CORN DOWN Prank Calls

This CORNDOWN follows a steady escalation of penny-based activity. Tossing, spreading, dropping them in lobbies, even turning them into some kind of mortar or protest or something. There’s also a lot of poor employee driving, repeated and increasingly dramatic, including crashes or wild maneuvering. Meanwhile, there’s gum in my son’s fries, sketchy food combos, and someone handing out slips of paper like they’re evidence. Then ButtEye tries for a fake romantic setup, and there’s a few unusual attempts at entry through windows. By the end, it all folds into pet adoption talk, vape complaints, elevator c...

A strangely intimate look at breakfast and violence—sometimes at the same time. We start with a couple rounds of Ice Cream b/w Violence, bounce through some hotel knob evaluations and best room competitions, and land in a series of escalating calls for just breakfast that spiral into close-quarters smoking and theoretical violence. Blankets and towels get mixed up with paper-based aggression, and wuppy demands breakfast with increasing urgency. Repeated shocks—from outlets and ice cream alike—lead into the mysterious saga of hickeys which somehow gets several calls. Things wrap up with hotel canaries, emotional manipulation, and the al...

This one drifts from smoky basements to crumbling online identities. We kick things off with turkey bacon, home smokers, and a lot of weird cigarette gas complaints—some of which seem to involve store employees just absolutely refusing to acknowledge reality. wastedmemory digs into forgotten MySpace alternatives while snappy bakes insists on the existence of “vanilla mothballs.” We spiral into mothball hell before resurfacing for stories about white circles, questionable plumbing, and whatever ends up being the reason for us being there. ButtEye shows up with some bathroom thoughts, wuppy runs into dirty dish problems, and there’s a brief fl...

This episode flies all over the place—literally. It opens with sleep tracking and mileage disputes, then dives into an ongoing saga about birds: healthy ones, loose ones, and whether or not they’re part of some larger plan. I take the lead on the bird logistics, while wastedmemory ends up dealing with weird “Do Not Disturb” violations, and there’s an uncomfortable amount of grapefruit talk. Gunnerman Bill pitches a dog to a restaurant, wuppy brings in a cremated pet, and ButtEye and bhenchodester do a cultural deep-dive that probably didn’t need to happen. Somewhere in the middle, ther...

On this one, wuppy fills in for wastedmemory and really leans into some strange hospital logic and bee management techniques. I try to keep things on track with some fast food arguments and a few misunderstandings about who’s dead and what it costs. The whole show kind of spirals around leeches, bacteria, and whether or not it’s ok to be a hospital. ButtEye checks in with some breakroom vibes, bhenchodester keeps ordering the wrong size fries, and we all end up back at the hospital Arby’s trying to get a DNR form swapped out without making it wei...

This episode of CORNDOWN has a lot of energy—starting head first and sliding straight into the recurring saga of accidental fatherhood and surprise bathroom births. Wastedmemory helps drive some extremely uncomfortable conversations, especially around sex, smell, and I do some religion accomodations. We argue a lot about whether you’re supposed to load tip up front, and things just kind of unravel from there: pens get borrowed, products get injuries, someone ends up naked in a car, and there’s confusion about cultural Asian sensitivity at nearly every turn. ButtEye shows up with some Sweedish fish, wuppy repeatedly crosse...

This one’s got no wastedmemory but a lot of shampoo—like, a suspicious number of cartons—and way too many people hiding in bushes or punching walls for it to be normal. I try to deal with someone in the bushes around the property, repeatedly damaging the room, and a very specific Arby’s situation. ButtEye gets sent straight to jail, snappy bakes gets into werewolves again, and wuppy deals with some kind of animal in a hotel room. There’s a broken nozzle, a vampire thing, some ironing issues, and a helicopter that may or may not have lande...

This episode of CORNDOWN starts with some hotel stress—trying not to get attacked, yelling in the lobby, and a room that apparently needs preheating before use. Wastedmemory handles some strange guest behavior and a little confused rat, and I get into a whole thing about whether or not you can insure a hotel room. There’s a reoccurring towel issue that somehow spreads across multiple hotels, and we try to pin down how orange slices fit into any of it. Later, there’s talk of hotel adoption, a guy asking to be put on a list for no clear...

