Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort

What happens when childhood bullying ends, but your body still acts like you’re under threat?

In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort sits down with award-winning sociologist and author Dr. Trevor Hoppe to explore the long-lasting effects of childhood bullying — not only on our mental health, but on our bodies, relationships, and sense of self.

Dr. Hoppe introduces the idea of “embodied vigilance”: the ways repeated bullying and childhood trauma can leave the body stuck in a state of protection long after the danger has passed. Drawing from his ongo...

Richard D. Jewell, CPRC is a certified peer recovery coach with Lifeboat Addiction Recovery Services, a SAG-AFTRA actor, educator, investigator, and longtime advocate for addiction recovery and personal transformation. His work has taken him across criminal investigations, higher education, workforce development, addiction recovery, and the film industry. Today, he works directly with individuals and families impacted by substance use disorder, helping people navigate recovery, access support, and build meaningful lives rooted in worth, wellness, and hope.

In this conversation, Richard Jewell and Dr. Joe Kort explore what recovery looks like today and how the field has changed...

Dr. Tanginika "Tangie" Cuascud joins the Smart Sex Smart Love Podcast with Dr. Joe Kort to discuss evolving ideas on sex and sexuality in relationships, erections, a surprise on sexlessness and gender, and more.

Tangie is the founder of the Texas Sexual Health specializing in action-based sexual rehabilitation and work with individuals and couples experiencing erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation, performance anxiety, sexual disconnection, and sexless relationships.and you can find her online at:

www.texassexualhealth.com
 @TheSexDoctor on YouTube
Instagram: @TheSexDoctorRx
Facebook: Dr. Tanginika Cuascud

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Dan Savage is an internationally known sex advice columnist, author, activist, podcaster, and longtime host of the Savage Lovecast. For decades, his work has helped shape public conversations about sex, relationships, dating, marriage, monogamy, non-monogamy, LGBTQ+ issues, kink, sexual honesty, and modern intimacy. He is also known for coining terms such as monogamish, pegging, and GGG, and for speaking openly about the topics many people are afraid to discuss.

In this conversation, Dan Savage and Dr. Joe Kort explore why so many couples avoid honest conversations about sex, desire, monogamy, cheating, and relationship agreements. Dan discusses why...

Michael Pezzullo, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, gay men’s therapist, relationship coach, speaker, and creator of Therapy for Gay Men. His work focuses on helping gay men understand the deeper emotional and relational patterns shaping their dating lives, sexuality, attraction, confidence, self-worth, trauma, addiction, intimacy, and relationships.

In this conversation, Michael Pezzullo and Dr. Joe Kort explore why gay men often repeat the same dating and relationship patterns, why emotionally unavailable men can feel so compelling, and how early experiences, insecurity, shame, and the desire to belong can influence who me...

Master Arch is a fetish worker, pro dom, fetish creator, death escort, and financial fetishist whose work explores the deeper emotional and psychological sides of fetish culture. His work focuses on financial domination, emotional masochism, shame, power exchange, masculinity, vulnerability, and the ways people use erotic experiences to access feelings they may not be able to express anywhere else.

In this conversation, Master Arch and Dr. Joe Kort explore the psychology behind fetish, BDSM, financial domination, and emotional power exchange. Master Arch explains how FinDom is only one small part of the larger fetish world, and how...

Ray Aubel is a hypnotherapist, positivity coach, and founder of Intuitive Mind Hypnosis whose work focuses on helping people break free from anxiety, self-doubt, and deeply ingrained subconscious patterns. Through hypnosis and coaching, Ray helps clients understand how early experiences, shame, and social conditioning can shape the way they see themselves, relate to others, and move through the world.

In this conversation, Ray and Dr. Joe Kort explore how hypnosis can be used to quiet the conscious mind and work directly with the subconscious. Ray explains how patterns such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, hypervigilance, and self-sabotage often develop...

