The Responsive Family Sleep Podcast

You get your baby to sleep and feel accomplished. It’s time to get some stuff done or relax for a bit. Then 30, 40 minutes later, your baby wakes up and needs you. This is often called a false start. False starts are a common struggle, and this week’s episode I’m sharing a few thoughts and tips on them. I talk you through sleep pressure, regulation, circadian rhythm, development, and more!

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What should I do? I get this question a lot from parents, typically after giving them a few options for how to navigate their current sleep situation. It’s an understandable question, but often one that doesn’t have one clear answer. Many sleep situations have multiple good paths to take, and what a specific family should do depends on many factors. In this week’s episode, I’m talking about the many factors that impact the best path forward. When I work with families, I help them think through these factors while sharing my experience and perspective. There isn’t on...

How do you define healthy baby sleep? I bet you’ve been told it’s a baby who goes in their crib drowsy but awake, falls asleep independently, and sleeps through the night. That’s our cultural definition of healthy sleep, but it’s not a more developmentally informed, biologically based definition. In this week’s episode, I’m walking you through a better way to conceptualize healthy baby sleep. I’m also sharing a reminder that healthy and normal doesn’t mean easy or sustainable, and to always remember that modern life regularly undermines healthy sleep for us all. 

There are so many decisions we parents make every single day. It’s exhausting. And trying to make decisions in the middle of the night adds an extra layer of exhausting. Should we wait a few minutes, or go in right way? Is it ok to feed again? Who should respond? These are questions I hear from parents all the time. Sometimes nighttime needs are high, and there isn’t a clear and easy path towards lowering them in the immediate term. However, we can strategize ways to reduce that nighttime decision fatigue. That is what this week’s episod...

Is your little one super wiggly at bedtime? Do they have a hard time settling down and relaxing into sleep? Parents often think these littles need more calm (and sometimes that’s a factor) but they can also use more big body play. In this episode, my good friend, sleep coach, and OT Heather Boyd and I are talking about big body play for better bedtimes. We are digging into the reasons movement matters so much when it comes to settling down for sleep, and how sensory needs, regulation, and connection needs can all be met through big body mo...

We are taught to focus on reducing the number of night wakes to improve our sleep. And there is certainly a level of waking where bringing those wake ups down is going to help most parents sleep better. But an equally (if not sometimes more) important part of parent sleep is how quickly you are able to fall back asleep after responding to a night wake. In this episode I’m sharing 10 tips to help you fall back asleep more quickly and get better rest. Some are nighttime specific, and some take a bigger picture view. 

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Most parents want longer sleep stretches at night, and yet most sleep info on improving nighttime sleep doesn’t take into account protecting breastmilk supply. Balancing sleep goals and feeding goals is a big part of the work I do with families. And the truth is, there isn’t one solid answer to the question – how long can I go overnight between feeds (or milk removals) without negatively impacting my supply. It depends on your own biology, breast storage capacity, and feeding history. It depends on your feeding goals, your baby’s age, and whether we are talking a regular...

Sleep is an expression of so many factors. Babies and children have differing needs, capacities, and temperaments. Parents have differing needs, capacities, and temperaments. Goals aren’t the same from family to family and phase to phase. So, in this episode, I am talking you through my framework for how to make sleep easier in your family no matter your needs, capacity, temperament, or goals. This is the framework I use with the families I support across a range of goals because it helps keep us centered on your child as an individual, stay grounded in connection and developmental no...

So many commonly held sleep beliefs developed without any thought to breastfeeding needs and norms. As a result, a lot of common advice can complicate or undermine your nursing relationship or your milk supply. In this episode I’m talking you through some of the common signs that sleep info isn’t lactation informed or supportive. I hope it helps you spot strategies and beliefs that can hurt breastfeeding so that you can make informed decisions about both your sleep and feeding goals. 

