CORN DOWN Prank Calls

Something was up with the audio in this CORNDOWN. It kept going silent. Pretty sure that’s not normal. Things aren’t just supposed to go silent. One thing that isn’t silent? The lawnmower; it’s going nuts. Wastedmemory is here this week, and he’s getting odd photos and videos of his KF Chicken products, and the staff is on the defense. I’m getting weird AI results when scanning the chicken… shrimp? Probably because they use instant chicken. They won’t even let us schedule an HR meeting, which is pretty darn weird. But you know one thing we do...

Managers at fast food places are supposed to have roadside assistance to protect the customers that travel through their drive thru. In this gripping episode of CORNDOWN, we expose businesses not maintaining this simple standard. It doesn’t really work as a premise. Whuppy and I dabble in getting our chickens put down, which works a little better. Then wastedmemory shows up and saves the show by using the app to quit a job he doesn’t have. Classic. From there, the show gets intermerged with peas and carrots. First I try to order some, then I don’t want a...

This CORNDOWN picks up quickly. Then whuppy has an ongoing issue, and no one is doing anything to help. This persists for another forty minutes. Then we’re back to picking me up, it really shouldn’t be that big of a deal, I don’t weigh that much. We also get some employees to wipe down. You have to wipe down. In the second half, we get picked up rather than trying to get them to pick us up. It’s an important distinction, trust me. I test a theory, wasted deals with male housekeepers, Tiff has crickets, and Wild...

This is a bad episode; It’s covered in scum. There’s chicken scum, and scum on the buns. Whuppy tries to do a bit on the issue but it doesn’t work out due to packet loss. Scum, scum, scum. There’s scum everywhere. And I think they’re heating the buns? Whuppy also discovers if you say “coffee cup”, everyone will hang up on you. I try to get some people to ride the bus with me, we talk trucks with rosin, and a little more scum. I also have a long call with a girl who has to google...

I failed on this one, BIG TIME. First off, I failed to order, then whuppy failed to do a bunch of stuff. This most certainly does not meet my personal standards, and I am officially apologizing. Shortly after that, some animals got bit in the parking lot, which is not normal. There’s even a chance the manager is hitting customers and employees, which some might say is a failure to manage properly. Then we move on to hotels, and I fail to hotel completely. Rosin gets his credit card information stolen, and hootis encounters a beast. Naturally, this le...

This is definitely a double pump’d episode. It starts off with some lost food, some old food, a display model, and setting it to all 9s, then we get into the double pumping. You can’t just let customers double pump like that. It’s bad for business. On top of that? I get chicken face, and from not even that much chicken. It just sucks. It’s around this time that I get a notification on my phone that a groundhog is walking on the grass. From there we try to throw some bandaids away, but its not easy...

It’s Mark’s last day, but not for the reason you might think. Things get dark. It’s whuppy’s fault. You gotta check on your inactive employees, not check your brakes in the drive thru. We also prevent bad brand association by taking food from homeless persons. That’s about when the employee puts their fingers in my mouth. It’s not that big of a deal, I’m not even mad. Whuppy gets his eye touched and that leads to pinkeye. So I try to take a minute to just wait before the call starts, but a couple place...

Why is it so hard to pay full price? It seems like they’re always forcing promotional discounts on you, and I hate it. It’s a really problem issue. Wastedmemory also discoveres you get in trouble with the police when you give chicken to children. And you go straight to jail if you give chicken to the police. If the police do not want the chicken, do not give the police the chicken. They’ll just use the smell as probable cause to search your car and put you in handcuffs over chicken. It just Sucks. Like the classi...

This show starts with a blocked bike lane. This is not only incredibly unsafe, but it’s annoying and I hate it. You have to keep the bike lane cleared. But every single call picks up. That never happens. Weird. From there, in the process of getting our orders notarized, wastedmemory and I notice that the store doesn’t want to touch our ID cards. No one wants to touch mine for sure, and no one will even look at wasted’s. This keeps up until the halfway point, plus or minus a five or ten minute thing. On the se...

A lot of this episode of CORNDOWN takes place in the bathroom. A lot of this episode of CORNDOWN has to do with hair. As such, the first calls are all about finding hair in the bathroom, which evokes some bad vibes and leads way to being scared in an empty bathroom. From there, whuppy and I work on hiring someone that looks just like us, and eventually give up on that and just swap out with Jeff. In the second half, the gas station bathrooms are still empty, there’s latency at the gas station and people are ge...

Listen, I don’t know what you think I saw, but I didn’t. I didn’t see anything. And that’s what we’re telling people on the phone. I saw nothing, I’m not going to say anything. This makes a lot of people apprehensive. Wastedmemory can’t feel anything though, which isn’t normal. This leads to an important question; If I saw nothing, what do I tell the police? This also agitates people. A bit later, whuppy gets us started painting stripes on things to reduce crime (obviously). Wild One wants to bring a chair to sell firework...

