The Steve & Jeff Show

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Tonight the show focuses on The Steve and Jeff Show Band's upcoming concept album, "Arial: Font of Knowledge." It will soon be available at all Tower Records stores, assuming you can find one. Our hosts took the night off and foisted hosting duties onto Lester Kurtis, last heard narrating the episode about Keith Richards many weeks ago. The band's album shows a wide range of musical styles and, in the tradition of all concept albums, tells a story that virtually no one will understand. The backstory of the album is just as opaque...

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Hear the latest from The Steve and Jeff Show Band!

#comedy #satire #irony 

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Our hosts welcome General Henry "Hank" Kimball, a Pentagon spokesman who is on the talk show circuit to promote the war in Iran. Or maybe the excursion in Iran. In any event, he's in the studio with our hosts and presents as clear and concise an explanation for the attack as you have ever heard. 

General Henry "Hank" Kimball - David Hayden

Steve - Steve

Jeff - Jeff

Intro and Outro music - The Steve and Jeff Show Band

#satire #comedy #podcast #improv #s...

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Meet the band! Well, sort of meet the band. They had an unfortunate delay at Joliet Correctional Facility and should be back on tour any day now. But our hosts brought Jeff's brother Ian in to thank him for hiring the band for the show and to learn a little more about them. The operative word is little, but our hosts enjoyed listening to samples of the band's long and genre-hopping career. Everything from juvenile rebellion to horny grunge to lunchmeat jingles and then back to rebellion. Who knows where the band will...

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The Steve and Jeff Show Band with a song about current events.

#iran #hormuz #strait #satire 

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So much has happened, podcast fans! First, Johnny is lost in the edible world, but just in time, Jeff's brother started managing musical acts and sent our hosts their own in house Steve and Jeff Show Band! They show their stuff in this episode. But I digress. The main point of the show is that our hosts interview their soon-to-be marketing chief, the ecumenical Lex Lutheran. Lex has a distinguished marketing career working for our king, and our hosts figured if she can sell that "administration" she can sell anything. They trade some...

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Reality-challenged as ever, our hosts find a review that, to them, is a rave review from their greatest fan. You be the judge. It won't be hard. Jeff becomes aroused while watching traffic on the Edens. Steve celebrated the review by treating his mom and Johnny to a Rob Schneider film festival. Speaking of Johnny, he was last seen asking the address of Edibles Schmedibles. 

Steve - Steve

Jeff - Jeff

Johnny - Dimitri Leary

"Film Flam Outro" by The Steve and Jeff Show Band

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As unavoidable as our own personal niyati, our hosts tackled the thorny yet fascinating issues of drugs and sex with their guest, Eddie Getgo, author of the limited best seller "Just Say No to Everything." He was basically talking about drugs and sex, not saying no to things like breathing or milk with brownies. Speaking of brownies, Jeff brought in a buffet of edibles for the staff and turns out Eddie helped himself to more than a couple. Once thoroughly buffeted, he developed a strong attraction to Miss Clare. She must have felt...

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With the untimely closing of the Kennedy Center, our hosts lucked upon an awards show for political cowardice that needed a venue. Never missing an opportunity, our hosts present the Lindsey Graham Profiles in Courage/Cowardice Awards for 2025. What a stunning array of nominees and honorable (sic) mentions. Award season has never been livelier. Steve returned the rented tuxedo he had just in case there were photos. Jeff summoned up the courage/cowardice to ask Kristy Noem for a date. Johnny briefly considers drinking less.

Steve - Steve

Jeff...

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As attentive to detail as usual, our hosts neglected to plan anything for Valentine's Day. But luckily our intrepid podcast hosts always have ideas--and they did not disappoint! They create holiday buffer zones, if you will, and why not apply them to birthdays and anniversaries? And why not solve world problems with them as well? Happy perpetual Saturday, and welcome to the Claudidian Race! Steve scheduled the show to post one minute later than usual, just to feel unconstrained. Jeff, always feeling unconstrained, nailed toothpicks into his new car's cup holder. Johnny asked...

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Ever the intrepid journalists, our hosts secured an exclusive interview with Nicolas Maduro, formerly of Venezuela, now residing in New York. While prepping to interview him, our hosts engage in an extended, informative, yet pointless discussion of various odd and extreme things they have run across while searching for something else. From the Carnegie Library to the Holy Roman Empire, you won't want to miss a single gem! Jeff is trying to invent a frictionless ruler. Steve thinks it's quite the coincidence that so many places have a body of water called Salt...

