How To Deal
How To Deal is the podcast for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy kids in a world full of messy moments. Therapist and bestselling author Eli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) brings you real stories, expert advice, and practical tools to build stronger relationships with your children—and yourself. Attachmentnerd.com
How to Deal with Feeling | With Dr. Marc Brackett
Episode Summary
Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Marc Brackett — founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and bestselling author — to tackle one of modern parenting's biggest challenges: how do we raise emotionally intelligent kids when most of us never received an emotion education ourselves? Marc shares the science behind his RULER framework, why "there is no such thing as a bad emotion," and the practical strategies every parent needs to start using today.
Key Takeaways
Accumulate emotion knowledge first. None of us got an "emotion education" growing up — reading research-backed books and re...How to Deal When Your Kids Are at Odds with Each Other | With Dr. Laura Markham
Episode Summary
In this deeply personal and research-backed conversation, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Laura Markham — clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — to tackle one of the most exhausting realities of family life: sibling conflict. Together they explore what the research actually says about why siblings fight, what parents can do about it (and what they shouldn't), and how to raise kids who will genuinely like each other as adults. Eli even shares a real, unfiltered story from her own family — complete with onesies, a parking lot scene, and a sticker — and asks Dr...
How to Be Honest about Motherhood | With Libby Ward
Episode Summary
Eli sits down with Libby Ward — writer, speaker, and author of Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself — for a deeply honest conversation about what it costs mothers when they sacrifice themselves completely. Together they explore the myth of selfless motherhood, the reality of generational trauma, and why radical honesty — with yourself first — is where real change begins.
Key Takeaways
You were never meant to do this alone. Human beings evolved in community, not nuclear family isolation. The loneliness of modern motherhood isn't a personal failing — it's a structural problem.Selflessne...Navigating Marriage in the Parenting Years | With Eli Weinstein
Episode Summary
Therapist, author, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast Eli Weinstein, LCSW joins the show to talk about one of the hardest (and least talked about) relationship challenges: staying connected to your partner while you're deep in the trenches of parenthood. Eli brings his signature no-BS warmth and humor to share real, actionable tools — including the "First On Scene" rule, the Huddle tactic, and how to tackle the invisible mental load — all drawn from his new book From I Do to We Do.
Key Takeaways
Take a pause before you take it out...How to Deal with Sex Talks | With Kimberly Wolf
Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli sits down with sex educator and Harvard-trained expert Kimberly Wolf to tackle one of the most anxiety-producing topics in parenting: talking to your kids about sex, bodies, and healthy relationships. Kimberly brings a practical, shame-free, and deeply reassuring framework for parents at every stage — from toddlers to teens — with one clear message: you don't have to have all the answers. You just have to show up.
Key Takeaways
Start with safety and practicality. Framing sex education around safety takes the emotional charge out of it — for parents and kids...How to Deal with Feeling Disconnected from Your Sweetheart | With Morgan Burch
Episode Summary
Relationship coach Morgan Burch joins Eli to unpack one of the most common — and most painful — dynamics in modern partnerships: the moment you need your partner most is exactly when neither of you has anything left to give. Together, they explore the "hero child" wound, why co-regulation matters more than date nights, and practical tools like the Mirror Game and the DIC Talk that can transform conflict into genuine connection.
Key Takeaways
The Parenthood Paradox: Both partners have less to give at the exact moment they long for more from each other — recogn...How to Deal with Raising Secure Digital Citizens | With Jessical Joelle Alexander
Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli sits down with Danish parenting expert and bestselling author Jessica Joelle Alexander to tackle one of the most pressing questions facing parents today: how do we raise kids who are safe, healthy, and confident in the digital world — without resorting to fear, shame, or oversimplification? Jessica shares the Danish philosophy behind her work, the story of how she created the Raising Digital Citizens conversation cards, and why connection — not restriction — is the real key to protecting our kids online.
Key Takeaways
The digital world is a real world. Kids e...Wired for Connection — 50 Years of Attachment Research with Dr. Alan Sroufe
Episode Summary
In this episode, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. L. Alan Sroufe — Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota and lead researcher of the landmark Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation — to unpack over 50 years of groundbreaking research on how early relationships shape who we become. From the origins of secure attachment to the surprising durability of worldviews formed in childhood, this conversation is a masterclass in what actually matters in parenting — and what doesn't. Dr. Sroufe also shares details on his new book The Development and Organization of Meaning, co-authored with his wife...
The Art and Science of Playful Parenting | With Mia Wisinski
Episode Summary
What if the secret to surviving modern parenting chaos was something you were already born knowing how to do — play? In this warm, funny, and genuinely useful conversation, Eli sits down with Mia Wisinski, founder of Playful Heart Parenting, to explore how playfulness isn't just a "nice to have" — it's one of the most powerful tools we have for co-regulating our kids, building secure attachment, and staying sane ourselves. From silly power reversal games to what to do when you're about to lose it, Mia and Eli swap real-life strategies, honest confessions about their own "dema...
