Addiction Makes Three

Have you ever been out with friends, laughing and enjoying yourself, then suddenly felt guilty because your husband is at home struggling?

Or felt relieved to have a peaceful evening without him there - only to feel terrible for even thinking that?

When you love someone struggling with alcohol or addiction, guilt can creep into the most unexpected moments.

In Episode 110 of Addiction Makes Three, Amanda shares her own experience of losing touch with her happiness, including the heartbreaking moment she realised how long it had been since she'd heard herself...

Are you waiting for your husband to stop drinking before you can finally relax?

Maybe he's working hard on his sobriety. Maybe he's been to rehab. Maybe you're watching for signs that this time will be different.

You want to feel hopeful. But you're also exhausted.

Because even when things are going well, there's still that question in the back of your mind: What if it doesn't last?

And somewhere along the way, you might have started putting your own life on hold.

The friendships...

Your husband says he hasn't been drinking. But something feels off. You ask him, he says no, and now you're questioning yourself. How do you know what to believe when trust has been broken before?

Maybe it's the way he's speaking. Maybe he's unusually chatty or quiet. Maybe his behaviour just doesn't seem quite right.

So you ask him if he's been drinking.

He looks you in the eye and says no.

And now you're left wondering whether to believe him or trust what you're noticing.

...

Your husband has stopped drinking. Which is great.

Maybe it's been six months, nine months or even a year.

So why are you still walking on eggshells? Why do certain conversations still feel impossible? And why doesn't home feel the way you hoped it would?

In Episode 107 of Addiction Makes Three, I'm talking about the difference between sobriety and recovery - because while they're often used interchangeably, they're not the same thing.

We explore why stopping drinking is such an important milestone, but doesn't automatically rebuild trust...

He has a good job. He's respected, successful, and everyone thinks he's a great guy.

But behind closed doors? It's a different story.

You're watching how much he drinks, walking on eggshells, and wondering whether tonight will be peaceful.

And you keep asking yourself: Is my husband an alcoholic? Or am I making too much of this?

In this episode of Addiction Makes Three, Amanda explores why alcoholism doesn't always look the way we expect, the confusion surrounding the term functioning alcoholic, and why finding the right...

One of the most common things I hear from partners and family members is...

"I don't know what to do anymore."

If you've ever found yourself wondering:

...this episode is for you.

Living alongside addiction is exhausting. You're often carrying the emotional weight of the family, trying to protect your...

When someone you love is struggling with addiction, it's natural to focus on the obvious signs. Are they drinking? Using? Going to meetings? Following through with treatment?

But what if some of the most meaningful signs of recovery are the ones we almost always miss?

In this first From My Notebook episode, I'm sharing a story that has stayed with me long after a coaching session ended. It starts with a lemon tree... but it's really about recognising the quiet moments that tell us someone is slowly finding their way back to themselves.<...

What if your peace didn't have to wait?

So many of us quietly tell ourselves:

💛 "I'll feel better when they stop drinking."

💛 "I'll relax when they get help."

💛 "I'll be happy when things settle down."

But what if peace doesn't arrive at the end of someone else's recovery journey?

In this episode, Amanda shares two powerful voice notes from a listener whose words capture something so many families affected by addiction experience:

We can't make someone stop drinking.

We can't...

If you've been feeling exhausted lately... but it's not the kind of exhaustion sleep fixes... this episode is for you.

When you're living with a partner or loved one struggling with alcohol addiction or substance use, it's not just the drinking that's exhausting.

It's the constant worrying.

The overthinking.

The planning.

The scanning.

The mental load of trying to keep everything together while wondering what kind of day or night it's going to be.

In this episode, Amanda shares more...

What happens when you spend so much time focused on someone else's addiction that you stop recognising yourself?

In this episode of Addiction Makes Three, Amanda explores one of the quieter impacts of loving someone struggling with alcohol addiction, substance use, or addictive behaviours: the loss of self that can happen along the way.

Through powerful listener voice notes and Amanda's own experiences, this episode dives into what it looks like when your thoughts become consumed by someone else's drinking, recovery, moods, choices, and wellbeing.

