Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

If you bred with a cheater, chances are you may be dealing with someone who doesn't honor their financial obligations either. In this episode Tracy talks again with the Happy Hausfrau blogger Jenny. Both Tracy and Jenny are veterans of unpaid child support. We react to Chump Nation's stories and discuss the hopeful news from Australia, which is taking on deadbeat parents with new stronger laws. 

It's human not to know what to say in the face of another person's hardship. It's quite another thing to say the most insensitive  thing imaginable. In this episode, we hear gobsmacking blameshifting ("what did you do?"), shameless self-congratulation ("I give great BJs!"), and downright insults ("you got fat") delivered from people you assumed cared, or at least knew better. 

Do you need more schadenfreude delivered into your veins? More stories about affairs that didn't work out, or actually ended spectacularly badly. Wherever you go, there you are. Crappy character and all. 

Did your cheater's affair relationship eventually end? Maybe badly? With indictments and much schadenfreude? The correct answer is you have no idea, becaues you're totally no contact and have moved on with your life. But on the chance you did hear, or you have children with this person, or they hoovered back -- here are some reports of Twu Wuv that went splat. 

Tracy discusses a recent online kerfluffle with a therapist/influencer who objects to infidelity as abuse, and rejects the idea of "victims." Sarah finds some inconsistencies in the influencer's arguments. And there's a tangent about trad wives. 

The popular Netflix documentary Death of a Pastor's Wife looks at sinister minister John Paul Miller and the suspicious death of his wife Mica Miller. Did his serial cheating drive her to it? Can you call their relationship an "affair" if he was a married pastor preyed on her as a teenager? WTF is wrong with that congregation? We have many thoughts. 

Tracy interviews a former chump who shares how she tried every reconciliation book, retreat and save your marriage program before divorcing her cheater. Now, happily moved on and remarried, she and her husband have an unusual arrangement "living together apart." She kept her home, he kept his home, and they each coparent their children from their former marriages in their own homes. We discuss how to navigate independence, trust in a new relationship, and blended family. 

In this episode, we survey your stories about when the spell broke and your cheater stopped having the power to suck you into caring. It's part one of a two-part series. No contact is the fastest way to healing!

Tracy speaks with therapist Lauren LaRusso, author of the new book "Beyond Infidelity: How to Turn the End of Your Relationship into the Beginning of Your Life." LaRusso shares her own chump street cred -- how discovering her (now ex) husband's affair changed her life and how she practices therapy today. Most of all, she focuses on new beginnings. How the awful catalyst of betrayal can lead to a much better life on the other side. 

We're not finished with the Pain Olympics. More of your submissions from the Worst Cheaters Ever. The guy who reviewed thousands of escorts. The woman who went to court claiming her affair partner was just a nice acquaintance who bought her fancy dinners. The creep who walked out on his disabled child. They're all vying for the crown and only you can decide who sucks supreme. 

We asked for your worst cheater stories, and you delivered. In this Part 1 episode, we hear about a father and his affair partner who continually reject an autistic son; a guy who cheats on his terminally ill wife; a husband who insists on naming their child after his affair partner (unbeknownst to his wife); and a serial cheater who ghosted his date while his wife is in labor, and gets mad that his Match.com date didn't wait. 

Tracy and Sarah answer your letters on the show today. A woman whose boyfriend-now-husband kept a secret second family from her until a sheriff served him. And the age old anxiety of comparing yourself to the affair partner. A listener calls the Other Woman "dirty and chaotic" but can't understand how this person won the pick me dance for her husband. And why both of them still have friends in their former friend circle.

The hits keep coming. We're on our second episode of your stories of workplace affairs. The creep who's been perving on his vendors. A doctor who hits on a subordinate trainee. Teachers who use their students to pass notes to one another. An on-again-off-again thing with the teenage receptionist. When it comes to being transgressive at work, and perhaps even criminal, these f*ckwits shine. 

Tracy and Sarah are back from summer vacation with your workplace affair stories to share (Part 1). Skeeving on the hired help. Boinking your mistress while your wife works in the office downstairs. Pervy bosses. Suddenly and mysteriously unemployed spouses. It's all here. And chumps are the mighty people who don't have to live with this chaos and dysfunction any longer.

