Grumble Goat

40 Episodes

By: Mat Labotka & Veronique Hurley

Welcome to Grumble Goat: A comedic grumbling of mundane trivialities. Mat Labotka and Veronique Hurley grumble through life's little pet peeves. Do you hate gum? Have you ever thought about it? You probably hate gum without even realizing it. Follow Mat's absurd infuriation down the rabbit-hole into frustration, while Veronique's bouyant optimism keeps us afloat... of the Grumble Goat. Learn more about your hosts: &

Line Bunching

Humankind’s domination of the planet has created a population explosion. Unfortunately, the Earth only possesses limited resources. There’s a finite amount of water, a limited supply of oil, and only one Six Flags Magic Mountain. Which means for every human to receive their fair share of Blast Cyclone rides or stale churros, we have to form lines. Nobody likes waiting in line, but it’s the most equitable way to ensure everyone gets the Disney on Ice tickets they need. And everyone knows that the closer you are to the front of the line, the sooner they get wh...

Box Liquid

The world is a messy place. Earth is a chaotic, teeming, moist stew of life, death, decay, and El Ninos. But we humans love order. We thrive on organization and structure. And we love rectangles. The Great Pyramid of Giza is a shrine to the structural perfection of stackable rectangles. Rectangles are neat and tidy, perfect for organization. Our cities are monuments to the sky-scraping rectangles organized around square blocks of long avenues. We stack rectangles of information in Excel spreadsheets. And we try to cram the nasty chaos of nature into rectangles via fish tanks and dog kennels...


As humankind developed, our ancestors decided that different grunts could have different meanings. From language’s humble beginnings, it did not take long before one caveman doubtlessly claimed that his wheel was the better wheel. And, lo, was the birth of advertising. Once constrained by the distance a voice could be carried, advertising grew as powerful as an AM wavelength, a broadcast market, a satellite dish, and even the global network of the world wide web. From the zeppelin of Goodyear to the Instagram-choking sensory overload sponsor bazaar, commercials have infiltrated every corner of our vision and every vibration of...

Slow Moving People

Behold! The future is now! Long has humankind dreamed of an age where labor could be performed by automaton. Fields are sowed by the growling colossus of steel oxen. Clothes are sewn by the whirling dervish of Rumbling-Stiltskin. Buildings are erected by hydraulic giraffes, and politicians are elected by algorithmic Gerrymanders. Our bodies are no more than weak lumps of fragile flesh in the face of the automated landscape of our gas-powered industrial robot laborers. Now, utilizing ones body has no more function than button-pressing or leisure. Walking, once the first steps of becoming human, is now delegated to...

The Beach

Eons ago, somewhere along our long evolutionary line, a creature had sense enough to get out of the ocean. The terrifying depths hold every manner of horrible nightmare: frigid currents, clouded darkness, and flesh-eating monsters both tiny and colossal. Land is a much more peaceful place. And now, in our gratitude to our scaly ancestors, we pay homage to their moist beginnings annually, with a day on the border between land and sea. We shed our clothing and face the terrors that our forefishes faced that day. Sand and sun, salt and silt, and the terrifying feel of murky...

People on Bicycles

Life is driven by rhythm. There are heartbeats, breaths, and circadian rhythms. And so, collectively, society has rhythms. Like an ant colony with traffic lights, the collective moves with organized beats. Automobiles and pedestrians move at different tempos through the streets, but the rhythm is constant. Until something syncopates that rhythm. The amateur, improvisational jazz musicians of the street are the chaotic heathens that dare to ride a bicycle. But are they creating nuances within the chord or are they nuisances of discord? Join Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Nathan Garcia – as we speak about spokes and prattle about People on B...


The new term for ‘Mainstream Popularity,’ is ‘Going Viral.’ The national attention used to be captured by iconic trends that picked up steam and slowly rose to prominence. Pet rocks, the Hula-Hoop, and radioactive karate turtles all grew popular with impromptu playground show-and-tell. But the world has changed. Every child has a handheld brainwash screen that blasts ads directly into their brains by the millions. The spread is viral. Like the Coronavirus, the nation is held hostage by the rapid spread of uncontrollable plague. Corporate merchandising dictates the trends rather than the natural order of word-of-mouth. There is no better e...


At some point along the evolutionary timeline, some creature had sense enough to get out of the water. A quick dip is fun, but living the soggy lifestyle of blobfish isn’t for everyone. Humanity prefers the dry life. An occasional can of corn syrup mixed into carbonated water is all we need of that annoying liquid. Then the summer heat evaporates that oozing wetness like a soggy blanket. Suddenly there’s moisture everywhere. My skin is wet, my lungs are wet, my sweat is wet, my towel is wet. How do you dry off when the air is fill...


