Between the Covers Podcast

Today we have a hard topic. With the recent violent acts that continue to escalate in the U.S., I believe it's important to discuss that violence is rarely the answer to a given situation. The one exception for me is in self-defense. If you are taking a gun to counter protest others, you're not there to defend yourself. If the intrusive thoughts are telling you to drive your vehicle into a crowd of people who believe in something different than you, allow me to suggest you seek therapy rather than act on them. In Pennsylvania, Utah, California, and...

Let's talk about using our creativity to change use instead of shame. If you're like me, then you have a lot of experience with shaming yourself or being shamed by others in order to get us to change. It doesn't work. In fact, I would go so far as to say it never works. If it did, we wouldn't be here having this conversation because we'd have it figured out by now. Curiosity is one of the most powerful tools I've learned to use when I work with my clients and myself. It helps us to find out what's...

For this month's hero's study I continue my interviews with my friends. Today, it's Katie Shobe, a pet and book lover, gamer, and all around great person who has so many different interests and hobbies. You'll have to hear from her mouth what it is that she enjoys. Katie has overcome some challenges in the last few years that I've been able to support her through and have seen first hand the integrity and perseverance of someone who is trying to live her best life.

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Let's talk about reaching out. It's something that's come up many times from myself and others in previous episodes, and yet it's more important than many people give it credit. Knowing that we're not alone and there are others supporting us in whatever our endeavor is helps us reach the fullness of our purpose, yet there's a siren song of independence, fear, and even pride that keeps us from even sending a text to someone saying we need some help. Reach out! There are others who will support you and want to help you succeed!

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Let's talk about finding your purpose. Have you ever felt like you're wandering without direction in life? Just making it by without much of a goal? I've had many conversations in the past about our purpose and it's something that is important for us to determine for direction in our lives. Let's look at some ways that we can find our purpose and how that can move us to being heroes in our day to day.

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Let's talk about the power of our creativity. This is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal. It can do wonders to create our future, whether that's for our benefit or detriment. Here we'll discuss what it can do and how we can use it to help us become more the heroes of our stories.

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Let's talk about using our voices. It's been quite the journey for me to get to a place where I'm comfortable to use my voice. How easy is it for you to speak up for your needs, wants, and desires? Do you find your words getting stuck in your throat before you can even speak them? As someone who has wrestled with the value of his voice, I want to assure you that your voice matters. People need to hear what you have to say.

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For this month's hero's study, I interview my good friend Ben Gibson! He's the one who introduced me to Dungeons and Dragons, created a safe space for me to ask questions during my faith deconstruction, and is a devout Christian who loves people, play, and laughter! He has some great nuggets to share in this interview.

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Let's talk about hypocrisy. I grew up hearing this term a lot in my Christian upbringing and it's something that is showing up more and more these days with the rise of white Christian nationalism. What is hypocrisy? According to Jesus, it's focusing on cleaning the outside than the inside, or making ourselves look good when our character doesn't match what we present. It comes from actors putting on masks in order to play other characters on stage. Let's look at where this conversation on this deeply spiritual and cultural topic takes us!

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Let's talk about one of my all time favorite TV shows: Corner Gas. It's a Canadian sitcom that takes place in the fictional, rural town of Dog River, Saskatchewan. Zaniness ensues, I laugh a lot, and many of the characters have qualities that resonate with me. We're going to look at what some of the quirks are, how they resonate with me, and hopefully you can join me on a trip down memory lane of such a fun show.

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Let's talk about guilty pleasures. Actually, let's talk about pleasure in general. Namely, why does pleasure need to be guilty? Do you have something (or multiple things) that you would define as a guilty pleasure? Why is that? Turns out, many of us have been raised with societal norms that pleasure is a bad thing, maybe even sinful if you grew up Christian like I did. I encourage you to challenge these thoughts. Why does pleasure have to be guilty? Let's look into this a little deeper.

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Let's talk about another hero. This one is a friend of mine, Dan Fredrickson. A nerdy guy, happily homosexual and engaged to his partner, John. He struggles with imposter syndrome and low self-esteem. He's one of my dear gay friends who manages a movie theater chain and I've had the pleasure of getting to know him since 2020 in our D&D group. We talk about politics, life, and dynamics of heroes.

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Let's talk about empathy and how many powerful and vocal people are calling it a sin these days. As an empath, I disagree with this sentiment. The biggest thing for me is that being empathetic is something that has helped me change my views. It helps me connect with other people. It opens my eyes to the plights of others. It's something that makes me love others on a much deeper level. Removing empathy makes it so that these people can ignore the blood on their hands for the harm they cause. Listen in to hear more on this...

