Confidence

Are you dating, or are you collecting proof that somebody wants you? This week I'll tackle two questions. The first is about how to not get too attached in the talking stage, and what to do if you keep getting ghosted after good dates. Before I get to those, I share some wicked perspectives on reality and how I cut off my own validation: no story views, no likes, no casual dating, no DMing. It's pretty wild that right now I don't have a single person I'm interested in. I might have ADHD, but I don't believe in it...

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I found the secret to getting back into your good energy. It's actually really simple, yet so insidiously hard. Did you know that you are one direct communication away from freedom? Let's talk about it. I'll dissect three situations from people who are all post-relationship and all doing the same thing: trying to think their way out of a feeling. One of them wanted me to confirm that a guy's behavior was weird, but what she actually needed was to feel the disappointment and let go...

You're not missing them, you're missing a feeling. Let me explain. But first, I share a triggering message I received from a friend pointed at my avoidance. I'll give you an alternate perspective on how to handle harsh energy from those closest to you, while weaving in emotional wounds from how I grew up, and the layer of distance every girl I've dated has felt with me. I also cleared the decks again in my dating life, and I'll explain why easy and light still counts as saying no to yourself. Then two situations: a guy strategizing his final...

Stop playing footsies with people who will never give you what you want. This episode is about getting deeper with yourself and your reactions. Many people feel stuck in relationships where they are frustrated, angry, and misunderstood. I'll give a personal example of how I recently got triggered when a friend showed up late, leading to verbal jabs and mental disconnection. I’ll break down how anger is usually a surface mask for underlying fear and why being "present" is the hardest work you'll do. I'll discuss the power of taking action on your truth, and how that action pr...

This week came out of nowhere. I feel like I got sucker-punched with some difficult feelings and some hard truths. This week's title is seeking heartbreak, which is something I told myself I wanted to do. I've been sick of running away from what I desire, but what's funny is that I asked, and I received just as quickly. I also made a major realization about how deep my avoidance runs. I've been so focused on not acting from fear that I closed off the possibility that people might actually just love me (mind-blowing to me). I get into...

Do they ever come back? It's time to end the debate once and for all. I'll also talk about why you want them back in the first place (trigger warning). Before we get there, I reflect on my recent fuck it attitude I have gotten for life lately. I get into the way we all communicate indirectly: the jabs you call jokes, the "I just miss the friendship" story your brain feeds you, and them going cold on you. I finish off with what to do when you're happy being single, but also want a relationship. I will tell...

When someone doesn't choose you, is it really about you? Let me tell you why it's not personal. Before I get into that, I pour my little heart out about feeling a little run down. I'll reflect on how tough it is to say no in the moment and how your exhaustion is a signal to recalibrate. Then I answer a question about handling the silent treatment without letting it wreck your confidence, saying a final goodbye, and being so far away from self-trust.

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Most guys have a dream car, I have a dream cat. We are not the same. The cat does happen to be $15,000 though. Yikes, so my friend yelled at me, but then it hit me… You might be wondering what this has to do with a dating podcast episode. Well, because my off-brand desire relates directly to my dating life. No rushing, no settling, no second-guessing. I'll get into how my avoidance used to make me second-guess my choices, and how my relationship wants would get confused for attachment challenges. I'll talk about how to find your truth amidst yo...

This week we are getting into the contrast between anxious and avoidant patterns. I wrote something down that I feel describes the dynamic perfectly. I will discuss my own challenges with avoidance and how I am working towards healing it. I also recap a situation from last week's episode where a listener quickly backed off a relationship. I discuss how to lead with more curiosity and less defensiveness. This is not just about being the bigger person, but becoming so much more.

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My boy asked me .. how do you tell the difference between intensity and actual intimacy (especially in a push/pull dynamic where it's hard to tell the difference)? I share my thoughts on what I feel the difference is and how to identify it. But before I get into that, I play a voice note from a girl who is navigating a similar situation about a guy who communicated his lack of certainty to her, and how she feels guilty for ending it so quickly. I'll share an update about my life, on staying away from safe connections, and...