You might recognise yourself if...

What if the hardest part isn't their addiction...

What if it's what living alongside addiction has done to you?

For this special 100th episode of Addiction Makes Three, Amanda shares real voice notes from listeners around the world about what it's really like loving someone struggling with alcohol addiction, substance use, or addictive behaviours.

Together, their voices share...

Feeling exhausted from constantly worrying

Walking on eggshells and living in anticipation

Losing themselves in someone else's addiction

The loneliness nobody sees

Have you ever stopped and wondered who you would be if addiction wasn't part of your life anymore?

Not because you don't love your person.

But because addiction has taken up so much space in your life that you've lost touch with yourself.

In this episode, we're talking about the quiet loss of identity that can happen when you've spent years focused on someone else's drinking, drug use, recovery, choices and wellbeing.

We chat about...

💛 Why addiction can slowly become part of your identity

💛...

A client recently said to me, "I finally love my job... but I don't get joy anywhere."

And I think that one sentence captures what so many people impacted by addiction experience. Because one of the sneakiest things about survival mode is that it doesn't always look like falling apart.

Sometimes it looks like functioning.

You still go to work.

You still parent.

You still pay the bills.

You still show up.

From the outside, it can look like you're coping.<...

What happens when you've spent years being the strong one?

The one who keeps going.

The one who remembers everything.

The one who holds the family together.

The one who keeps functioning no matter what's happening around them.

In this episode of Addiction Makes Three, Amanda explores the hidden exhaustion so many people impacted by addiction carry.

The kind of exhaustion that doesn't come from a bad week.

But from years of hypervigilance, over-functioning, emotional responsibility and survival mode.

...

Do you feel like you're always waiting for the next problem?

The next phone call.

The next argument.

The next relapse.

The next thing that throws everything off course.

If you love someone struggling with addiction, that constant feeling of being "on" can become so normal that you stop questioning it.

You tell yourself you're just stressed.

Just tired.

Just a bit anxious.

But what if the reason you can't relax has nothing to do with your...

Learn more about Discovery to Recovery here

You know something needs to change.

You know something isn't working.

You know you're exhausted.

But when you're living with addiction in a relationship, knowing what to do next can feel impossible.

Maybe you're constantly thinking about your loved one's drinking, drug use, gambling, or addictive behaviour.

Maybe you're walking on eggshells, trying not to make things worse.

Maybe you're lying awake at night wondering:

"Am I overreacting?"

"Is it...

What happens when the person you love recognises they have a problem (or maybe they don't)… and nothing feels steady?

What happens when you keep hoping things will improve… but your life slowly becomes consumed by waiting?

In this deeply honest episode of Addiction Makes Three, Amanda explores the emotional limbo so many spouses and family members of people struggling with addiction quietly live in: waiting for sobriety, waiting for stability, waiting for peace, waiting to finally exhale.

Amanda opens up about the painful reality of putting life on hold whil...

One of the hardest parts about loving someone struggling with alcohol or addiction?

How slowly survival mode starts feeling normal.

The hypervigilance.

The walking on eggshells.

The overthinking.

The emotional exhaustion.

The inability to fully relax.

And over time… you stop recognising yourself.

In this episode, Amanda explores the hidden ways addiction impacts partners and families - and how survival mode slowly becomes something you mistake for your personality.

If you’ve ever found yourself:

Have you ever asked yourself, "Maybe It’s Me?"

One of the hardest parts about loving someone struggling with alcohol or addiction? It’s not always the drinking, the lying, the gambling, or the chaos.

It’s what slowly starts happening to you. And loosing your own trust is one of those impacts that is lesser seen and almost never spoken about. But it's impacts are devastating.

In this episode, Amanda talks about the hidden emotional toll addiction can have on partners and families - the confusion, hypervigilance, self-doubt, and the sl...

Today Amanda shares the “hills she’ll die on” after loving someone struggling with alcohol and addiction… and after supporting hundreds of women and men impacted by it too.