This is probably the most normal episode ever, and there isn’t any heavy editing. It starts by returning a page we received on our beeper. This leads me to remembering I was banned from Hooters last night, and seeing how it affects other businesses. Wasted and I dabble in some light flashlight usage and deal with drive thu warning signs. From there, we further explore flashlight usage, encounter some maintenance psychos, fix a few trees, feel unneeded, and get a pep talk from John. It was a very normal show. You can’t prove otherwise.

This show...

The first call is about Schwebel’s bread, which is a 120+ year old local bakery, and they announced they were shutting down shortly after this call. I thought they were a national label. I didn’t mean to get them shut down. I’m sorry. Other than that we’re shooting for 100% on this show. We try to 100% a bunch of Arby’s. They don’t like it. They don’t even let us go for 50-75%. What’s wrong with these freaks? We ask about sister sandwiches/stores and sandwich breads and buns. We try to 100% some gas stations too, bu...

I really don’t have a great reason, but this CORNDOWN seems to revolve around nail clippings. I’m not particularly proud of this. Luckily, whuppy gets things wet, and we grab some (personal) information on the chicken, or this would have been all clippings. There is a good amount of dealing with wet things actually, such as wet chicken, wet bowls, wet rooms, and classic warm and wet. Other than that, Snappy Bakes has some gay dogs, Tiff knows all fifty states, and I’ve been keeping my toilet paper in a bag rather than flush it. That’s about...

This show starts out with a few grapes, a little encouragement, and then a SERIOUS doublecross. Our famous bowls are all messed up, with wrong ingredients and incorrect operation, slamming into the frame at a forty five degree angle. From there, it’s salamanders. Pretty much all salamanders. We got normal salamanders, service salamanders, hotel salamanders. All kinds, really. Couple little lizards too. It’s pretty neat. You should check it out.

This show is made possible by donations from listeners like you. If you enjoy what you hear, please consider donating via patreon or paypal!

joi...

This show starts off strong, as I get a B King to mail a Whopper to my PO box to replace a scratched bun. This leads to wastedmemory having a scratched bag and a creased reciept, and I deal with a pen marked bag. We dabble with some burger sports before discovering the effectivness of reporting non-emergencies. A lot of employees are covering the phone reciever, and that’s not an emergency. There’s all kinds of stuff going on with Benadryl, and that’s not an emergency either. By the end of the show, some shit happens, but we get...

Ever got gravy on your neck? Did it leave a tattoo? Of course it did, so you’ll understand the first batch of calls. We also deal with returning calls we never actually got, and move gravy around between KF Chickens like its our job. There’s tall ones, Wild One’s, and I think Tiff is probably a dude with a voice changer. Rosin gets water in his tires, and then I get Pepsi in mine. We play hide and seek, eat on the toilet, mess with some cookies and mailboxes, and we’re out.

This show is...

Well, what we have here is a heavily goblin themed show. It starts out with red lights across the board, and settings askew. A goblin is blamed, and then focused on for several calls ranging from goblin meat to a goblin shopper. I do have the surprisingly legitimate premise of telling places we prepaid at the gas station, and we get a loty of mileage out of that. Then back to goblins. We deal with goblin holes, goblins in the parking lot, found goblins lost goblins, until we’ve done literally every goblin call. From there it’s just a ma...

The first half is all KF Chicken. We, or rather I start this CORNDOWN with a couple of loose sacks and a classic stuck lid or two. From there I explore the topic of mullet chickens before Whuppy joins in to order some Mullet Chicken of his own. Then we move on to cubes. Chicken cubes, mostly. After that it’s gas station time, where we call to check up on the fact that we sprayed an employee with gasoline last time. I also deal with some dumb capri pants, more mullets, and having my lips read. It just su...

Oh boy, this episode of CORNDOWN starts off with a man trying to take the piss, MY piss. Not acceptable. This quickly gives way to hangout sessions with staff, where we learn several facts about quiktrip employees; they work 10 hour shifts, they get no breaks, and they are happy about it. From there we mess with all the buttons at a quiktrip before settling on messing with the emergency shutoff lever. In the second half we get in arguments about escalators, as well dabble in cages and coffins and chains. Towards the end, Tiff takes a massive dump, which...

Oh wow. This show was a disaster. Partially a national disaster? I don’t know what qualifies, but I deal with heavy ‘technical’ difficulties (I pushed a button by accident), and wastedmemory gets hit with a series of tornadoes. Seriously, mostly. Between all the madness, there’s signals from a lighthouse, gum getting stuck in the carpet, and the further difficulties of laying an egg. There’s also some talk of bad beef jerky, oh and smile fights. Smile fights were good. Of course.

