Distorted View Daily
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Erotic Fracking and the Year of the Butt Crack
Episode Summary
Friday’s episode is a classy little sewer dive into porn preservation, sugar-baby road rage in Florida, Christian men too horny to survive a normal gym, and the shocking rise of the butt crack as porn’s next great frontier. Basically, DV stays committed to public service.
Archive.org porn librarians are out there preserving everything from filthy VHS phone-sex ads to lactation negotiations, proving once again that history belongs to the most committed perverts.A 67-year-old Villages sugar daddy allegedly turned a paid Tinder date into a retirement-community car chase, two intentional crashes, and...Stalked By A Mime Covered In Cooking Oil
Episode Summary
Turning Dinner Into a Throat Slurry And Buttcrack Fentanyl
Episode Summary
Monday’s show kicks off with fish-juice vomiting, rolls through a wearable laundry basket infomercial, stops for a painfully sincere queer-podcast apology, and somehow still finds time for a deformed raccoon hero, a burger slogan censorship fight, and Florida fentanyl stashed in every available body compartment.
The Surströmming Fish Juice and Sprite Challenge opens the show with exactly the kind of dry-heaving, sinus-burning regret you’d hope for when idiots start innovating fermented fish content.TV listener We Know Funny sponsors the episode with a shout-out for poet Andy Bennett, prompting Tim to immed...Cheese, Glorious Dick Cheese
Friday’s show is a beautiful trash fire of broke-guy financing, vegan dick songs, Meade Skelton losing his mind over self-checkout, a naked gun-runner, an Uber scissors stabbing, and ChatGPT allegedly cheering on a woman’s delusions all the way into traffic. Real feel-good summer material.
Josh Sakers returns from the vegan content graveyard with another horny plant-based anthem, once again making it crystal clear that animal products will shut down his crotch for business.Tim revisits Josh’s ancient cow-costume vegan propaganda, complete with teat-offering educational outreach and a lesbian on a park bench who immediately clocks him as...Blueberry Fetish And The Fat Feeder Fans
Episode Summary
Wednesday’s show is a real sampler platter of beautiful American rot: autistic train ecstasy, woodland white-pride poetry, a fat-fetish social network full of horny weirdos, a military asshole-blister crisis, Chuck Schumer possibly farting on C-SPAN, and a Florida woman accidentally rolling around with a license plate that basically says squeeze ass.
The episode opens with a deranged fake Kroger pear sale ad, complete with jam jars, pear bowls, pear pie, and poor Doug getting publicly blamed for ordering a truly irresponsible amount of fruit.Tim also mourns the fact that he missed Big Bo...Somali Child Brides for Old White Farmers - NEW SHOW!
Episode Summary
Monday’s show has everything a civilized brain rejects on contact: Pastor Steven Anderson getting hauled off to a psych ward, Galileo2333 defending Somali child brides like a speed-freak lunatic, horny old-man pet-store behavior in Florida, and a Disney-area creep getting romantic with a vacuum cleaner.
The show opens with an absolutely cursed international version of The Nanny, because apparently Tim decided everyone needed a multilingual stress test before the real garbage started.There is also a quick family update from the emergency Ashtabula trip, including ten hours of driving, three dogs, and the so...All Juiced Up On Thai Hookers
Episode Summary
This Best Of installment is a glorious grab bag of old-school DV filth, featuring a Thai prostitute speed-reading her menu, a hospital that promises to de-drunk you in ten days, Rain Florence offering foreskin restoration counseling for cash, and multiple people getting obliterated by trains because apparently railroad tracks remain irresistible to the profoundly stupid.
Tim checks in to explain the emergency Ashtabula trip, the ten-hour dog-filled car ride, the locked-up neck, and the mysterious blurry eyeball that turned the weekend into a full-body mechanical failure.The Best Of episode kicks off with Jeff...Diaper Boy Finally Gets Busted
Episode Summary
Friday’s show is a greasy buffet of hotline perverts, Andy Ditch getting busted over his diffuser stink offensive, a man who used his severed penis like a flammable prop, and a whole lot of gay panic disguised as patriot masculinity.
