Says Who?

Maureen is in Philadelphia, enjoying the greenery and the ticks. Dan is in Chicago, enjoying his basement. And tariffs. Yes, it’s Tariff Talking Time! How do you put a tariff on a movie? We’re about to find out maybe!

Also, If you’ve been planning on getting into hacking, now is a great time. The US is operating on tutorial level. Now you too can read state secrets!

Everything is generally smart and good and running well.

Stock up on fireworks and get over here, SaysWhovia. We’re going to read some tex...

Dan and Maureen think you need a break. They want to talk to you about some good television and games. Give your mind a rest. Renew yourself. Also, Trump and Elon are taking a break, so there’s the tie in! Also, Maureen wants to take Dan to the Friends Experience and explain to him what “we were on a break!” is about! He has no idea!

Also, tariffs! Canada! And beans!

So much about beans.

Sit down, SaysWhovia. Grab a fork. Maureen’s cooking up a pot of something oblong and high in prote...

You guys. 

You guys. 

You guys. 

You guys. 

He killed the Pope.
 

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This week, Dan and Maureen are joined by Akilah Hughes to talk about…something. 

Akilah and Dan definitely want to talk about something, but they’re being so cagey about it.

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It's Tariff Time over in SaysWhovia! Let's all celebrate the return of American manufacturing, which is absolutely going to happen.

Also, please help Dan. He is not okay.

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We don’t know what the Day of Liberation holds for the economy, but obviously it’s going to be great. 

Right now, Cory Booker is still talking, health services are shutting down, and it’s maybe too much to take in in one bite. Small bites, SaysWhovia. Share the load. Work in shifts. Take a walk. Come to Maureen’s for dinner. She can stretch a lentil.

Grab a spoon, SaysWhovia. It’s time to eat!

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Check your phone, SaysWhovia. You're in the groupchat.
 

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SaysWhovia, you have no idea how deep this one goes. Hang on.

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Whoooo, there is a lot going on. It’s not great! Maureen got distracted and put her phone in the wash. She is maybe not okay. Also, she has fallen in love with a puppet. Dan swings in with the news, which isn’t all bad. There are a lot of Teslas on fire! But also, there is a lot of bad. But don’t worry. Something truly magical happens near the end that Dan really, really loves.

Let your horse get a drink out in the barn and pull up a seat here at the bar, partne...

This week, Teslas are burning, no one is sleeping right, everything is falling apart, and Dan is…weirdly optimistic? Well, he’s invented something new, anyway. 

Also, Maureen loves Guy’s Grocery Games.

Hop in, SaysWhovia! It’s only sort of on fire!

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It’s a new week in these new times, and you know what that means: MORE BULLSHIT! 

But in the middle of the chaos, there is a light! People are striking back! It’s time for some delicious sabotage. Everyone is welcome to participate! Or perhaps you, dear SaysWhovian, would like to run DOGE? Opportunities abound.

Yes, it is bad, but people are doing the work. Take heart. Play bingo. Break their stuff.

Come on, SaysWhovia. Let’s go find some Teslas.

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Somehow, SaysWhovia, we are still in the first month of this thing. Everything happens so much all the time now. 

But hark! 

Does Dan here clown goings-on in New York City? He does. Which means that it’s time to talk to Maureen about her home, the Greatest City In The World, the one with the clown crime mayor, the magic rocks, the rats, the endless construction, and the newest invention—the trash can. Because if Dan can’t clown on New York, then what CAN he do?

Chicago has news too. Chicago has bett...

Have you ever made a list, SaysWhovia? Stuff you need from the store. Ingredients for dinner. Things you need to do. Things to pack. Ways to undo all American institutions by basically letting a bunch of fascist raccoons into the attic? Well, Dan has made a list of all the things that happened this week. No. He made a list of SOME of them, because no one has the whole list. And he has decided to read this list to Maureen. Only he knows why. IT IS A VERY BAD LIST.

