Between the Covers Podcast

For this month's hero's study, I take a look at David Tennant. I wish I could get him as a guest on the podcast, but let's be real with the expectations...for now. David Tennant is a phenomenal actor from Doctor Who and Harry Potter, among others that I haven't seen, and he is also a stalwart ally to transgender and LGBTQAI+ individuals, going so far as to call out people in power in the UK and creators of IPs that have provided him with work. He proudly wears rainbow pins and speaks to the injustices being done to...

Let's talk about how we can create a new story for ourselves. If you're like me, and hopefully you're not, you can have a running dialogue offering colorful dialogue as to why life is the way that it is. Many of these come from past experiences and influences from others in our past and present. The important thing is that we can change it if we change the story that we're telling ourselves. Of course, there are outside influences that can make this difficult, such as systemic racism and political or social pressures. It's easier for me to say...

Let's talk about trauma once more. As my understanding of trauma grows, we can expect more expansions on this topic. Last time I shared about trauma through the lens of "little t" and "big T" traumas. Some experts in the field still use this language, and others aren't fans and prefer to use post-traumatic stress (PTS) trauma and complex post-traumatic stress (CPTS) trauma when referring to different experiences that have an adverse and lasting impact on our minds and bodies. People can experience events that are traumatizing to most and not have any kind of post-traumatic baggage that they...

Sorry again for the bad audio. I swear we're almost done with these. I'm not too sure how many of these I recorded with my earbud, but there shouldn't be much more if this isn't the last one.

Let's talk about adverse experiences. Have you ever heard of ACEs? When I worked at becoming a coach, I learned about ACEs for the first time, and they are adverse childhood experiences. These have such a strong impact on our lives and the decisions that we make on a regular basis. Let's take a look at what this can...

Apologies once again for the terrible audio. I'm almost through the batch I recorded with this bad microphone. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Let's talk about speaking your truth. In my journey to become the hero in my story, speaking my truth has been an important aspect of my walk. A couple of mentors of mine described it with this simple comparison: the difference between using the word "but" and "and" when you are talking about your experiences. Boiled down, if we use "but" to describe an adverse childhood experience, it becomes a dichotomy where...

For this month's hero study, I brought on my friend Brandon to share his story. He's a Christian, an engineer, pilot, a member of the Mid-Columbia Master Singers, and published author! We met through our gaming group and our friendship has grown since. Part of his story involves being ostracized by his friend group and finding acceptance from his mentors. He's also received incredible words against these thoughts throughout his life.

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Sorry again for the poor audio on this one. I recorded a couple of episodes before discovering how bad the headphones mic sounded.

Today, let's talk about the power that our words can have. Similar to my sticks and stones episode I released much earlier, our words have the power to destroy or build up. With some recent familial troubles, I experienced both. Some members of my family said things when emotions were high and hurt, manipulated, and tried to guilt us into doing what they wanted us to do. Other members of my family said some...

Let's talk about the stories we are hearing, or even telling ourselves, about what's masculine and what's feminine. I grew up hearing that it's masculine to not cry or show emotions, to disregard the emotions of others, and if I showed anything that is considered feminine, then there's something wrong with me as a man. Have you experienced similar messaging in your life? Whether or not, you will either experience or will know someone who has experienced this, so let's get into what we can do about it.

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Today let's talk about reserving judgement. This come from the handiwork of the excellent podcast, White Homework, where Tori Williams and Benjamin Faye talk about the nature of being unhoused. Benji shared his story of how he found himself without a house and unable to find a job for reasons completely out of his control. This is something that I've struggled with when looking at the unhoused population here: I pass judgement on them. Unless we listen to their story, we are going to get the answer wrong on why someone is pan-handling or looking for help. Let's see...

I tried a new microphone for this and a couple of other recordings and it turns out that it's not a great one! My apologies for the terrible audio quality from me and I'll make sure to use my original microphone in the future.

For this month's hero's study, I interview my friend John Estey. He's another friend from our gaming group who is a teacher, thespian, and proud homosexual. He has some great insights in his years of teaching, growing up in small town America, coming out to his parents, and finding love, along with his...

Let's talk about a way we can find hope. Thanks to White Homework for providing another inspiring quote! Today's episode comes from the quote, "I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I can see the light in all of you." This has been helpful since the time of the recording and now with the looming Big Beautiful Bill making it's way through, having ally nations warn their citizens that the U.S. isn't a safe place to travel to, the social and financial instability, and so much animosity between groups, it's impossible to know...

Today we have a hard topic. With the recent violent acts that continue to escalate in the U.S., I believe it's important to discuss that violence is rarely the answer to a given situation. The one exception for me is in self-defense. If you are taking a gun to counter protest others, you're not there to defend yourself. If the intrusive thoughts are telling you to drive your vehicle into a crowd of people who believe in something different than you, allow me to suggest you seek therapy rather than act on them. In Pennsylvania, Utah, California, and...

