RAWHONEY

I got this from Latto from Rhythm and Flow, this was what she was saying a lot, and damn did it resonate so much! 

This is just one of the many nuggets I got from the show. I loved it so much, I resonated with it so much, I learned so much, and I'm applying so much to my life that I HAD to share what I learned. 

Listen for five nuggets that you can use in your life RIGHT NOW and watch your life change. 

I've got so much to say about this, but here's 9 minutes of it for you!

You're not toxic, you're just traumatized.

You don't have a problem, just a pattern.

When you see things about you as a "problem", it's less likely that you'll feel empowered to change. You're more likely to choose to believe that it's "just who you are". 

When you see it as just a pattern, you're more likely to believe that you can just change this pattern. 

There is nothing wrong with you. And whenever you're re...

humans are mostly afraid of their own feelings. period. 

there's so much to say around this topic but at the end of the day, if someone wants to continuously be stuck in the same cycle and not want to change, then that's the way it's going to be. 

BUT, my hope is for those who's sick and tired of feeling sick and tired of being in the same vicious cycles, bringing up the same vicious pain... who WANT to find ways OUT of living the insane cycles of suffering, to hear this one out! 

Seriously, this is no way to live! Making mistakes are normal, and when you do, you don't have the spend the rest of the day, week, month, your whole life wondering if anyone else noticed your mistake and that they're thinking "this" "that" or "the other" about you! 

You don't have to go through your days wondering if you're going to "be exposed", or "found out that you don't know shit." 

Your worth is never dependent on your mistakes/failures. EVER. 
As much as your EGO wants you to believe that, it all depends on...

Hey beautiful people! I loved talking about this, I went IN because I've had to privilege to look at my own little green monster. I've learned to see this little monster in such a new light, and whereas it used to rule my life and it used to alter my mood constantly, it's used to put me in SUCH depressive moods, I can safely say that I've formed a better relationship with this little monster. 

It doesn't affect me as it used to, although I cannot say that the little monster no longer exists. Here's the thing, i...

DISCLAIMER - This episode is definitely not meant to promote being your biggest cheerleader so that you can resent others as you DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF. You can be your BIGGEST cheerleader AND be surrounded many other LOVING cheerleaders

I hate to break it to you (but I will because I love you)... because I was at a point in my life where I thought the ultimate goal was to be someone who would NEVER have ANY fears come up for her anymore. LOL. I really thought it was possible. 

I've since learned that the goal is to be FEARLESS, but to HAVE FEARS, AND GO AFTER THE DAMN THING ANYWAY!

This is the best description of being BRAVE, of being COURAGEOUS. And it's the best way to show that you TRUST YOURSELF. 

"Cause I can't trust nobody. Nobody will understand me. I'll just be let down. People will think I'm not as strong as I portray myself." 

I get that you think it's just gonna be easier if you don't ask for help, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU FEEL SUPPPPPERRRR LOW. I get it I get it! If you were to tell me I've gotta ask for help when I feel low, it's like pulling out my teeth. So I hear ya, I get it!

I've realized recently that I asking for help and support actually lightens the load I...

I can hear you now! You're telling me it's not true because, "How come I expect to be a millionaire, but I'm not yet a millionaire?" It's because on some level, you don't actually believe that you are worthy of becoming a 7, 8, 9-figure earner. 

It's what you believe about yourself at the core, the deepest beliefs that you hold about yourself and your capabilities are what's manifested in your life today.

So you can say all day what you "want", but whether you truly believe you are worthy of it or not is what dictates w...

You know that little voice inside your head? The one that sounds so freakin familiar and it's constantly telling you this and that about yourself, about others, about all the things that's going on around you? 

Is it being mean or nice to you? Do you notice what you're actually telling yourself? 

I've got to be honest. It's got to be the one of the scariest, and at the same time, very liberating feeling when I catch how I actually talk to myself, and news flash, I can be very mean to myself. 

So...