Frankie MacDonald delivers a weather update for Sydney, Nova Scotia that quickly becomes a celebration of sunshine, female fans, and women in bikinis wanting photos with him.Sorkon drops in from the far reaches of the universe to confirm he has visited multiple galaxies and planets, then somehow still finds time to report on...My Pubic Hair Is a Protective Fence
On Today's Show:
The episode kicks off with a mentally handicapped rendition of Proud Mary, which somehow rolls directly into the return of Prescription Lady, now remixed into a full-blown crystal-meth pop icon.Tim debuts a fresh musical abomination built from her one-word discography, including a tweaker rewrite of I Am a Happy Mall Walker Girl. Against all reason, it kind of slaps.Listener feedback continues pouring in for Prescription Lady, who has apparently become DV’s newest accidental superstar without ever learning a second lyric.Rachel Gerster somehow finds a new bottom by filming a litter box cr...America Celebrated 250 Years Deep in Someone’s Butthole
Episode Summary
The summer Sideshow sale gets revived after site issues blocked signups, so the annual “please support this stupidity before summer kills me” campaign is officially back on.Tim revisits the depressing majesty of the Great American State Fair, which still sounds less like a celebration and more like a heat-soaked recruitment expo with a single Ferris wheel and several kiddie-pool baptisms.An old DV bit called Freedom Fair turns out to have predicted this whole grotesque patriotic theme park almost two decades early, right down to the fascist carnival tone and nation-under-meatloaf energy.The comparison is unco...Abraham Lincoln Wants Man Pussy From Beyond the Grave
Judge Judy Found Your Groin Lesion
Episode Summary
Tim cracks open a gloriously sweaty Sideshow mess packed with busted national anthems, STD paperwork on Judge Judy, a toilet allegedly murdered by one very large backside, porn sites trying to become prestige TV, a woman dropping a public deuce on a public bus, school pickup line cocaine, and a parade of beautifully deranged voicemails.
Best Of opener, fresh chaos anyway: Tim checks in from Cincinnati, promises a new Sideshow episode later, and then immediately hurls everyone into a vintage freakshow featuring Rosie, toilet seats, and moon-based paranoia.Studio conditions: the air conditioning is...Eat That Pussy Like a Krispy Kreme
The Garbage Man Wants Your Pussy • Krispy Kreme Cunnilingus • Concert Seat Catastrophes
Today's episode begins with Tim pulling back the curtain on one of Tainted Broth's most beloved songs. You'll hear the hilariously awful "human demo" that eventually became A Whole Raw Load, proving that sometimes artificial intelligence really is smarter than the guy behind the microphone. The experiment continues as Tim feeds one of DV's classic constipation monologues into AI—with surprisingly spectacular results.
Then it's time to meet an apartment dweller who firmly believes the maintenance crew is secretly obsessed with her. What starts...
My Pussy's Dry, Officer - SIDESHOW
Today's Sideshow Exclusive starts with a reminder that your sleeping brain is a liar. Tim shares a "brilliant" sitcom idea he wrote down in the middle of the night about becoming the world's first third-shift day trader, only to discover in the morning that none of it makes any sense. Unfortunately, you've all got to suffer through it anyway.
Then it's time to check back in with everyone's favorite fake-autistic diaper enthusiast, Baby Andy, who's once again terrorizing the poor people assigned to care for him. After driving yet another caregiver to her breaking...
Jesus Delivered Me From Toe Lust - FIXED AUDIO
Note: This is a re-upload to fix an audio problem (Perver Marriage should sound better now)
Episode Summary
Monday’s show is an unholy Pride Month sendoff stuffed with gooners, foot fetish repentance, Katie Souza’s alien gynecology saga, and a racist livestream goblin getting outed for allegedly cozying up to a trans woman. Classy? No. Entertaining? Unfortunately, yes.