Let's talk about using our creativity to change use instead of shame. If you're like me, then you have a lot of experience with shaming yourself or being shamed by others in order to get us to change. It doesn't work. In fact, I would go so far as to say it never works. If it did, we wouldn't be here having this conversation because we'd have it figured out by now. Curiosity is one of the most powerful tools I've learned to use when I work with my clients and myself. It helps us to find out what's...

For this month's hero's study I continue my interviews with my friends. Today, it's Katie Shobe, a pet and book lover, gamer, and all around great person who has so many different interests and hobbies. You'll have to hear from her mouth what it is that she enjoys. Katie has overcome some challenges in the last few years that I've been able to support her through and have seen first hand the integrity and perseverance of someone who is trying to live her best life.

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Let's talk about reaching out. It's something that's come up many times from myself and others in previous episodes, and yet it's more important than many people give it credit. Knowing that we're not alone and there are others supporting us in whatever our endeavor is helps us reach the fullness of our purpose, yet there's a siren song of independence, fear, and even pride that keeps us from even sending a text to someone saying we need some help. Reach out! There are others who will support you and want to help you succeed!

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Let's talk about finding your purpose. Have you ever felt like you're wandering without direction in life? Just making it by without much of a goal? I've had many conversations in the past about our purpose and it's something that is important for us to determine for direction in our lives. Let's look at some ways that we can find our purpose and how that can move us to being heroes in our day to day.

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Let's talk about the power of our creativity. This is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal. It can do wonders to create our future, whether that's for our benefit or detriment. Here we'll discuss what it can do and how we can use it to help us become more the heroes of our stories.

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Let's talk about using our voices. It's been quite the journey for me to get to a place where I'm comfortable to use my voice. How easy is it for you to speak up for your needs, wants, and desires? Do you find your words getting stuck in your throat before you can even speak them? As someone who has wrestled with the value of his voice, I want to assure you that your voice matters. People need to hear what you have to say.

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For this month's hero's study, I interview my good friend Ben Gibson! He's the one who introduced me to Dungeons and Dragons, created a safe space for me to ask questions during my faith deconstruction, and is a devout Christian who loves people, play, and laughter! He has some great nuggets to share in this interview.

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Let's talk about hypocrisy. I grew up hearing this term a lot in my Christian upbringing and it's something that is showing up more and more these days with the rise of white Christian nationalism. What is hypocrisy? According to Jesus, it's focusing on cleaning the outside than the inside, or making ourselves look good when our character doesn't match what we present. It comes from actors putting on masks in order to play other characters on stage. Let's look at where this conversation on this deeply spiritual and cultural topic takes us!

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Let's talk about one of my all time favorite TV shows: Corner Gas. It's a Canadian sitcom that takes place in the fictional, rural town of Dog River, Saskatchewan. Zaniness ensues, I laugh a lot, and many of the characters have qualities that resonate with me. We're going to look at what some of the quirks are, how they resonate with me, and hopefully you can join me on a trip down memory lane of such a fun show.

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Let's talk about guilty pleasures. Actually, let's talk about pleasure in general. Namely, why does pleasure need to be guilty? Do you have something (or multiple things) that you would define as a guilty pleasure? Why is that? Turns out, many of us have been raised with societal norms that pleasure is a bad thing, maybe even sinful if you grew up Christian like I did. I encourage you to challenge these thoughts. Why does pleasure have to be guilty? Let's look into this a little deeper.

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Let's talk about another hero. This one is a friend of mine, Dan Fredrickson. A nerdy guy, happily homosexual and engaged to his partner, John. He struggles with imposter syndrome and low self-esteem. He's one of my dear gay friends who manages a movie theater chain and I've had the pleasure of getting to know him since 2020 in our D&D group. We talk about politics, life, and dynamics of heroes.

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Let's talk about empathy and how many powerful and vocal people are calling it a sin these days. As an empath, I disagree with this sentiment. The biggest thing for me is that being empathetic is something that has helped me change my views. It helps me connect with other people. It opens my eyes to the plights of others. It's something that makes me love others on a much deeper level. Removing empathy makes it so that these people can ignore the blood on their hands for the harm they cause. Listen in to hear more on this...

Let's talk about our appearance and how we often want to control our appearance to others. Thanks to Benji Faye and Tori Douglass of the White Homework podcast for inspiring this idea in their work sharing about their struggles with racial justice. We do A LOT to appear a specific way to others and often are trying to hide the suffering we're going through. With many conversations I have with clients, this is almost universal. Let's stop trying to make ourselves look perfect and that everything is going well. It's okay to show how life is truly treating you.<...

Let's talk about making our own decisions. With so many influences on what we should do, say, believe, and how to live our lives, it's more important than ever for us to make the best decisions for ourselves. I have conversations with people often where they are asking me for advice on how to handle certain life decisions and the best thing I can do is to ask questions to get them to decide for themselves. Whether it's because we don't want to upset others or are afraid of potential consequences for the choices we make, no one is...

