At Peace Parents Podcast

What is actually happening in the brain and nervous system of a PDA child when they are in a threat state? In this episode I sit down with Dr. Amy Arnsten, a neuroscientist at Yale, to get the most scientifically grounded answer I have ever had to that question.

We talk about the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala: what they do, how stress flips the brain from thoughtful and regulated to reactive and survival-focused, and why that flip can happen so rapidly. Dr. Arnsten also explains the role of dopamine and norepinephrine under stress, how cortisol amplifies...

Halloween is exciting. It is also activating. And if your child is in burnout, near their threshold, or simply wired in a way that makes novelty and sensory overload feel threatening rather than fun, even a holiday you love can become a source of dread for the whole family.

In this episode I share five tips for navigating Halloween with a PDA child or teen, drawn from seven years of doing it imperfectly in my own home. I cover what to do if your child cannot access the holiday at all this year, how to think about...

Why do accommodations like lowering demands, providing autonomy, and using declarative language actually work for PDA children and teens over the long term? And why do so many parents, therapists, and teachers get stuck applying them even when they understand the concept?

In this episode, an excerpt from a live workshop I taught in 2024, I walk through what I call the theory of change for PDA: the logic that explains why these accommodations shift things at a nervous system level. I cover the two most common places where people get stuck, how to tell the difference between...

It is back to school season here in the US, and for most families raising PDA children and teens, that means navigating one of the most structurally activating environments their child will ever encounter. I am back with Dr. Alex Klein, clinical psychologist, to talk through what we are each seeing this fall and what we have learned over years of working with and being parents of neurodivergent children.

In this episode we cover how to understand PDA as it plays out in school, why masking is real and why schools often do not believe parents, how...

Should my PDA child stay in the public school system, move to a private school, or homeschool? There is no single answer, and this episode is not going to give you one. What it is going to give you is a framework for making the decision that fits your child, your constraints, and this specific season of your family.

In this episode I walk through all five characteristics of PDA as they play out in a school or home setting, then move into the three schooling scenarios I see families navigate most: staying in the public school...

Why are so many children and teens struggling with anxiety, depression, and school refusal right now? And why are so many of them PDA? I have been carrying these questions for years, and Dr. Peter Gray's new book Restoring Childhood gave me a framework I did not have before.

Dr. Peter Gray is a research professor of psychology and neuroscience at Boston College, founder of the nonprofit Let Grow, and author of Free to Learn and, just published this month, Restoring Childhood, How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety. In this episode we talk...

What if a school had no mandatory classes, no grades, no homework, and no age segregation, and instead gave students a genuine vote in how the school runs? That is the Sudbury Democratic model, and it offers some real benefits for PDA children and teens.

In this episode I speak with Bryer Newlin, a youth rights and disability justice advocate, self-identified PDA adult, and staff member at Clearwater School in Seattle. We talk about what it means to experience autonomy as a bodily sense, how equalizing behavior is translated in a school setting rather than punished, why...

This episode is a throwback to one of the most popular episodes in the history of this podcast, originally recorded as a live presentation I gave in 2022 at the Miami Sudbury Democratic School. I am releasing it again during September, a month I am dedicating to school and education content, because I keep hearing from teachers, therapists, and parents who are still looking for language to explain what they are seeing in the classroom.

In this presentation I walk through the nervous system mechanism underlying PDA, the two most common paths PDA children take through school systems...

What does it look like when a school actually meets a PDA child where they are, without behavior charts, compliance goals, or pressure to perform? In this episode I speak with three remarkable people: Melissa Petro, a cultural journalist and mother of an eight-year-old PDA son who fought for years to secure him a free and appropriate education; Chela Crane, Executive Director of Otto Specht School in New York, where Melissa's son Oscar is now thriving; and Suchi Swift, a Waldorf teacher at Otto Specht who works directly with Oscar.

Together we cover Oscar's journey from expulsion...

What does a year of applying the PDA lens actually look like in a real family? Justin joined the Paradigm Shift Program in the summer of 2025 and is back a year later to share what shifted, what is still hard, and what he has learned along the way.

Justin is a father of two, works in cybersecurity, and lives in Ohio. His 13-year-old PDA son spent years in a specialized school before school refusal led the family to unschooling. In this episode Justin shares how he tracks his son's indicators using an app he built himself, how...

When I first started learning about PDA six years ago, so much of what I encountered was focused on behavior. What I was not seeing discussed was something I kept observing in my own family, and have since seen in thousands of families I have worked with: the way cumulative nervous system activation can disable a child or teen from accessing the things they need to stay alive.

In this episode, an excerpt from the Understanding PDA Masterclass, I walk through what basic needs struggles actually look like across five domains: toileting, sleep, hygiene, eating, and safety...

There is a lot of noise in the PDA space right now, and some of it is making parents doubt themselves and feel more confused rather than less. So I am re-airing this episode from May 2025 because I think it will help you feel more confident in the path you are on.