Namesake Jake sponsors the episode and requests an LGBTQ fagstravaganza for himself and boyfriend Matt, which means Tim kicks things off with a deranged hybrid of Mead Skelton’s “Pervert Marriage” and Tainted Br...Jesus Delivered Me From Toe Lust
Episode Summary
Monday’s show is an unholy Pride Month sendoff stuffed with gooners, foot fetish repentance, Katie Souza’s alien gynecology saga, and a racist livestream goblin getting outed for allegedly cozying up to a trans woman. Classy? No. Entertaining? Unfortunately, yes.
Namesake Jake sponsors the episode and requests an LGBTQ fagstravaganza for himself and boyfriend Matt, which means Tim kicks things off with a deranged hybrid of Mead Skelton’s “Pervert Marriage” and Tainted Broth’s version.The end-of-Pride festivities spiral immediately into a showcase of less Hallmark-friendly homosexuality: gooning, crucifix-ass Satan worship, and one determin...Remote Telepathic Pussy Cleaning And Testosteroney Twat
Episode Summary
The show opens with a Seinfeld-flavored test of patience remix and the usual DV bouquet of pussy talk, Jewish space lasers, and Tim politely telling the world to fuck off.Tim also gives a quick shout-out to Sinemax, the mastermind behind the glorious Seinfeld remix work that helped kick off the program in style.The opening monologue briefly flirts with racial disaster before swerving into a much safer target: terrible podcasts hosted by people who should never have bought microphones.Podcasting really was a mistake: Tim plays a clip from a barely coherent show and uses...Arby’s Has the Meats and All the Herpes
Episode Summary
Wednesday’s show serves up phone-based paranoia, a fresh crop of internet-brained lunatics, an Arby’s herpes lawsuit, and a Walmart scream-fight powered almost entirely by racial tension and cat-piss accusations. Basically, another nutritious breakfast from Distorted View Daily.
Brad Carter strikes again: Tim opens with a prank call masterpiece where a fake MetroPCS employee calls customers to say he’s been watching them through their phone camera and just wanted to mention they look nice today. A perfect premise if your goal is to send strangers directly into a privacy-induced psychotic break.Podcast networking...Animal Control Doesn't Care About Your Dick Sucking Side Hustle
Episode Summary
Monday’s show kicks off with a full-blown meltdown over checkers, detours into the feces-slicked world of Rachel Gerster, then barrels through a wildly inappropriate French class, a bloody pickleball assault, and a few listener calls to cleanse the palate with fresh stupidity.
Checkers betrayal: Tim discovers the official rules of checkers are apparently designed by lunatics, including the deeply offensive rule that if you can jump, you must jump, strategy be damned.Rachel Gerster returns: The Empathy Queen is back to explain why her house is marinating in dog piss, why she’s saving poop as...Poop Cop Promotions, Naked Hyponotists, And A Watermelon Felon
Episode Summary
Friday’s show lurches from Sandy Kane’s ancient, flopping public-access nudity to a naked VR hypnotist who used to bang animals, with stops at a peeling Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool, sovereign-citizen courtroom gibberish, racist parking-lot shrieking, and a Texas cop who somehow turned poop misconduct into a promotion.
Sandy Kane opens the show with her gloriously filthy version of Gloria, proving once again that age cannot kill a truly determined street goblin.Tim revisits the show’s long-running Gloria curse, from his own failed early cover attempt to Mead Skelton’s Laura Branigan obsessio...Trannic Panic And The Corrective Rape Twins
Episode Summary
Going To War With A Traveling Prostitute
Episode Summary
Monday’s show is a grimy little buffet of hooker drama, inflatable-fetish weirdos, retro computer sun-bleaching, midget balloon perverts, and a foot-modeling creep who allegedly turned Manhattan hotel rooms into audition-from-hell traps. Basically, everybody made terrible choices except maybe the dog who came home on her own.