If all the world is a stage, then it must be the abandoned studio floor of Whose Line is it Anyway. Everybody seems to be improvising and nobody can find the script. On a legitimate theatre stage, everyone knows their blocking, their cues, and their lines. At least, they’re supposed to. The trouble with brains is that there’s no USB slot to transfer data. Brain data-entry is more akin to etching words in stone. Repeatedly jabbing it slowly in there until there’s permanent scarring. Join Mat and Veronique for a backstage tour of the mesmerizing glamor of Mem...


Guest Grumbler: Christina Germaine

Evolution may have created the intelligent mind and sinuous body that is humankind, but humankind has added its own upgrades. The barefoot, naked cavemen that discovered fire have moved on to inventing clothing, accessories, seasonal apparel, and yes, fashion. Let’s cover those hideous feet, my fashionistas; and let’s do it in style! Conceal that toe jam by jamming those toes in some snake skin loafers while we accentuate those calves by force-flexing those ankles with inhumane arch suffering. Join Mat, Veronique, and Guest – Christina Germaine – as we pump footwear technology past the poin...

Strangers Taking Pictures

The Digital Age has led to an explosion of photography. Since we all have our phones in our hand twenty-four […]

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Reruns: Listening

We don’t have a fresh Grumble this week, but it may be time to revisit the topic of ‘Listening.’ It […]

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Food Commentary

Food is life. Food is the very foundation of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Humans need food multiple times every single […]

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Nonsense Photographs

In our fleeting mortality, humans have long dreamed of capturing a moment in time. The long, arduous evolution from cave-paintings […]

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Happy Endings

Civilization is nothing more than a collection of stories. The encyclopedia is the running catalogue of tales that make up […]

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After names, the most fundamental identity we have is age. Any news article, wanted poster, or Bumble match lists that […]

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Reruns: Gift Giving

Back by popular demand! Veronique wants to share her favorite episode this week! In honor of Guest Grumbler, Spencer’s birthday, […]

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Garbage by the Door

Since the advent of cave-painting, humankind has developed a taste for a well-kept home. From the chimney sweep to Marie […]

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From the ancient days of humankind, we have captured the beauty of the world in the form of painting. From […]

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Reruns: 10,000 Steps

Back by popular demand! Veronique wants to share her favorite episode this week! Winner of the G.O.A.T. Award for Best […]

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No animal has mastered the use of sound like Humankind has. We invented language. We invented music. We didn’t invent […]

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Hating Taxes

There are few things as universally reviled in this world as the repugnant idea of taxes. The image of the […]

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School Lunch

Guest grumbler: Mike Figs! Humanity currently holds the deed to the Earth. The dinosaurs once held this privilege, which they […]

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G.O.A.T. Awards!

Welcome to the first annual G.O.A.T. Awards! Awards season is upon us, and just like the Hollywood elite, the content […]

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Humankind is set apart from the rest of the Kingdom of Animals.  For instance, our thumbs are backward.  But the […]

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The Apocalypse

The end is nigh.  The Fourth Horseman, Conquest, has just reared his head in Russia, joining his brothers Pestilence, Famine, […]

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Calling Women Girl

Since time immemorial, humanity has looked to its elders for sage wisdom. Crows feet carry more respect than an Ivy […]

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A home is a sacred concept. A healthy mind requires a safe haven that we can call our own. The […]

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Valentines Day

The digital age has changed the way humankind interacts with the world. The sun is a convenient light source, but […]

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Being Away

There is, in humankind, an innate desire for exploration. We long to see what’s just over the horizon. We turn […]

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Dibs – Chicago Style

Ownership is something that humankind takes very seriously. For real estate we have deeds. For vehicles we have titles. For […]

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Streaming Algorithms

Of the many types of conflict humanity faces, the supreme first-world conflict of the modern age is Man vs. Boredom. […]

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Fast Food Menus

In ages past, on a cold and drizzly night, weary travelers might have boarded their horses and themselves at a […]

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New Year’s Eve

Humanity has always longed to peek into the future. Soothsayers and shamans have long bilked the laymen with promises of […]

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Reruns: Christmas Music

Back by popular demand! Veronique wants to share her favorite episode this week! From last Winter: The Winter Solstice approacheth. […]

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Mispronouncing Names

Evolution has blessed humankind with innumerable cheat-codes for domination over nature. Not least of which is the power of complex […]

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French Fries

Guest grumbler: Gaby Labotka Any cuisinier would tell you that the most crucial aspect of any dish is proper pairing. […]

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Blowing Things Up

Guest Grumbler: Kevin Paley In the post pandemic world we are experiencing worker shortages, soaring gas prices, and supply chain […]

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Avocado Toast

Guest Grumbler: Darius Anthony Robinson Society relies on ritual. Like putting a pine tree in our homes at the start […]

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Thanks Giving

There is much in our world to be grateful for. Air travel, edible underwear, or online quizzes to tell us […]

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