In this episode I share a story from a feeding support group that crystallized for me why PDA is a distinct experience, not one that can be folded into autism, ADHD, or anxiety strategies without losing something critical. I walk through two examples of content...

Seven years ago I created a huge spreadsheet trying to find the cause of my son's meltdowns. How many hours outside, how many minutes on screens, how many calories eaten, and much much more. But I couldn't find a consistent pattern. Something that triggered him one day might be barely noticed another. The problem was, my logic was wrong.

In this episode, an excerpt from our free Understanding PDA Masterclass, I explain why the standard ABC framework of antecedent, behavior, consequence fails for PDA children and introduce the cumulative nervous system activation model: how drops build in...

When autonomy is low, meaning has to be high. That is what I learned during the two years I spent as a full-time caregiver for my older son, isolated in our home, and putting myself physically between him and his eighteen-month-old brother when things got bad.

In this episode I share how I found a sustaining "why" during that period, and how other families I have worked with have found theirs. I also introduce a practical tool I call the "hang your hat on the day" goal: a way of redirecting from goals that depend on another...

What does shame have to do with PDA? And why do behavioral approaches fail so consistently for this neurotype even when implemented well? I speak with Dr. Gillian Boudreau, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in autism, ADHD, and anxiety across children, families, and adults, to explore the roles of shame and power in PDA children and teens.

Dr. Boudreau draws on her early career supporting high-need autistic students in a school system, her psychodynamic training, and her work with families to explain why these children frustrate adults, why that frustration is data, and what it looks like...

If you've lowered demands for your PDA child or teen but still aren't seeing much progress, this episode is for you. It explains one of the most common sticking points I hear from families: that due to the name - Pathological Demand Avoidance - parents focused on lowering demands, when what their child needs more is increased autonomy and equality.

This episode is an excerpt from my free Understanding PDA Masterclass. In it I walk through the distinction between demands as a surface-level behavior and autonomy and equality as the root-level mechanism. To help make the difference...

This episode is an excerpt from a lesson inside the Paradigm Shift Program. I'm sharing it because the PDA lens is the foundation that all other skills in my work rest on, and it is not something most parents are going to hear explained anywhere else.

In this lesson I walk through exactly what the PDA lens is, why it has to be learned as a skill rather than just understood intellectually, and how to begin applying it. I also address the most common thought that comes up when I introduce the concept of deliberately signaling equality...

When I first heard Jan Winhall speak about the intersection of the nervous system and addiction, I immediately thought of the PDA teens and adults in our community who are reaching for substances or engaging in self-harm.

In this episode she explains how addiction and self-harm function as nervous system state regulation strategies, what conventional models get wrong, and what it actually looks like to support someone through this from a place of safety rather than shame.

Winhall brings a wealth of knowledge to the conversation as a trauma and addiction psychotherapist, developer of the...

In this episode I share the definition of PDA I use: PDA is a survival drive for autonomy and equality that consistently overrides other survival instincts, including eating, sleeping, toileting, hygiene, and safety. I explain how this is different from older definitions that consider PDA to be anxiety driven, and why that distinction matters clinically and practically. I also I introduce the concept of equalizing - the behavioral expression of the disability that extends well beyond demand avoidance into physical, verbal, and relational patterns that can look like manipulation, control, or defiance but are actually a nervous system response.<...

If you are a parent who cannot unschool or homeschool your PDA child, or who needs practical support navigating the school system, this episode is for you. I am joined by Dr. Destiny Huff, a licensed professional counselor, non-attorney special education advocate, and neuro-affirming trainer who is also late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD and a mother of neurodivergent children.

Dr. Huff shares the most common patterns she sees as PDA families navigate schools, how she frames the nervous system lens in IEP meetings, the specific accommodations she advocates for most consistently, her approach to functional behavioral assessments, and...

When he was young, it seemed like my son Cooper was almost always active and agitated. I tried everything I was told to try - bubble blowing for deep breathing, emotion naming, zones of regulation, nature walks with candy as incentives - but nothing worked. Maybe the activity would occupy him once, but then he'd be agitated all over again afterwards. I thought I must be going it wrong, or just a bad mom.

What I know now is that I wasn't and I'm not - and neither are you. The logic underneath those approaches just does...

I sit down with Dr. Jennifer Huffman, a board-certified pediatric neuropsychologist, PDA woman with lived experience, and creator of the Neurodynamic Navigator System and the Neurodynamic Quotient. After twenty-five years working with children whose profiles were called often called ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), she developed a framework to make the dynamic, fluctuating nature of the PDA brain visible and usable for parents, teachers, and clinicians.

We talk about her childhood as an undiagnosed PDA autistic person, why ODD as a diagnosis isn't helpful, how she assesses children who cannot come into an office, and the app she...

This episode is an interview with my husband, Jake, about his path from well-founded skepticism of Pathological Demand Avoidance to fully changing his parenting to support our two PDA sons, and how that has helped all three of them.