This show is made possible by donations from listeners like you. If you enjoy what...

Well, this is a strange one. First call is about a hidden compartment housing a second beef patty, that’s normal. Second call is over half an hour of yelling at a man who says he reads books. You kinda have to hear it to understand. After that, wasted is having parking issues, and I’m trying to figure out what managers job duties are. It turns out their duties is to be a lifeguard. I told you it’s strange. Second half we deal with hard hallways and the multiple injuries they can cause to the children and the el...

This one starts with classic lettuce separation. Classic. Next we try to get premium packaging for our burgers, such as chili containers, drink containers, or anything other than paper! We hide food, stash food, get food out of the dumpster, etc. ad nauseum. Really standard stuff, I can’t stress that enough. Somewhere in the first half I get hung up on humane treatment options, (of which there are none) wasted deals with some bad weather, and the squiggles. Oh God, the squiggles. From there we call hotels and blank out a couple receipts, get some bags, sneak in so...

It’s a good ol’ fashioned Fish’n’Chips CORNDOWN, as we start strong with french fry themed calls and quickly discover the fun of dropping the fries. We also deal with The Manager of The French Fries (a potatoe), and dabble in finding a firm limit on dogs and skunks. As you can expect, this leads to doing insurance fraud with Wendy’s as your provider, for a variety of tooth related problems that whuppy has. The second half is the fish half because wastedmemory shows up stinking of fish and followed by cats. I also have a couple dou...

You ever had a Wendy’s cut your crust off without you asking? Because that’s exactly how this CORNDOWN starts. We also discover the buns don’t match; what with being top and bottom and all. Somewhere in there we received a failing grade on the app, but I still have no clue what we did wrong. This leads to some grass roots journalism, a couple of fish fry’s, and a old bread bag. From there we try to get the front desk to destroy stuff for us, and whuppy almost goes to jail after a sneak out call...

This episode of The CORNDOWN is straight goofy. It starts off with a bunch of goofy sandwiches and goofy fries and six diet cokes. According to wastedmemory, some of the goofy food was donated. I, however, won a bunch of free stuff from the Jamba Juice at the mall. This leads to discussion of the Big Arch sandwich, a little CIA nonsense, some scabs, and cryptic advice not to eat the sandwich. The second half is just as goofy with goofy hotels, goofy parking lots, and more. Wastedmemory gives the great idea to give stuff to kids, and whuppy...

In this episode of CORNDOWN, I start off trying to dress things up a little bit, which leads to several types of complaints about hats on burgers, with a bit of help from someone who sounds like whuppy. From there, we take our kids to watch employees eat at Arby’s, the New Manager Christopher gets some advice via whuppy, and wastedmemory shows up smelling like fish oil. As things close out, extra organs and teeth are found, several new sandwiches are advertised to the front desk, and things nearly go off the rails, but not quite.

On this CORNDOWN, I keep hitting my head over and over on sandwiches, trying to explain how it happened while wastedmemory adds his own versions of the same kind of injury. That spills into acts of God, like dusty sandwiches, questionable chili, and sisters hogging nuggets, which naturally leads to more injuries and car trouble. In the middle we deal with stop signs, and wake-up calls that need to get way more physical, with whuppy jumping in to argue about rooms, directions, and other bird sounds that don’t really help. By the end it’s ID checks, dropped coin...

On this CORNDOWN, I get wrapped up in big talk about an oil tycoon and backing each other up, which then turns into arguments about what counts as inappropriate, especially when whuppy keeps jumping in to make it worse. From there I spiral into some deer/cat confusion, a litle hat theft, and we try to verify things that probably didn’t need verifying in the first place. There’s also a bit of fingers getting caught where they shouldn’t be and sandwiches wedged into places when wastedmemory shows up in the second half. Toward the end it shifts...

On this CORNDOWN, I get locked in to drive-thru problems that go too far, starting with bathroom questions, fire trucks, and gold burgers, with wastedmemory jumping in for the old people. That turns into burgers that feel wrong in texture, color, and purpose, mixed with trust issues, eye contact that lasts too long, and me taking a dump in room 211. From there it’s mostly cars where they absolutely don’t belong, like inside buildings, rooms, stairwells. Meanwhile whuppy keeps trying to shuffle situations around instead of fixing them. By the end, it’s cleaning products, email knives, Tiff’s bad lu...