From waiting for rock bottom… to believing sobriety should magically fix everything… to thinking more information will finally make things feel better…

This episode challenges some of the biggest myths people quietly carry in addiction and recovery.

In this episode we talk through...

Sometimes the hardest part about addiction…. is realising how much you have changed too.

In this deeply personal episode, Amanda opens up about the grief of losing yourself in survival mode.

The anxiety.

The hypervigilance.

The exhaustion.

The version of you that slowly disappeared while trying to hold everything together.

Because addiction doesn’t just impact the person struggling.

It changes the people around them too.

🎧 In this episode, we cover:

Mother’s Day can bring up a lot for many of us.

And when addiction has touched your life… not all of it feels good.

Because Mother’s Day can become this painful mix of hope, disappointment and grief all at the same time.

In this deeply personal episode, Amanda opens up about the complicated emotional reality of Mother’s Day when addiction is part of your story.

From unmet expectations… to feeling unseen… to grieving the version of family life you thought you’d have… this episode puts wor...

You’ve learnt a lot about addiction.

You understand the patterns.

You can see what’s happening.

You’ve done the reading, the podcasts, the research.

So why does it still feel like nothing is changing?

In this episode, we’re talking about a trap that’s easy to fall into - especially when you’re trying to handle this better:

👉 learning more… instead of doing differently

Because at some point, more knowledge doesn’t create change.

It keeps you in what I call...

You’re struggling with a loved one’s addiction and you’re trying really hard to make things better.

Reading.

Listening.

Learning everything you can.

Trying to handle this better.

Trying to respond better.

Trying to make things work.

And yet…

You still find yourself in the same place.

Reacting.

Overthinking.

Carrying it all.

And nothing is actually getting better - in fact it’s getting worse.

In this ep...

Sometimes it’s not a big moment.

Not a crisis.

Not the worst day.

Not the breaking point you thought it would be.

It’s quieter than that.

It’s the moment where something inside you says:

“I can’t keep doing this like this.”

In this episode, we’re talking about that moment.

The one where you realise:

👉 This isn’t sustainable

👉 This isn’t working

👉 And something needs to change

Even if you don’t know what that...

You thought sobriety would change everything. I know I did...

That once they stopped drinking… you’d finally feel better.

More relaxed.

More connected.

Less on edge.

But what happens when sobriety comes… and your relationship still doesn’t feel right?

In this episode of The Part No One Talks About series, we’re talking about something that can feel confronting—but incredibly important to understand:

Sobriety doesn’t automatically fix a relationship.

Because while it might remove the chaos… it doesn’t undo...

You thought sobriety would change everything.

That once they stopped drinking… you’d finally feel better.

More relaxed.

More connected.

Less on edge.

But what happens when that moment comes… and you still don’t feel okay?

In this episode of The Part No One Talks About series, we’re talking about something that can feel incredibly confusing:

When sobriety isn’t the relief you expected.

Because while things might look better on paper…

Inside, you might still feel:

In this episode of The Part No One Talks About series, we’re diving into the invisible impact of loving someone with addiction.

Because while addiction can be loud…

The impact on you is often silent.

This episode is for the ones who:

What we talk about

This is the part no one talks about.

Not the addiction itself.

Not your loved one.

But you. The spouse, the one without the addiction.

In this episode, we’re diving into the hidden impact addiction has on your parenting. 

The snapping, the numbness, the overwhelm… and the quiet guilt that follows.

Because here’s the truth, It’s not that you’re an impatient parent.

It’s that you’re running on empty and have no capacity.

If you’ve ever...

This episode is a little different.

I wanted to sit down and share a personal update, what’s been happening behind the scenes for me, why I went quiet for a while, and what I’ve been navigating over the past few months.

Just before Christmas, I received some devastating news.

A dear friend of mine, Jack Nagel, passed away suddenly.

This episode is me trying to put words to that experience.

The grief, the shock, the strange loneliness of grief when you lose someone you didn...

You might be telling yourself you’re just stressed.

It’s January.

It's school holidays.

It’s work.

It’s parenting.

It’s just a busy season.

But if you love someone struggling with alcoholism or addiction in your family or relationship, what you’re feeling might not be “just stress.”

