators of all time.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: reflections on a superb afternoon at the Cliches live show, Tom Cruise deploys the football plural, Gary Cotterill plumbs new press-conference depths, Manchester United are Arsenal 2008/09 in disguise, the fallout from Mike Dean's embellished anecdote, slightly-too-casual VAR announcements, the Gary Neville noise in a Kaiser Chiefs song, and much more.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to a...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the agonising death of Sky Sports News on deadline day, whether a player can have a “knack” for scoring penalties, Darren Fletcher reviving his Copacbana obsession, footballers’ names in German pet food adverts, whether a header can be “blazed" over the bar, the threshold for a goal getting a trailing team "back in it", an apocalyptic-sounding night at the ex-footballers charity boxing, and checking in with the boys at Keys & Gray Unleashed.

Meanwhile, the panel select the Summer 2...

Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are how technology will finally come for the clumsily-operated electronic substitution board, the futile abuse of the BBC's Player Rater tool, whether a team should be top or bottom of a negatively-themed league table, and a passionate defence of strikers who don't gamble on low crosses into the six-yard box.

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz a...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a baffling passing adjective in the EFL Trophy, how a striker would "unlock" their goalscoring account for the season, Everton's irresistible "cup run" candidacy, LASK 5 Celtic 4 and the saddest football TV studio of all time, Michael Owen mixes up his modes of transport, a curious anomaly in how we describe substitutes entering the fray, how early a new signing can be called "a revelation" and Richard Keys's optimistic claim to having originally coined a phrase.

Meanwhile, the...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Wedding guests with goal-machine names, the rude awakenings/wake-up calls/reality checks of the Premier League opening weekend, how much it would actually cost to "drive Harry Maguire to Saudi Arabia yourself", Lee Dixon’s emerging spot-kick commentary trademark, tenuous Match of the Day identity crises, Dom Ballard's pure Puskas wondergoal, the many ripples of a Fabrizio Romano typo, Jean-Philippe Mateta aiming for legislative immortality, West Brom's "curly slippers", James Trafford’s unorthodox cadence and Richard Keys's one word for his beloved Cove...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: how referee match audio will pump up the football news machine in 2026/27, Chelsea's youth teams being renamed in an ominously "game's gone" fashion, Gary Weaver settles into the new Championship season, three incredible utterings of John Stones’ name, Eddie Marsan as Harry Redknapp and the meaning of being "Premier League-proven".

Meanwhile, the panel enjoy episode 1 of Keys & Gray: Unleashed, condensed into just two minutes of gold.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily qu...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: some textbook Community Shield takeaways, whether Arsenal are the most “Millennium Stadium” Premier League club, how far off Declan Rice is from becoming “Mr Arsenal”, Newcastle's unnecessarily long managerial longlist, an unacceptable League One welcoming, linguistic frustration in the tennis, getting to the bottom of what constitutes a "bomba" signing, Irish right-backs in Turkish Star Wars knock-offs, Richard Keys tries his first ever oyster and a rollercoaster 72-hour unveiling of the mildly anticipated Keys & Gray: Unleashed

Play the Happ...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Goalkeeping mistakes that rhyme with the player who pounces on them, a classic goal-commentating phrase gets some overdue analysis, David Seaman keeps his chuckle rate ticking over at Lord's, pondering the actual purpose of Dusan Vlahovic, Fabrizio Romano drops a bombshell hint over his own future, anticipating the new Amazon Prime series Meet the Owens, Matthias Jaissle impressing-by-numbers and Keys & Gray making moves in London town.