How to Deal with Trauma Triggers as a Parent | Nerd Notes with Eli
Episode Summary
In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (The Attachment Nerd) takes a compassionate dive into trauma — what it actually is, how it gets lodged in our bodies, and most importantly, how we begin to move through it. Eli breaks down the difference between a true trauma trigger and a new event, shares a deeply personal parenting story about her own trauma response, and offers practical, accessible tools for healing — including the concept of "glimmers" and the power of body awareness.
Key Takeaways
Trauma is personal. What feels traumatic to one person's nervous system may...How to Deal with Sleep Stuff | With Rachael Shepard-Ohta from Hey, Sleepy Baby
Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli Harwood sits down with Rachael Shepard-Ohta — founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby and host of the No One Told Us podcast — for an honest, research-grounded, and deeply human conversation about infant and toddler sleep. Together, they dismantle the sleep training culture war, explore what science actually tells us about infant sleep variability, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for exhausted parents. No shame, no judgment — just real talk.
Key Takeaways
Infant sleep is highly variable and non-linear. Research confirms that sleep does not simply get better week by week — it's a roller...How to Deal with Parental Stress (Scripts + Strategies) | Nerd Notes with Eli
Episode Summary
Stress is universal — but how we respond to it isn't. In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) breaks down what stress actually is, why your personal history shapes your stress response, and how to manage it in a way that protects both your well-being and your relationship with your kids. From completing the stress cycle to talking to your children about fight-or-flight in real time, this episode is a practical, compassionate guide to becoming a more regulated — and more connected — parent.
Key Takeaways
Stress is both external and internal. The stress...Navigating the Complex Terrain of Foster Parenting | With Laura Foster Partner
Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli sits down with Laura, the Foster Parent Partner — author, content creator, and foster care advocate with nearly 300K followers — to have an honest, compassionate conversation about the realities of foster parenting. They explore what it truly means to show up for kids from hard places, how foster parents can survive a broken system, and why even one safe home can change the entire trajectory of a child's life.
Key Takeaways
Foster parenting is a life-changing and profoundly disruptive experience — in the best and hardest ways. Honesty about this upfron...How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About Porn | Nerd Notes with Eli
How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About Pornography
Episode Summary
After a disturbing news story surfaced exposing widespread abuse on a major pornography platform, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) is stepping up with a calm, practical guide for parents. In this solo episode, Eli walks you through exactly how to have an honest, age-appropriate, shame-free conversation with your kids about pornography — what it is, why it distorts reality, how addiction cycles form, and how to keep the dialogue open. Whether your child is in elementary school or high school, this episode gives you th...
How To Deal With the Adolescent Rollercoaster | With Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett
How to Deal with Raising Tweens & Teens with Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll Bennett
Episode Summary
If you're a parent staring down the tunnel of adolescence and feeling the dread building — this episode is your permission slip to exhale. Eli sits down with Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett of Less Awkward for a warm, wildly informative, and surprisingly funny conversation about what puberty actually is, why it's happening earlier than ever, and how to be the parent your tween or teen genuinely needs — even when they're slamming doors and rolling their eyes. Expect real...
How to Teach Kids Emotion Regulation | With Jon Fogel
Episode Summary
In this warm and moving episode, Eli sits down with Jon Fogel — parenting educator, pastor, and author of Punishment-Free Parenting — to talk about his brand-new children's picture book, Set My Feelings Free, co-authored and illustrated by his wife Jess Fogel. Jon unpacks the surprising science behind Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, why music is the key to teaching kids emotional regulation, and how a 30-page book can do what 300 pages can't. You'll probably cry. Eli definitely did.
Key Takeaways
Secure attachment and emotional regulation are not the same thing. You can grow up securely atta...How To Deal With Your Child’s Sensory Needs | With Tia Gamelin
Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli sits down with Tia Gamelin — neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist, ADHD coach, and mother of four — to explore the hidden sensory world underneath your child's "difficult" behavior. Together they unpack why behavior is always communication, why there are actually eight senses (not five), and how understanding your child's sensory profile can radically transform your relationship with them — and with yourself as a parent.
Key Takeaways
Behavior is communication that comes out sideways. When children act out, they are not being defiant — they are telling us their sensory system is overwhel...How To Make a Parenting U-Turn | With Wendy Synder
Episode Summary
If you've ever whispered to yourself, "Is it too late? Have I already done too much damage?" — this episode is for you. Eli sits down with Wendy Snyder, founder of Fresh Start Family and author of the brand-new book Fresh Start Your Family, to talk about the most hopeful truth in parenting: it is never too late to start over. Wendy shares her own raw journey from a reactive, overwhelmed mom to a parenting educator who has helped thousands of families worldwide break the cycle of fear-based discipline — and she brings the receipts, the real stor...
