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For the second October episode of our continuing hero's journey, we're going to HELL with the JNCO jeans of superheroes: the 1997 live-action film adaptation of Todd McFarlane's Spawn! And while it's hard to hear ourselves think over John Leguizamo's incessant fart jokes, we still manage to talk clown-style bidets, the satisfaction of nanotechnology-based movie tech, what might cause a dog to go to hell, and the lost art of "ew, anchovy pizza" jokes.

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For this first October episode of our continuing hero's journey, we don our facepaint, grab our electric guitar, and settle in to watch "a movie about a man who even the devil could not handle, because his gothicness was off the chart" (-fh147): the 1994 adaptation of James O'Barr's comic The Crow! And while the film may be generally lacking in crows (yes, that bird's actually a raven), it makes up for it with incredible texture, lighting, Brandon Lee's charisma, and Ernie Hudson's mustache (it just makes us feel safe, y'know?)

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This episode we trade in our purple Phantom suit for a nose prosthetic disguise, slam a couple of martinis, and take to the streets with Alec Baldwin in the 1994 film The Shadow! Along the way we celebrate the life and work of the great Tim Curry, speculate on the many missing pieces of Lamont Cranston's origin story, and even find time to fit in a quick safe sex PSA. Release the Phurba Cut!

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Hot on the jetpack-heated heels of last episode's Rocketeer, we SLAM into this next leg of the hero's journey in skintight purple as we explore the 1996 adaptation of one of comics' earliest heroes, The Phantom! Along the way we talk Beau's bisexual awakening, Brandon's face blindness, and the timeline where Kevin Smith got really buff in the 90's and built a wholesome manosphere.

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On our Patreon bonus episode this month, we squeezed in a little extra superhero action with the 1991 live-action adaption of Yoshiki Takaya's manga The Guyver! Watch along with us as we pose a series of questions, all mostly pertaining to Mark Hamill, such as: why is he in this garbage fire? Why is he chewing gum and smoking cigarettes at the same time? Why is his face on the poster of The Guyver when (spoilers) he is not, in fact, The Guyver? We can't promise we discover adequate answers to any of these questions, but hop on over to...

Our adventures with comic book heroes continue, and this episode we're donning jet packs and blasting up into the zeppelin-filled skies to cover Disney's 1991 adaptation of Dave Stevens' comic The Rocketeer! Paul Sorvino followed us over from Dick Tracy, but we're too busy crushing on Timothy Dalton and Jennifer Connelly to really notice him- and let's not even talk about Billy Campbell's Cliff Secord (no, seriously, Beau does NOT want to talk about him). And while there's a lot to like about this film, forgive us if we come off as slightly disinterested this week; we'd just really rather...

Over the next few months we're taking an extended look at comic book heroes, and since August is Brandon's birthday month, we're kicking things off with one of his favorite childhood films: Warren Beatty's 1990 adaptation of Dick Tracy! Join us as we dive into this vibrant world of bright primary colors, shadowy villains, and the trail of walnut shells and chewed scenery left in the wake of Al Pacino, all in pursuit of an answer to the eternal question: "When do we eat?"

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This week Bond season comes to a close with one final conversation about his latest outing: IO Interactive's 2026 action-adventure game, 007 First Light! We traded in the Aston Martin for the Lotus Esprit submarine car so we could do a real deep dive here, so come along as we get into some extensive discussion about the gameplay systems, narrative themes, and everything in between, and along the way try to decide once and for all: what do we hate more, ledges or AI? (It's AI)

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It's Bond round 2, and this time we've left the comic shop and are on the franchise's main turf over at the cinema with potentially the worst experience we could have there: 2002's Die Another Day! This 133 minutes of movie gave us much to consider during that time, such as: which did the writers misunderstand more, DNA or the NSA? How many sensual fig chews stand between a PG-13 sex scene, and a hard R? And does anyone remember where we parked? Shoot, we KNEW that invisible car was a bad idea...

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It's James Bond month! And on the way to our final mission of covering the game 007 First Light, we've made a couple of stops at some other lesser-known (and maybe less-respected) Bond adventures. This week: the graphic novels Vargr and Eidolon, collecting the first two arcs of Dynamite's James Bond by Warren Ellis and Jason Masters! We talk Warren Ellis' take on Bond (that is, when Beau isn't too busy imagining Garth Ennis'), recoil at some of the violence, recoil further at the male chauvinism, and then reemerge to rave about that killer color palette.