It might be survival mode.

In this episode of "The Part No One Talks About" mini-series, I talk about:

• Why you’re constantly bracing

• The scanning, an...

You’re tired. I know you are.

Not just “busy” tired.

Not just “it’s been a long week” tired.

You are life + Addiction tired.

You’re exhausted from holding everything together, for everyone, for years.

If you’re living alongside addiction, whether your loved one is in active addiction, early sobriety, or years into recovery, and you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, holding your breath and constantly bracing… this episode is for you.

In this conversation, we talk about:

If you’ve spent the past year holding everything together while your loved one's addiction has chipped away at your energy, your hope, and your sense of self, this episode is for you.

In this raw, honest conversation, we look back at the year you’ve survived.

Not minimising it.

Not pretending it was “fine.”

Not brushing it off because “it used to be worse.”

This episode gently and truthfully names what you’ve been carrying:

• The constant tension in the home

• The emotional load...

Part 6 of the Holiday Series

If you’ve lived through more than one chaotic December, you’ve probably told yourself:

“Christmas will only be okay if he’s sober.”

“Maybe this year will be different… if he sticks to what he promised.”

In this bonus episode of the Holiday Series, I am sharing the part nobody really tells spouses and families of someone struggling with addiction:

Your experience of Christmas doesn’t actually depend on whether they drinks, use, shows up on time, or follow through on promise...

Part 5 of the Holiday Series

This episode is the deep breath you didn’t know you needed.

If you’re heading into December telling yourself, “I’ll be fine… I’ve done this before… I can handle it,” this one is for you.

Because the truth is:

✨ You have handled too much.

✨ Your body is bracing, even if you’re pretending you’re okay.

✨ And you absolutely do not have to repeat another year of emotional roulette.

In this episode, Amanda gently walks you through:<...

Part 4 of the Holiday Mini-Series

When your loved one's drinking, substance use, sobriety or recovery feels unpredictable, it can start to feel like everything is out of your hands, the mood, the energy in the house, whether plans go ahead or blow up, whether Christmas feels magical or like a minefield.

This episode is for the lovely person who feels like they are bracing 24/7, waiting for the next wobble, the next mood shift, the next disappointment… and quietly wondering:

“What’s even in my control anymore?”

In this epi...

Part 3 of the Holiday Mini-Series

This episode dives into something most people will never understand unless they’ve lived it:

You aren’t just planning Christmas.

You’re planning Christmas around a loved ones addiction.

While the rest of the world is thinking menus, Secret Santa, outfits and photos… you’re quietly assessing risk, predicting behaviour, managing expectations, rehearsing backup plans, and carrying the emotional safety of the entire household on your shoulders.

This episode is for the spouses, families, and women in addiction-impacted relationships who are:

A special Holiday Series Episode 2 of 5

If you wake up already bracing yourself… wondering which “version” of your loved one you’ll get today, this episode will feel like someone finally naming the thing you’ve been silently living.

This is the emotional whiplash of loving someone whose drinking, drug use or behaviour shifts without warning.

And during the holidays?

It hits even harder.

In this episode, we unpack:

✨ Why the unpredictability of his behaviour trains your nervous system into survival mode

✨ How y...

Today’s episode kicks off a special 5-part holiday series created for spouses and families whose Christmas looks nothing like the picture-perfect scenes on social media or in the Hallmark Movies.

If your loved one’s drinking or addiction makes the season feel unpredictable…

If everyone assumes you’re fine…

If you’re holding the entire holiday together while silently bracing for chaos…

This episode is for you.

I’m sharing the emotional load no one sees, the invisible planning you do, and the heartbreaking uncertainty you carry into e...

There’s a moment in every addiction-impacted relationship where you realise… it’s not just their drinking/drug use/gambling etc that’s changing the family, it’s changing you too.

You don’t plan for it.

You don’t see it coming.

And when it happens, the shame of it stays in your chest for years.

Today I’m sharing a story I’ve never fully talked about publicly, the moment I completely lost it, the moment my kids were scared of me, not their dad, and the moment I realised...