In this episode, Sarah and Tracy discuss your voicemail questions. A woman wonders if she should report her cheating soon-to-be-ex-husband for having a workplace affair with a woman he was professionally mentoring? Also on the topic of telling and not telling, what happens when children disclose to their betrayed parent that they knew about the cheating? 

We got your stories after Sarah said she was considering dipping her toe into the dating waters. Instead of horrifying us with gruesome tales, most of you were encouraging. And resilient! We hear about better boundaries and better boyfriends. Okay, and a few errant dick pics.

In this episode Tracy talks with two OBGYNs -- Dr. Leyla Moossavi and Dr. Diane Traenkle -- about what it's like to be on the front lines of women's health when dealing with infidelity. Having to break the news to someone that she's tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease is not a topic covered in medical school. They shoot straight about the health risks of being cheated on. Everything from the loss of her fertility to even maternal and fetal death if a woman is unknowingly exposed to infection while pregnant.

Drs. Moossavi and Traenkle, who...

Oona Metz is the author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women. She is a therapist with 30 years of clinical experience. For the past 15 years Oona has specialized in treating women navigating divorce. She and Tracy discuss why divorce shame remains a stubborn relic, the grief of losing a marriage (even a bad one), and the power of peer support to get you. If you chose a divorce, or had one thrust upon you, Unhitched is a field guide to a better life on the other side.

Learn more about Oona at her Youtube Channel. 

Sarah decided to shelf dating for the last 13 years and focus instead on raising four kids. But now that they're nearly grown, she's considering to try dating. Maybe. Her friends are sharing horror stories. Tracy shares a couple horror stories and some pointers (as a two-timer loser who is been happily remarried for 15 years, yet sucks at dating.) And we open the field to your stories and advice. 

Last week we heard from chumps who outed their cheaters -- to their families, their other Other Schmoopies, and even their employers. This is part 2 of "Did you out your cheater?" Hell hath no fury...

Chumps are often told to keep their partner's infidelity to themselves. In this episode we hear from listeners who shouted it from the rooftops. Maybe dropped a dime to their employers. Or perhaps held a roadside sign. We say "If it feels good, don't do it." But does that include disclosure? This is a two-part series.

Tracy interviews Eileen Fox, who was married for over 30 years in what she thought was a monogamous marriage when she discovered her husband's double life. For years he'd been having risky sex with men and prostitutes. As a result of his cheating, Eileen contracted a virulent form of the human papillomavirus, HPV16 and got vulvual, cervical, and anal cancers. Now this mighty woman is raising awareness about all women getting the HPV vaccine, regardless of age. (Insurance does not cover it past age 45.)

If you were ever on the fence if infidelity is abuse, Eileen's story will...

Part two from last week's episode. Did comparing yourself to real or as-yet-unknown affair partners do your head in? Did your cheater thrill to everyone's pick me dance? Listen as chumps tell us how and why they stepped out of the game. 

Caught up in the pick me dance, it's hard not to compare and contrast yourself to the affair partner, who until D-Day was a phantom competitor. In this episode we hear from listeners what details they discovered about the mystery Schmoopies, but most of all how they wised up and stopped competing. Anyone who loves you would never goad you into a humiliating contest. 

When you get chumped, why don't people bring casseroles? In this episode Tracy and Sarah discuss the complicated "ambiguous" grief of infidelity. Therapists call ambiguous grief "complex, often unresolved emotional pain felt when a loved one is physically absent but psychologically present, or physically present but psychologically absent. Being cheated on is its own kind of loss without closure and is uniquely isolating. 

In this episode, Tracy responds to your miscellaneous voicemails. A caller wishes to "put the final nail in the coffin" on the argument that infidelity is abuse, because of STI risk and consent. Another listener shares news about a sex addict conference in Denver. And a woman has a hard time leaving her marriage after her fifth D-Day and over thirty years of marriage. 

There was so much stupid, enough to make a second podcast of submissions. All the dimwitted things people in affairs say to chumps. We can't make sense of it, but we can make fun of it. 