This time on CORNDOWN I spend too long trying to sort out why my room key from six weeks ago won’t work, while wastedmemory gets into some turtle talk that might involve a stick. There’s confusion about sisters, someone says the hotel is in my bloodstream, and I try to make sense of whether it was consumed or not. Things get weirdly quiet, then too loud, and we argue about a burger that doesn’t sit right. Wuppy brings in some ancient ants and I sugest a timeline for burger freshness, and Kielbasa debuts in with some kind o...

This CORNDOWN starts out soaked in a hotel rain complaint that keeps circling back no matter what I try—wastedmemory jumps in to help, but it only spirals into confusion and strange accusations. There’s something going on with a number three situation that neither of us can explain, and by the time it hits number four, I’m already regretting bringing it up. A junior rat may or may not be involved. I get stuck in a conversation about shoes and rides, and later I try (and fail) to break up for the break. Things unravel into toilet discon...

On this CORNDOWN, I find myself caught in a cycle of discovering dead batteries. Wastedmemory helps escalate things by throwing in some battery ingestion and a genie lamp incident that doesn’t go well. There’s a lot of goop—chili, burger, and something from a grocery store. Calls drift into weird food behavior at fast food places, including employees eating on the job and bhen’s very normal chicken sandwiches. Wuppy and snappy bakes join me for some bathroom showing moments, and Lux gets involved in something best described as tongue-based. I really tried to hold it together, but thin...

This CORNDOWN gets tangled in airport chaos and sticky situations, starting with me trying to explain a phone-based parking plan and somehow ending up in trouble over peanut butter. Wastedmemory jumps in repeatedly to back me up as the peanut butter gets scrutinized by police, government, and eventually even mail handlers. I get accused of solicitation and end up in some kind of peanut-related legal trouble. Things spiral into hotel calls where the rooms are unbearable and everyone’s getting told to prepare for a terrible stink, even dragging in Hootis and snappy bakes. There’s also some confusion over...

This CORNDOWN has me going to the hotel front desk with a new policy about strangulation that no one seems to want to enforce, even after I make a sign. Wastedmemory jumps in a bunch to help with a back-and-forth post it passing system between guests and employees. Bathroom candy happens a couple times, there’s talk of a dislocated room and some scissor lift confusion. Snappy and Hootis get into an ongoing terrible Uber mess, and wastedmemory closes things out with something about a murder that no one likes.

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This batch is wild—gasoline barcodes, employee nipping, and taking entire rooms home. wastedmemory is deep in gasoline-related schemes, while bhenchodester tackles Dr Pepper malfunctions and pasta distribution. There’s also some serious concerns about staff harassment, secret codes, and questionable Uber usage. And of course, we’ve got Chickenmen and whatever “Good Like John” means. Definitely a chaotic energy in this set.

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This one’s got a lot going on—credit card testing, mouth animals, and some serious sandwich violations. wastedmemory is deep in the mix with found credit cards, inside-out sandwiches, and verifying the spiciness of things. Meanwhile, snappy bakes investigates trash sandwiches, and ButtEye gets into fire damage and reagents. There’s also medicine dogs, ingrown toenails, and something big going down. Definitely a lot to unpack here.

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This one’s got a strong trim theme—hotel trim, missing trim, vertical trim, even a trim train. Then wastedmemory gets deep into burger trims and backwards sandwiches, while incident number sandwiches keep stacking up. There’s some struggle with the cost of paper products (or the lack of them), alcohol odors, and loose mole beeps. Things get crunchy with onions and whole stores, and then it all spirals into child feces, little mummies, and ButtEye brings a friendly fade. Sounds about right.

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This CORNDOWN is all over the place—dropped pepperoni, scattered candies, and way too many questions about toilet paper and diarrhea stats. Lobby motion sickness keeps coming up, and we get weird about magnesium. Snappy Bakes brings hotel twerking into the mix, and whuppy has some elevator issues. Meanwhile, there’s some confusion over keys under mats, lifting things, and unexpected furniture fees. Just another real normal one.