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Everyone tells you to be consistent, but how do you know if it’s time to call quits on a change or strategy? Sometimes we jump from strategy to strategy too quickly and other times we feel pressure to push through, even when we know it feels like too much. In this episode, I’m talking you through 7 questions to ask yourself when you are deciding to  push through or make a change in approach. The questions are:

Getting a baby or toddler used to a new sleep space can be tricky, especially for more sensitive littles. Whether it’s the transition from bassinet to crib, crib to toddler bed or floor bed, or any other shift in sleep set up, crib play is a strategy I often recommend. In this episode, I’m talking you through the key points of crib play. 

I hope this episode gives you some practical tips to support your next sleep set up trans...

So many babies who struggle with sleep also struggle with transitions, with feeding, with going from zero to a million in a second. In this episode I’m exploring a different way of looking at sleep, feeding, and fussiness concerns with Kaili Ets, a colleague, sleep coach, and OT. Our conversation focuses on looking beneath the behavior at the nervous system. 

We talk about temperament, nervous system regulation, and capacity. Kaili shares tips for how to spot body tension in your baby and for supporting increased capacity. We talk through finding the why – why your baby is strug...

Have you hit a wall of exhaustion? Are you spinning in circles wondering what to do first? IN this episode, I’m talking you through 3 key things to do when you are beyond tired. Our brains tend to jump to big changes and drastic measures, but that’s often a bad idea because you don’t have the reserves to do it thoughtfully, assuming you even actually want to make that change. I talk you through prioritizing your sleep, being curious about what’s going on with your child (development, life busyness/being out of routine, sleep timings, etc. , and focu...

You need to teach your baby how to sleep. Give them the gift of good sleep skills. Do comments like this sound familiar? In this episode I’m unpacking the idea that we need to teach our babies to sleep. Hint, we don’t and can’t. I talk about sleep being an involuntary state that you don’t have conscious control over. I share some of the things you can influence to support falling asleep: sleep feeling safe, regulation at bedtime, and sometimes supporting through shifting routines and ways of falling asleep to maintain that safety and regulation.  

Is my child getting enough sleep? How much sleep does my baby need? These are common questions I get from parents, and they can create a lot of stress. The evidence I use to answer these types of questions always includes the National Sleep Foundation recommendations. So I was very excited to have Dr. Dzierzewski From the National Sleep Foundation on the podcast to talk about their latest annual poll focusing on sleep in the pediatric population, ages 0-13. I’ll be honest, some of these results really surprised me while others felt very in line with what I se...

Nursing to sleep and back to sleep is normal and healthy, but what happens when your baby or toddler just won’t unlatch! It’s one of the patterns I see push so many parents over the edge into not coping. In this episode I’m talking you through some tips for unlatching from night feeds. I share some specific tips for the moment of unlatching and also some bigger picture tips for how to manage over the course of the night. 

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Over the years I’ve worked as a sleep coach, I’ve seen long-term logging sleep become more and more common. But have you paused to reflect if logging sleep is helpful or harmful to your sleep or mental health? Is all that data actually useful? In this episode I’m talking you through the pros and cons of logging sleep. I hope this episode encourages you to be more intentional with logging, or even to stop all together if you notice some of the potential negative impacts. 

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As a parent, you are surrounded by all the shoulds, should nots, and strong opinions on how you should parent. When you are a responsive parent, it can feel like all that noise doesn’t align with your values. In this episode I’m joined by Claire Felps, a counselor specializing in acceptance commitment therapy, to talk about showing up as a responsive parent in a world that isn’t always supportive. We talk through a few different scenarios, walking you through some of the things we’d each consider with a client. Our conversation focuses on rules verses values...

It’s time for a safety focused episode. When can a baby sleep on their stomach? So many babies sleep better on their stomach, but when is it safe? In this episode I’m walking you through the safety guidelines and some things you can do to encourage baby to meet the milestones needed for safe tummy sleeping. 

Resources related to this episode

Pediatric PT /milestones IG accounts: @mommyandme.pt @nextsmallstep @milestones.and.motherhood 

AAP on tummy sleeping: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/sleep/Pages/a-parents-guide-to-safe-sleep.aspx<...