We asked, you answered with the dumbest, most self-serving, ridiculous things affair partners say to chumps. How can you come between them? Hey, they're praying for you. We'll all laugh about this and be friends someday.

In this episode Sarah and Tracy discuss what happens when parents cancel their subscriptions to adulting and check out for affairs. We hear from listeners how the kids are doing and how to navigate solo parenting. What it's like to be the show up parent contrasted with the Disney Dad or Mom. Is there any reward? 

If you're a cheater who disavows cheating, are you suffering from cognitive dissonance? Or are you skilled in the dark arts of manipulation? Perhaps it's both. The best defense is a good offense. We hear from listeners about how they assumed their partners were safe because they were so offended by infidelity. How chumps were accused of cheating. How pointless the monogamy conversation was. And the sad sausage defense of... they didn't enjoy it. Nope. Not at all.

Inspired by the Olympic skier who took the opportunity of his medal win to plead for his girlfriend to take him back after cheating on her, we share your cringy hoovering stories. Hey, it didn't work out with Schmoopie! You free? 

It's a common manipulation tactic for unfaithful partners to lead with self pity. Hey, their infidelity was hard on them too. Actually, harder really. In this episode, Tracy and Sarah respond to your sad sausage submissions. What happens when self-pity meets a blithering lack of self-awareness? Will you rescue them from the affliction of their own choices? 

In this episode, Tracy talks with Kirk Martin, the creator of the Calm Parenting podcast which covers the power struggles between kids and parents and outlines strategies to help. Kirk is a compassionate observer of the unjust financial and emotional burdens single parents face. During his childhood in the 1970s, Kirk's mother left his abusive father and raised four boys on her own. We talk about her legacy in his life and then Kirk weighs in with his calm parent approach to listener questions.   

When Sarah's then-husband walked out for his affair partner, her mother was her rock for the next 14 years. She helped Sarah raise the children, and was her biggest supporter. In this episode, Tracy and Sarah talk about their infidelity angels, the people who got them through. Sylvia passed away in December. Sarah was her caregiver until the end. Love is all about showing up. 

Tracy and Sarah react to a letter at ChumpLady.com from a mistress asking Tracy to please inform her boyfriend's wife about their affair. (That was a hard pass no.) And they discuss an article in the New York Times on the "ritual shaming" of the Other Woman. Was Kristin Cabot, of Cold Play concert Jumbotron fame unduly held to account for infidelity in a way her boss was not? 

Tracy talks with therapist, Virginia DeLuca, author of "If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets," a candid, funny, and emotionally rich memoir about divorce and reinvention in her 60s. After 14 years, her husband suddenly abandoned their marriage, explaining that he wanted children. Unbeknownst to DeLuca, there was another, much younger, woman, of course. 

She published her debut memoir at 72, proving it's never too late to tell your story or rebuild your life after infidelity.

Sarah and I are back after our hiatus to discuss your ex's cringey selfies. The fish. The dick pics. The ones where you're cropped out. If you ever stumbled upon an entire audiovisual library of your cheater's dating profiles and it's scarred in your memory, this episode is for you.

Sometimes the fuckwit doesn't fall far from the tree. In this episode we hear your terrible inlaw stories. The mother-in-law who asks what you did to make him cheat? The fat shaming. The enabling. The ghosting of grandchildren. So, if you're getting misty for the people you may have lost in the divorce, this episode will sober you up. Or hug the good people in your life a little tighter. 

It's that time of year when it's hard for cheaters to maintain their double lives. Consequently, a lot of newly minted chumps are having D-Days during the holiday season. We hear from listeners how they survived the discoveries, the show-must-go-on family get togethers and oppressive bonhomie of social media. 

Rep. Clay Higgins of Louisiana voted not to release the Epstein files. He was the only dissenting vote. Reportedly, he also owes over $140,000 in back child support to one of his ex-wives. (He's on his fourth wife.) Tracy and guest host Jenny of the Happy Hausfrau blog -- two women owed thousands in back child support -- discuss the Epstein scandal. The f*ckwits involved, the power dynamics, and why women's pain matters.