Confessions of a Parent Coach

Your kid is melting down, telling you to go F yourself, and you have no idea how to stay calm in that moment, even though you know the theory. This episode is the boots-on-the-ground follow-up to "There Is No Step Two," and it came straight from a retreat mom who got home, felt so smart, and was being cussed out by her son within the hour.   In this episode What a retreat mom texted me the day after the last episode, and why it became this episode Why acceptance doesn't mean it's okay, and why that misunderstanding keeps you fighting W...

The parenting pyramid from The Anatomy of Peace has one layer that holds up everything else, and if you've ever yelled at a kid who's still in pajamas five minutes before school, you're probably skipping it. A few weeks ago I was sitting with a room full of moms when one of them asked, "Okay, once I'm calm… what's step two?" What came out of my mouth surprised all of us, including me: there is no step two.

Getting a note home from school can make you feel like you're the one being called into the principal's office.

In this episode, Ann talks about the emotional spiral that can happen when your kid gets a refocus sheet, a behavior note, or a call home — and why the first step is separating your child's classroom behavior from your identity as a parent.

She also breaks down a key shift: classroom management is primarily the responsibility of the person running the classroom. That doesn't mean blaming the teacher. It means collaborating without taking on a pr...

What if the wisest thing you could bring into parenting was the willingness to admit, I don't know?

In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann shares a personal season of questioning herself as a coach and what it revealed about self-awareness, judgment, and growth.

Inspired by the idea, "I know that I know nothing," she explores what changes when we stop assuming we already understand our kids' behavior, struggles, or needs.

Sometimes the most powerful response isn't advice. It's curiosity.

Instead of rushing in with answers, what if...

You know the pattern. You can see yourself doing it. You may even know exactly why you're doing it.

So why can't you just stop?

In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan explores the uncomfortable space between self-awareness and actual behavior change.

Sometimes growth doesn't look like improvement yet. Sometimes it looks like noticing yourself yelling, people-pleasing, over-functioning, controlling, or repeating an old relationship dynamic… and feeling completely frustrated that you're still doing it.

But that awareness matters.

Ann breaks down how observation creates the di...

In this episode, I'm joined by three women from my parenting coaching group for a very real conversation about what brought them to coaching—and what actually changed once they got there.

We talk about tantrums, yelling, discipline, permissiveness, control, chaotic mornings, teeth brushing (so much teeth brushing), and the uncomfortable realization that sometimes the work we want to do on our kids is actually work we need to do within ourselves.

Not because everything is our fault. And not because our kids' behavior doesn't matter.

But because when we understand our own pa...

Sometimes the thing making parenting feel so hard isn't actually your kid's behavior.

It's what their behavior brings up in you.

In this episode, I'm sharing a powerful moment from my group coaching program when one mom realized how much energy she was spending trying to manage, prevent, or avoid other people's emotions—including her kids'.

Her question stopped me in my tracks:

"How did I live my life this way for so long and not realize it?"

We talk about how our personality patterns quietly shape the way we...

Ever feel like you're stuck between two options—and somehow both of them feel terrible?

Maybe one part of you wants to leave, speak up, set the boundary, lose your temper, or finally do something different. And another part is just as determined to keep the peace, stay safe, be responsible, and not blow up your life.

That internal tug-of-war can look like indecision from the outside. But on the inside? It feels like tension. Constant, exhausting tension.

In this episode, Ann explores what Internal Family Systems calls a polarity: two parts of us...

Some kids are just… extra.

The bedtime boundary becomes a full-body collapse onto the furniture. A disappointing answer becomes a personal tragedy. You calmly say, "No," and suddenly you're apparently responsible for ruining their entire life.

And if you're the more peace-loving, level-headed parent in the relationship? It can be incredibly tempting to do whatever you can to avoid setting off the next explosion.

But here's the question we don't always want to ask:

Is the extreme reaction working for them?

In this episode, Ann talks about why some ki...

If you keep snapping, yelling, controlling, or shutting down with your kids, it's tempting to focus on the behavior you want to stop.

But that moment is usually the last domino, not the first.

In this episode, Ann breaks down what's happening underneath those reactions — and why actually feeling your emotions is very different from analyzing them, explaining them, or acting on them.

Using a powerful coaching conversation, the Enneagram's three centers, and one extremely memorable jalapeño-related confession, Ann explores what it really means to stay present with uncomfortable feelings instead of imm...