How To Use Music and Rhythm To Regulate Ourselves and Our Kids | With Kira Wiley
Episode Summary
Did you know humming can literally lower your heart rate in the middle of a parenting meltdown? In this episode, Eli is joined by bestselling children's music artist and mindfulness expert Kira Willey to unpack the science of why rhythm is one of the most powerful regulation tools available to parents and kids — and how to start using it today.
From butterfly taps to transition songs to the Ha Ha Hyena game, Kira shares practical, playful, and science-backed strategies that work with how children's brains actually develop — through music, movement, and imagination. Whether you...
How To Deal With Boredom | With Lizzie Assa
How to Deal with Kids Who Say "I'm Bored" — with Lizzie Assa
Episode Summary
Parenting coach and author Lizzie Assa joins Eli to unpack why modern parents have accidentally taken over their children's play — and how to give it back. From reframing boredom as a bid for connection, to setting up "play pockets" around your home, this episode is a practical, permission-giving guide to raising kids who can play independently.
Key Takeaways
Play belongs to the child. Your job is not to optimize or entertain during play — it's to protect the time and sp...How To Be a Secure Parent in the Midst of a Crisis
Episode Summary
In this powerful solo episode, Eli Harwood gets real about one of the hardest parenting challenges there is: how do you help your child feel safe and secure when you don't feel safe yourself? Drawing from a deeply personal experience — her six-year-old daughter's unexpected ICU admission — Eli walks through the core principles of attachment-based parenting under pressure. Whether you're navigating a family health crisis, divorce, oppression, or uncertainty in the world, this episode will remind you that your presence is one of the most powerful medicines you can offer your kids.
Key Takeaways
Y...How to Deal with Clutter & Be a More Present Parent | With Katy Wells
How to Deal with Clutter (ft. Katy Joy Wells)
Episode Summary
Feeling overwhelmed by your home — and how it's affecting your ability to show up for your kids? In this episode, Eli welcomes holistic decluttering expert and author Katy Joy Wells to explore the surprising connection between a cluttered home and your capacity to be a present, secure parent. Katy breaks down the four types of clutter, explains why popular decluttering methods keep failing, and gives you two practical habits you can start today — no weekend overhaul required.
Key Takeaways
Clutter isn't just...How To Prepare Your Kids for a World Full of Cults | With NXIVM Whistleblowers Sarah & Nippy
How to Prepare Your Kids for a World Full of Cults
Episode Summary
In this powerful episode, host Eli welcomes NXIVM whistleblowers and A Little Bit Culty podcast hosts Sarah Edmondson and Anthony "Nippy" Ames to talk about what cultic abuse actually looks like — and more importantly, what parents can do to help protect their children from it. Together, they explore the psychology of manipulation, the red flags every parent should know, and how raising kids who can question authority may be one of the greatest protective gifts we can give them.
Key Ta...
How to Teach Young Kids About Body Safety & Consent | With Jayneen Sanders
How to Deal with Teaching Kids Body Safety & Consent | Jayneen Sanders
Episode Summary
In this deeply important conversation, Eli sits down with internationally acclaimed children's book author and publisher Jayneen Sanders to explore how parents can teach body safety, consent, and boundaries to children of all ages — from infancy through the teen years. Together they discuss why body autonomy is one of the most powerful tools we can give our kids, how grooming actually works, and what we can do to raise children who trust their instincts and feel safe coming to us.
Ke...
How to Deal with Our Highly Sensitive Kids | With Kristin Gallant, co-founder of Big Little Feelings
How to Deal with Raising a Highly Sensitive or Neurodivergent Kid
Episode Summary
Eli sits down with Kristin Gallant, co-founder of Big Little Feelings, to dig into one of the most misunderstood parenting challenges: raising a child who feels everything — deeply, loudly, and fully. Together they unpack what it really means to have a "big feeler" in your home, why the goal was never to make sensitive kids less sensitive, and the three most powerful things parents can do to help these kids thrive.
Key Takeaways
There's a spectrum of sensitivity. Big fe...How to Deal with Mom Guilt | With Jessica Tomich Sorci
Jessica Tomich Sorci, LMFT and creator of the Mom Parts Method, shares insights on transforming mom guilt and shame using Internal Family Systems therapy. She reveals why these painful feelings aren't signs of failure, but actually pathways to healing both ourselves and our mothering.
