Says Who?

HE’S ALIVE!

Sort of!

Technically???

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Whoa! Dan can’t believe that it’s September! He has no idea where is in time! That’s okay. Maureen will help. These pictures of RFK and Vance chowing down on sauerkraut while Marco Rubio lurks in the background will help ground him. Probably. For sure all this Trump ballroom and arch talk will help. There’s so many details! Such thick stuff!

Dan does not feel better.

Get your dancing shoes on, SaysWhovia. We’re going to a ball.

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Welcome to September, SaysWhovia! What a fall we are about to have. FALL IS RIGHT, right? And new war just dropped—this time, Canada! Sure. Why not.

But Dan and Maureen are here to talk about coping. About protecting your mind and body and this time. This includes teeth, which cannot be trusted.

It’s happening, so we’ll do it together, eh?

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Dan and Maureen are back and ready to rocket into the autumn of 2026! It’s been a spicy summer, and it’s we’re going into a fall that will break the Scoville scale. In the meantime, let’s catch up and hear about the totally normal and not at all weird person who follows Trump around with a printer in a backpack and feels normal things for him.

We’re in this together, SaysWhovia.

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Maureen has been alone for ten days with an orbital sander and a dream—a dream of a thing she thought would be easy and fun and take a few days. That is not how this went down. She needs to talk to Dan about it. Failure is fun! And important! And definitely what is happening right now! Dan is not surprised.

Meanwhile, no one knows if Mitch McConnell is even alive, so who cares if Maureen can’t refinish furniture? Well, she CAN, just not in the way she hoped. Was she part of the crew who...

We’re back! Dan’s in California, going to Disney and living his best life under an orange tree. Maureen has been left to her own devices for ten days and bought a bunch of power tools. Time to think about the Big Picture—living right, climate change, does the Senate even matter, and how many times you should ride Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

It’s summer 2026. Time to do what feels right, SaysWhovia.

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Dan and Maureen are back! Well, to SaysWhovia. Maureen is in NYC. Dan is dragging a metal house across America and is a little nervous about it. Obviously, this week we’re going to talk about Which Senators Are Dead—a creepy new game that’s more challenging than it appears.

We missed so many things on this year’s SHOES card.

Come over here, SaysWhovia. Prove you’re alive.

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The Fourth of July, and America's 250th birthday, is this week and the vibes are off. 

But it's OK because a good old fashioned state fair has set up in the nation's capital and it's going just great.

Plus: pretty soon someone's launching nearly a million firework shells. 

Nothing can stop us now.

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Well, obviously Dan and Maureen are going to talk about the reflecting pool. Obviously. But also! RFK has pockets full of sauerkraut, we tried to invade Greenland for Red Lobster, and Maureen spills on a secret she’s been keeping for MONTHS!

Just put your suit on, SaysWhovia. And maybe some protective gear. We’re going swimming.

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What’s that feeling in the air? It’s patriotism! We’re celebrating 250 years of whatever this is the way our wacky founding fathers would have wanted—turning the reflecting pool green, wrapping the Kennedy Center in a tarp, and having a cage match on the White House lawn. But it’s not even our nation’s birthday yet! It’s just a Big Boy’s Birthday and we’re getting some fun in early to celebrate our favorite guy. Algae, coverups, and blood spit. Hooray!

To celebrate at home, Maureen cleaned some fans and made soup. She’s smiling at D...

Dan and Maureen are back after a brief and unexpected hiatus. Maureen has many things to tell Dan—so many adventures in England. This includes the new SaysWhovia Manor. Let’s ignore the news for a minute and hear about our future in the past, when we all get really into falconry and magick.

Grab your staff, SaysWhovia. We’re going to the Misty Mountain.

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Hey SaysWhovia, there's a big vat of chemicals threatening to blow, a Ultimate Fighting Championships ring getting built at the White House, and DoJo's getting married. So clearly: It's our time.

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Is it all feeling like a lot, SaysWhovia? That’s because it is. The UK doesn’t know who’s in charge. Voting rights have been jettisoned back to Jim Crow times. Trump is driving around in the reflecting pool. New virus just dropped. But this is a copying strategy! And those racist Confederate lovers are loser scum. Keep trying. Keep with your friends. Listen to the new Rebel Spirit! Organize your beans! Get some bins!