Juliane Maxwald is a licensed psychoanalyst and AASECT certified sex therapist whose work focuses on the deeper psychological dynamics shaping sexuality, desire, and relationships. With over 15 years of experience, she integrates psychoanalytic theory with modern sex therapy to help individuals and couples understand how unconscious patterns, attachment, and past experiences influence their intimate lives.

In this conversation, Juliane and Dr. Joe Kort explore the idea that sex is more than behavior, it is a window into the unconscious. Juliane shares how desire, arousal, and even sexual struggles often reflect deeper emotional patterns, including unresolved trauma, relational dynamics...

Jessica Levith is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and certified sex therapist whose work focuses on how life experiences shape sexuality. Trained in attachment focused EMDR and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, she helps clients understand their sexual identities through the lens of personal history, culture, relationships, and emotional development.

In this conversation, Jessica and Dr. Joe Kort explore the idea of sexual contextualism, a framework that looks at sexuality as something shaped by our life experiences rather than something fixed or easily categorized. Jessica introduces the concept of sexual emergence, the moment when someone realizes a...

Justin Depow is the inventor of C*ck Block, the first sex tech product designed specifically to combine penetration and frot in one shared experience. After leaving a successful corporate career in product management, Justin took a personal challenge and turned it into a bold entrepreneurial journey. Following years of struggling with undiagnosed pelvic floor dysfunction that made anal sex painful and anxiety producing, he began questioning why intimacy in gay male culture was so narrowly defined. What started as a deeply personal frustration evolved into more than a decade of research, prototyping, and persistence to create a product...

Dr. Paul Benson is the founder, owner, and Medical Director of Be Well Medical Center in Berkley, Michigan, a family medicine practice established 45 years ago. He is proud to share he was the first LGBTQ physician to open a medical practice in Metro Detroit, creating a safe, affirming space for patients of all backgrounds, especially those too often overlooked or mistreated in healthcare. While he did not set out to become an HIV specialist, the timing of opening his practice in 1980 placed him at the very beginning of the AIDS epidemic, when fear and stigma kept many providers from...

“I often am asked, ‘why on earth would you want to run for office in such dangerous political times?’ My response is simple: if we back down now when we are afraid, we’ve already lost.” Kali Scales is running for State Representative of District 5, which encompasses Oak Park, Royal Oak Township and Northwest Detroit. If she wins, she will be the first transgender person elected to an office in Michigan. The question that naturally comes to mind for many, including Scales, is this: “will they vote for me because I am trans, or will they vote for me because they...

Patriarchal expectations of men remain strongly embedded in our society and culture, but it’s time to break the guy code.

Men are stuck in a bubble internally; they are supposed to be stoic, strong and masculine, and uphold rigid norms placed on them from the past several generations, reports Dr. Christopher Wilson, a certified sex therapist who works with cishet and non-cishet men who are struggling with the patriarchal negative and want to break free of it. 

Women have been hurt disproportionately through the years by the patriarchal model – voting rights...

For many years, researchers categorized sex as a biological drive like thirst, hunger, sleep or temperature control. But the question lingered, “what if you don’t have sex? What will happen to you?” Unlike thirst or hunger, individuals will survive without sex, says Dr. Adrienne Rowland, an AASECT-certified sex therapist specializing in sexual health and LGBTQIA+ affirming care. During this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, she discusses the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire and why both are normal, how to manage desire discrepancies, and what to do about male patriarchy systems that remain present today.

“W...

A New Zealand-born, Australian-raised writer, director, actor, model and fetish content creator, Julian Shaw began his filmmaking career in his teens. When COVID dried up his earnings, a friend suggested he explore Only Fans, an app that is redefining the sex industry. He found he could make easy money and get back on his feet monetarily, but he learned far more. In 2020, Shaw launched a subscription site, and to his amazement, some of his content placed him at the site’s top 1 percent. Fetish and sexuality can make for a lucrative career, he quickly found out. His content was no...

An internationally renowned champion for saving marriages, best-selling author and marriage coach Michele Weiner-Davis has written eight books, covering topics such as divorce busting, sex-starved marriages, and her most recent one – “Healing from Infidelity,” a topic we delve deeply into during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast.