Here's a confession: people ask me all the time which parenting experts I follow, and the honest answer is none of them.

Not because I'm above it — I'm an enormous fan girl. It's just that what I'm immersed in right now is personal growth, not parenting. I've had periods, the way Picasso had periods. My NPR period, when I drove toddlers around Denver quoting things I'd heard on the radio. My Eckhart Tolle period. My internal family systems period. Right now I'm deep in a Ram Dass period, and I promise you it's coloring everything about how I...

If your brain is constantly ten steps ahead—trying to predict what's going to happen, prepare for every possible outcome, or make sure your kid will be okay someday—you're probably calling it responsible.

But it might actually be anxiety wearing a very convincing outfit.

In this episode, Ann explores what happens when we stop trying to manage a future that doesn't exist yet and bring our attention back to the only place where we actually have any agency: right here.

Through stories from her own pregnancies, a close friend facing frightening medical unce...

When something feels urgent, messy, unfair, or completely out of your control, your brain usually has one very compelling suggestion:

Figure it out. Now.

Fix the pickup situation. Get your kid to calm down. Send the text. Set the boundary. Solve the problem so you can finally stop feeling so damn upset.

Except… that's usually the exact moment we are least equipped to make a good decision.

In this episode, Ann talks about why conscious action requires a conscious actor — and why trying to solve a problem while you're dysregulated often crea...

Ever have a huge breakthrough and think, Finally. I fixed it. Then six months later, you're talking about the same relationship, parenting struggle, or deeply annoying family dynamic all over again?

That doesn't mean the work isn't working.

In this episode, Ann explores why personal growth is less like a straight line and more like a spiral. We return to familiar struggles, but we return with more awareness, compassion, and capacity than we had before. You're not back at square one—you're meeting the same material from a new level.

Ann also unpacks ho...

Sometimes "I'm over it" doesn't actually mean you're done.

Sometimes it means a part of you knows something painful is coming—and it would very much like to skip ahead to the chapter where everything feels fine again.

In this deeply personal episode, Ann shares what she uncovered after admitting she was running out of steam for the hands-on years of parenting. With three children nearing or already in adulthood and one 12-year-old still at home, she found herself mentally fast-forwarding to empty-nest life: fewer dinners to make, more freedom, and charcuterie every night forever.

Sometimes, the problem isn't that your child refuses to cooperate.

Sometimes, the expectations, boundaries, or consequences you've created simply don't fit the human being standing in front of you.

And when the container doesn't fit, everybody starts to feel like they're failing.

In this episode, Ann Kaplan explores what happens when parents rely on generic rules instead of attuning to the actual child they have. Through honest stories from her own parenting and coaching practice, she shows how expectations can become too big, too small, or completely disconnected from a child's current capacity.<...

What if the part of you you're trying so hard to rise above is actually the part you're here to understand?

In this episode, Ann explores a teaching from Ram Dass that landed uncomfortably close to home: your humanity is the curriculum.

She shares an honest parenting confession about reaching her limit with an older child's persistent negativity—and the rule inside her that says a good parent should remain endlessly patient, compassionate, connected, and completely unbothered.

You know. A serene earth-mother goddess who apparently has no nervous system.

But trying to...

What if the thing making parenting feel so high-stakes isn't the actual moment… but the pressure to prove you already know what you're doing?

In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann explores the idea of "beginner's mind"—the practice of bringing openness, curiosity, and non-attachment to moments we've done a thousand times before.

Because here's the sneaky thing: when we decide a moment is the moment, the big one, the one we absolutely cannot mess up, we usually become less present, less creative, and way more likely to spiral.

Ann shar...

Sometimes we come to coaching because we want an answer.

Should I stay or go?
Should I say the thing or let it go?
Should I push harder, back off, make the decision, fix the problem, get from Point A to Point B already?

Totally fair. We are busy people with busy lives and nervous systems that would really appreciate a clear next step, thank you very much.

But sometimes, when we get too focused on the prize, we blow right past the actual treasure.

In this episode, Ann...

Sometimes the conflict in your house is not really about the backpack on the floor.

Rude. Annoying. Deeply inconvenient. Yes. But not really the whole thing.

In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan explores one of the core ideas from The Anatomy of Peace: what if the conflict in your life is less about the other person's behavior and more about how you're seeing them?