Sagittarius Shouty returns in full territorial mode, threatening another sex worker, screaming about my city, and nearly turning a hotel hallway into a homicide scene over a fake-friend prostitute triangle.Tim discovers a new inflatable freak, Mesky Lynn, who loves pool toys so much he talks about th...The Filipino Dick-Washing Olympics - NEW SHOW!
Episode Summary
Friday’s show is a beautiful Pride Month trash fire featuring Grindr revenge through windshield destruction, a new 90 Day Fiancé swamp-ogre romance, a woman who learns the hard way that spitting on cops has consequences, an app that ranks your most stressful co-workers, and a wannabe John Wick threatening murder over his impounded dogs.
A gay brother smashes a windshield after discovering his sibling was allegedly using Grindr to lure and ghost gay men for laughs.Shay and Annabelle from 90 Day Fiancé arrive to ruin everyone’s appetite, thanks to a bathtub scrubdown, dirty-dick commen...The Shart Game Show of My Dreams
Episode Summary
This sponsored best-of from 2016 is a beautiful disaster built around Tim’s poop-fueled nightmare game show, a revolting BBC smegma sissy story, Frankie McDonald’s suspicious earthquake wizardry, a pastor blaming porn for a miscarriage, and a Florida gay ramen-noodle domestic battery. Vintage DV, in other words.
Ropes of Nut sponsors a best-of for the sheer joy of paying Tim to do almost nothing, which is honestly a strong business model.Tim reveals that after a scat-heavy show, he actually dreamed up an entire low-budget game show called Shard Attack, where contestants answer trivia whil...How The Holy Spirit Ruined A Perfect Strap-On Pegging Empire
Episode Summary
Wednesday’s show is stuffed with Knicks-fan race diplomacy gone sour, a fascinatingly unwell ex-phone-sex philosopher, planet-India manicure logic, a drunken Jewish street meltdown, Brad Pitt’s penis-cream trademark drama, and scientists bravely counting everyone’s farts so the rest of us don’t have to.
Knicks jubilation officially expires after a loss, turning a one-day N-word peace treaty into a sidewalk mob screaming Spurs jersey! at the nearest white guy.Soft White Underbelly lands an unexpectedly elite guest, an ex-phone-sex worker who explains male desire with dairy-farm metaphors and openly sketches out a pegging...A Lesson In Ejaculating Into Fat Flabs
Episode Summary
Monday kicks off with Pride Month preacher hysteria, a fresh batch of internet swamp creatures, and three gloriously stupid news stories involving stolen adult diapers, mummy sourdough, and magic mushrooms for Alzheimer’s. Basically, civilization is hanging by a skid-marked thread.
Angela Cummings returns to celebrate Pride Month the only way she knows how, by screaming about hell, Target bathrooms, and gay people existing in public.Andrew Ditch melts down over missing adult diapers, calls the cops, then escalates into full victim-mode theater when no one wants to treat his poop obsession like a fe...Horny for Exhaust Pipes and Brake Pedals
Episode Summary
Friday’s show is a proper freak buffet: Christmas rape audio, Katie Souza exposing George Costanza as a witch-mermaid operative, Indian airport fury, pedal-pumping car fetish weirdness, VRChat wedding sabotage, an old lady Liam Neeson scam beatdown, and a man turning cartoon characters into fleshlights for art. Somehow it all feels alarmingly on-brand.
Katie Souza returns with fresh prophetic nonsense, this time insisting that George Costanza, mermaids, witches, and Mother Earth worshippers are interfering with a land purchase.Proximity crashes a VRChat wedding and turns a fake ceremony into a screaming pile of DID, po...What Is Sleep-Cocking and How It May Improve Your Apnea ?