What does a baby need headed into a nap? Do they need a pre-nap routine just like they need a bedtime routine? In this episode I’m answering some common questions about pre-nap routines, how they can help, and how to make sure they aren’t limiting your nap flexibility. 

Connect with Kim 

Instagram: instagram.com/intuitive_parenting_dc
Facebook:  facebook.com/intuitiveparentingdc

Learn more about working with Kim: https://intuitiveparentingdc.com/

What does your baby’s tongue position have to do with their sleep? Actually, quite a bit. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Alison Sigal, a pediatric dentist and airway specialist,  for a conversation about airway health and sleep. I find this to be a really important and under talked about reason for frequent waking, feeding challenges, and unsettled behavior. We discuss:

Overtiredness is a common topic in the sleep world. Sometimes, it feels like it’s the answer to all sleep problems. I see so many parents anxious about overtiredness. In this episode, I’m sharing a deeper look at the overtired conversation. I will talk you through:

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I think we’ve all been there – your little one is not…settling down, stopping crying, letting you transfer them, falling asleep! And you are wondering why is it always this hard. The frustration builds, and you are getting dysregulated right along with your child. In this episode, I’m talking about the power of cognitively reframing the situation to help you regulate and better understand what your child needs. Last week’s episode talked about helping your nervous system feel safe and present. 

This episode discusses some tools to help your brain view the hard moments differently...

The way you take care of your nervous system influences how you show up to nurture and take care of your baby. In this episode, I’m joined by Jennifer Grove, a Nervous System Whisperer & Venting Coach, to talk about how you can show up for yourself in the overwhelming and intense early years of parenting. We discuss self care as regulation support and emotional release, not the traditional self care of doing pampering things for yourself. We talk through the concept of micro moments of regulation, and how you can bring intention and awareness to small activities you ar...

I talk with so many parents who are in a hard season of life. They feel bad that it’s so hard. That they aren’t coping better. They feel like it should be easier, come easier. Sometimes it’s hard because it is hard. In this episode, I’m talking about what to do when it’s hard. Sometimes there are ways to optimize  things to make life easier (and I love helping you do that!), but sometimes we need to stop expecting something hard to not be hard.

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We’ve all had one of these days – the first nap is rough, they fight the next nap, and it’s late afternoon and they’ve hardly slept. You're frustrated and dysregulated. They are tired and dysregulated. And you feel the impending doom of how bad bedtime and the night are going to be. In this episode I’m sharing a few ideas for how to survive because most of us have been there. Even with a solid nap rhythm, days like that are going to happen. 

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Night wakes are a normal part of nighttime parenting, and often they are more disruptive to parent sleep than baby sleep. Long wakes in the middle of the night are a particularly challenging experience. In this episode, I’m talking you through some common causes of split nights or long wakes in the middle of the night. I’ll also help you tease out the differences between transfer challenges  and true split nights. 

Resources related to this episode

Split night blog post:  https://intuitiveparentingdc.com/blog/2022/5/18/split-nights-what-they-are-and-how-to-handle-them

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You are told to leave your baby to cry by the sleep trainers. You are told to respond, and made to feel like you should have the answer to every cry by the no cry folks. You wonder if crying in arms is just as bad as CIO – and does it matter if you’ve done everything to soothe your little? In this episode I’m talking about crying, and sharing some perspective and context I hope will be helpful. Crying is communication, and our children need our support and loving presence, even when we can’t solve their problem...

Are you dreading the time when your toddler drops their nap? Wondering about quiet time? In this episode I’m sharing some insight and tips about quiet time. There are different ways families think about quiet time, and different set ups will work with different toddlers. And if quiet time feels impossible, I share some thoughts around working towards it and also a full confession that it never worked for my own kids 😊

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There are so many all or nothing messages about night feeds. Pressure to night wean early. Pressure to be 100% consistent. In this episode, I’m sharing my thoughts and some practical tips for how you can reduce night feeds without night weaning. I’m sharing some general night feeding norms  because that’s always the best starting place. I also share some thoughts around the decision to reduce feeds as it’s not always a straight forward decision. 

