The Ex-Good Girl Podcast

Staying in the box you were taught to fit into can feel easier than speaking up and risking conflict, but what happens when silence means letting down the people you love? In this episode, you’ll hear from Mandy Giles, founder and CEO of Parents of Trans Youth, about how parenting transgender young adults helped her find her voice and become an advocate for the world she wants her kids to live in. Her story shows what can happen when standing up for what matters becomes more important than keeping everyone else happy.

How long ha...

The holiday season is approaching fast, and alongside the excitement, you may already be feeling the weight of all the expectations that come with it. Between family traditions, travel plans, and trying to make everyone happy, you can end up with very little energy to enjoy the things you were looking forward to. If you’re ready to do things differently this year, today you’ll get three simple sentences you can use to help you navigate difficult conversations with loved ones when speaking up feels hard. This episode was originally released closer to the holidays, but it is wort...

Overthinking can cost you more than time. It can keep you from taking chances and becoming the person who can have what you want. In this episode, you’ll hear a conversation with Dr. Priyanka Venugopal about what it took to move from thinking “Probably not me” to “Why not me?” and pursue a dream without having any evidence that it would work. This mindset shift helped her lose over 60 pounds without counting calories and prepared her to take the stage for her TEDx Talk. It’s not easy, but when you learn to make peace with the idea of failure a...

How much time and energy do you spend defending choices you’ve already trusted yourself to make? Whether it’s your career, parenting, relationships, or something else entirely, it’s exhausting to keep explaining yourself after you’ve already done the work of deciding. Good girl conditioning can make you feel obligated to defend yourself when someone questions your choices, instead of recognizing what’s actually happening in the conversation. In this episode, you’ll learn the difference between a request, a demand, and a boundary so you can get more clear about what you will and won’t participate in...

How much time do you spend overanalyzing the texts you send to a potential partner or giving guys on dating apps a chance because they seem to have the traits you’ve been taught to look for? If you’re tired of continuing conversations because you feel like you should, giving someone the benefit of the doubt when the evidence in front of you says otherwise, or second-guessing whether you’re being too picky, this episode will help you recognize how good girl conditioning can shape the way you date. Today’s guest, Dr. Jennie Young, creator of the Burned H...

What do you say when you don’t want to go? Your friends are making plans, everyone is excited, and you’re worried that if you say “no” this time, they’ll stop inviting you altogether. So you say “yes” even though what they’re planning isn’t really your thing, and you spend the rest of the week dreading it. You may tell yourself you don’t have a good enough reason to say no, but the cost of going along with everyone else is more than one night you don’t enjoy. This is the final episode of a series called “Wh...

What do you say when you’re unhappy with how it turned out? You get your nails done or have new bathroom tile put in, and the work isn’t what you expected. Still, you hesitate to say anything because you don’t want to be viewed as picky, difficult, or demanding. You’ve learned that being agreeable is safer than asking for what you really want, so you might say “No, no, it’s fine” and live with the disappointment instead. But the cost of avoiding that uncomfortable moment is more than paying for something you don’t like. This is th...

What do you say when your kid wants the money before he does the work? You know the lawn hasn’t been mowed, but when he comes asking for $40, it feels easier to say “yes” than to deal with his disappointment or an argument. You want to have a good relationship with your kid, and every “no” can feel like it costs you closeness. But when you keep bending the rules to avoid that discomfort, the real cost is a relationship where you’re constantly reminding or doing things yourself instead of building the trust and mutual respect you really want...

What do you say when you’re done being the family peacemaker? This pattern has probably been going on for years. You may tell yourself that someone has to do it or that it’s just easier when you handle things. You’re worried your family will fall apart if you don’t mediate conversations between your siblings or your parents, but constantly managing everyone else’s emotions is costing you time and energy. This is the fourth episode of a series called “What Do You Say When…” Over the next week, these short episodes will each give you one concrete thi...

What do you do when you’re the one who always reaches out? If you’re the one who always sends the text, makes the plans, and keeps the friendship moving, you may eventually start to feel tired or resentful, wondering why the effort isn’t more balanced. You can tell yourself it’s okay because she’s busy or you’re just better at planning, but the issue goes deeper than fairness. You’re ultimately wondering whether the friendship means as much to her as it does to you, and that uncertainty and loneliness you feel come at a cost. This i...

What do you say when you have to tell a client something she doesn’t want to hear? You know something isn’t lining up during a presentation, but you hesitate to point it out because you don’t want to disappoint her or be the person who ruins the meeting. You might tell yourself it’s not your responsibility or soften what you really need to say, but protecting yourself from her reaction costs more than you may realize: your professional integrity and the confidence that comes from speaking up. This is the second episode of a series called “...

What do you say when he’s on his phone during the show? Maybe you tell yourself it’s not a big deal, so you don’t say anything. There’s no argument and no chance of being hurt by what he says when you bring it up. But your silence is still costing you something: connection. This is the first episode of a series called “What Do You Say When…” Over the next week, these short episodes will each give you one concrete thing you can say when you’re stuck in a difficult moment.