Episode Highlights
Trans vs. Trans on Piers Morgan goes completely sideways when a non-binary guest tries to jump in, Piers starts poking at pronouns like a confused old bulldog, and Blair White gets squeezed out of her own segment.Sleep-cocking research uncovers a woman apparently snoring with a penis still in her mouth, prompting Tim to wonder whether throat vibrations count as a legitimate bedroom technique.Chris Hansen busts a Santa Claus with erectile dysfunction who allegedly wanted to pay a father to perform oral sex on a 13-year-old girl. Merry Christmas, everyone.Piers Morgan hosts a trans...Monkey Jerkoff Trauma and the Fish Backpack Felon
Episode Summary
Monday’s show is a real mixed bag of brain damage: a rogue helicopter patriot screaming about national security, Tim’s mom getting a birthday serenade through a garbage phone connection, boundary-coach nonsense, grocery-cart warfare, bird-soul rebirth, bent-phone scam artists, and two fresh Florida updates featuring a fish backpack and stolen breast-milk Stanley ambitions.
The show opens with a gloriously mangled Sideshow sale plug, complete with a fake island accent that keeps mutating into Italian by way of manicotti.Then comes a public-comment clip from David Thompson, who storms the mic to warn America abou...Gunpowder S’mores and Anniversary Pegging
Episode Summary
Friday’s show is a real romantic buffet of human failure: anniversary pegging audio, a Thailand hookup meltdown, backyard gunpowder s’mores, illiterate adults short-circuiting on index cards.
Peter and Marissa’s two-year anniversary sponsorship gets the full DV treatment, which naturally means romance is expressed through violent pegging clips and repeated demands to “rape my boy pussy.”A disastrous trip to Thailand ends with one furious tourist demanding a refund and an apology after realizing the “woman” he paid for was, in fact, a ladyboy he had already enthusiastically plowed.Tim stares directly into the colla...Licensed Crack Dealer At Your Service
Episode Summary
Today’s show is a lovely little buffet of public meltdowns, fake radio hell, McDonald’s breakfast propaganda, a therapist who immediately forgets therapy, an airplane aisle bulldozer, barn-ready Mead nonsense, and a Florida crack theme that really ties the room together.
A full-on McDonald’s breakfast sandwich ad assault opens the show, complete with jingles, fake station IDs, and the deeply 80s revelation that yes, your breakfast can now be held in your hand.Tim marvels at the old campaign’s insane level of commitment, as if America needed to be gently educated into und...Grandpa Dry Humped the Ring Doorbell
Episode Summary
Memorial Day on DV means patriotic confusion, old-person oversharing, racist seafood-service disasters, naked Florida menace behavior, and a fresh batch of dirtbag streamer filth. Tim also spends a shocking amount of time trying to fix the American calendar, which honestly might be the most reasonable thing in the whole episode.
The show kicks off with a gloriously hateful Westboro Baptist Church medley, because nothing says holiday spirit like anti-America hymns, flaming towers, and a whole lot of foaming-at-the-mouth righteousness.Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and the deeply unnecessary Armed Forces Day all get dragged into...Crystal Meth Cock Opera
🔥 Episode Summary
Tim digs deep into the DV vault for a classic gay porn review episode featuring Palmer’s Lust — a low-budget gay thriller filled with terrible acting, bizarre accents, crystal meth energy, and desert hostage drama. Plus: wedding rap disasters, breakup folk songs, Walmart rebellion, Pornhub’s top searches of 2018, and giant satellite-visible penguin shit stains.
Today’s cinematic masterpiece stars gay porn legend Jeff Palmer as:
a male prostitutea terrible actora man incapable of pronouncing words correctlyPlot highlights include:
jealous businessman power bottomsAustralian hostage loversdesert dumpingprolonged bad accentsaggressive overactingwaves crashing to...The Trans Leukemia Orchestra
🔥 Episode Summary
Today’s episode spirals from fake vampire disorders and “trans leukemia” roleplay into a Walmart butt-eating confrontation, a McDonald’s fry contamination revenge plot, and a family receiving bonus human ashes inside an Amazon urn. Also: music designed specifically for fucking cars.
Tim discovers a bizarre non-AI concept album devoted entirely to having sex with vehicles.