Let's talk about our appearance and how we often want to control our appearance to others. Thanks to Benji Faye and Tori Douglass of the White Homework podcast for inspiring this idea in their work sharing about their struggles with racial justice. We do A LOT to appear a specific way to others and often are trying to hide the suffering we're going through. With many conversations I have with clients, this is almost universal. Let's stop trying to make ourselves look perfect and that everything is going well. It's okay to show how life is truly treating you.<...

Let's talk about making our own decisions. With so many influences on what we should do, say, believe, and how to live our lives, it's more important than ever for us to make the best decisions for ourselves. I have conversations with people often where they are asking me for advice on how to handle certain life decisions and the best thing I can do is to ask questions to get them to decide for themselves. Whether it's because we don't want to upset others or are afraid of potential consequences for the choices we make, no one is...

For this month's hero's study we are looking at one of the protagonists in the book series The Seven Realms: Princess Raisa ana'Marianna of Fellsmarch. I love how this character is one who displays dogged determination, grit, and wrestles with the complexities of court decorum and political intrigue, while also allowing herself to be the badass princess she is. She's not afraid to love, fight, and argue, and she stands up for herself and her people. Sounds like the kind of hero we could use more of.

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Let's talk about focusing on ourselves. With many conversations I have with family, friends, and even clients, many of us are raised to focus on others and to give of ourselves. Naturally, we're raised to share toys and space with others, yet there's also a deeper, more nefarious teaching at play that it's selfish to invest in ourselves. Where do we get the resources to give to others if we're not investing in ourselves?

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Today, let's talk about the concept of garbage in, garbage out. It's something I've heard from both the mental and physical health departments of this concept. We are capable of producing what we put in. Want to get healthier physically? Eating overly processed foods isn't going to help with that. Finding yourself in a negative mindset all the time? There's a good chance your taking in a ton of negativity.

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Let's talk about the difference between reacting and responding. They are synonymous if you look at the definitions of them, yet I want to hypothesize that there is a difference between them. The key difference, reacting is unconscious where responding is conscious. I explore this concept based on my experiences and conversations I've had with others.

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

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For this month's hero's study, I bring on a very special guest: my partner! I mention her so much in previous episodes. Once I decided to interview people for these episodes, I wanted to bring her on to share her story. She's been through so much and tells about her struggles with mental health and the support she's found. I hope you find inspiration from her story, and she gives a great metaphor of a snow globe that I love to use now!

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Let's talk about believing in ourselves. I don't know about you, but this is something that I wrestled with all the time. I have more thoughts about how I'm failing in life than pointing out the good I'm doing. This is because I've struggled to believe in myself for years. It's not something I can point my finger at and blame a few key people. This is from society, my churches growing up, experiences in schools, comments made by family and friends, and things I've said to myself over the years. What can we do with all this mental...

Let's talk about insecurity, a very old friend of mine. I could even go so far as to say it's a bedfellow since I was a child. There isn't anyone I know who doesn't struggle insecurity in some form or fashion. Whether we're talking with our bodies or image, intellect or knowledge, work experience, parenting, the myriad hobbies out there...need I go on? I think it's a universal human experience to struggle with insecurities. Let's see what we can do about them.

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Let's talk about purity culture today. This is something that I grew up when it was thriving, and it's still around today, but it's name has changed. If you experienced abstinence only sex education, are familiar with promise rings, have heard that men are more sexually active than women, that men are more visually stimulated than women, that you must remain a virgin until your married, that sex before marriage is one of the worst things you can do in your life, then you are familiar some of the many, MANY messages of Purity Culture. Let's look at it...

Let's talk about one of my favorite philosophies on life: don't yuck someone else's yum. It's something I've heard from several sources now, but my first experience was around 2010 when I was working through the backlog of Stuff You Should Know episodes where the podcast hosts Josh and Chuck shared this idea. This is a life philosophy that I operate with that has given me so much freedom and joy compared to what I learned growing up.

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Let's talk about another hero! This time, it's one of my favorite: Himura Kenshin. He's t he protagonist in the Rurouni Kenshin manga and anime and has been a favorite character of mine since I learned about him. What makes him an iconic hero in my eyes? Listen in to find out!