Ahhhh, I can be so good at making sure I don't hear "no"! Perhaps that's why I developed the need to be perfect, because perhaps being perfect meant I wouldn't hear "no". But are "no's" really that bad? It all depends on what you make it mean. When you say you are afraid of rejections, what are you really saying? You're probably really saying that you're afraid people may find out there's SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. So you're avoiding "no" because it may trigger internal feelings of unworthiness. Running away from no won't solve the problem. Change how you...

How would others have to change in order for you to feel good? You feel like they're not putting in the effort to connect? You feel like they're not acting loving, open, appreciative of you? It must make you feel bad... Hence why you wish they were different towards you. I get it.

So now, are you going to sit and wait for them to be different? Are you just going to wait for them to be more loving towards you, more open, more relaxed, more connected?

Or... Are you going to learn to GIVE...

Are you always waiting for the next thing to happen, for you to acquire in order to do more and to feel good? Are you continuously waiting for that next vacation? That next degree? That next $1000 in your bank account to feel good? Are you waiting until you're a millionaire in order to feel happy about yourself? 

Have you ever considered FEELING good FIRST, then you execute whatever it is you get to execute, and THEN HAVING all that your heart's ever desired?

What if the secret is in learning how to get yourself to f...

Your mind is going to SCREAM at you to stop and sit down. It wants you to be comfortable when you're getting ready to go after your dreams. When you're doing what's best for you, your mind will hop in and DO ITS THANG. It's gonna tell you you're not cut out for it, and it's gonna serve so many, "What if's" that you can't help it but to answer back sometimes. If you're gonna answer back, instead of agreeing with all the negative possible outcomes, you're gonna scream, "I'm GONNA DO IT ANYWAY. WATCH ME." Always go back...

Get your ass back up! I know it's been rough, it's been tough and you feel like you're back to square one. You may feel like you're not cut out for this path you've chosen, you may feel tired of anticipating the long and windy road ahead of you, but "DAMN IT!" I TELL YOU! You've come WAY too far to just sit our butt down like this. You're destined to continue. SHINE ON, BABY! Listen to this and be fueled with all the energy again!

It hurts because we've been hurt one too many times. The pain cuts so deep that we vow to never give anyone the power to hurt us ever again. What we don't realize when we operate with that mindset is that we're also not allowing anyone to truly connect with us and love us in the way that we deserve. Living with abandoment wounds is no fun, because as much as we want real relationships (partnership & friendships), we are equally as afraid of the "what if?" What if it doesn't work out and what if I end up hurt...

Really, I catch myself wondering how my actions and words will come across through the eyes of OTHERS. As if it matters? I mean, I can easily say that I don't want it to affect me, but I get to really look at it and see that it does sway my choices/decisions sometimes, and that's a big NO NO. 

If you too also care about what others will think about your actions, words, the way you show up in the world, know you are NOT alone. AND there are things you can do and steps you c...

It's easy to point out when others are wrong. We say things like, "What the fuck? Really? They're really doing that? How could they? What's wrong with them? That's so weird, that's so disgusting, I can't believe they just said/did that." It's easy to judge others for the things they choose to do. And it's hard to admit, but when we are judging other people and their actions, we are essentially showing that we are hating certain parts about ourselves. The more mean you are to others, the more mean you are to yourself. Your inner dialogue, the...

The answer is ALL the things. ALL the things and your life will COMPLETELY change. All the things you wanted for yourself will come and flow more naturally when you learn to love and accept WHO YOU ARE AT THE CORE. You walk about with more confidence, you are present, you find joy in the little things, you connect to truly genuine, amazing, supportive and loving people, you are less triggered, and you TRULY believe you are WORTHY of ALL the good things. Not only will you THINK and KNOW it, your actions will all follow suit, and so...

Not a fun feeling, giving your power away huh? But you find you can't just help it sometimes when you get triggered by someone? You swear that that person's out to get you and they meant to do that thing that is pissing you off so much, or is making you disappointed, mad. You're making it about you when you get triggered, and I just want to say that it's normal. But, there's a way to remember that actually, it's never about you. When you understand this, you give away your power less, and you maintain your peace, which...