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Over on Patreon we took a week off of secret agent shenanigans to have a leisurely chat about some of our favorite things we've checked out so far this year! We each had a list but... now we can't seem to think about anything other than Darth Maul's double shaft (and we're not talking about lightsabers).

Now if you'll excuse us, we need to go furiously meditate.

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Secret agent season continues, and this week we're actually getting into 007! 2007, that is. We checked out two spy series pilots from that year, and now must decide: would we rather spend a madcap evening on prime time NBC, or settle into the La-Z-Boy for a long, slow evening on USA (cold showers welcome)? Along the way we offer baseless speculation about Bruce Campbell's origin story (a simple 3-second search would have informed us he's from Michigan), discuss how many establishing shots are too many establishing shots, and try to figure out what that one IMDb reviewer meant by "bab...

007 First Light is out, and we're playing it! (We're not done though, so that conversation is next month). In the meantime, we're getting in the spirit of secret agent season with the Disney Channel Original Problematic Premise, Agent Cody Banks! This one was certainly no Brink. And while Darrell Hammond and Keith David's performances may have aged like the fine cheese that they are, everything else aged like milk- especially the "jokes." So watch out for those. Oh, and watch out for Hillary Duff, too. She's got a license to kill (drive).

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Star Wars season comes to a close with a discussion of the 2002 Star Wars Legends novel Traitor by Matthew Stover! This story (and all SIX of its characters) spend a lot of time in some pretty morally gray regions between the dark and light sides, so expect plenty of philosophical musings- on everything from gardening, to monster guts, to THE GANNER.

...oh, and about the monster guts? Just make sure you're not the last one in. You're not gonna like what happens if you are.

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It's May, and that means we're heading back to a galaxy far, far away and talking Star Wars all month! To kick off this year's festivities, we took a look at the first episodes of three different animated series (Clone Wars 2003, Clone Wars 2008, and Rebels), and asked ourselves some important questions, such as: Which show would be most enjoyable to source? Which one works best as a screensaver? And which one scores highest on the Dook metric?

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Over on Patreon we broke out the dice and capped off zombie season by creating our own zombie apocalypse, as chosen by the whims of our D8! Join us as we wake up five years post-outbreak on a party boat off the coast of Myrtle Beach and attempt to escape the hordes of Thriller zombies on our way to Antarctica with a party of jocks and cheerleaders, a soundtrack packed with Yakety Sax, and one very special "trained" bear.

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After two months of zombie media, we're finally here with our discussion of the game that prompted this whole journey: Resident Evil Requiem! How do two longtime fans of the Resident Evil series feel about its latest installment? Did we laugh hysterically at all the Leon quips? Did we pee our pants during our first encounter with The Girl? And GAHHH THERE SO MANY BLISTER HEADS OH MY GOD WHY DIDN'T WE CRAFT MORE HEMOLYTIC INJECTORS

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Resident Evil Requiem is out! But hey- what if, instead of talking about it, we discussed a Resident Evil movie from five years ago? Welcome to a little place called Raccoon City, where the characters are all wrong, the effects often look like generative AI, and there's more itchy tasty than you're gonna know what to do with. Along the way we pitch a literal viral marketing strategy, share some trivia and reviews, and wonder why this movie hasn't taken up its proper home on Tubi yet.

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Resident Evil Requiem is about to drop, and we're getting hyped in some... questionable ways. And this week's way is S.D. Perry's 1998 novel Resident Evil: Caliban Cove! Join us as we reunite with fan-favorite characters Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield and Barry Burton, and then ditch them all almost immediately in favor of Karen, Steve, and... (audible sigh) John. But hey, Rebecca Chambers is still here! And so are some zombies with guns, because that's something they do now.

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Resident Evil 9 is on the way, and we're getting in the spirit of the zombie season by checking out a completely different franchise! Join us as we delve back into the Boll pit and continue our exploration of video game movies' most pugnacious director, this time with his 2003 adaptation of The House of the Dead! It's a movie so bad, even its own director seems to consider it an effective form of torture- but we've survived the adventures of Dr. Grimonudy and his quest to fire every bullet from Captain Kirk's Chest of Holding into an awaiting zombie's face...