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Inspired to invent things that have never existed before, Steve finds a highly successful inventor who has agreed (for a fee) to be his mentor (for a year, under the terms of the program). His name believe it or not is Rodney Dangerfield, and you're probably using some of his inventions already. Just wait until you find out what he has coming soon! Steve writes down Uncle Sal's sayings in hopes of creating a new book. Jeff stayed in the studio to fully examine Rodney's last invention. Johnny is holding his breath.

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This week we go back to a show first aired last June, which seems timely once again. With so many public figures having public feuds these days, it was only a matter of time until our hosts had their own feud. Who knew it would be live in the studio in the middle of a show that was supposed to be about dream interpretation? Jeff may have fired the first shot, but a lot of people say Steve did and they don't care what the tape says, they're going with it. Miss Clare...

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When Jeff describes his recent bout of the flu, Steve wonders if it might be Jeff's horrible diet. After all, in the words of that great nutritionist Rodney Dangerfield, you are what you eat. Steve describes how his mom got him started on healthy eating and shares his mom's favorite recipes in hopes of improving Jeff's eating habits. Vodka sales should increase. 

Steve - Steve

Jeff - Jeff

Johnny - Bobby Beatflay

"Holiday for Strings" written by David Rose and performed by David Rose and h...

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Our hosts talk with a relative of Crash Davis and Smash Davis (former show guests) who is also on a quest for a Guinness Book of World Records record. Shipwreck Davis is focusing his record quest on Venezuelan fishing boats and has quite a good start thanks to the various boat attacks in recent times. Jeff plans a trip to Boca. Steve gave up song lyrics and quotes Eugene O'Neill. Johnny contemplates money without work, which is something he is skilled at. 

Steve - Steve

Jeff - Jeff

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Steve thought it would be good to do a shorter show than usual this week and have a shorter opening joke. Unfortunately, Jeff thought Steve said to do a show filled with short jokes. In a desperate attempt to keep the show going, achievements in bad taste ensued. Several little people have asked for equal time. Jeff said he still believes in elves. Steve wants to hit the bars with Johnny. Miss Clare keeps sniffing her hair. Noam Chomsky may write an essay about this episode.

Steve - Steve

...

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It's that time of the rolling year again, time for our hosts to admit they are terrible at making New Year's resolutions and even worse at keeping them. So of course, they rely on the millions of listeners to submit their resolutions. They do not disappoint. With all these resolutions, it should be a bang-up year, especially in Pennsylvania. Jeff considers changing his name to Mike Hunt. Steve resets his watch. Johnny refilled his lighter. Happy new year to all!

Steve - Steve

Jeff - Jeff

Johnny...

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Our hosts solve one of the greatest holiday problems--how to shop for families that share more than one faith. Well, at least the Christmas/ Hanukkah problem. One of their listeners actually solves it for them, but the listener doesn't have a podcast so Steve and Jeff get the credit. Steve is planning a record featuring his "ch" diction skills. Jeff found out the Gaza poster was a big hit. Miss Clare is dining on corned beef schnitzel. Johnny is off this week so is probably knocking back Popov with Steve's mom. 
Steve...

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Stumped with what to get people this Holiday Season, our hosts are aided by our king's answer to those "woke" Black Friday sales and they dive into the White House White Friday Sale product list. So many wonderful yet high priced bargains! Steve does song lyrics and actual singing, and neither is memorable. Jeff tries to clear his computer cache but some of those popups linger. Johnny quietly sings "Have Yourself a Gerrymandered Christmas" to himself. 

Steve - Steve

Jeff - Jeff

Johnny - Charles Dingus

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Faced with economic stress, our hosts shamelessly pander for advertising dollars by showing off how good their ads have been in the past. Maybe this will attract new ads. Maybe they can charge old advertisers again for running their ads. Either way, money is money. They shake down...I mean feature...Appropriation Station, Whose Sari Now, Pho King, Seoul's on Fire Kimchee, and so many more highlights of their advertising successes. They even have a new ad about our king that you won't want to miss. 

Steve - Steve

J...

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Steve tries out an AI-generated joke that falls as flat as wienerschnitzel under a car tire. This leads to a discussion of whether AI can be as funny, or dare I say funnier, than real people. With those AI versions of Steve and Jeff floating around, our hosts challenge their AI selves to a battle of the jokes, judged by our own Johnny who is probably not AI. The competition is fierce, and the jokes fly so fast you would think the Borsht Belt is gearing up for a comeback. Who will win...

