Rude Roundtable
Step up to the Rude Roundtable.unfiltered, hilariously offensive, and entirely off the rails, this is the ultimate no-holds-barred conversation with your funniest mates. Whether dissecting medical miracles, roasting each other's lifestyle choices, or solving the nation's problems with sheer nonsense, no topic is off-limits and no feelings are spared.If you like your comedy crude, your banter sharp, and your topics completely unpredictable, pull up a seat and brace yourself.
113 - The Bandana Bandits
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Episode Summary
The hosts kick off the podcast by surviving a terrifying custom liquor infusion containing biltong, scotch bonnet peppers, and floating fat sediment.A brief detour into medical horrors leads to the terrifying realization that baby X-rays make infants look like tooth-filled xenomorphs.Driven by fears of sudden cyberattacks, store fridge hacks, and...112 - The Stinkiest One So Far
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Episode Summary
The gang reunites as a quartet, kicking off with a cursed debate on using Swarfega as an extreme, skin-stripping enema alternative.The boys bravely endure a shot of a stomach-churning "curry rum" concoction that looks like dehydrated piss and tastes like pure regret.Panic ensues after testing a chemical bacon-flavored concentrate that...111 - Infusion Confusion
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Episode Summary
The hosts kick off the show without Ted, debating the erotic appeal of ducks versus librarians and discussing a man who was devoured by a tiger after making poor life choices.In a moment of questionable decision-making, the team samples a fiery home-infused chilli tequila straight from the jar, rating it surprisingly tolerable despite...110 - Spak GPT
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Episode Summary
The crew concocted a horrific-looking "infusion" by cutting up homegrown Scotch Bonnets and throwing them into a jar of tequila with limes to sample on next week's show.A bizarre news segment covered a Las Vegas buffet thief caught hiding seven pounds of crab legs in her vagina and a man who...109 - Slappin' the Chicken
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Episode Summary
The crew debated the practicality of sci-fi body modifications before spiraling into a legally dubious plan to cook a chicken with thousands of slaps and forge a sword out of human blood.A deep dive into internet pranks and terms-and-conditions loopholes led to proposed ideas for their new website, including misleading buttons and hypothetical...108 - Arachnophobia & Ali G
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Episode Summary
The gang returns to discuss the high-octane sex and bottle-based violence of the TV show Banshee.The conversation devolves into nostalgic TV talk and the ridiculous costs of managing endless streaming subscriptions.Steve the spider crashes the set and throws everyone into a hilarious state of panic.The guys attempt to solve...107 - Bellows, Booze, and Bonnie Blue
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Episode Summary
The whole gang reunites after a wild, booze-fueled summer barbecue that naturally devolved into naked garden wandering and crawling up the stairs.A prospective new studio segment is hatched to infuse cheap alcohol with bizarre ingredients, ranging from Quavers and crab sticks to 90% ethanol.The crew unpicks bizarre global headlines, including a 45...106 - Wish You Were Here
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Episode Summary
(Or: Post-booze depression, human barbecues, and bacon joints.)
Hangover Regrets: John opens the show suffering from post-drinking remorse, complaining that hangovers turns him into a miserable cunt while being mocked for having the social battery of a dead phone unless he's utterly plastered.Morbid Coffin Pranks: The gang turns to...105 - Unsafe Space (Alco-John Returns)
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Here is a condensed, snarky breakdown of the madness:
Episode Summary
(Or: Drunken Freemasons, zero-G ejaculation, and three days of trapped shit.)
Freemason Hacks: Drinking Tango-Orange vodka, the hosts kick off by revealing one of them quit his Freemason lodge but still has total access to their atrocious website, planning...104 - Foxy Business
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Episode Summary
(Or: Goth daughters, AI data centers, and ancient Roman plumbing.)