Is there anything within you that's telling you that maybe you're settling in life? If so, is it worth listening to it? Can you identify how you got yourself in that position in the first place? Ahhh, so many questions, but the main point here is that the Universe has conspired and is conspiring to bring you THE BEST. So no, actually you DON'T get to settle! AHHHHH, BE EXCITED FOR THE BEST THING OUT THERE FOR YOU! You deserve it ALL!

Do you really want to have what you want in your life? Because you 100% deserve to. If you don't care for it or you're not going after it, it's due to your fears. Although you get to have fears because you're human, I'm human, we're all human, it's VALID, you still get to step into your power and CLAIM everything that's yours. Damn, it's out there just waiting to be claimed, but we just wanna sit here with all our excuses! I get it, I TOTALLY get it! I robbed myself of being able to LIVE LIFE all due...

Are you like me in that you are always comparing yourself to other people? How do you look compared to them? How TOGETHER do you have it compared to them? How much money do you make compared to them? What's your education level compared to them? If they are "BETTER" than you in any of those, you feel like shit? Inferior? 

So then do you feel the compulsive need to try to prove that ACTUALLY you ARE better? How do you do it? You find that you put then down, thinking that they're actually "not all that?" D...

All I can say is UH OH. UH OH, because as I reflect back on everything I've been through, I can see that the times I made poor choices were all the times in which I did not have trust in myself and trust in the power of the whole damn Universe. THE UNIVERSE HAS GOT YOUR BACK, and I don't say this lightly. The power which created this whole world and everything that happens within it, this intelligence is in each and every one of us, and it wants TO GUIDE US. When we don't trust ourselves, we...

Do you catch yourself asking yourself this all the time? I've recently become more aware that this is how I talk to myself.. I'm aware I have this need to have to do things A CERTAIN way in order to feel good about myself. But wait a minute. This is called being controlling. It's the inability to accept that things can happen any other way. This is definitely not an energy that we want to operate from. I sure as heck don't want to keep operating from this energy, from this space. The goal is to truly be able...

It's been called many things - letting go, accepting, surrendering. And as much as I've heard these terms, I finally am understanding how to do it. I've come to find that the quicker I come to terms and accept MY FEELINGS, the quicker I can work through what's actually bothering me, the quicker I can get results, feel better & attain peace. 

Why must I wait months or even years to acknowledge my feelings and in the meantime, why must I put myself through the pain and agony and suffering of having to suppress/hide them? Keeping these f...

When was the last time you sat down and was overwhelmed by HOW FAR YOU'VE COME?! Because I can guarantee you've come SO FAR. I know because you're here :) And you've never given up! They say the rear-view mirror is smaller than the windshield in front of you in the car for a reason - it's so you don't spend so much time looking BEHIND YOU, EXCEPT to realize where you came from and how far you've come. So if you haven't done so in a while, I'm here to remind you that it's so good for your soul...

These uncomfortable emotions really got me doing whatever I can to try to quiet them so that I wouldn't have to feel them. In society nowadays, we definitely do NOT have a shortage of things we can reach out to in order to quiet these emotions. I don't blame myself for trying to run away from these damn emotions, but I've seen first-hand what it can do to my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. It's not pretty. I'm really good at choosing negative coping mechanisms. I'm here to let you guys know that I'm still learning to SIT...

You ever feel like things seem to be better back then, or perhaps things will be better in the future? Ever constantly look to the past/future because the NOW and PRESENT just feels like something is MISSING/LACKING? I try not to operate from this space, but I fall into the trap of thinking that what I had back then was better than now, or that I still need to do so much in order to BE something or BE somewhere. It's a trap to think that I'll feel better once I get there. Well, I may feel...

As much as I don't want to showcase and admit that I slipped into depression once again, there is an even stronger sense for me to do it. I am human, and I choose to embrace every single experience I go through. I know that by being vulnerable and open, I am helping others around me, and I am giving permission for them to be open and vulnerable. The other way is to resist, neglect and suppress our experiences, including the depressive episodes that we feel as humans. 