Over on Patreon we're kicking of our first episode of Resourced, wherein we revisit an IP we covered on a previous episode! And while patrons get to enjoy a lengthy discussion about the the CW Constantine series and its acting, effects, writing, themes, and comparison to the comics, here on the main feed you're stuck hearing about Skiffle and Jizz.

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Happy New Year! We're ringing in 2026 with a recap of things we sourced in 2025- the good, the bad, and the Grande. So join us as we take a pop-punk trip down memory lane, make a whimsical turn out into the infinite cosmos, search and action around a little bit, expend our last remaining energy bowing before the greatness of a certain fantasy author, and somehow, manage to forget the second item on a list of three (well, one of us anyway).

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Happy Thanksgiving! In the spirit of the holiday, we're thanking you all for another year of support and dropping our latest Patreon bonus episode here on the main feed in full. If you enjoy our adventures with stake guns, suck jobs, and a surfboard full of guns, consider hopping over to our Patreon to get a full additional episode like this every month! But for now, have a hot loose coke from the back of Jon Bon's jeep on us, and please remember to take your anti-vampire pills.

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Welcome to the third annual NoVampber! As usual, we're hanging out with vampires all month long, and kicking things off is our revisiting of a pretty notoriously bad vampire experience: 2004's Van Helsing! Join us as we discuss the journey of sunburnt Wolverine and his CG loincloth on their quest to accomplish... almost nothing, aside from severing Flesh Shrek's arm and creating openings for the tale's real hero: Carl. We also share a nice batch of trivia, read some real goofball reviews, and for a film that does not star Emilio Estevez, spend a surprisingly long time talking about...

Halloween is next week, and we're getting prepared by continuing our exploration of witch media with 2013's Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters! As you might expect, we spend some time gushing about Gemma Arterton, even more time gushing about Peter Stormare, and even manage to fit in a revisit of the Jeremy Renner app, a contentious debate about Beauty and the Beast's Gaston, and a brief history of profanity.

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For October this year, we're celebrating the spooky season by saddling up some brooms, brewing a pot of potion, and spending the month exploring a Halloween mainstay: witches! First up is the 2024 musical film Wicked, a movie that may claim to explore villainous origins, authoritarianism, and unlikely friendships, but at its core is just simply: animals. We discuss the film and the musical genre in general, share some trivia and reviews, and remind everyone that if you're looking into showtimes for the upcoming sequel, make sure to use the url wickedMOVIE.com.

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Over on Patreon, we're capping off our month on Silent Hill and preparing for spooky season by running through our scariest experiences in video games! Unfortunately, we can't blame anything occurring in this clip on games; these are homegrown original ideas, and we sincerely apologize for infecting you with their contents. That said, as we all head into October please remember to stay safe, and watch out for those tickle monsters.

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Silent September concludes with a discussion of Bloober Team's 2024 remake of the survival horror classic, Silent Hill 2! Is the game good enough to make up for Beau's terrible first impression of the franchise with the movie we covered last episode? And how will it fare when compared with Brandon's massive love of the original game? We answer these questions, ask a few more (What is reality? How much agency does Maria have? And just how bad does James smell?), and give ourselves enough nightmare fuel to last until Silent Hill f, which comes out... *checks watch* ...er, now.

Welcome to Silent September! Brandon is excitedly counting down the days until Silent Hill f comes out later this month, and decided to introduce first-timer Beau to one his favorite horror IPs in... truly the worst way possible. That's right, we're kicking things off with Christophe Gans' misguided feature-length fanboy fumble, the 2006 film Silent Hill! Join us as we watch Radha Mitchell's Rose get her cardio in and do her best to dodge all the smoldering piles of poo left by some eldritch horrors on her jogging route, with occasional pivots over to a very waterlogged Sean Bean on...

To cap off our month on Japanese horror, we've got a bonus Patreon episode that follows up last August's revisiting of The Ring with another J-horror American remake: 2004's The Grudge, starring Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a wee lad who swallowed his cat, and a loooot of vocal fry. We read some reviews, we talk some culture, but mostly we just flip out over Jennifer poking her finger through that container of instant ramen.

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This week we take our study of yōkai out into the field to observe them in one of their natural habitats: a Labyrinth of the Demon King! We're talking all about the 2025 first-person survival horror game, and while we may disagree a little about how much we enjoy all that PSOne-inspired grime, we DO agree on our love of the tantō, our fearlessness in the face of death, and our belief that Oogie Boogie can go suck bath scum.