Get in the helicopter, SaysWhovia. We’re going to steal a statue.
 

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There was nothing to talk about this week. Nothing at all. So Dan built a machine. A machine to write a book. On a week where nothing happened. You get it.
 

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This week, take a trip with Dan and Maureen to the weirdest cruise route (currently) in the world. Also, let’s talk writing! And why everyone has to get really drunk to be around Trump. And how there’s a war but it’s not a war and it’s won already but it’s about to start except it is over and the Strait of Hormuz is completely open but we’ve closed it and Iran has closed it and there’s a ceasefire and there is bombing and it will all be settled soon by America’s Failsons. So don...

Dan and Maureen have a new home! They just need to legally buy it and move in, but it is theirs. Dan is going to become a Druid and Maureen is going to make food and write spells. 

Why not? 

After all, this week: JD Vance destroyed the hopes of the Hungarian far-right and then tanked talks with Iran while Donald Trump watched a cage match. Donald Trump turned himself into Jesus and decided to fight the Chicago Pope. Then he got McDonald’s fake delivered.

So yeah. We’re all going to the Mi...

Dan and Maureen get together on this Wednesday morning (a day later than usual) to break down the important things: Maureen’s new kitchen blind, a planner from Staples, possible nuclear war, mysterious fried chicken smells, the blessed air purifier, a head of FEMA teleporting to a Waffle House, and the power of commenting online.

Considering the week we've all had, it’s actually pretty positive.

Don’t give up, SaysWhovia. Come dance with us. You’ve got the music in you.

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Dan has been out on the road working on his book and now he is tired. Also, he has not been looking at the news. But Maureen has a story that summarizes all he, and SaysWhovia, needs to know.

Hold on to your butts, SaysWhovia.

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How’s anyone supposed to cope with things these days? The war? The chaos? The madman in charge? So many problems! Dan is worried.

Everybody relax, because Maureen has an idea.

Nice deep inhale, SaysWhovia. Everything’s going to be fine now.

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What’s that sound, SaysWhovia? Why, that’s the sound of tiny shoes and great big shoes—shoes of every size, tapping all over the White House! Special Correspondent A.C. Shoe reports from the remains of the East Wing, where there’s something afoot!

Seriously, this week is terrible so we’re going to talk about Trump’s weird shoe thing.

Step inside, SaysWhovia! The shoe might not fit, but wear it anyway!

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Maureen has pneumonia and now she and Dan are going to try to explain the war, and also 2001: A Space Odyssey.

This is one of those episodes, SaysWhovia.

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Maureen is sick. Just a little sick! Dan wants her to back to bed, but Maureen has too many stories to tell…stories of princes, Lords of Darkness,  arcane rituals, and houses that cost a single peppercorn.  The UK is full of intrigue!

Meanwhile, it’s all pizza and beer and war over in the US. Why can’t we get a magical house for a single peppercorn or have a prince that’s called the c***?

Get cozy under this blanket, SaysWhovia. It’s story time!
 

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It’s Maureen’s birthday week! She’s spending it in her signature style—walking maybe too far, biting off more than she can chew, and organizing her notebooks. 

Meanwhile, Dan has been enjoying a little summery weather in the middle of the cold winter. While he was out, he heard a story. He wants to share it with Maureen, because Maureen loves stories. And dogs. Maureen loves dogs. And so, apparently, does Pam Bondi.

Also, these aren't bright people and things got out of hand.

Quick, get the balloons, SaysWhovia!

Says Wh...

Dan and Maureen are easing into February with clear heads and warm hearts. It’s basically still New Year’s, so Maureen is talking planners! But in an okay way. She really has a grip on it now. The problem, actually—or the subject—is ducks, and their organization. Sometimes, you just have too many!

Speaking of too many—there are too many Epstein files and too many terrible things in them, but in some places, like the UK, they matter! And things are happening. Lots of things. Lots of things are still happening in Minneapolis as well—and i...

So it turns out Maureen has been collecting rocks all this time.

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SaysWhovia! We are back. Well, Dan has been here all along suffering through *waves hands in all directions* with the rest of you. But Maureen? Maureen has been away! Offline! Disconnected! And she's made a big mistake: 

She came back. 

Welcome to hell.

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2026 has arrived on the stage with a lot to prove. Thirteen days in, Dan and Maureen try to parse it all, and they have an idea: bear holes.