I saw a video this week that said people who lack empathy are garbage, and it triggered me into a rabbit hole about narcissism. This will be confrontational and controversial, but really my goal is to give you an alternate perspective on how this is defined in our culture and the dynamics that are created by both partners. I get into why the person giving and giving is also being selfish, and how/why your resentment is an indicator. I walk through a listener situation where the guy starts to distance himself after he gets emotionally vulnerable. I'll give...

Isn’t it crazy how those shorter relationships can hit way harder than the longer ones? Today I reflect on this, and what would happen if that person ever came back. I then lean into how my views of compatibility vs. chemistry have shifted, while still battling guilt when I admit and enforce my high standards. I then get into whether I still deal with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and procrastination. Yes, but no, and I’ll share how to overcome them. I then go in on whether or not you should admit your feelings to your FWB. Is the gate...

If you have anxious attachment, this episode is going to be a gut punch, but a necessary one. The truth is, most people don't have a feeling problem, they have a thinking problem. I'll show you what you can't see about chasing and caring for someone who doesn't seem to show the same energy back. Let's get into it. This week I'm fresh off an emergency landing, and now I'm heading to Cancun for a wedding, but the stove is on hot. I answer two situations from my guys. The first one spent two years chasing a girl who...

So I broke my celibacy, and may have pulled my groin in the process. This somehow spun off into an analogy about how I got the ick from cigarettes and letting go of toxic relationships (aka emotional cigarettes), trust me it’s sensational. Then I get into the situation everyone obsesses over: is it insecure to want your partner to unfollow people on social media, or is your gut telling you something real? I break down the difference between soothing your fear through control and what trusting someone actually looks like. I close on whether the real work happens in...

So this was a very unexpected week to say the least. I saw the most attractive girl I've seen in years, didn't shoot my shot, and came home feeling like shit. I'll talk about why and the importance of taking the risk. This then leads into a story about an unexpected new connection that caught me off guard. It's crazy how the smallest moments can shine a light on your internal fears and triggers. I'll share how deep my anxious avoidance still runs: the waiting, the phone checking, and how I soothe myself through it now instead of punishing...

This is going to be a Dear Diary episode. A podcast journal of how I am feeling at my core. I've been in a mini funk, but somehow it's also the most peace I've felt in my life in a long time. The duality of it all ... Really what's happening is that I'm emotionally celibate, and that's brought me an enormous amount of clarity, but also this weird blank page feeling. I get honest about feeling lonely (not the desperate kind), being uninspired even though I love my life, and being at the point where I'm established and ready...

To be real, last week I hadn't been feeling my best. I care about showing up confident (and not looking weak), so I tend to mask those feelings. That's how our conversation starts. I get into detail about why I am the way I am. I'll walk you through how I grew up insecure and rebellious, all the way till now, and why I still deeply crave attention. I then shift gears to a situation sent in by a listener around if cheaters actually change. I will share her story of how she had been living a lie with...

The real work begins, not when you decide to leave, but directly after. It’s the weeks and days following that force you to face yourself and face your fears. Today, we are talking about getting back on your feet, leaving guilt and proving behind, and the real glow up post breakup. Maybe they are with someone new, maybe you are just determined to let go, today’s episode is a direct challenge to take the risk of choosing yourself.Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Why is it so hard to let go when you know something isn't right? Last episode I told you I ended my situationship, and this time it feels final. In this episode, I share how difficult it is to actually separate and how no contact gets harder before it gets easier. I start off with a question about not being ready to commit, and how I called Jay in a panic to "talk me off the ledge" when I was feeling overwhelmed with doubt and potential regret. I answer a few listener situations about people stuck in situationships they...

Something major is shifting in my love life. Today I am going to share with you a few personal stories, about letting go of a situationship, guilty feelings after a hookup, and ending old habits. Before that my friend asked me about the pettiest thing that gives me the ick, and if I get more icked out now that I am shifting to looking for love versus sex. I will discuss why people are dishonest in relationships and why people struggle to create peace in their relationships. I will also respond to a situation about talking to multiple people...