“If it weren’t for the kids, we wouldn’t be trying to save our marriage,” is a statement Weiner-Davis hears often in her sessions with couples heading for divorce. How a therapist responds to that statement can make all the difference in what transpires, she has found from her...

We can't simply squeeze ourselves into expected heteronormative structures and find happiness. It’s not going to happen! That’s why Tom Bruett, a therapist and founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, wrote the book, The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, a guide that provides the tools to build a rich, deep gay relationship. In any romantic relationship or friendship, there will be differences. This is how we learn about our partners and ourselves, and how we can grow in a relationship. If we do not go through the differentiation process, it creates angr...

“I am promiscuous because I am curious,” reads an introduction to Soulmates: A History of Our Fetish for Feet,” a book authored by Adam Zmith, a writer and podcast producer whose work focuses on sex, queer identity, LGBTQ+ lives, history, art and desire. In my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Zmith shares that fetishes with feet are a centuries’ old pleasure that most cultural groups have explored. In fact, one in 6 people have fantasized about feet, and it is one of the most googled fetishes. It is a whole universe of pleasure, he has discovered. In my podcast, Zmith also tal...

In this powerful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort sits down with world-renowned trauma expert, psychiatrist, and author Dr. Frank Anderson. Together, they explore the many forms of trauma—relational, cultural, global, and more—and how our responses, not just our experiences, shape our healing journeys. Dr. Anderson opens up about his personal transformation, the writing of his memoir To Be Loved, and the deep belief that love and connection can heal trauma. 

You’ll hear insights on: 

You can build the body you want and live a healthy lifestyle with a few simple changes, says Amadeo Aram, a sports and exercise professional, certified personal trainer, and online fitness coach who works with gay men all over the world to help them build the body they always have dreamed of. It’s not complicated to achieve your goals, he emphasizes.  

Born and raised in Berlin, Germany, Aram conducts trainings online with his “tribe” of gay men – his community of like-minded individuals who face many of the same struggles when it comes to body image and health. A...

In this insightful episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, host Dr. Joe Kort welcomes Dr. Ronald Hellman, a distinguished psychiatrist and pioneer in LGBTQ+ mental health advocacy. Together, they delve into the concepts of "homosexism" and "sides," challenging longstanding cultural assumptions about gay male sexuality.

Dr. Kort and Dr. Hellman discuss the evolution of the term "side"—coined by Dr. Kort to describe gay men who prefer sexual activities other than anal intercourse—and how it has gained acceptance across dating apps and the broader LGBTQ+ community. Dr. Hellman shares his academic perspective on homosexism, a form of p...

In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love, Dr. Joe Kort interviews Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, and Dr. Jennifer Vencill dive into the complexities of sexual desire discrepancies between partners. They discuss the differences between libido, sexual desire, and sex drive, emphasizing that sexual desire discrepancies are common and should be normalized rather than pathologized. The episode highlights two types of libido: spontaneous and responsive, and how cultural narratives often misrepresent sexual experiences. The experts provide insights on how partners can navigate these discrepancies, focusing on communication, understanding individual motivations, and exploring pleasure beyond traditional scripts. Listeners are encouraged...

In this episode of Smart Sex, Smart Love's fifth season, Dr. Joe Kort talks with Jay Kaplan, an attorney for the ACLU of Michigan’s LGBTQ+ Project. Jay shares insights on the Trump 2.0 administration’s executive orders affecting LGBTQ+ rights, particularly policies targeting transgender individuals.

They discuss the removal of LGBTQ+ references from federal websites, restrictions on gender-affirming care, and the reinstatement of the transgender military ban. Jay explains the legal challenges being filed to stop these policies and how they impact civil rights.

The conversation also covers how the LGBTQ+ community can respond, the impo...