Get digging, SaysWhovia.

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Welcome to 2026?

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It's the end of the year and Maureen has some things to say. 

Happy New Year?

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This week, as 2025 draws to a close after an astonishing 11 month run, Dan and Maureen find themselves the holiday spirit. Maureen has a great big mug from the SaysWho shop that she can barely lift. That’s because she hasn’t been working out in the new airport gyms. She needs to do her pull-ups! Yes, the powers that be are closing out 2025—not by bringing peace or prosperity or health care—but by telling Americans we are disgusting and have to dress nicer on planes. And work out more at the gate. Sure, why not.

But sometime...

This week, Maureen and Dan had to record on Monday, so whatever weird stuff happened on Tuesday, they don’t know about. Don’t tell them. No spoilers.

Because this episode is about wonderful things. Maureen has a magical encounter with a SaysWhovian. Dan’s wonderful holiday stockings are flying off the virtual shelves. Books are good! And New York City emerges once again as the best city in the world, because NYC showed up when ICE tried to come to play and caged them in a parking lot. With the garbage bags that Dan is always compla...

Gobble gobble! It’s pretty much Thanksgiving! This week, Dan and Maureen are reflecting on 2025 so far. Like Trump falling in love with Mamdani. Stuff like that. Also, is stuffing any good? But really, Dan is trying to catch a fly. 90% of this episode is Dan trying to catch a fly, which has got to be a metaphor for something. And since we’re talking metaphors, Maureen reads from more of the Nuzzi/Lizza saga because nothing brings a good Thanksgiving meal to an end than a poem that will abolsutely make you barf.

Grab a plate, Says...

Hey, SaysWhovia, are you ready for a little extra this week? This is the Fish Delight of Says Who—50% more—and all of it rich and filling! Come with us as we find out what’s happening with the Epstein emails. Then, Trump finally gets to meet his heroes at McDonalds. And then… then Dan and Maureen really get into it.

Because this time we’re going back to someone who was a guest on this very show back in the beginning. We’re going to find out all about Olivia Nuzzi’s new book, American Canto, about her love...

This week, Maureen is on her way to Iceland, and Dan is in Chicagoland, where the battle rages on. Time to talk about the ACA and the Democrats in general! Which is going to be spicy!

Grab a puffin, SaysWhovia. It’s time to get real.

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Surprise! It was Maureen’s mom’s birthday. She is in PA. There was a party. Actually, there was more than one party. Maureen is still there, so things are going great. She wishes she was in NYC to watch NYC try to get its first non-clown mayor. You already know what happened, SaysWhovia. Dan and Maureen are in the dark.

Meanwhile, Dan has split his time between helping people in Chicago, which is still under occupation, and doing his job. It’s a lot! Good thing the government is working and no one has to worry about...

Dan and Maureen are back after an unexpected absence (last week’s episode had to go to the Secret Place). A lot has happened! Maureen is trying to make a fake restaurant. Dan drove around with a ghost. No one is sleeping!  Meanwhile, the Battle of Chicago is real and raging on. Dan reports in. NYC gets ready for the big election. Also, Trump got mad and tore down the East Wing of the White House in a move no one knew you could do.

But Dan and Maureen want to talk about tacos, planners, acupuncture, and the...

In 2016, two babies sat down to make an eight episode podcast. Now, on episode 400, they reflect on all the things they didn’t know going into this idea—namely, anything. They didn’t know anything. How would they have dealt with street kidnappings, COVID, an increasingly unhinged Trump marauding the land? Probably not well!

Also, Dan is now writing a book, and Maureen has seen some new planners.

Come with us, SaysWhovia, as we reflect. And talk about office supplies.

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Dan hates Illinois Nazis.

But there here, so we're gonna have to deal with them.

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It's been a week, Sayswhovia.

A.

Week.

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SaysWhovia, some weeks come with too much filling. The news oozes out and gets all over your clothes. This was such a week. And like two people unwittingly and unwillingly taking place in a restaurant challenge, Dan and Maureen have to eat the whole thing. Where to start? The end of non-censored comedy and commentary? Openly listing crimes on social media? Handfuls of cash? A creepy love story? Complaining about escalators at the UN while telling all the other countries they suck? Claiming babies are being jacked with buckets of random substances? Trump trying to say the word “acetaminophen”?