Goth Kids & Rock 'n' Roll: The hosts catch up after a few weeks off, admiring a daughterâs transformation into a platform-boot-wearing goth who is mastering Nirvana and Oasis chords on a borrowed Telecaster.AI Overlords & Tattoo Artistry: The conversation tu...103 - Skeggy B
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Episode Summary
(Or: Synchronized shitting, penis dilators, and the horrors of Butlins.)
Episode Summary
(Or: Penis dilators, ghost dishwashers, and council estate raves at Butlins.)
Bodily Functions & Urethral Sounding: The hosts kick off the show by synchronizing their bowel movements and immediately revolting each other with a discussion...102 - Nostril Poppers
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Episode Summary
(Or: Bad drugs, nonced teachers, and wanking off pandas.)
Festival Nostalgia: The crew reminisces about early metal festivals, including a 1998 Cradle of Filth set where the singerâs scream literally summoned a apocalyptic thunderstorm that ended the second the music stopped.Bad Trips & Granddadâs High: Tales of teenage drug mish...101 - Weirdy & The Vegan
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Episode Summary
(Or: Juggernaut suits, David Hasselhoff encounters, and PokĂŠmon card pensions.)
1. Pride Month Budgets & Southend Knights: The gang fumes over local event cancellations and pitches a solution to Southendâs social media knife threats involving an undercover cop dressed in full, clanking medieval armor.2. Bitchinâ Mods & Biffa Bin Ninja Duels: After...100 - MK3 (it sounded fine at the time)
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Closing music - Belesduna
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Episode Summary
(Or: Defrosted sausages, accidental shits, and Denzel Washington hatred.)
1. Audio Fails & Episode 100-ish: The hosts kick off their milestone episode by complaining about room heat, bad sofa positioning, and the dozens of lost, unusable episodes hidden in their archives.2. Epstein Lists & Creepy Garden Gnomes: The gang gets distracted by guest...099 - T.R.TED
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Section Breakdown
Audio Fails & Dark Humor: The hosts test their microphones, exchange offensive jokes, and hype up a local butcher's meat deal.Halal, Kosher & Desert Pigs: The guys debate the ethics and taste of Halal vs. Kosher meat slaughter before wondering why pigs don't live in the desert.Vampire Jesus & Mountain Goats: The crew...098 - Turkey Tits
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The boys are back after a brief hiatus with a classic chaotic episode:
Holiday Debrief: One host returns from a miserable 10-day family trip to Spain involving rental car scams and zero fun, while another boasts about a lavish 5-star Turkish resort complete with a "puffer fish massacre" boat trip, aggressive Russian buffet-goers, and...097 - Uncle Baby
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The boys gather once again for another unfiltered session of medical mishaps, bizarre theories, and parenting chaotic toddlers:
Conspiracies & Whale Spaff: The episode kicks off with wild internet claims about Madeleine McCann, Ghislaine Maxwell, and Epstein, before quickly pivoting to sperm whale facts, 12-foot whale dicks, and "ambergris" floaters.Spinal Decompression & Medical Woes: One...096 - Clapham He Man
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The hosts return (sans John) for another chaotic breakdown of immersive London attractions, pop culture rants, medical embarrassments, and extreme internet kinks:
War of the Worlds Immersive Experience: One host shares his experience at Londonâs War of the Worlds VR attractionâcomplete with live actors, Martian heat-rays, virtual Thames boat escapes, and getting swal...095 - Trail Mix
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The hosts broadcast live from their secret bunker to tackle the impending apocalypse, global conflict, bizarre medical procedures, and fast-food fallouts:
Global Chaos & World War III Prep: The boys open with mass death, WWIII anxiety, and Trump's "Secretary of War" vibeâhighlighting US torpedoes sinking Iranian warships, Chinaâs terrifying hydrogen missile threats, and why...094 - My Wallets Gone?!