“For a while, we thought we were a fluke in the system,” announces Samantha Wynn Greenstone, a social media influencer and actor who “came out” less than two years ago about her unconventional marriage to a gay man. Through social media communications with Smart Sex, Smart Love host, Joe Kort, Greenstone and her husband, Jacob Hoff, finally were able to “label” their relationship as “mixed orientation.”  

The couple fell in love, were married last November, and have been talking about their monogamous relationship – a “soulful connection” – as Hoff describes it, in People Magazine, The New York Times and social media. 

...

“I remember my dad telling me when I was 12 or 13 that I was too old to play with toys,” reports internationally known Barbie collector Jim Taylor. He opened Season 4 of Smart Sex, Smart Love by talking about why he began collecting Barbies, and now is the proud owner of more than 3,000 dolls. 

“I played with traditional boy toys growing up,” he points out. “I loved transformers.” As he got older, his desire to play with toys never diminished. Finally, when Taylor was well into his 20s, he decided, “I can do what I want, and I’m going to buy toys...

“I wanted to call my book, Go F**** Yourself, but I didn’t think the publishing world would accept it or get it,” laughs Eric Sprankle, PhD, author of DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. The professor of clinical psychology and co-director of the sexuality studies program at Minnesota State University in Mankato was a guest on my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. He talked about his DIY book, which debunks dozens of century old myths about masturbation that many still believe today. 

Here's a glimpse into his book and my podcast:

“If suffering is at the very core of the trans experience, what do we have to look forward to?” questions Rae McDaniel, a non-binary, therapist, coach, and transgender diversity and inclusion educator. “I think the world is better when we all get to be our authentic self, free from shame and guilt.”

McDaniel is the author of a book, “Gender Magic: Live Shamelessly, Reclaim your Joy and Step into your Most Authentic Self,”a first-of-its-kind practical guide to achieving gender freedom with joy, curiosity and pleasure for transgender and non-binary individuals, gender explorers and those who love them.

...

Christine DeLozier, a food expert, research scientist and licensed acupuncturist, combined all of her talents to produce a book entitled, “Diet for Great Sex: Food for Male and Female Sexual Health.” You can have great sex if you eat certain foods and reduce consumption of other foods, her research shows. During my Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, DeLozier talks about how great sex is much more than being with the right person and being in the right mood. Throw in the right foods and watch your sexual pleasure skyrocket, she finds. Sex is better when we have good blood flow...

“When I was in my first year of medical school, I finally came out to my homophobic dad and it did not go well,” announces Ron Holt, DO, a board certified psychiatrist, author and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. “I never want anyone to go through my traumatic experience,” and that is why Dr. Holt is such a relentless champion for the LGBTQ+ community. He has presented talks nationally for more than 15 years on the consequences of bullying, suicide risk reduction, access to quality health care for the LGBTQ+ population, and how to provide a safe and welcoming clinical and mental h...

Professor Eric Schrimshaw has conducted extensive research on a variety of topics related to the LGBTQ+ population, including HIV prevention and treatment, the use of pornography by gay and bisexual men, men involved in sex work online, and most recently, on behaviorally bisexual men, a topic we discussed in this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. In this particular study, the research team focused on men who identify themselves socially as heterosexual, but they reported in the study that they are having sex with men and women, including their wives and girlfriends who do not know they are having sex...

Alex de la Cruz started his career in advertising and moved into product design, specializing in drinkware and dinnerware for some of the largest retailers in the country. After 15 years, he felt stagnate and needed a change. His creativity, innovation and own traumatic personal journey led to the beginnings of Bator Balm, a men’s edging lubricant that enhances the bating experience and has strengthened a sense of community among bators. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Alex tells his story of masturbation shame, how he overcame it, how Bator Balm has become a household name among bators, an...

Sex, romance, death and divorce are just four of the subjects the Old Gay Guys explore during this Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. Bill Lyons, 79; Jessay Martin, 70; Robert Reeves, 80; and Mick Peterson, 67; like to call themselves the “Old Gay Guys,” but that doesn’t even come close to describing who they are and the impact they have made on literally millions of lives! The four friends modeled for Men’s Health, and “we dropped our pants” when we were asked,” they all laugh about their first “exposure” to celebrity status. They were introduced through Grindr and then began TikTok messages in late 2...