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Temperament is one of the biggest factors that shapes what kind of sleeper your baby or toddler is. It’s also one of the least acknowledged pieces of sleep in the sleep world. In this episode, I’m going over some key points about temperament that will help you view your little’s sleep with a bit more understanding. I touch on temperament traits, the dandelion orchid spectrum, and how various temperament factors impact your littles sleep and soothing needs. So many families I work with say that better understanding the temperament factor was a game changer for understanding why sl...

As new parents, you are trying to figure this whole parenting thing out, and as new grandparents, your parents are trying to figure the whole grandparenting thing out. And a lot has changed in the last several decades when it comes to parenting research, tools, and strategies. 

In this episode, I’m joined by parenting coach Sheena Hill to talk about responsive grandparenting and her new book The Grand Guide: Mindful Tools for Modern Grandparenting. We talk about the generational gap in parenting understanding and approaches, and how that gap can leave both parents and grandparents misunderstood and...

There are lots of rules shared about what makes a nap a good nap. Most of them aren’t true, or aren’t true as absolutes. In this episode, I’m busting some nap myths and sharing some thoughts around what makes a good nap for your baby or toddler. 

Connect with Kim 

Instagram: instagram.com/intuitive_parenting_dc
Facebook:  facebook.com/intuitiveparentingdc

Learn more about working with Kim: https://intuitiveparentingdc.com/

Breastfeeding is not the reason that other people can’t support your baby to sleep! And yet, it’s so often blamed for a parent preference around sleep. In this episode,  I’m talking you through why we see a feeding to sleep preference so often tied into a parent preference. There are  structural/family systems reasons as well as  regulation reasons, but also lots you can do to gently shift the pattern with intention. 

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Babies aren’t born regulating their circadian rhythm which means they don’t know their days from night in the early months. While time is a big piece of the puzzle, there are things you can do to help your baby’s emerging circadian rhythm and support better sleep. In this podcast episode I’m talking you through simple strategies to help your baby sort out their days from nights more quickly and set them up for a healthy circadian rhythm. 

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We need to do better as perinatal professionals when it comes to sleep information. To parents who are my main listeners, this episode highlights the most common misinformation shared about sleep from professionals so that you are more able to spot outdated and unhelpful sleep myths. For professionals because I know some of you are listeners too, this is information you need to know. It’s not about taking sides but about what is actually developmentally normal and evidence-based. Let’s move past sleep training culture to a world where parents baseline information is based in biology. That’s the on...

Your baby wakes, signals they need you,  and you respond to settle them back to sleep. This is a pretty standard part of most parents nights. What most people don’t realize is there are lots of small decisions you make about that interaction that can impact how rested you feel in the morning. In this episode, I’m sharing some points for you to consider when responding to night wakes. I want you to think about these factors well ahead of bedtime, and see if there are any tweaks or adjustments you can make to your nighttime parenting routi...

The other day I was reflecting on some of the struggles a few clients had shared with me, and how common their individual stories really were. As new parents, there’s so much pressure, guilt, and expectation that you should be doing it “right”. In this episode, I’m doing something a bit different and sharing the advice I wish every parent new as the mom of big kids. It’s not about what I chose to do or how I chose to do it. It’s about themes I see so many parents struggle with. I talk about leaning into...

Bedtime can be a really hard time of day for many families. If bedtime has been long, stressful, and feels like a battle, then this episode is for you! There are many reasons bedtime can turn into a struggle. In this episode I’m walking you through some of the most common reasons I see for challenging bedtimes. Bedtime can be a peaceful and connected time with our babies and toddlers. The key is evaluating where things aren’t working and being willing to experiment with new ideas. 

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Happy new year 

It’s January, and you may be thinking about bringing some order to the chaos that the holidays brought to your sleep routines. I’m sharing a from the archives episode on getting back on track after the holidays. I want you to feel ready to reclaim your normal rhythms or look ahead to new routines, and I hope this episode helps.

In this episode, I’m sharing some ideas for where to start as you work back to your regular routines, or try to establish new rhythms. This is a good time to...