Meanwhile, the panel tackle the Happy Hunting Grounds Ladder for the...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: whether Charlie's third child in six years counts as a "quickfire hat-trick", weekend Carabao Cup ties as the domestic curtain-raiser, a manager refuses to answer a non-question, a nuanced language-barrier issue for Middlesbrough’s new goalkeeper, very mundane swap deals, the logical strategy for online football quizzes, ex-England strikers in Spiderman film analysis, north London football hipsters being stared at by Keir Starmer and the Germanified names of Premier League clubs.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder whether Vinicius Ju...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: The now-annual breakdown of the Premier League alphabetical distribution and how it makes us feel, who we should "fear for" in the Premier League in 2026/27, what tournaments England legends would have incongruously appeared at if they’d played until they were 40, workshopping a chant for Phil Collins’ son at 1860 Munich, Mohamed Salah's surprise move to Trabzonspor, Argos being sold for the same price as Morgan Rogers, a listener's accidental goal celebration in the shower, and the full story of Richard Keys's summer rena...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: European superclubs coming over here and stealing our groundsmen, Henry Winter on Falklands defence budgets, Gianni Infantino the "money-grabbing gargoyle", the inevitable moment for Wenger's Law, a Cliches deep cut buried in an obscure seven-a-side livestream, Sean Dyche’s surprisingly convoluted "top 3 pints", unacceptable penalty descriptions, Scotland gives us a new verb for a thrashing, John Stones’ comedy shoulder, the finer details of set-piece guru Austin MacPhee’s Chelsea move, the concept of an England football team at the Commonwealth Games, and a Wels...

A concept impossible to over-romanticise, pinpointing the exact Premier League matchweek to represent its sweet spot, the gentle echoing of Martin Tyler across the potholes of a generic bar strip, charmingly error-strewn handwritten fixture lists, the Irish Bar option, the Moon Under Water of Turkish beach bars showing the Prem, spending £3.50 on a 48-hour-old copy of the Mirror in 2001, Faliraki 5-a-side with Leon Osman, one listener’s Eurocamp goalkeeping glory, a stag do in Luxembourg, and an 8/10 Premier League weekend lineup in an Only Fools and Horses-themed bar in Majorca.

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker bri...

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the coolest way to hold a football, football's ongoing misunderstanding of the "instep", a ubiquitous three-word punditry prefix and having to listen to people describing their Sunday League goals.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel welcome Rodri to the exclusive club of players who have "completed football".

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily q...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker, Nick Miller and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: a cultural review of the gruelling watch that was the World Cup final, the merits of Ferran Torres' winning goal, England's absurd third-place playoff glory, Jude Bellingham's niche statistical triumph, Cole Palmer gets on the wrong side of Graeme Souness, one listener's highly unnecessary concept of a secondary World Cup plate competition, Premier League referees spotted at weddings and, to wrap up the tournament summer, the Pure World Cup 2026 XI.

Play the Happy...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of England 1 Argentina 2, finding anything remotely unfamiliar about England's latest major-tournament exit, gauging the enthusiasm levels for the "FIFA Bronze Final", the valuable freshness of a Spain vs Argentina final, anticipating Tom Cruise's contribution to the half-time show, filthy-sounding World Cup demonym usages, and dinosaur fossil prices finally catch up with football transfer fees.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the montage-resistant grind of England 2 Norway 1, Thomas Tuchel vs Gabriel Clarke, the prospect of Vindaloo as the soundtrack to this year's John Lewis Christmas advert, ITV's Mark Pougatch talks tactics, revisiting England 3 Argentina 2 (2005), Joe Cole’s stance on the pyramids of Egypt, and kit-man transfer news.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to acc...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the enjoyable chaos of Argentina vs Egypt, the exact noise Javier Aguirre made to Anthony Gordon, co-commentators with Alan Shearer's voice, a listener's very niche World Cup spreadsheet, the evergreen haplessness of centre-backs in penalty shootouts, the international managerial merry-go-round and the threshold for a "lungbusting" run.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive s...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: an in-depth cultural review of Mexico 2 England 3, the immaculate Golden Boot race, Donald Trump ushering in a truly retro tinpot World Cup moment, *that* BBC News pronunciation of "Socceroos", unsatisfying Microsoft Windows noises during France vs Paraguay, exclusive giant flag logistics info, the American love for Fletch's commentary, some glorious knockout-stage Jonathan Pearce and Lionel Messi's crisps ad cameos.