On this episode of CORNDOWN, I’m pausing orders and looking for warning signs, while whuppy jumps in with his own version of things. That turns into blood on shirts, in cups, in bags, and hotels with whuppy and Tifff adding to the confusion instead of cleaning it up. I’m also dealing with employee problems, strange bathroom details, paw prints, panic buttons, and questions about employee food. By the end, everything feels overhandled and a little gross, like I should’ve just finished my blood cup and left.

This show is made possible by donations from listen...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with string but the wheels come off fast and pieces get lost while wastedmemory keeps adding reasons it might be my fault. This includes food getting tied up and layered wrong, especially once ads and bootleg versions get involved. I get stuck on trying to leave places, returning ropes, and dealing with front desk problems that somehow get more cigarettes than answers, with whuppy popping in to make the logic even shakier. It’s goblin bones, marriage proposals with beef, intentional flatulence, and personal leaks, all piling up until it feels like the episode mi...

On this CORNDOWN, I keep coming back to a ziplock bag that somehow turns into individual nuggets and profits, and wastedmemory jumps in with a lesson on how to talk. That slides into a long stretch about fish and exactly how you’re allowed to kill fish before it becomes a problem, plus buckets, lobsters, and what counts as acceptable handling. From there I get hung up on shady payment issues, homemade cards, bad checks, and the ID requirements of credit cards. By the end, it’s broken windows, stolen badges, and putting a 911 operator on hold.

This...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with sticky food and an itchy leg that quickly turns into me repeatedly admitting I might have lice. That opens the door to a long run about bugs in hotels, blankets, feet, and personal bugs too, with wastedmemory making it worse by making multiple calls. Things briefly drift into yard tools, magic tricks, and a little dating advice. Later, we’re stuck trying to cough or sneeze, worrying about smells and eye salt/pepper problems, and overthinking basic body issues while whuppy and BeeTeeBeats jump in. By the end, it’s safe hotels, hair remo...

On this CORNDOWN, the first half is all about tires, popping them on purpose, swapping them with a spare, and never being done with it, with wastedmemory making the whole situation worse by adding to it. That eventually leads into food being up in places it shouldn’t be, particularly on faces, stuck whuppuy’s mouths, or causing swelling and bleeding, with whuppy and Tifff jumping in. From there, things turn uncomfortable with missing skin, and people getting stuck in cars or situations they can’t get out of. Toward the end, we’re talking about secondhand food, bad attitude...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with ice and lettuce. With wasted’s help we move to cheese problems that keep getting flipped, melted, or turned inside out. That leads into a run where burgers cause real-world damage such as breaking windows, messing up cars, closing bank accounts, and getting people fired. We keep pushing those ideas until they turn into audits, arguments, and mailing food when it clearly shouldn’t be mailed. Along the way there’s lobby weirdness, stolen beef, strong guys, and a lot of talk about drive-thru speakers that probably shouldn’t be personal, ending with whuppy b...

On this CORNDOWN, I start on the idea of getting food as a gift, with wastedmemory jumping in transfering his customer status. That leads into sneezing from sandwiches, acting like an idiot, and getting hit with food for acting like an idiot. Things drift into late Christmas and replacement Santas as whuppy and wastedmemory both share different versions of what exactly that means. By the end, we’re deep into carrot deliveries, having them, gifting them, and needing them for unclear reasons—along with some more food gifts and a little shopping cart shocking to round it out.

Th...

On this CORNDOWN, we start with figuring out what actually makes a gift we like, and naturally get stuck on soap and blankets, with wastedmemory complicating it with directions from Tennessee. That turns into me tring to turn myself in for unclear reasons, losing track of where I am, and wondering if elevator shoes can come off. In the middle, we go through roughhousing, hidden gifts, parking lot advantages, and a surprising amount of time spent on soup spoons, relish, and bed-buckets. By the end, we’re talking about holiday figure representation, bathroom math, and whether paying for parking is...

On this CORNDOWN, I start with worrying my dog is going to choke, starting with a small curly, with wastedmemory piling on and making the situation sticky. That leads into a stretch about sandwiches and how they’re made, tracked, questioned, handed off, and sometimes hollow. All the while wastedmemory keeps raising new issues that don’t seem to help. I deal with a strange website dog that keeps reappearing, with whuppy and wasted chiming in on that too. In between, I get stuck on Double Jeopardy with Ashley Judd and Tommy Lee Jones, applying the same kind of reas...

On this CORNDOWN we start with a stretch about flagpoles that spirals into access issues once wastedmemory jumps in. From there we move into phone use, online photos including people, and a long microwave stint that somehow turns into a serious issue with violent foil and pants. Wastedmemory discovers how hard turning fifteen thousand dollars is, and whuppy turns in the whole room. By the end, we’re all just a little more confused than before.

This show is made possible by donations from listeners like you. If you enjoy what you hear, please consider donating via pa...