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

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Let's talk about hope this week. After the downer of an episode last week as I processed my fears for 2025, there's also hope to be found in everything that's going on. It's important that we don't succumb to fear and undermine opportunities to push forward. Hope can still be found even in the darkest of times. A large part of becoming the heroes of our own stories is to acknowledge the fears around us and strive forward with the hope for a better future for ourselves and those we love.

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Another year is coming to an end. If only I could be more thrilled about the prospect of another year. This episode was recorded not long after the elections in November and I had some difficult thoughts and feelings. Part of that is what I'm afraid of for the coming year. Don't worry, though. There will be some hope.

I fully expect to receive some backlash for what I have to say. However, I ask for compassion as I processed fear in this episode. The fear I felt, and still feel, is quite real. Only time will...

Let's talk about the difference between protagonists and antagonists. If you're like me, then you see protagonists as the heroes and antagonists as the villains. It's actually much more nuanced than that. Let's look at what they are and how we can relate to them.

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

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*Content warning: this episode discusses childhood sexual abuse and post-traumatic stress.

For this month's hero study, we're interviewing a friend of mine who fitting for the holiday season is a professional Santa portrayal artist. Mike Chapman is also a Christian recovery coach who works with men who have been sexually abused. He shares his story of healing through childhood trauma and what helped him get to where he is today.

If you are interested in connecting with Mike Chapman either for coaching or as a Santa portrayal artist, you can find him at the links...

Let's talk about rest today. During this busy season for many with holidays and family gatherings taking place, maybe even some vacations, shopping, and keeping with traditions, it's important for us to give ourselves time to rest. Regardless of what you're December looks like, make sure you are intentional about setting time aside every week or every day to rest.

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

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Let's talk about more things I've learned from some of my favorite things! This time, we're talking about the video game franchise made by FromSoftware, the studio behind the Demons/Dark Souls and Bloodborne games. What have I learned? Let's dive in!

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

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Let's talk about taking care of ourselves. It's something that's important, has already been discussed in this space, and this likely won't be the last time. The most important things to remember are:

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Let's talk about this month's hero: Zelda from the Legend of Zelda franchise. Considering the franchise is named after her, she's often been more of a backseat character in the stories. One of the things I've enjoyed about seeing her grow is how she steps out from the shadow of the protagonist, Link, in order to be a hero in her own right.

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Today I finish telling my story. There is absolutely more to say than what's been in these last four episodes, but it's a pretty succinct telling of the key events. This is also the one where I share the story of how my partner and I met and the almost romcom nature it details. Seriously. It could almost be a Hallmark movie.

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*Content Warning* This episodes mentions thoughts of suicide and death. If you are uncomfortable with these topics, then skip this podcast. If you are prepared to listen to these stories, then take care of yourself if you ever do get triggered by what is discussed in this episode.

US National Suicide Hotline: 988 or visit https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention

Canada National Suicide Hotline: 9-8-8 or visit https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html

UK National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 0800 689 5652 or visit https://www.spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline-uk/<...

*Content Warning* This episodes mentions actions of self-harm and bullying. If you are uncomfortable with this topic, then skip this podcast. If you are prepared to listen to these stories, then take care of yourself if you ever do get triggered by what is discussed in this episode.

I continue my story this week, discussing how I lost my voice and struggles I had with school. Things start to get darker and I turned to fantasies to cope, along with some other maladaptive coping mechanisms that I'm still working to counter in my life. It's not all...

It's story time! I've mentioned my story off and on for over sixty episodes, but I think it's time to actually tell my story. This is part one focusing on my early childhood up to my years in school.

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Let's talk about this months hero, James Earl Jones. For me, the voice of Darth Vader and Mufasa, he has quite the legacy and story of overcoming his own trials in order to become the man that we knew. From Shakespeare to voice overs to recording the New Testament in the Bible, there are many who have heard his iconic voice and seen him perform, and yet I learned more about his story than I ever knew when researching his life.

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Let's talk about community, something that is important to our survival as a social animal, and something t hat has been weaponized against us probably more times than we realize. Even a look at politics shows how people in power are trying to pit different communities against each other. It doesn't have to be this way and community can be very healthy meaningful if we find the right community where we are accepted.

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Let's talk about skepticism and being skeptical. This is almost a four-letter word these days because it's often tied to the questioning of Christianity and the faith's stalwart beliefs. As usual, I want to create a safe space to talk about these "taboo" topics and my own journey in asking questions and the power of skepticism. Being skeptical is not a bad thing. It's actually a great sign of maturity. Let's get into this more.

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