Meanwhile, the panel absolutely nail the difference between "fashioning" and "conjuring" a goalscoring chance.

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and James Maw. On the agenda: the big World Cup flag question, England 2 DR Congo 1 and the Kaniest finish in the history of Harry Kane, the Big Boxpark Backlash, England's unfinished business at the Azteca, Danny Murphy's cat, the most obscure way anyone has ever accidentally found out the result of a game they were trying to avoid the result for, Emile Heskey on broccoli, football chat in the House of Commons, football podcast theme tunes in Netflix sports comedies and Chelsea push the envelope of Club Statement...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker, James Maw and, eventually, Nick Miller. On the agenda: pathetic TV-channel paranoia clickbait from our beleaguered regional press, goalscorers "on the doorstep", Donald Trump's voice in World Cup co-commentary, Andy Townsend ignoring Martin Tyler’s octogenarian wordplay, The New World Order get hold of some VIP tickets for Canada vs South Africa, one man takes the BBC’s World Cup 3D Experience a little too far, the joys of admiring your own crossfield pass, former Leicester midfielders’ names in racing video game soundtracks, Sean Dyche on woke breakfasts and an...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the wider ripples of England 0 Ghana 0, Scotland’s slightly excessive World Cup purgatory, Darren Fletcher lets his hair down on Fox Sports duty, Andy Burnham’s solid football credentials, sacked managers names in Olivia Rodrigo album tracks and more World Cup lineup-poses quizzing.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: dream...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Screen Rot's Jake Farrell. On the agenda: the England player least likely to shout "Vamos!" during a game, an emphatic VAR call from a referee during Paraguay vs Turkey, how close the USA are to "they couldn't... coult they?" territory, Martin Keown's collective noun for a goalkeeper's saves, Sam Matterface fails to meet the geographical “from X to Y” threshold, the real damage caused by hydration breaks, a statistical breakdown of World Cup lineup poses and why Richard Keys wants to manipulate the Premier League fixture list.

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Adam's slapstick attempt to watch England 4-2 Croatia at the pub, the mid-1990s England player recognition skills of French TV, how Cape Verde triggered a social-media threshold, Lee Dixon on Mexican waves, the diminishing number of original ways to write about Lionel Messi, which of the 48 nations least suits being full-named by a commentator, the refereeing hand gesture for hydration break, and why the USA are 90 minutes away from soccer supremacy.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and James Maw. On the agenda: how the BBC & ITV's tournament has gone so far, Simon Jordan treats a basic World Cup question with the disdain only Simon Jordan could, the genuine majesty of the Azteca Stadium, the very moment this World Cup "burst into life", FIFA's condiment censorship, Brazil get the customary broadcasting greeting and Tom Cruise unveils David Beckham's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Meanwhile, the panel imagine what a club "laughing off" a bid for a...

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller entertain the listener entries for a special edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche World Cup fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are viral World Cup fans, the little-known moment that sparked England’s 60 years of hurt, giant FIFA lanyards, the slow death of the phrase “World Cup finals”, and other home nations' infuriation with TV updates from the England camp.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel admire the explosion of online football draft games and pinpoint this World C...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Nick Miller and James Maw. On the agenda: the BBC's co-commentators show some pre-tournament rustiness, FIFA's new plan for pre-kick-off team lineups, the greatest PDF in World Cup history, footballers' names in scathing reviews of West End musicals, the pathetic carry-on of the Real Madrid presidential election, a potentially terrible "4D World Cup viewing experience", a superbly mangled cliche by a hurling pundit and some provisional thoughts on Piers Morgan's World Cup YouTube show.

Meanwhile, the panel imagine the football existences of the incorrectly-named England...

The 25th edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Nick take on The England Pod in a World Cup trivia special.