On the plus side—bingo! And a...

OK, so yeah, things could be better. 

Elon's little fash dipshits are running around, and it sure does seem like America is coming to an end, but Maureen has a new boyfriend!

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Apparently it’s been a week?
 

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Sayswhovians! Yes, Trump was inaugurated again this week. Yes, Elon Musk threw up a nazi salute. Yes, everything has gone to full shitshow very quickly. And yes, Maureen is sick.

But, she's hopped up on just enough of the good drugs to record an impromptu episode with Dan this afternoon after they had to cancel their regularly schedule one due to illness.

So, hello, it is a new era. It sucks. We are glad you are with us.

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There’s a lot going on, SaysWhovia. While Dan and Maureen will get into some of it (with appropriate content markers around one subject so you can listen safety!)—they spend a lot of time in the land of dissociation, where the main subjects are radio jingles, cigarettes, and weird birds. On this ground, we will build our city.

We got this, SaysWhovia. We’ll stick together. Don’t get frannick.

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Gather close, SaysWhovia. Dan and Maureen have built a shelter. It’s made of blankets and pillows. Come in and hide with us. Oh, except Dan is back reading the news again. A lot of it is bad! But also, Rudy is in a lot of trouble, so that is nice. We can enjoy that. Also, let’s play “which former Trump flunkies are the most nervous right now?"

But also, let’s get serious about the compound. WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN A TRAIN STATION?

Choo choo!

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*party blower* Welcome to 2025, SaysWhovia! Let’s go into this together, the third Trump era, full of LOVE and TOGETHERNESS and BINGO.

Yes. It’s time to play bingo. And make space.

Get your cards ready. Let’s do this one together.

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2024 is coming to an end. What a year! It started with…

Um…

Maureen remembers something about a scorpion. Dan was in his car. Trump got shot when it was hot out? Something, something, something. And now we’re here? Why can’t we remember? Let’s take a look back at the year our brains made us forget!

Don’t look back, SaysWhovia. The Doom Buggy doesn’t go in reverse.

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There’s a chill in the air, SaysWhovia! We’ve entered the holiday season! Everyone is out on the streets, bustling about in their coats and hats, carrying their bags—their holiday shopping! Their groceries for holiday meals! Their manifestos!

Yes. Dan and Maureen are going to talk about our strange National Catharsis, the surreal week in which an assassin named Luigi left clues all over NYC and the NYPD took a walk in the park. And somehow, it always comes back to McDonalds.

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It’s the week after Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season. Maureen is still in Philadelphia and she is…That’s the whole sentence. She is. Dan is concerned. But Maureen has a plan. She’s found a great organization to join and she’d like to tell everyone about it. Dan is unconvinced.

Dan wants to talk about the news, which is also not a good idea. But it’s time, perhaps, to wade into these dark and fetid waters. At least we can begin with something nice—Rudy is on trial and he’s having a terri...

Pull up a chair, SaysWhovia! The Thanksgiving feast is about to begin! It’s all going well. Well, maybe Dan has too many jobs. And maybe Maureen is a bit fried. And maybe things aren’t as great as they could be. But we have each other. We have Stanley tumblers. And we have the Great American Fridgescape.

Gobble, gobble.

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Welcome SaysWhovia. Sit down with us on the porch here. Grab a cushion or a blanket. Settle in. We’re going to PROCESS.

Let’s do it together!

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Ummmmmm. 

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SaysWhovians, it's a different kind of Says Who episode for a different kind of day. Join Dan and Maureen for election day at Disneyland. Told in chronological order from the sunny start of the day to an end seemingly spinning into oblivion. Ride rides, go on walks, spend some time with Maureen and Dan. Nothing can stop us now. 

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SaysWhovians! It's the THIRD Trump election we've spent together. 

Buckle up buttercup.

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It’s here, SaysWhovia. Please drive through.
 