I wanted to share my experience with you all s...

I really enjoyed recording this podcast. I've been the toxic one, I've been with toxic partners, I've tolerated toxic friendships so everything I said came straight from experience, and it came from my soul. I know there so many of us out there who can relate to this topic!

Why do we do tolerate toxicity although it kills us, makes us feel so uncomfortable because it's so unstable, it's unhealthy and it brings us down? Seriously? Because, truthfully speaking, if we believe in our worth, then we understand that we deserve only that which is healthy, supportive...

Just because you shine more, it doesn't mean my light is DIM. Let's SHINE TOGETHER SIS! As a woman, I find great joy when I get the chance to empower other women! I enjoy lifting you up, and I enjoy reminding you of the INFINITE POWER that YOU POSSESS! I know what it feels like when other women uplift me, so I want nothing more than to be able to uplift other women! Come here, let me fix your crown and send you off more empowered, more confident that you were before we interacted! 

Ouuu this is a big one! I grew up as a first generation Asian American, born and raised in California by parents who were born and raised in Vietnam. Problems came up in the household a lot of times due to the clash between what I'm taught to believe and embrace by my parents and culture versus what actually sits right with who I am at the core.

To be in this position is to truly to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. Many times, the questions beg, "Do I satisfy my culture and...

Do ya know anyone who's super controlling? Maybe it's you? I'll raise my hand and say it's me! I've got controlling tendencies that I'm very aware of, that I get to love myself through. This episode dives into why it is that we tend to be controlling. What is this a response of? Why do we do this? And is there anything we can do about it? The answer is ABSOLUTELYYYY! Listen to find out more! 

People are going to judge me everywhere, all the time. What do I do with this information? Either I fear everyone's judgment and try to control how I look to them, to "ensure" they'll like me, OR I show up as myself, authentically regardless of what anyone thinks, feels or says. :) There is SO MUCH POWER in choosing the latter! 

It's a work in progress, but damn this new way of thinking brings so much freedom! I remind myself that I always have a choice!

What does it mean to love myself?

It's so easy to love myself when I feel good, when I look good, when I feel like I'm on top of the world & when I feel unstoppable.

But... What about when I feel shitty, when I'm down in the dumps, and when I'm reminded of all the ugly parts about myself.. What then? 

It's a work in progress, but I'm learning to love even these parts about myself. Parts that I am so good at resisting, parts I try to push away and TRY SO H...

We all know what it feels like to fall off track. We've all been there. So we understand how hard it can be to get back to it!! Our mind & ego plays tricks on us and it's got us feeling like we don't deserve to get back to trying! But punch that sucker in the neck because YES WE DO. We deserve to, and actually have everything it takes to get back on track, and it do it BIGGER AND BETTER than we've ever done it! 

The future is so exciting! What if this time, you're going t...

Jealousy and envy is a feeling that I'm sure no one wants to feel. I, for sure, don't. As a matter of fact, I hate it when it comes up. But I remind myself that I'm human and that it's a natural tendency to compare myself to others. Whenever I feel "less than", I find it very easy to begin to envy the person "that made me" feel less than. First off, no one is making you feel anything. Anything that comes up is already inside you. It just took that person to show you what it is you...

What are you using to fill your void? What do you need to happen in order to feel happy? Are you even aware that you are covering up feelings of low self-esteem, feelings of low self-worth with everything that is OUTSIDE of you? But really, does the alcohol, more material things, that new car, new house, new vacation, that 6-figure paying job.... Do they provide lasting happiness  and do they really make you feel.. WORTHY? ENOUGH? 

What if I told you that all you need in order to feel worthy, in order to show up authentically powerful is...

I know most of us catch ourselves trying too hard.. Trying too hard to get this or that, and perhaps all the effort doesn't help us achieve what we want. So then WHY try so hard, right? Well, I know why, and I freaking love myself for it! And so should you :).