This show is made possible by donations from listeners like you. If you enjoy what you hear, please consider donating via patreon or paypal!

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This CORNDOWN dives into all kinds of smells—squirrel, roommate, and an alarming amount of sponge-sniffing… and eating. Ted makes an unexpected alive appearance, and wastedmemory gets fixated on the sound of hangnails. Bathroom money is a recurring problem, as is road rage, which somehow turns into a cleaning process. Hootis deals with an apology situation, and ButtEye gets involved with some spilled spiders before whuppy escalates things further by introducing cobras and releasing scorpions. It’s a mess, but we document the process.

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This episode of CORNDOWN gets off to a strong start with some light intimidation before wastedmemory hands out questionable puke-related permissions. There’s an incident with raccoons, some employee sanitation concerns, and a deep dive into the ethics of promoting bad habits at work. A cat-related head injury adds to the chaos, and Hootis tries to navigate some medieval-sounding parking issues. Meanwhile, wastedmemory has a run-in with a secret police situation, and whuppy complicates things with elevator-based mistakes. Somewhere in all this, a robot gets involved, but it’s unclear if it actually helps.

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This episode of CORNDOWN kicks off with some loose parts—literally—before wastedmemory and I try to make sense of questionable food practices, including the unexpected use of glue. There’s a lot of discussion about chicken, from giving it away to keeping track of it in a highly unnecessary log. wastedmemory takes a moment to address the chat, and ButtEye stirs things up with a hidden motorcycle situation. Snappy bakes gets involved in a parking lot spectacle, while Hootis deals with a guy who seems a little too invested in parking. Things wrap up with an attempt to balanc...

This episode of CORNDOWN starts with a lot of checking in—maybe too much—as wastedmemory and I make sure everyone’s doing alright, whether they like it or not. There’s confusion over who actually owns food once it changes hands, and wastedmemory gets wrapped up in a situation involving an alarming number of managers. I attempt to track customers in increasingly questionable ways, while snappy bakes and I compare notes on just how many people have passed through. Meanwhile, Lux deals with some crumbling and a soda spill situation that refuses to end. Stolen cleaning supplies cause tensions...

This episode of CORNDOWN gets stuck in the elevator—literally and financially—as I try to recover some stuck money while wastedmemory experiments with alternative payment methods. Things take a turn with some Pac-Manning, sketchy manager interactions, and an escalating debate over pay rates. Cookie and brownie smells start raising concerns about hidden agendas, and wastedmemory gets caught up in a conversation that may or may not involve witchcraft. Meanwhile, feces become a recurring logistical problem, and snappy bakes gets involved in the cleanup effort. We wrap it up with a deep dive into an unusual parking situation and a pr...

This episode of CORNDOWN goes deep into questionable hotel amenities and unexpected business strategies. I start off digging into a strange DVD version of a hotel experience, while wastedmemory uncovers some odd differences and a sketchy sale on DVD players. There’s talk of elevator smoke breaks, mysterious second discs, and a secret coffee situation that keeps getting more complicated. Kidnapping comes up way too often—wastedmemory even calls ahead about it, while snappy bakes gets into the idea of making it a formal agreement. Meanwhile, Lung explores fog machines and tax dodging, and I get wrapped up in the...

This episode of CORNDOWN is a mix of strange fixes and unexpected teamwork. I kick things off with some chaos about putting out metaphorical fires and getting into odd matches over coupons and signs. Wastedmemory shares about animals refusing food, teamwork breakdowns in the drive-thru, and has some mechanical quirks that lead to clicks and buzzers. There’s also a arguments over part numbers and a detours into deodorant gone wrong. Lung makes his debut and jumps in with some light talk on overly small fish and I finish with questionable problem-solving with tokens. It’s a jumble of fixe...