Is intense chemistry actually a bad thing? In today's episode, I'll share a listener's dilemma around this trending idea that chemistry doesn't matter at all. I break down what exactly chemistry and compatibility mean to me, and how they work in tandem with each other. I'll relate it to a client story about falling hard for someone despite massive red flags, and why anxious people can mistake activated nervous systems for chemistry. This will then lead us down a road deeper than this discussion around why you even want a relationship in the first place. I answer a situation...

Why are you staying in that inconsistent relationship? Is it really because you have hope things will be different or is it actually because you have something to prove? I start today's episode by answering if it's "wrong" to reach out after being ghosted. I will then tackle two situations side-by-side about women who are in identical hot-and-cold multi-year situationships. I'll breakdown why inconsistent relationships are so addicting, how to emotionally detach, and explore whether or not you are being manipulated or if you are being too much. I'll also answer a question about catching feelings hard early on...

Can you have a healthy relationship with someone who originally ghosted you? In this episode, I break down why ghosting creates such a lack of safety that it fucks the relationship up, and why people ghost in the first place. I answer two listener situations, one about a girl who got ghosted after three dates and can't stop wondering why he didn't reach out, and another about a guy who might still have feelings for his ex. Let me help you feel your feelings and learn to how to honor yourself as you've never done before.

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You can change, but really how much? In this episode, I share my vulnerable feelings about my current dating life, where I am, how I got here, and why I would describe myself as "serial monogamous without dating." I'll describe how I am doing the work to combat my avoidance, become more grounded, and set myself up for finding genuine love. I also unpack how much your upbringing impacts who you are and how to change the patterns that keep you stuck. It's real, it's funny, and it's personal.

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When you treat a man well and you're consistent, they don't like you, but the ones you don't like are in love with you. What gives? This week, I break down dating's million-dollar question: Why are guys so interested in women who don't put in any effort? Is it attachment style or is it just how men are wired? I'll walk you through my full dissertation on the chase, value, and why we want what we can't have. I also answer a direct question about whether it's your avoidant attachment or if you're just not into them. You guys...

And just like that we are back baby. I went on my retreat, where I learned so much. I'll walk you through the whole experience, from being so down bad the week before I left (numbing myself hard), all the way through the cheese and mayo sandwiches we ate during the week, as well as the biggest takeaways I had. My view of myself is different. I feel enlightened, my energy has shifted, and I know how to handle myself so much more. It was like summer camp for geeky men who want to deepen their understanding of self...

Quick heads up, but I will be gone next week for a 7-day consciousness retreat. In this episode, I talk about going through scarcity in both relationships and finances, stressed nights where I can't sleep, and a book someone sent me about the power of the subconscious mind. I'll talk about self-discovery and how to use your most important currency (attention) to further understand yourself. I'll break down why it's so hard to change someone's perception of you, and if you should let your avoidant ex back in.

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What's more important your goals or your peace? Do you feel you can only have one or the other? Today I attack the difference between wanting and needing something, and the desire for success/relationships while still being grounded in the present. I also bought a DJ set I couldn't afford even with no end goal in sight. I answer listener questions about men not being intentional, hitting up your ex, and why dating feels insane right now.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

You don’t just want a relationship … you want a relationship with someone attractive, with solid values, who can actually meet you where you are. If you want that type of love you need to have a level of confidence that lives up to the request. In this episode, I'll talk about why I feel more confident than I've ever have (despite worse external results). I’ll break down the difference between being intentional versus calculated, why you need to get comfortable being misunderstood, and how to practice being vulnerable. I answer listener questions about early dating confidence, handling reject...

I was definitely yelling a little bit this episode, but sometimes you guys like that shit. I share a lot of great nuggets about living in the now and understanding how our mental fantasies keep us trapped. I talk about my recent feelings of disconnection and how I processed those emotions to understand where I needed to take a risk. I'll break down why you need to stop asking questions and start making statements about what you want, and how to navigate dating speed without losing yourself. Today, you will learn to ask the hard questions and get really...