Featured tracks include:
“Wheels of Pussy”“Bitch Truck”“Bulldozer Sex”The full album is somehow real and fueled entirely by rage.
Today’s cast of attention-seeking weirdos includes:
The UV Vampire LadyDID TikTok Me...Dead People Fat in Your Penis Shaft
Episode Summary
Monday’s show opens with a full guided tour through Pizza Boy 3, a 1994 gay-porn crime thriller so stupid it may have actually killed its own franchise, then swerves into neighborhood camera warfare, racial baby-policing, Pokemon handgun negligence, dead-fat penis injections, and a few lovingly deranged freak check-ins.
Tim kicks off the week by diving headfirst into classic 1990s gay pornography, specifically Pizza Boy 3, a Catalina production with a bloated intro, a pizza-front escort ring, and enough bad acting to qualify as a neurological event.The real star returns: the demolition-guy-next-door-raped-me kid, now upgraded to pi...Smart Underwear for Your Demonic Ass Gas
Episode Summary
Friday’s show is a greasy little sampler platter of therapeutic nonsense, human pet-play home improvement, drunk-driver denial, a substitute teacher going fully unglued, and technology that now tracks your ass gas like it’s your heart rate. The future is stupid and smells bad.
Opening Chaos
A fake Discount Drug Mart ad kicks things off with soy sauce colon cleanse, vaginal garlic cloves, and Dr. Strange Poon’s Oil of Oregano, because apparently every medical emergency can be solved with pantry items and bad decisi...
Grandma’s Stinky Feet Are Waiting For You
Episode Summary
Wednesday’s show serves up a belated birthday apology, grandma foot-crush porn, a trashy basketball-parking war, a reality makeover ambush for a 41-year-old woman in pigtails, a man hauling a car with his penis while on fire, and a Florida pool-party masturbator. Just a normal midweek spiral.
Brian’s belated birthday sponsorship kicks off the show after Tim realizes he completely whiffed on Tuesday’s request thanks to a double-booked sponsorship and yesterday’s cursed Sextastic Tuesday nonsense.Marla wanted some old-school funny porn for her fiancé, which leads Tim straight into a pit of granny...A Warlock Traveled Through The Earth For Christian Ass - NEW SHOW!
Episode Summary
Monday’s show is a rich stew of birthday flatulence, Christian wizard warfare, Starbucks demonology, an enraged Walmart patriot, diamond-smuggling digestive drama, and a European contest devoted entirely to screaming like a seagull. In other words, a very normal start to the week.
Dragon Cum’s birthday gets honored with a sponsorship request, an insensitive reenactment, and a deeply cursed Commodore 64 “Happy Birthday” performance that sounds like a computer farting out affection.Tim proudly unveils his new low-tech masterpiece after apparently spending forever whistling notes into ancient hardware like a man trapped in an 8-bit hos...Sex Party Line Schizophrenia
Episode Summary
A last-minute Monday best-of turns into a beautiful disaster: Lord Douche’s mug crisis finally ends, the world nearly gets flattened by space junk, the sex party line coughs up fresh lunatics, and Tim revisits one of the filthiest, weirdest freak-show episodes from 2013.
The long national nightmare is over. Tim and Lord Douche somehow found the exact same mug at a thrift store for 99 cents, right down to the shape and style, just with a different promotional logo.Tim briefly entertains the funniest possible bad idea, which is smashing the replacement mug directly in fr...Turn Those Hemorrhoids Into Hemorrhoidade
Episode Summary
Friday’s show is a beautiful mess of zombie sponsorship theater, Lord Douche treating a water outage like the collapse of civilization, aggressively heterosexual gay porn, subway lunatics, and a Florida man trying to make calls on his shoe. Just a normal week-ending bouquet of rot.
Bleached Asshole sponsors the episode and requests a full-on home invasion zombie intro, complete with yelling, biting, and enough confusion to make normal listeners briefly question reality.Tim floats the idea of doing an entire episode as a zombie for the right price, because apparently the show now ha...