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For August this year, we're spending the entire month exploring the spooky side of Japan! In this first leg of the journey, we kick things off with an exploration of the sometimes terrifying, sometimes wacky, sometimes cuddly (?) supernatural creatures known as yōkai, complete with eldritch Nicktoons, a She's All That-style makeover with the Slit-Mouthed Woman, and weasels with frickin' knives attached to their paws. From there we trace some connections between all those crazy critters and Japan's king of creepy comics, Junji Ito! So hold on to your head, and- oh, watch your step there. The wooden spirit h...

This week we continue our exploration of non-Indy Jones treasure hunters with The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, a sequel that gives us the opportunity to ponder some of life's great mysteries, including: How does an extra $50 million budget result in a worse-looking movie than its predecessor? Is frat boy behavior in 1946 just as insufferable as its modern equivalent? Are terracotta pots actually mummies? No, we don't actually have any answers to those questions; Beau has been too busy lamenting the desecration of some of his favorite characters while Brandon expounds on the rich anti-fascist allegory packed into...

We may be done with Indiana Jones, but our treasure hunting continues all this month with a crew of imitators led by this week's protagonist, Nathan Drake! Unfortunately for us, this week is truly a worst version of a favorite thing, because we're experiencing his adventures by way of the 2022 Uncharted film. We do our best to withstand such rampant overuse of the bottle-playing scene, and to not be swayed by any of the film's "implicit messages," but if we're successful in those pursuits, it's probably just because we're too busy complaining about trees.

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This week over on Patreon, we bring Indiana June to a close with one final adventure alongside our favorite archaeologist. And by one, we actually mean two. We each chose an episode of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles television series at random, so hop on and ride along on our Phantom Train of Doom as we discuss! We're making stops at all our favorite jazz clubs, and Beau even brought a game to keep us occupied during the ride. Oh, but just a heads-up: all passengers must spend a portion of the ride bound and gagged, because apparently that's...

We're back with more Indiana Jones, and we've traded in our White Witch for a Great Circle! This episode we talk MachineGames' 2024 action-adventure game Indiana Jones and the Great Circle, and it just might be the sequel we've always wanted. No, we can't wield Caliburn, and no "forest folk" make an appearance, but the zeppelin DOES make a return, and is better (and more dangerous) than ever? (We forgot our special non-static slippers, so tread lightly). So grab your best disguise and that sledgehammer over there, make sure you haven't left any cogs behind, and... oh, also, can we...

Star Wars month may be over, but we're still hanging out with George Lucas as we kick off Indiana Junes! All this month we're exploring alongside our favorite archaeologist and heading to wherever his latest adventure leads us. This week, that adventure is Martin Caidin's 1994 novel Indiana Jones and the White Witch, a riveting tale of magic, aviation, and... northern Florida civil war reenactors (yes, really). So slip on your non-static zeppelin slippers, throw on your boiled scabbard tunic (again, yes, really), and get ready to confront one of the most forgettable villains of all time (we've already forgotten...

Star Wars month concludes with a roundup of some of our most memorable Star Wars gaming experiences! It's light side vs. dark side as we pit some of our favorite games of all time against a few experiences so miserable, they just might turn you into a Scorpion Vader. We've got bad kart racers and worse Game Boy games, but along the way we make time for sweet X-Wing action, Lego Grand Theft Auto and one very cool battle pod. Beau and Brandon also somehow manage to spend over ten minutes raving about Sega's Star Wars Arcade without realizing...

Welcome back to another episode of Phobiagoria, our recurring miniseries all about revisiting things that scared us as children! This time, Brandon discovers that the childhood trauma he associated with The Ewok Adventure's monstrous Gorax might've actually originated with the dead-eyed Ewoks themselves, and Beau? He's mostly just trying to stay conscious for all 97 minutes of this teddy bear fellowship. In this teaser we talk budget, kush (the Ewok kind), and even some conspiracy theories, but for the full episode you gotta head over to Patreon!

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May the Fourth be with you! (It's now May 8th). All this month we're hanging out in a galaxy far, far away, and kicking off our Star Wars celebration is a discussion of Episode VI- Return of the Jedi! We talk/dismantle negative fan reactions to the original trilogy's final installment while sharing our own negative reactions to much of the nonsense thrown into the remastered edition of the film. So, no, while we DON'T think that Jedi Rocks, we DO believe that Anakin's so vain, he probably thinks this podcast's about him.

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