I used to feel so anxious and insecure. My life was filled with drama, but now I'm realizing it's hard to find many moments when I don't feel peace. In this episode, I'll talk about how every struggle in your life is self-inflicted, why drama isn't happening to you, and how to break free from the insecurity and anxiousness that is destroying your life. I'll address questions around rejection oversensitivity, comparing yourself to your ex's new partner, and why you keep attracting avoidant men.

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In this episode, we're going to start surface level, and then we're going to get deep. I start by talking about leaving corporate life and never looking back, then I'll reflect on a question about what men learn when they sleep around a lot. Then we get into the hard stuff. Why do you feel lonely? Why do you feel like a burden? I'll talk about the deep work of eliminating loneliness from your life and what it means to believe you're significant even when nobody's around. I'll break down the difference between living from survival versus wholeness, why...

What do you want? Not on the surface, I'm talking deep in your soul... In this episode, I'll talk about the uncomfortable introspection of being alone with yourself, how love is confused with attention, and what I believe love truly is. I'll talk about being honest with people even when it's hard, and how difficult it is to live in your truth. I answer listener questions about avoidant men wanting to be friends after they've already rejected a relationship, telling someone to their face that you're not that interested, and how to navigate your own feelings of insecurity when...

She apologized for not texting me back, then didn't text me back at all. In this episode, I get into what happens when someone you're down for gets inconsistent and why your reaction to it matters more than theirs. I break down the exact regulation technique I use to calm down my nervous system. I also share a powerful client story about a woman who realized she's been using relationships to regulate her nervous system her entire life, and why that's keeping her stuck in situationships. Then I respond to a listener navigating feelings for a coworker who didn't...

A girl didn't text me back for 12 hours, and my stomach dropped. In this episode, I get raw about the self-doubt that creeps in when I put myself out there, and why the smallest rejection can trigger the deepest fear. I break down how to actually feel your feelings instead of just thinking about them, why self-improvement is often driven by insecurity, and what scares me most about committing to someone. I also answer fire questions from a listener about my dating patterns, what I look for in a partner, and my longest relationship. If you've ever felt that...

What happens when you're honest, vulnerable, and real... and still don't get what you want? Let's talk about showing up authentically and why it doesn't always work out the way you hope. I'll share two raw stories from my own life: getting stood up after putting myself out there, and ending things with someone I genuinely cared about because something just wasn't aligned. I break down why most people don't actually know how they feel (spoiler: thinking isn't feeling) and why your fear of being "too much" is really just fear of not being enough. I also walk through...

I've been feeling different lately, at peace, confident, secure. Today, I will reflect on the reason I feel so present, and how you can too. I'll discuss how your desires, such as wanting a family, a relationship, and success, can hinder your happiness, but also your progress. Then I get into your questions: what to do when you’re feeling anxious over delayed texts, I'll discuss how to calm yourself down and handle the emotion in the moment. I'll talk about how true security is so much more than just feeling confident all the time. Then I'll touch on wh...

Have you ever been surrounded by people (even in a relationship) and still felt alone? That’s because loneliness isn’t about being alone, it's what happens when your sense of self is tied to something outside of you … so when connection disappears, you feel like you disappear. In this episode, I break down why most people feel lonely, why we’re scared of it, and how a lot of us are way more codependent than we think (we just call it “love” or “attachment” to make it sound prettier). I also asked you guys what you’re battling internally in your...

People think self-love is taking yourself on a date or going to the gym, but that's just the surface. In this episode, I share what true self-love is and how to practice it. I'll break down the difference between desire and attachment, and I'll go through the components of our emotions and how we project our feelings onto others instead of owning them ourselves. I share a specific example of how I was triggered in my relationship, how I reacted (needy, angry), and had to take a step back and work through my reaction. Through my personal example, I'll...

Last episode of the year, it has been a heck of a journey, and we have a great one for you. I start with a personal story of letting go of unintentional connections and the difference between high standards and seeking perfection. I'll tell you why your situationship might seem okay, but how it might actually be blocking you from true love. Speaking of which, I then share a powerful conversation I had with two close guy friends, one recently engaged, and how hearing him talk about feeling inspired by his partner shifted something big for me (I think...