The questions include: Wikipedia-verified World Cup "Battles Of", the stars of the Three Lions video, World Cup hat-trick merchants, tournament debutants, official match balls, UK-based Trinidadians and ex-Premier League managers at this year's tournament.

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.co...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A cultural review of the Champions League final (feat. commentary intonations and David Schwimmer's divorce), Paul Robinson gets intensely distracted during the Conference League final, Switzerland's curious World Cup scheduling stranglehold, early reports of terrible pub bunting, pundit parenting at the soft play, and Richard Keys’s Concorde lament.

Meanwhile, the panel address the latest backlash to stutter-step penalties.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the exact gait of a referee going over to check the VAR monitor, a tiny element of Baddiel & Skinner's Three Lions you have probably never noticed, the epidemic of fans "coming in peace" to rival club forums and the exact criteria for a player to be said to be “jumping ship”.

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: whether West Ham sleepwalked to relegation and if Spurs are now officially "circling the drain", Villa defying their European hangover, forensics are called in on Bruno Fernandes' assists record, Glenn Murray with an unexpected demonym, farmers taking penalties against Chris Kirkland, and a Premier League farewell from Keys & Gray after 34 years.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, t...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: cutting through the considerable noise of Arsenal's long-awaited Premier League title and the 12-day express saga of Spygate, the Australian Andy Gray, Rory Stewart apparently hearing about VAR for the first time, the one interesting name from the BBC and ITV’s World Cup punditry lineups, eminent anthropologists with Peter Drury’s voice and a suspiciously made-up-looking Bundesliga club.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up f...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: an FA Cup final that will live short in the memory, a confident prediction of West Ham's short-term future, some 4/10 football chat from politicians, serviceable Premier League back-up strikers' names in ski equipment, Adam Wharton’s unexpected backflip, some classic early news of England's World Cup camp, and a roving Richard Keys in London.

Meanwhile, the panel indulge in a brief history of the between-the-legs flicked finish in English football.

Play the Ha...

The 24th edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on globe-trotting world football storytellers The Sweeper for the second time.

The questions include: Argentine footballspeak, obscure ball suppliers, made-up football podcasts, World Cup coastlines, transport-themed top-flight outfits, fake Brazilian internationals and much more.

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the slightly overlooked aspects of the West Ham corner chaos, predicting the title of the Arsenal story-of-the-season book, an alphabetical crisis for the Premier League, five-star co-commentary from Joe Cole, how long is too long for a commentator to stay silent after a goal, and footballers’ names in both cheap office furniture and the inexplicably Urdu songs of Robert Palmer.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the Champions League semi-finals (featuring Daniel Sturridge inventing the "nine and three-quarters" role and the return of CBS's Beckham & Friends), celebration policing ties itself in knots, the Andy Gray of the Faroe Islands, former Wimbledon strikers' names in mid-1960s Marvel comics and a curious Evening With Eden Hazard (feat. Rickie Lambert).

Meanwhile, the panel ponder the name and vibe of a hypothetical new fourth UEFA club competition.

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the trickiest title-race-classification task so far, legendary Premier League goalkeepers in petty criminals’ middle names, Sean Dyche's Instagram unveiling, Tim Sherwood on modern football and some awkward football phone-in moments with Chris Sutton.

Meanwhile, the panel anticipate Tom Hiddlestone's Champions League punditry and debate how many games constitute a "fixture pile-up".

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up fo...

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the mythical status of the half-time team talk, a listener's transcontinental toilet-cubicle sleuthing, nearby fans who state the obvious for 90 minutes and the minor things that instantly shatter the elite-level feel of a professional football match.

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, t...

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the threshold for the Premier League to tweet the words "and breathe...", the sound of York City's last-gasp, fifth-tier glory, Paul Scholes at the snooker, Steve Sidwell coins a curious new phrase, RIP Football Focus, some mangled animal-themed football idioms and Richard Keys' 6000-mile Instagrammed odyssey from Qatar to Coventry.

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, t...