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Bunker Banter, Bad Farts & The Enhanced Games
Haircuts & Cash Washing: The boys start one man down because one host is terrified of the wind (or getting a haircut), which naturally devolves into sunbed habits, Vitamin D deficiencies, and buying a tanning salon to launder money.BAFTA Tourette's & Social Suicide: Recapping the chaos of a...093 - Card Only
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Closing music - Belesduna
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Cider Cravings, Creepy Cars & AI Feet Pic Cartels
Traffic Torture & Cider Supplies: The boys kick off by complaining about soul-crushing London traffic bottlenecks (thanks to bus lane designs) while prepping for a trip to York with a casual 20 liters of mango ciderâcompletely torpedoing one host's six-week diet in the process.Sinister Disney & Serial Ki...092 - Crunchy Buttholes
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Closing music - Belesduna
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TTouretteâs Courtroom Drama, Fake Lawyers & Cereal Warfare
Tourette's Magic & Wedding Vows: The boys dissect viral Touretteâs videos, marveling at the uncanny comedic timing, uncontrollable triggers, and a bride dropping inappropriate Dick jokes right in the middle of her wedding vows.The ÂŁ250 Subscription Cull: One host finally audits his bank statement to discover he wa...091 - Fart In a Lunchbox
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Summary: Loud Farts, Dog-Sized Bears & Public Toilet Horrors
The Explosive Aftermath of Mint Abuse: A laxative-fueled ropey Chinese and mint binge leads to a world-record car-side fart, complete with dubstep reverberations and near-fatal public toilet wafts in front of office colleagues.Oktoberfest Regrets & ÂŁ15 Pints: The gang breaks down their recent ÂŁ250 Oktoberfest debaucheryâfeaturing terrible 45-minute drink queues, VIP area brawl temptations, and the...090 - Tapeworms on Meth
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Closing music - Belesduna
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Episode Summary: Gym Agony, Tapeworm Diets & AI Metal
Getting Old and Broken: The boys kick off by complaining about their decaying bodies, cracking joints, and the harrowing realization that simple running feels like an impending heart attack.The Fitness and Weight Loss Struggle: Gavin shares his 11-pound weight loss success through meal replacement shakes, while the...089 - Coyle Spoiled It
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Episode Summary: Shower Farts, Lorry Mishaps & Geopolitics
The crew kicks off by pondering the horrifying physics of shower farts and the terrifying potency of high-protein diets.Ted details his new career driving heavy lorries, which mostly consists of dodging traffic lights and accidentally demolishing van headlights.Gavin recounts his utter public humiliation...088 - And a Happy New Year
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Episode Summary: New Year Wishes, Geopolitics & Allotment Dreams
The crew kicks off the new year in typical fashion by arguing over whether this is their third annual dry run and admitting they still haven't managed to hit 100 episodes.John's accidental, marathon New Year's voice message leaves everyone questioning his sobriety while the gang fondly...087- Merry Christmas
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Episode Summary: Lube Blunders, Body Oddities & Festive Piss-Takes
The gang kicks off without John, immediately diving into horrific DIY lube disasters, the agony of Vaseline wanks, and Ted's upcoming gig playing Santa Claus.A deep dive into weight loss injections and body weight struggles devolves into a breakdown of male testosterone drops, awkward cocoa...086 - The Lost Episode
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Episode Summary
The gang kicks off without John, immediately diving into ruined motorbikes, snapped car subframes, and Ted's recent trips to Spain.A debate about the North Magnetic Pole and how compasses work rapidly devolves into chaotic banter about midget fights and Jason Statham's movie career.Terry shares his experience tattooing at a Bedford...085 - A Sound in The Distance
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Episode Summary
The boys start off full of road-rage complaints about terrible drivers and missing host Ted, who is busy working up in Islington.John recaps his flat battery disaster at work, which ended in a rescue by the office cleaner's boyfriend and an unnecessary victory lap around Basildon.Gav reveals his grand plan...084 - Livin Off The Land
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Episode Summary
The conversation quickly degenerates into the lucrative world of weird OnlyFans niches, featuring $100k foot-pic empires and male dominatrix career path ideas.Gav shares his outrage over pushy phone salesmen and the tragic story of an old man attempting to photograph his pub pie and chips.A wild Tesco wizard sighting in...083 - Injecticles
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Episode Summary
The gang opens with absurd medical misadventures involving vasectomies, bacon-scented cauterization, and an MRI machine so tight it nearly required an equestrian scanner.A round of dark "Would You Rather" questions leads to heated debates over fighting clone armies, exploding puppies, and floating through space forever on a futon.The show wraps...082 - Disorganised Moshpit
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RIP Sam Rivers đ
Episode Summary
The hosts open the show short-handed without Terence, taking full advantage of his absence to attempt a rare, coherent conversation about traffic jams, terrible roads, and French riots.The crew reminisces about their chaotic past playing in heavy metal bands, including performing inside a UFC cage, playing pig...081 - Kanine Cousin
Release the nonsense!