This one is especially for parents who are tired of repeating themselves, irritated by the same daily battles, and secretly wondering why all the "...

What if the thing you're calling "responsibility" is actually a story keeping you exhausted?

In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan talks about the mental load of motherhood, the sneaky trap of believing everything will fall apart without us, and why stepping away can be one of the most loving things we do — not just for ourselves, but for our partners and kids, too.

Ann shares a confession from early motherhood, when she almost skipped a close friend's bachelorette trip because she believed no one else could possibly manage the baby, th...

Why do the same difficult relationship patterns keep showing up?

Maybe it is with a parent, partner, child, friend, or coworker. The person may change, but the emotional experience feels strangely familiar. You feel triggered, misunderstood, defensive, or pulled into a version of yourself you do not want to be.

Here's what's really going on: some of our hardest relationships reveal the deeper lessons we are still learning about ourselves.

In this episode, Ann Kaplan explores how her relationship with her mother helped her understand one of her own lifelong patterns. As an...

You know that thing you genuinely want to do — the thing you know would make your life better?

The parenting support. The break. The healing work. The boundaries. The retreat. Putting the phone down. Actually slowing down.

So why are you still not doing it?

In this episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan unpacks the surprisingly emotional reason we resist the very things we say we want. Using her own phone addiction as a starting point, she explores the deeper psychological pattern underneath self-sabotage, avoidance, procrastination, and "excuses" — especially for over...

What if the thing you keep talking yourself out of is actually the thing your soul needs most?

In this deeply personal episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, I'm unpacking a question I genuinely don't have a perfectly polished answer for yet: Why do we so often say yes to things that drain us… and no to the things that could truly nourish and transform us?

As I prepare for my annual parenting and personal growth retreat in Michigan, I found myself reflecting on the strange psychology behind decision-making, self-investment, and the stories we te...

What if the problem isn't your child's behavior… but the way that behavior impacts you?

In this deeply honest episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, Ann Kaplan returns to the powerful thread she began in Episodes 157, 159, and 160 — conversations about polarities, impossible situations, and personal power — and brings them together in a final, integrative discussion about parenting, self-regulation, and radical accountability.

Ann explores one of the hardest lessons parents (and humans) continually relearn: the impulse to control the people around us in order to avoid our own discomfort.

Through real coaching examples and person...

What if your child's struggles aren't evidence that you failed them… but part of what makes them them?

In this deeply personal and emotionally layered episode, Ann Kaplan explores one of the most confronting parts of the Enneagram: the childhood experience associated with each type — and why it can feel so painful for parents to hear.

Ann shares honestly about her own current season of identity deconstruction, intense personal growth work, and what it feels like to realize that even the most loving parents cannot protect their children from becoming human.

This episode goes...

This is one of those episodes that might sting a little… and also might be the biggest exhale you've had in a while.

Because if you're a thoughtful parent—if you care this much—you've probably already had the thought:

"What if I'm messing them up?"

So instead of dancing around it, we're just going to tell the truth:

You are.

We all are.

And that's not actually the problem.

In this episode, I'm sharing what came up at a recent Enneagram experience—when a mom aske...

What if who you think you are… isn't actually you?

In this episode, we're diving into one of the most important (and often misunderstood) distinctions in the Enneagram: Essence vs Personality.

Because most of us aren't living from our true self—we're operating from patterns that were formed to protect us.

And until you can see that clearly, you'll keep repeating the same reactions, the same conflicts, and the same internal loops… no matter how much "work" you do.

The difference between your Essence (who you truly...

If you've ever felt like you're doing everything for everyone else… and still somehow questioning your worth…

This conversation is going to hit.

In this episode, I'm joined by my longtime friend, client, and retreat chef, Andrew, as part of the Ennea Chats series — real conversations with real people about how the Enneagram actually shows up in everyday life.

Andrew is an Enneagram Type 2, and what he shares in this conversation goes way beyond "being helpful" or "being caring."

We get into what's underneath that.

Because for Type 2s (and ho...

Most people use the Enneagram to figure out who they are.

But what if that's not actually the point?

What if it's showing you what's getting in your way?

This week's episode is a little different—and honestly, one of my favorites.

I sat down with my oldest son, Elijah, and we talked about the Enneagram… but not in the way you usually hear it talked about.