This episode of CORNDOWN dives into the messier side of things, starting with misplaced food and growing into a series of increasingly chaotic events involving floor-bound sandwiches and questionable parking lot decisions. I get into some strange conversations about loyalty, accidental drive-thru disasters, and moments of self-preservation involving blurred identities. Wastedmemory adds tales of parking errors, buried snacks, and odd loyalties, while Hootis and ButtEye weigh in on peculiar complaints and the mysterious quirks of hotel life. It’s a whirlwind of strange priorities, secrets, and transformations—both personal and Optimus Prime-like.

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I wasn’t planning on releasing this episode, as it was a wastedmemory fill-in show, but then I went and got sick last week, so I had to have something to edit this week. Enjoy

This episode of CORNDOWN spirals through the chaos of the holiday season, starting with attempts to salvage Christmas amid mishaps and misunderstandings. I grapple with dumpster dilemmas, creative gifting ideas, and moments of defensive reflexes, while Hootis brings stories of peculiar staff interactions and unconventional conference room gatherings. There’s also a run of events involving misplaced hotel items and an array of “p...

In this episode of CORNDOWN, I deal with everything from hotel bathroom dilemmas to the confusion of mismatched names, exploring how small details can spiral out of control. Wastedmemory dives into mishaps with lamps, outlets, and persistent car troubles, adding layers of chaos. There’s also a series of moments involving staples and shocks—literal and figurative—that keep things off-balance. ButtEye joins in with unusual insights on customer feedback and surveillance, while Hootis touches on superstitions with a story about a voodoo doll. It all wraps up with a mix of tech troubles, odd gifts, and running out of tim...

This CORNDOWN episode moves through a mix of challenges, starting with my calls about unconventional office rituals and creative approaches to privacy. Wastedmemory brings in chaotic holiday experiments, including early Christmas trial runs and small-scale celebrations gone awry. There’s an effort to untangle problems with stuck windows and intense seasonal reactions. Hootis adds a dramatic take on long bandaids and holiday meltdowns, while Xenorax offers a memorable moment involving medical tools in surprising contexts. It’s a blend of the chaotic and strangely familiar.

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This episode of CORNDOWN dives into some odd and chaotic moments, starting with my calls about strange behavior towards birds and peculiar indoor weather. Wastedmemory adds to the mix with stories about trying to gain roof access and navigating confusing limits on cold medicine, while I circle back to the ongoing saga of snow showing up in all the wrong places. Hootis jumps in with a focus on loud and unusual conference calls, and there’s even a bit about the mysterious smells in a room, courtesy of Dwight. It’s a wild mix of weird problems and attempts to m...

On this episode of CORNDOWN, I start with some puzzling calls about keeping track of pills that quickly spiral into strange conversations about crotch stuff and quitting places unintentionally. Wastedmemory jumps in with stories of chaotic scenes involving broken glass and awkward encounters with touching people, while I circle back to those same calls from different perspectives. There’s also some back-and-forth about unexpected mishaps, like dealing with stolen or discarded cigarettes, and hootis adds their own take on the frustrations of quitting and parking gone wrong. It’s a mix of confusion, missteps, and the occasional surprising resolution.

This week is pranksgiving, I dive into a mix of everyday messes and strange moments, starting with the chaos of morning routines, like morning noises and coffee problems. wastedmemory jumps in to help sort out some ongoing issues with getting stuck in places—whether it’s being locked in, locked out, or just plain out of luck. There’s a recurring theme of donuts, both making and eating them, with a few calls about who’s got the best ones and why the cops always seem to be around. It’s all the little frustrations and surprises that make the day ju...

In this episode of CORNDOWN, I tackle the ongoing stick situation and mold problems, keeping the absurd energy high. Wastedmemory steps in with sharp contributions, like the saga of lobby antennas and an unusual take on internet cameras. Together, we navigate everything from propped doors to valid concerns that spiral into unexpected territory. Dwight adds his unique flair with ticklish feet antics, while Lux chimes in for a truly iconic moment. Meanwhile, I keep the chaos grounded, questioning why the hotel even factors into this madness and uncovering some forgotten keys along the way.