Since the pandemic, sexual empowerment has increased 30 percent and sexual self-esteem now is 50 percent higher. Why the change, and is this good? Searah Deysach, a sex educator and owner of Early to Bed and Trans Essentials, answered those questions and many more in my recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. 

“COVID changed our lives quickly and abruptly,” she begins. “Suddenly we were forced to spend time alone, or alone with our partner. “We were talking about our relationship more and what we wanted; we had to verbalize our thoughts, feelings and desires more often.”

Deysach own...

Conventional wisdom tells us it takes two people with an equal commitment to save a marriage. Winifred Reilly does not share that way of thinking, and she can prove it. Living in a 10-year static marriage, she applied her therapeutic skills to her own relationship journey. More than 35 years later, her marriage is stronger than ever, she continues to use these techniques very successfully in her therapy practice, and she has written a book, “It Takes One to Tango,” which demonstrates how to rescue a marriage with almost no help from your spouse. In this Smart Sex, Smart Love podc...

In my first Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast for Season 4, I opened it quite explosively with featured guest, Boyslut Zachary Zane, as he likes to be called.

At the young age of 32, Zachary is quite accomplished. He is a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, author and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, culture and the LGBTQIA community. Recently, he wrote a book, Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto, and we talked about it – very openly, candidly and explicitly.

Bisexuality has had very little visibility over the years, Zachary notes. “I felt so alone and so isol...

Can a heterosexual woman unexpectedly fall in love with another woman? Can a gay man eroticize about a heterosexual woman? It is in our human capacity to respond to our sexuality even though society is not quite accepting of sexual fluidity. What exactly is sexual fluidity? According to Lisa Diamond, professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah, sexual fluidity is the capacity for flexible erotic responses. For the past 25 years, Dr. Diamond has studied the development and expression of gender and sexuality. She is best known for her research on sexual fluidity, and wrote a...

Nic Reveles, somatic sex educator and sexological bodyworker, has dedicated the past several years of his life to helping gay, bisexual and queer-identified men recover from the trauma imposed on their bodies by culture, church and family in a centuries’ old attempt to control sexuality and sexual expression. 

“Coach Nic” developed Body Prayer to reclaim the Sacred for our Erotic Bodies. In his new profession – he was a reknown musician for more than two decades and then shifted careers to the Catholic priesthood before choosing sexological bodywork – he helps men learn to enjoy their bodies more, deepen their sacre...

Pornography is not an addiction; it is a way to escape from other issues in your life. In a recent Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Joshua Grubbs, PhD, a clinical psychologist and associate professor in the clinical psychology PhD program at Bowling Green State University, talks about addictions and how to gain a better understanding of them. 

He notes that research is exploding when it comes to understanding sex addiction … and whether it truly is an addiction. “The more we know about it, the more we need to know,” he finds. Not every problem we face is an addi...

“Someone asked me to choke him for a fee, and that is how it all started,” reports Master Arch, a fetish worker, ProDom, fetish creator, death escort and financial fetishist. Master Arch has been on the scene a long time and has a great deal to share about the Findom fetish. 

Financial domination (also known as Findom) is now more widely accepted; it no longer is a passing fad, Master Arch points out during a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast. It goes beyond fetish in the world of BDSM, and it is ethical, moral and therapeutic, Master Arch...

Narcissists engage in behaviors that will keep the world around them more comfortable, and they will trap you into believing their way of thinking is the only way of thinking. You do not have to be a victim in their life of manipulation. 

You won’t change a narcissist, but you can change how you handle yourself and cope more effectively with these situations. In a Smart Sex, Smart Love podcast, Matt Phifer, a therapist and expert in toxic relationships, narcissism, trauma and emotional abuse, talks about understanding narcissism and codependency, and how to detoxify from toxic rel...