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Is it normal for you to spend several hours a day thinking about a conversation you’re avoiding? Three hours each day adds up to 1,095 hours a year, which means that’s more than 45 days of your life dedicated to thinking about something you haven’t even said out loud yet. If you’re stressed, exhausted, and overwhelmed, you may be spending far more time and energy on difficult conversations than you realize by doing the good girl math: the internal cost-benefit analysis of whether speaking up is worth the risk. You’re rehearsing what you’ll say, looking for the righ...

Most of us know when we need to have a hard conversation. It’s more difficult to notice the ones we’re quietly putting off because we think there’s always more time. There are two different kinds of hard conversations, and understanding which kind you’re dealing with can make a difference. A deadline conversation has urgency built in: avoiding it can lead to unwanted consequences. A drift conversation is about something important, but it's easy to postpone because nothing terrible happens today if you don’t say what you need to say. In this episode, I’m breaking dow...

Is there a difficult conversation you know you need to have but keep putting off? You may have noticed that every time you decide to wait, you feel a little better even though you’re avoiding something you actually want to do. That relief is real, and in this episode, we’re breaking down the motivational triad and why people-pleasing and avoiding conflict can feel so good in the short term, even when they’re creating results you don’t want. Because once you understand what’s happening, you can start practicing a different response: having the hard conversation instead of...

How often do you have thoughts like, "I hate doing this," "I'm bad at this," or "What's the point?" and brush them aside? We often push through our days without stopping to question the stories running through our minds, but what if those seemingly small thoughts are pointing to something much deeper? In this episode, I'm sharing why learning to notice your thoughts and getting curious about what's underneath them can change the way you move through your life. The next version of you is possible, and creating the life you want sometimes starts with uncovering the beliefs you've...

Most women are familiar with what people-pleasing looks like. You say yes when you mean no, avoid conflict, or never ask for what you need. But some of the most exhausting people-pleasing doesn't happen in those big, obvious moments. It happens in tiny ways that have become so automatic we don’t notice them. In this episode, we're looking at these subtle habits through the lens of micro people-pleasing: the invisible, everyday behaviors driven by your nervous system that quietly steal your time, energy, and attention. Once you understand these small tendencies, you can begin interrupting them before they ad...

People-pleasing tendencies start much earlier in life than many of us realize, and there comes a point when children need to begin unlearning those behaviors so they don't carry them into adulthood. Inspired by a conversation I recently had with my 16-year-old son, I’m breaking down people-pleasing in a way that teens can understand and showing how the same tools I use with my coaching clients can help younger generations too. Learning to recognize these patterns and find your voice early is such a gift. Whether you're sharing this episode with a teen in your life or using th...

We all assume other people have it more figured out than we do. But beneath so many of our struggles is the same familiar good girl question: How am I going to be perceived? In this episode, I'm sharing three places where that question is still showing up in my own life: aging, body image, and using my voice. It’s easy to look at someone else’s life and think they have it all figured out, especially in the self-help world. That's why I think it matters that you know I'm on the same path, working through many of t...

We often think of relationships as something we have: a marriage, a friendship, a relationship with our parents. But relationships are more like living things—they have their own patterns and ecosystems that two nervous systems create together over time. Every conversation shapes them, and every silence does too. In this episode, we're exploring what your silence is teaching your relationships and how speaking more honestly can build the intimacy and connection so many of us want, instead of isolating us from the people we care about. Here’s what I cover:

Most hard conversations don't start with an invitation. They start with something that sounds more like a verdict: You never listen to me. You don't respect my time. You don't care about my feelings. By the time we say those things, we've already decided what happened, what it means, and who's responsible. But those assumptions rarely resolve conflict. In this episode, I walk you through a shift that can completely change the quality of difficult conversations: moving from certainty to curiosity. When you learn to ask questions rather than make statements, you create more opportunities for connection. Here's what...

How often do you finally realize what you want to say hours, days, months, or even years after a misunderstanding or disagreement? Some people need time to process, but it's easy to think you've missed your chance once the moment has passed. Learning how to have hard conversations has changed my life more than almost anything else, and I've noticed a rule many of us follow without ever questioning it: after enough time passes, you're no longer allowed to bring something up. In this episode, I'm unpacking where that rule came from, who it benefits, and the rule I've...

A high-demand system is any structure that requires a significant amount of your time, energy, and identity in exchange for belonging. We often think about high-demand religions, workplaces, families, or cultures, but there is one system that is hard to recognize because it’s so ingrained in society that it just feels like the way things are supposed to be: the good girl rules. The unspoken expectations women absorb throughout their lives function like any other high-demand system. They reward compliance, create fear around stepping outside the rules, and keep us so focused on being good enough that we ne...

Most women learn to experience their bodies through other people’s eyes before they ever learn how to truly live inside them. I’ve had a few conversations recently that brought up things I wish I had known about bodies when I was younger, and things I wish I had talked about with my own daughter. In this episode, I’m unpacking everything from the unspoken rules women absorb from a young age to the patriarchal systems that keep those rules in place. There is such a rich conversation here for mothers to have with their daughters, but also for us...