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In this episode of CORNDOWN, wastedmemory handles everything from bathroom door mishaps to a saga involving fifty keys, culminating in its cinematic peak. Hotel life takes center stage with questionable oxygen setups and sanctuary vibes, while snappy bakes checks in during an attempted Moana screening. Dwight contributes with turnt pockets and unexpected pocket finds, and wastedmemory uncovers coffee keys just in time for Thanksgiving drama. A mix of oddities and memorable moments makes this a standout session.

(P.S. sorry for being late! We will now resume regularly scheduled publication.)

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In this episode of CORNDOWN, descriptions run wild as we dive into describing men and vehicles, with wastedmemory and I leading the way. There’s bizarre incidents of battery-eating that escalates quickly, alongside some accusatory fingering and Dwight’s room garden situation. Things get even more intense with drinking motor oil, shredding documents, and an unusual pizza style order. Hootis, Mailman, and newcomer Hi jump in on topics from Wendy’s mishaps to odd pubic hairs, with frivolous complaints rounding things off. It’s an unpredictable mix of surreal conversations and out-there scenarios!

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In this episode of CORNDOWN, oranges are everywhere—extra ones in cars, identifying them, and even dealing with heartburn from them, with wastedmemory heavily involved in the chaos. There’s a strange journey with caterpillars and honey bees, with snappy bakes joining the bee segment. SpongeBob makes a surprising exit, and we dive into bizarre situations involving naked guest pictures, privacy tools, and intoxicated moments. A mix of unusual encounters, from butterfly bags to mysterious fry crystals, makes this a uniquely orange-themed episode filled with laughs and surprises!

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In this episode of CORNDOWN, driving instructors take a front seat, with a series of chaotic lessons and some wild help from wastedmemory. We encounter a mix of oddities, from foot surgeries and bogus milk to setting up employee dates. The Surprise Department shows up to add more confusion, and handcuff keys become an unexpected centerpiece, with Snappy Bakes joining in. We also deal with stolen garbage, a swim instructor situation, and even someone eating a building. Moments of parking lot flashing, magician wallet tricks, and a mystery switch make this episode a blend of strange encounters and funny...

In this episode of CORNDOWN, the question of knowing if you’re really there takes center stage, with wastedmemory chiming in on multiple occasions. Cigarettes, both decaf and functional, make their way into the conversation, along with night mailmen and one-way streets. The saga of the captive caller unfolds in a series of bizarre twists, while we also touch on window tinting, hotel progress, and keeping score. Lux gets involved with an Eric situation and some playdough eating, while Hootis brings up weird feet and evil whispers. There’s also a crying man, ground voices, and, of course, more lost...

In this episode of CORNDOWN, we dive into the curious case of the “normal looking one” and its various twists, while wastedmemory adds humor with making fun and dehydration. Tripping on burgers and Stouffers leads to some unexpected fun, and there’s a series of lost and found keys causing confusion. We also explore irrational fears, invalid entries, and acorns without oaks. Snappy bakes gets involved with identity theft and a trick call, while Dwight joins in with a “big number one” and I try a pee-clogged situation. From rewriting SSDs to Monopoly money, this episode covers plenty of odd ground...

In this episode of CORNDOWN, bones take center stage with plenty of throwing, hanging, and drilling, often driven by wastedmemory. Things get even weirder with digging up bones and a mysterious bag of bones, while dirt buying and dry pools add to the oddities. Wastedmemory stirs up more chaos with burning clothes and spatula marks. We also deal with fake blood, clean and used needles, and old razor blades making an appearance. To top it off, there’s a hands-free check-in and food throwing session, making this episode a whirlwind of bizarre moments and unexpected twists!

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In this episode of CORNDOWN, manipulation becomes a recurring theme, with wastedmemory contributing his spin on railroads and violent versions. There’s also a lot of action surrounding sidewalks and bikes, from rubbing them to crashing, straight into dumpsters. We explore bizarre moments like drug disposal and a deep dive into a crash investigation at Wendy’s, featuring Jiad. The episode gets even stranger with torso spiders, bridges, and water crossings. There’s also a case of projectile fries courtesy of Dwight, and we close things out with a farewell to dragonmere. Plenty of manipulation and chaos to keep things...