For this month's hero's study we are looking at one of the protagonists in the book series The Seven Realms: Princess Raisa ana'Marianna of Fellsmarch. I love how this character is one who displays dogged determination, grit, and wrestles with the complexities of court decorum and political intrigue, while also allowing herself to be the badass princess she is. She's not afraid to love, fight, and argue, and she stands up for herself and her people. Sounds like the kind of hero we could use more of.

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Let's talk about focusing on ourselves. With many conversations I have with family, friends, and even clients, many of us are raised to focus on others and to give of ourselves. Naturally, we're raised to share toys and space with others, yet there's also a deeper, more nefarious teaching at play that it's selfish to invest in ourselves. Where do we get the resources to give to others if we're not investing in ourselves?

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

Today, let's talk about the concept of garbage in, garbage out. It's something I've heard from both the mental and physical health departments of this concept. We are capable of producing what we put in. Want to get healthier physically? Eating overly processed foods isn't going to help with that. Finding yourself in a negative mindset all the time? There's a good chance your taking in a ton of negativity.

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

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Let's talk about the difference between reacting and responding. They are synonymous if you look at the definitions of them, yet I want to hypothesize that there is a difference between them. The key difference, reacting is unconscious where responding is conscious. I explore this concept based on my experiences and conversations I've had with others.

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

Interested in working with me? Schedule a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/marcus-spaur/discovery-call

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For this month's hero's study, I bring on a very special guest: my partner! I mention her so much in previous episodes. Once I decided to interview people for these episodes, I wanted to bring her on to share her story. She's been through so much and tells about her struggles with mental health and the support she's found. I hope you find inspiration from her story, and she gives a great metaphor of a snow globe that I love to use now!

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Let's talk about believing in ourselves. I don't know about you, but this is something that I wrestled with all the time. I have more thoughts about how I'm failing in life than pointing out the good I'm doing. This is because I've struggled to believe in myself for years. It's not something I can point my finger at and blame a few key people. This is from society, my churches growing up, experiences in schools, comments made by family and friends, and things I've said to myself over the years. What can we do with all this mental...

Let's talk about insecurity, a very old friend of mine. I could even go so far as to say it's a bedfellow since I was a child. There isn't anyone I know who doesn't struggle insecurity in some form or fashion. Whether we're talking with our bodies or image, intellect or knowledge, work experience, parenting, the myriad hobbies out there...need I go on? I think it's a universal human experience to struggle with insecurities. Let's see what we can do about them.

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Let's talk about purity culture today. This is something that I grew up when it was thriving, and it's still around today, but it's name has changed. If you experienced abstinence only sex education, are familiar with promise rings, have heard that men are more sexually active than women, that men are more visually stimulated than women, that you must remain a virgin until your married, that sex before marriage is one of the worst things you can do in your life, then you are familiar some of the many, MANY messages of Purity Culture. Let's look at it...

Let's talk about one of my favorite philosophies on life: don't yuck someone else's yum. It's something I've heard from several sources now, but my first experience was around 2010 when I was working through the backlog of Stuff You Should Know episodes where the podcast hosts Josh and Chuck shared this idea. This is a life philosophy that I operate with that has given me so much freedom and joy compared to what I learned growing up.

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Let's talk about another hero! This time, it's one of my favorite: Himura Kenshin. He's t he protagonist in the Rurouni Kenshin manga and anime and has been a favorite character of mine since I learned about him. What makes him an iconic hero in my eyes? Listen in to find out!

Please rate and review the podcast on Apple podcast, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app.

Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

Interested in working with me? Schedule a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/marcus-spaur/discovery-call

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Let's talk about hope this week. After the downer of an episode last week as I processed my fears for 2025, there's also hope to be found in everything that's going on. It's important that we don't succumb to fear and undermine opportunities to push forward. Hope can still be found even in the darkest of times. A large part of becoming the heroes of our own stories is to acknowledge the fears around us and strive forward with the hope for a better future for ourselves and those we love.

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Another year is coming to an end. If only I could be more thrilled about the prospect of another year. This episode was recorded not long after the elections in November and I had some difficult thoughts and feelings. Part of that is what I'm afraid of for the coming year. Don't worry, though. There will be some hope.

I fully expect to receive some backlash for what I have to say. However, I ask for compassion as I processed fear in this episode. The fear I felt, and still feel, is quite real. Only time will...

Let's talk about the difference between protagonists and antagonists. If you're like me, then you see protagonists as the heroes and antagonists as the villains. It's actually much more nuanced than that. Let's look at what they are and how we can relate to them.

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Website: https://www.betweenthecoverscoaching.com/

Interested in working with me? Schedule a free discovery call: https://calendly.com/marcus-spaur/discovery-call

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*Content warning: this episode discusses childhood sexual abuse and post-traumatic stress.

For this month's hero study, we're interviewing a friend of mine who fitting for the holiday season is a professional Santa portrayal artist. Mike Chapman is also a Christian recovery coach who works with men who have been sexually abused. He shares his story of healing through childhood trauma and what helped him get to where he is today.

If you are interested in connecting with Mike Chapman either for coaching or as a Santa portrayal artist, you can find him at the links...