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The musical episode you’ve been waiting for (???) is finally here. Let’s break down the playlist of DJ T.

Get ready to dance, SaysWhovia. Very slowly. Very, very slowly.

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Maureen’s coming in from the Big Apple. The big, extremely wormy apple. The one where everyone who runs it has been arrested for criming. Dan is showing remarkable restraint. Also, before getting to the news, Maureen discusses the Big Grift of late stage capitalism: the subscription.

But then, on to more news. Like politicians doing more criming! Donald Trump gets in with some crypto bros and enters the Bible business, which is the most sense 2024 has ever made.

This devolves into WHO WILL WIN, as we are now LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY from ou...

It was a long night. It is over. Maureen and Dan try and sort it out.

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Sayswhovians!

Longtime listeners might remember waaaaay back to 2016, back when Maureen and Dan were little babies trying to put out a podcast about an election. And they got smart people to help them understand what was going on. Reporters! People who Knew Stuff!

Yeah, they don't do that anymore for waves hands in all directions reasons. 

But what if one of those old guests became news instead of reporting the news. What then?

Also, the gubenatorial candidate for North Carolina turns out to be a grade-A creep. Who'd have guest.

We’re nine years old! We did it! Dan cannot believe it. He really, really can’t. 

He also can’t believe that someone ELSE tried to kill Trump. They were gonna kill that guy! But he didn’t. He was just your average weirdo with an AR-15 in a bush at a Florida golf course. And no one seems to care very much? Even Trump? It’s another normal day in America! Speaking of normal things and Trump, he’s also gotten into crypto! Neither Dan or Maureen can believe he’s taken this long to get involved. W...

SaysWhovia,

Dan and Maureen stayed up late to debate the debate. Then Dan stayed up later to edit it. For stupid reasons, his mic sounds like shit. Sorry.

ZZZZzzzzZZzzzzZZZzzzzzzz

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It’s September! Dan and Maureen are back! SCHOOL IS IN SESSION.

What did they do on their summer vacation? They certainly went many places. Mostly, though, they miss dangerous playgrounds. Ones with tall, metal slides and things that spin and vats of broken glass. Yay! What happened while they were traveling the world? Weird stuff! Really, really weird stuff! Trump brought NFTs back, RFK got a whale head, JD Vance tried to shake a human fist. Stuff like that!

Now that it’s fall, it’s time to prepare for next week’s debate, the last...

It’s the height of summer! Dan’s on the road, coming in from a Colorado hotel room. Maureen is about to head out on the road on her (somewhat delayed) US tour and then a UK tour! It’s travel season! And it’s been three weeks since the 2024 Presidential race turned upside-down. And Trump is taking it maturely and well, and by that we mean that he has gone back to Twitter because no one is looking at him with the same googly-eyed stare that he used to get. And his crowd size is FINE. It’s GREAT. It’...

Look, we’re going to talk about Tim Walz, but Maureen has a book out and has COVID and is writing this notes.
 

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Maureen is sick, Dan is tired, but there's no stopping the vibe shift that has swept the nation with Biden dropping out and Kamala Harris speed-running her new candidacy. But most importantly, Democrats are finally saying the thing that Maureen and Dan have been saying all along: Trump and his goons are all deeply, deeply weird people.

Also, JD Vance f*cks a couch.

Welcome to the new presidential race, jump on in the water's warm.

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It's been one week.

One.

Week.

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Maureen is overloaded with energy. She is crackling. She just set the rug on fire. Dan Dan bring her down to earth? Yes, yes he can. With his tales of self-care, being a dad, and…uh oh! Maureen touched a piece of paper and it also caught on fire. She cannot feel her hand. Help.

Luckily, it’s just a week of seismic electoral shifts. The UK unsticks the right-wing underbelly. France flushes the fascists. And the US…

What IS going on in the US? Is Biden running? Does anyone know?

Maureen has calmed...