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Our hosts bring Steve's mother and his new half-sister, Little Stevie, into Eccentric Ladyland Studios for a traditional family Thanksgiving dinner and podcast. Miss Clare provided the food and then left rather quickly. Steve's mom shows none of her 90+ years as she smokes, drinks, and sasses with the best. Jeff is shopping for Christmas at Stateville, and Joliet will never be the same. Steve is sure the opening joke will end soon. Johnny contemplates a future in child care. Little Stevie may overcome her Tourette's and have a great career as a motivational...

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Back from their deportation, our hosts are again in Eccentric Ladyland Studios and welcome Adolph Inkster, who Steve met at a psychic's convention. Mr. Inkster is the creator of AI as well as the creator of the Great Replacement Theory, and he explains how they are connected in ways we never wanted to know. The future looks bright for Mr. Inkster assuming he is not himself AI. Steve's stomach turns so badly he may not eat for a couple days. Jeff considers changing his last name. Johnny wound up getting the hiccups for...

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Still deported to Cozumel, our hosts take a test that, if passed, will get them back into the US. The problem is our hosts are very bad testees...wait...so to get ready they prepared with practice tests and decided to take the test live on the podcast. Thrill to their efforts to peer into the dark recesses and open sewer lines of the minds who create situations like this, and tests like this. Steve spent the rest of the day working out on the boxing speed bag. Jeff made a series of...

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Sure, Halloween is over. But don't you want to get a jump on what the trends will be for next year? We hope so, because the studio never got our hosts' tape this week from their deportation camp. So here is an encore presentation of the best in Halloween wear.

Steve and Jeff welcome back the delightful fashion influencer Chrysanthemum for a look at what is hot in Halloween costumes for this year. She lets us all know that the prevailing theme for this year is "slutty," and all other themes...

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Still at their deportation site (the Cozumel Hilton Resort and Deportation Center), our hosts talk about the rapid-fire revenge tour indictments coming out of the White House faster than Epstein denials. Steve's Uncle Sal's Rogers Park sports book hasn't been this active since the 2003 playoffs, and don't ever ask him about that one. Our hosts discuss the newest indictments and the substantial non-evidence behind them. Steve resorts to song lyrics again. Jeff wishes Taco Tuesday could last all week. Johnny takes pepper spray target practice. 

Steve - Steve

Jeff...

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Our hosts kick off season 4 from their new and hopefully temporary location, a deportation camp in Mexico. For once they found the silver lining though, because through a clerical error they wound up being deported to the Hilton Cozumel resort. I could tell you what the clerical error was, but you really should listen to the show and find out, and you should be ashamed of yourself for trying to find out without listening. Our hosts have made many friends among fellow deportees and recount the stories they've heard over a Don Julio...

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As season 3 winds down, and before season 4 starts next week, our hosts are informed that they must prove themselves to be REAL Americans in order to stay on the air, in the country, and on the planet. Conveniently, Johnny signed up with ICE, so he was deputized to administer the questions to see just how real our hosts are. We don't know the results yet, but I hear they both signed up for lessons in Spanish and Arabic, just in case. Play along at home and see whether you, too, may want to...

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They say true love conquers all, and just to prove it may be true occasionally, our hosts invite newlyweds Larry and Maria Milder to discuss their military deployments to American cities. See, Larry is with ICE and Maria is with the National Guard. One day a chance deportation put these two lovebirds together, and they share that love on this episode. I mean, not literally. Jeff considers a new cockfighting side gig. Steve decides to call his cousin Marci for some extra cash. Miss Clare mysteriously vanished with all of our hosts' passports...

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With our king's stunning return engagement in the UK, our hosts decided it was time to revisit an earlier show discussing his earlier visit. Jeff's wife Kathy loves podcasts--not this podcast, no, podcasts about the British Royal Family gossip. Steve and Jeff thought that since we now have our own king, it was time to invite onto the show someone who hosts a podcast about American Royal Family gossip. Ms. Stacy Blank, host of the hot podcast "A Royal Scam," (not the Steely Dan album) told us all kinds of goodies about our...