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Episode Summary
The hosts open the show with a passionate debate on classic movie franchises like Mad Max and dream up their ideal end-of-the-world vehicles before spiraling into local food truck rivalries and the best greasy kebabs in town.The crew unpicks the struggles of getting older, complaining about aching bodies, mid-40s health checks, random Brighton street raves, and plans for a chaotic wizard-themed drinking card game.They...080 - Alien Earth Discussion (spoilers)
Sans Gav, the boys discuss season 1 of Alien Earth.
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Episode Summary
The hosts kick off the show by breaking down the new Alien: Earth series, questioning why xenomorphs are now standing around swaying and being trained like household pets.They debate the convoluted lore of the Alien, Blade Runner, and Predator universes, arguing that the series felt more like a rushed corporate drama with space bugs than a proper sci-fi horror.The...079 - Brown Eye Atlas
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Episode Summary
The hosts open the show with a wildly unhelpful analysis of global geopolitics, imagining their absent co-host handling Middle Eastern diplomacy by charging in with medieval battle axes.The crew tackles the horrors of modern economics and government control, pointing out that apocalyptic news headlines never match real life and joking that...078 - Left Turn Only
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Episode Summary
Ted missed the podcast to babysit, leaving the rest of the crew to debate whether finding randomly drawn dicks on desks, roofs, or Ninja Turtles is high art or workplace drama.The conversation seamlessly transitions from accidental heroic catches at baseball games to accidentally catching a golf ball with your palm and...077 - Wild Wild West
Westerns, Hulkamania, Gas chambers & Asteroids.
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Episode summary
The gang kicks off with pure dread over Hollywood's upcoming reboots, utterly offended that Drop Dead Fred and The NeverEnding Story are being touched without Rick Mayall.A deep dive into metal and rock royalty devolves into wild tales of Ozzy Osbourne licking up vomit, shitting in his hands, and accidentally creating an entire music genre while high off his rocker.The crew uncovers the...076 - Turd Reynolfds
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Episode Summary
The gang returns from a long hiatus and immediately derails into a discussion about a German theme park where the roller coasters are aggressively efficient and terrifyingly fast.The crew debates the horrors of theme park trips to Paris and Florida before swapping holiday stories, including a catastrophic, stomach-churning boat ride to...075 - Steve The Spider
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Episode Summary
The show kicks off with absolute chaos as the group fixates on a giant "thick bitch" spider in the studio corner and names it Steve.A deep dive into mythology leads the gang to debate if modern Christianity is just post-Ragnarok Norse retelling, mixed with a bizarre theory about human calendars.The...074 - Uncle Bean
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Episode Summary
The crew kicks off by complaining about the ungodly, muggy summer heat and reminisces about getting verbally abused by a rogue, trash-talking robot at a local car show.A deep dive into public driving hazards quickly turns into a debate on why all modern lollipop ladies have somehow transformed into burly metalheads...