Key Takeaways
Guilt has purpose: It's a reminder when we've acted outside our values and creates opportunity for repairShame points to old wounds: Shame is a "bookmark for your unmet needs" from childhood that still need healingMotherhood activates everything: Kids are like "heat-seeking hovercrafts" for our unresolved issues, making motherhood both triggering...How to Deal with Safety Without Scaring Your Kids | With Dannah Eve,
In this powerful conversation, safety expert Dannah Eve, known as The Street Smart Blonde with over 4 million followers, combines her academic knowledge with street smarts to deliver life-saving insights. We explore practical strategies for keeping our families safe without living in constant fear.
## Key Takeaways
- **Live aware, not in fear** - Dannah's motto emphasizes empowerment over paranoia
- **The What If Game** - Turn safety preparation into engaging family activities
- **Lying to survive** - Teaching kids when dishonesty protects their safety
- **Family code words** - Essential...
How to Deal With Bias as Parents | Destini Ann Davis
We all have biases. Every single one of us.
They're the mental shortcuts our brains built when we were young—and most of us never thought to question them. But what happens when your child starts forming their own identity, and it challenges everything you thought you believed?
In this episode, Eli sits down with Destini Ann Davis—bestselling author of Very Intentional Parenting, certified parenting coach, and creator to unpack how our unexamined biases can quietly erode secure attachment with our kids.
They dive into:
Why ALL humans have biases (and why...How To Deal With Big Kids and Bigger Feelings | with Alyssa Campbell
Your kid finally learned to regulate their emotions... and then they turned 8 and it all fell apart. Sound familiar?
In this episode, Eli sits down with Alyssa Campbell—co-author of the New York Times bestseller Tiny Humans, Big Feelings and her new book Big Kids, Bigger Feelings—to unpack why the pre-teen years hit so differently (and why your biases might be making it worse).
They dive into:
Why that "calm period" around age 6-7 doesn't last (and what's actually happening in your kid's brain)How to parent when your sensory needs are completely oppo...How to Deal with Parenting When You’re Trying to Break Cycles (with My Mom, Babs Slaton)
What would you tell your younger mom self?
In this deeply personal first episode, Eli sits down with **Babs Slaton, MA, LPC**—fellow therapist, colleague at the PASS Center, and the original cycle breaker in Eli's family. Babs was the first person in their family system to look around at the dysfunction and say, "This feels insecure. We need to figure something out."
Babs shares the five things she wishes someone had told her when she was a young mom in the trenches—wisdom refined through decades of parenting, therapy, and watching her grandchildren thrive.
Moving Beyond Gridlock: How Couples Can Find Their Way Back
Join Eli and Janelle Althen for a transformative conversation on relationships, attachment, and the power of connection. From the pitfalls of 'waiting for the other person to make the move' to the importance of making 'bids for connection,' this episode is packed with actionable insights. Whether you've been in a relationship for 3 months or 30 years, you'll walk away with strategies to foster a deeper emotional connection with your partner.
Books Mentioned:
"Talk to Me Like You Love Me"Discussed as a helpful tool for couples to find the right words for repairing a relationship...
Guiding Young Hearts: Helping Children Through Loss
In this insightful talk, Eli explores the multifaceted concept of loss from a child's perspective, providing parents and caregivers with a comprehensive framework to understand and aid children during these challenging times. From the little losses to the big ones, discover strategies and insights to navigate these poignant moments in a child's life.
Mastering Your Calm: A Parents Guide to Co-Regulation
In this episode, we'll delve into calming yourself when a loved one is upset, exploring the parent-child dynamic of co-regulation and debunking misconceptions about calmness.
For full episode please become a member of the Nerd Herd. Details can be found at www.attachmentnerd.com
How to Repair With Your Child When You Are the One Who Messed Up
In this episode, we dive deep into a very personal, yet universal, parenting experience. Our host shares her journey of miscommunication and repair with her son, revealing the raw and tender dynamics of the parent-child relationship.
We discuss how easily we can misread situations, and how a moment of jest can turn into a moment of distress. But more importantly, we explore the aftermath: the process of owning our mistakes, acknowledging the impact, and working towards mending the rupture.
We delve into the steps of making repairs, from granting space for our children to express...
Taming Tiny Tempers: Helping Kids Manage Anger
Dive into this episode as we explore effective strategies for co-regulating and guiding children through their emotional journey. Discover how empathy and understanding can foster a nurturing environment that supports emotional growth, equipping kids with the tools they need to express and manage their anger in healthy ways.
Stressed by parenting struggles? I get it. That's why I created Attachment Nerd's all-in-one approach, providing expert coaching, essential resources, and a warm community.
Like many satisfied parents, you can build deep connections and overcome day-to-day hurdles. Let's embark on this journey together at Attachmentnerd.com
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