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Not only were our hosts simulated on an interview show they don't remember doing, but they learned that their show had been scammed by season after season of fake guests. Oh, they were real guests, they just weren't really who...well, if you listen to the episode you'll get it. Their cynicism melted just enough to bring on the host of the podcast they were (allegedly) interviewed on. The show is called I Have to Ask with Elizabeth Hess, or something like that, and Ms. Hess helped our hosts learn how to interview...

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The White House realized that DEI was actually important for American culture, so they decided to bring it back--but in a slightly different way. They announced their plans in one of several hundred executive orders that came out last week, but thankfully our hosts pulled it from the pile and can help people understand the changes. The new style is probably what you might expect. Anyone not already offended will be offended very quickly. Steve went over to that Italian mom's house for dinner. Jeff looked up whether he was owed any reparations...

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A listener emailed our hosts with an interview purporting to be them. As usual, our hosts do not remember a thing about granting an interview or anything about the interviewer, Elizabeth Hess. They listen to the interview and still aren't sure. AI is so advanced these days. Just ask any martini drinker. Jeff spent long hours in front of a mirror looking for the AI visual blur. Steve pinched himself and is 73% sure he's real. Johnny aspires to 73%.

Elizabeth Hess - Elizabeth Hess

Steve - Steve

Jeff...

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Loving animals and needing some company in Eccentric Ladyland Studios, our hosts set out to adopt a golden retriever. Sure, it started as a drunk dial but they're wonderful dogs. Anyway, their adoption interviewer, Bailey Mae Buttercup, covers areas most people don't cover. Well, not generally covered in interviews, but they're areas that most people believe are best left covered, if you get what I mean. Steve wants to adopt a 1965 Chevy Impala. Jeff is loading up on pet treats for his upcoming anniversary. Johnny snuck out of the studio very quickly after...

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As unavoidable as our own personal niyati, our hosts tackled the thorny yet fascinating issues of drugs and sex with their guest, Eddie Getgo, author of the limited best seller "Just Say No to Everything." He was basically talking about drugs and sex, not saying no to things like breathing or milk with brownies. Speaking of brownies, Jeff brought in a buffet of edibles for the staff and turns out Eddie helped himself to more than a couple. Once thoroughly buffeted, he developed a strong attraction to Miss Clare. She must have felt...

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With millions--let's face it, millions--of subscribers who entered our annual contest, it was extremely difficult to settle on just one. But we made the tough choices and awarded the prize to none other than Bart, or Bert, or something, from Austin, Texas. He joined our hosts in Eccentric Ladyland Studios to celebrate his win and even more importantly to say nice things about our hosts. When you hear what he won, you'll mark your calendars to enter the contest next year! Jeff takes eating local to the next logical level, praying local. Steve...

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Following a real-life dream Steve had involving a fellow time traveler, our hosts bring on Sally Anderson, a time traveler who recently visited the year 2035. With her is her 24/7 bias monitor James, officer in the soon to be created MAGAAT corps. Sally and James describe life in 2035 as best they can without causing a ripple in the timeline, other than those already rippling. Jeff starts to think that discussing the weather wasn't so bad. Steve tries to dream the same dream so he can get the real story. Miss Clare strives to be...

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Showing once again that they can get big-time guests, our hosts meet with Congresswoman Samantha Strauss, (R - Nebraska 1) and her husband Richard. The couple constitutes a formidable political team, as long as the proper ratios are maintained. Richard takes most of the questions, but the Congresswoman gets her voice in as well, when allowed. Steve brushes up his political resume and looks ahead to a short political career followed by years of lucrative lobbying. Jeff dozed off watching a WWII documentary and then woke up screaming when he realized it was the...

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Jeff convinces Steve that it's a wonderful thing to call people he hasn't talked to in years and renew friendships. Steve finds the true impact he had on people over the years and reaches an Epiphany or at least an Epiphany Eve. He even gives singing a shot but reverts to reciting lyrics. Jeff left to pour over his 23 & Me report in a desperate search for a half-sister. Nostalgia used to be a lot better.

Debbie Ginger, Johnny Flynn, Ms. Petty, Burger King Guy, and Stan Damano: 
all played by E...

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Spurred on by a discussion of the "In Memoriam" section of award shows, Steve and Jeff discuss Keith Richards and Jeff remembers seeing a documentary about his early life, which our hosts play for their listeners.  Hosted by a pretentious yet pompous narrator, the documentary looks at people who were part of Keith's life as a child. Some of these people may have actually known him. It seems like just about everyone can claim they are responsible for the great music Keith made and is still making. Johnny sleeps it off at Steve's m...