Not "what type are you?" Not "here's how to label yourself."

But what it actually does when you use it in r...

If the Enneagram feels like a box… you're not wrong. But you might be stopping at the part that was never the point.

In this episode, I'm unpacking the biggest misunderstanding people have about the Enneagram—and why it can feel limiting, reductive, or even a little insulting at first.

Because here's the truth: The Enneagram isn't here to define you. It's here to show you where you're stuck—and how to get free.

A lot of people resist the Enneagram because they don't want to be labele...

Most of the arguments you keep having?

They're not actually about what you think they're about.

It's two people—each running a completely different internal system—
trying to prove their version of reality is the right one.

And once you see it, you can't unsee it.

In this episode, I sit down with my sister Ren (a Seven) and we break down what the Enneagram actually reveals in real life—why you react the way you do, why your partner does what they do, and why the same fights keep happen...

Sometimes the hardest situations in life feel impossible for a reason.

You can't change the other person.
You can't force the situation to be different.
And every option available to you feels like a bad one.

So what do you do then?

In this episode, Ann explores what happens when we're stuck in situations that genuinely cannot be fixed or controlled. Whether that's a difficult family dynamic, a co-parent with different values, or even parts of ourselves we wish were different.

Through a candid confession about being a not-so-great...

What do you do when there's no solution to a problem that deeply affects you or your kids?

In this episode, Ann explores a concept that can feel both frustrating and freeing: impossible situations. These are the moments in life where something needs to change—but the reality is that it won't.

Maybe it's:
💔 A parent who can't give you the relationship you hoped for
⚡ A co-parent who stays committed to conflict
🏠 A family dynamic that never seems to improve
🎒 Or a situation with your child that simply doesn't have the "right" outcom...

What if the goal of personal growth — and parenting — isn't to stay perfectly centered… but to return again when you drift away?

In this episode, Ann explores a simple but powerful idea: the practice of leaving your center and coming back to it again and again. Inspired by a spiritual chant about returning to the "land of your soul," she connects this concept to meditation, parenting, and the way we navigate life's chaos.

If you've ever told yourself you need to "be more present" with your kids but felt like you're failing at it, this conversation might...

Have you ever felt like you only have two options… and both of them kind of suck?

Be rigid or be out of control. Speak up and blow everything up… or stay quiet and carry resentment. Stay on top of everything… or completely give up and let it all fall apart.

If you've ever felt trapped between two bad choices, this episode is for you.

Today I'm talking about polarization — an Internal Family Systems concept that explains why we get stuck in these exhausting internal tug-of-wars. And more importantly, how to get out of them...

You don't want to discipline them.

Because you get it.

They're tired.
They're overwhelmed.
They're hormonal.
They're transitioning between homes.
They're dysregulated.

It's not their fault.

And yet… you also can't live like this.

This is the quiet tension so many thoughtful parents carry:
If I understand why they're acting this way… do I still get to hold a boundary?

In this episode, I unpack the difference between discipline and punishment — and why confusing the two keeps empathetic parents stuck. I share a pers...

You love your kid.

You want them to feel confident.

You want them to know they're capable and amazing.

So of course you praise them.

But what if the way we've been taught to praise our kids is quietly getting in the way of the very self-esteem we're trying to build?

In this episode, I'm unpacking something that can feel almost heretical: why traditional praise doesn't actually create confidence — and what does.

This isn't about being cold or withholding. It's about shifting from evaluating your child to tr...

If "discipline" makes your stomach drop because it feels synonymous with mean, this episode is for you. This conversation is for parents who care deeply about connection — and are quietly worried that setting limits might damage it.

Ann makes the case that loving limits aren't just about better behavior. They're about helping kids develop security, self-trust, and a nervous system that doesn't feel like it has to run the whole show.

We're talking about why boundaries are not the opposite of love — and how the absence of leadership can actually increase anxiety, control issues, and emot...

If you've ever sworn, "It ends with me," and then immediately watched yourself get weirdly intense about something small… hi. This episode is for the parents who are doing the work—and still getting ambushed by old feelings in brand-new moments. We're talking about what actually breaks generational cycles (spoiler: it's not just "doing everything differently"), and why the real win is becoming the kind of parent who doesn't need fear to stay committed.

Why "I'll never be like my parents" is a starting line, not a finish line

How generational patterns snea...