There is a version of people-pleasing that hides behind competence, ambition, professionalism, and being the person everyone can count on. In this episode, I’m unpacking the patterns that show up in high achievers and what happens when competence becomes part of your identity. If the traits that brought you success are slowly starting to feel exhausting, it doesn’t mean you need to stop striving completely. It means there is a different way to experience achievement, one where you can be highly capable while also being supported, loved, helped, and truly known in reciprocal relationships. Here’s what I cove...

Patriarchy asks mothers to hold themselves to impossible standards and then blames them when they struggle. In this episode, I’m revisiting the patriarchal double-bind through the lens of motherhood and unpacking the expectations women are expected to follow all at once. We’ve become accustomed to policing others and ourselves based on the rules we’ve been taught a “good mother” should follow, while the realities of exhaustion, isolation, grief, resentment, and needing help are treated as personal failures. But motherhood is beautiful and hard, and acknowledging that both things can exist simultaneously is what begins to set women free...

There are almost always two things happening when hard conversations feel impossible, and understanding the difference can change everything. In this episode, I’m introducing what I call the two communication buckets—clarity and vulnerability—and why they so often lead women into silence, self-protection, and disconnected relationships. You’ll hear why confusion between the two buckets is one of the biggest reasons hard conversations stay stuck, and how the relationships that feel most alive and nourishing are built on both the willingness to say the true thing and the willingness to let yourself truly be seen. Here’s what I cov...

There’s one sentence I hear more than any other from the women I work with when we’re talking about hard conversations. It usually sounds like, I know I need to say something… but what if they get upset, what if they don’t like it, what if they push back? Underneath all of it is the same fear: what if I jeopardize the relationship? In this episode, we’re looking at where that fear comes from and how it’s really impacting your relationships, because resentment, anxiety, and disconnection don’t go away when you stay quiet; they just buil...

The reason you feel stuck is not because you’re weak or broken, even though your brain may be telling you that. You’re stuck because you’ve gotten so good at being fine for so long that you and everyone around you don’t know anything different. Even when you can understand that, there’s often another layer underneath it: this pattern is so ingrained that you don’t even know what you want anymore. In this episode, I’m breaking down why your “no” has become so loud, and how you can start to find your way back to your “yes”...

If you’ve been curious about what it looks like to say what you need to say in practice, today you’ll hear from someone who found her outside voice and is using it to create the life she wants. Jessica Carlson has spent years serving others—as a pastor’s wife, a mom, a teacher, and now supporting college students in getting the resources they need. Jessica and I first connected over our shared background in high-demand religion, and since we began working together, I’ve watched her life transform. She learned to speak up messily and imperfectly, and to sup...

Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!

How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we’re talking about the life of freedom, confidence, and empowerment that is waiting for you on the other side of developing this skill.

Register for Say What You Need to...

Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!

How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we’re unpacking the two biggest things that will try and stop you from saying what you need to say.

Register for Say What You Need to Say, a free on...

Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!

How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we’re talking about the thing that really keeps people stuck: waiting to say it perfectly.

Register for Say What You Need to Say, a free one-hour workshop for women wh...

Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!

How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we’re exploring how every conversation you’ve been dreading is really just a "yes" or a "no" that you haven’t said yet.

Register for Say What You Need to Say...

Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!

How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we’re talking about the hidden tax of not speaking up and how it drains your time, energy, and connection until you start asking yourself what you actually want.

Register fo...

Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!

How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we start with a powerful truth: if you’re struggling to speak up, you make sense.

Register for Say What You Need to Say, a free one-hour workshop for women wh...

Today, I get to talk with someone whose story has stayed with me for years. Shirlee Draper grew up in a polygamist community that became more controlling and unsafe as time went on. With no money, no work history, and no support outside her community, she made the difficult decision to leave everything behind and start over. We discuss the tension between staying and knowing something isn’t right, and what it takes to start trusting yourself again. This conversation is not just about Shirlee’s journey—it’s about what can happen when women find their voice and their au...

I’m bringing back an episode that explores something I care about deeply: the healing that happens when women gather in community. We live in a culture that conditions women to believe something is wrong with them—that we’re too emotional, our thoughts don't make sense, and we can’t trust ourselves. But when women share their real experiences with each other, that belief begins to unravel. In this re-release, I discuss the communities I’ve been part of that have shaped my life and why support from other women can drive powerful change. Here’s what I cover:

To what degree do you feel capable of saying what you want to say in your life and in your relationships? In this episode, I’m revisiting one of my favorite episodes about the powerful combination of choice and voice. A revolution happens when women say what they want to say. When you can express how you really feel, it becomes easier to stand up for yourself and set expectations. Your relationships shift, your choices become clearer, and you stop performing and start actually living. Here’s what I cover:

This episode is a reminder of how prejudice can soften when we look beyond policies to see real people, and it feels especially important to bring it back now. In this re-release of a past conversation, I’m joined by my dear friend Alex Regan, a trans man, interfaith minister, speaker, author, and transformative spiritual coach. Meeting Alex changed my life because it replaced my experience of an abstract label with a real human being with a nervous system, a story, hopes, and fears just like me. Once you see someone clearly like that, it becomes much harder to ig...