This conversation is for parents who aren't sure about PDA, their partners who are, and everyone who has wondered what it actually looks like to shift the paradigm as the "non-lead" parent. Jake talks about the enforcer role he played, dreading coming home from work, what brought him to shift his perspective, and how he took action to...

In this episode I talk about how I understand my autistic brain, my internalized pathological demand avoidance, and why it took me six years of working in this space before I felt certain enough to say this publicly. I also walk through my life, from childhood to the present, with renewed understanding, in the hope of sharing insights that can help you.

This episode is for parents of high-achieving young adults who burn out, for women exploring whether they might be autistic or pathologically demand avoidant, and for anyone who just wants to know more about the...

I speak with Stephanie Harrigan, a certified speech language pathologist with nearly fifteen years of experience working with the neurodiverse population, to talk about selective mutism, feeding therapy and more.

Stephanie brings a regulation-first, child-led approach to all of her work, and this conversation is full of concrete examples from her practice, including what feeding therapy actually looks like when it follows the child's lead, how she has worked with selectively mute children, and what she has seen happen to communication when behavioral pressure is removed.

We also talk about how to advocate effectively with...

This is the fourth episode in my series on PDA and restrictive eating, and this one is for therapists.

If you are an occupational therapist, a speech language pathologist, or another type of therapist working with a child who isn't responding to gentle, play-based, sensory-based, or exposure-based feeding approaches the way you'd expect, this episode designed to help you.

I share the full arc of my older son Cooper's journey with extremely restrictive eating, from the time he was four and a half years old and eating primarily three processed foods, through five years of...

If you've heard me talk about autonomy, equality, and lowering demands before and thought, "But what does that actually look like at the dinner table?" — this episode is for you.

This is the third episode in my series on eating and PDA, and it's the most practical one yet. I'm walking you through six concrete accommodations you can experiment with if your PDA child or teen struggles with restrictive eating: autonomy, equality, lowering demands, sensory accommodations, strewing, and novelty and dopamine. Throughout the episode, I share anonymized client anecdotes and real examples from my own life as a...

In this episode — Part 2 of our series on eating and PDA — I walk through the 10 misconceptions about eating that I personally had to unlearn in order to help my son. These are beliefs that are completely reasonable for most children and even most neurodivergent children, but do not apply to pathologically demand avoidant kids and teens. I cover why "kids will eat when they're hungry" isn't empirically true for PDAers, why behavioral approaches (even gentle ones) can backfire, why restricting sugar may not be the strategy you think it is, and why looking at eating in isolation misses the bigg...

If your child has dropped food after food, won't try new things no matter what you do, and every mealtime feels like a battle — this episode is the first in a four-part series where I get personal.

I'm sharing the story of my oldest son Cooper, who at his lowest point was eating only Honey Nut Cheerios out of a single specific bowl. I walked through grocery store aisles sobbing, frantically looking for protein bars he might eat. I watched him go through the SOS feeding protocol in occupational therapy and add foods only to drop them ag...

In this episode, I coach Danielle, a mom from North Idaho who is newer to the PDA lens and has already been making progress with her almost nine-year-old son — but is running into resistance from her husband and her parents, who help with caregiving. Her son has existing diagnoses of ADHD, sensory processing disorder, and disorganized attachment, and was adopted from South Korea. Since discovering PDA a few months ago, Danielle says everything clicked in a way that previous frameworks hadn't.

Her question: how do you get the other adults in your child's life on board — and how...

This is the first episode in a new behind-the-scenes series I am doing with Kendall, one of the coaches on the At Peace Parents team. Each month, we pull back the curtain on our own lives as parents who are practicing the same skills we teach, and on what these principles look like inside real coaching work with families.

This episode is about radical acceptance: what it actually means, why it matters specifically for PDA families, and what it looks like in practice, not as an abstract concept, but in the messy, everyday moments of parenting a...

In this episode, I coach Pam, a mom raising fraternal twin 10-year-old boys, both PDA and autistic, who present and react quite differently from each other.

We talk through the socialization questions: what gets in the way, what actually helps, and why the issue for many PDA kids is not a lack of social skills but a nervous system that cannot access those skills in the moment.

I introduce the concept of therapeutic equalizing and what it can look like as a daily practice at home. We also spend time on the harder, less tactical...

Chris Deutch is a Chicago-based angel investor, founder of Lofty Ventures, and a PDA adult who only recently found the language to make sense of his own childhood. In this conversation, he and Casey trace his path from a kid being carried into school kicking and screaming to a twenty-seven-year career backing entrepreneurs.

They talk about what PDA actually looked like in his childhood, including food rigidity, school refusal, and the moment his father's words changed everything. They also explore the overlap between the PDA neurotype and entrepreneurship: autodidactic learning, passion as a regulator, problem-founder fit, and...

Ivy is a mom celebrating her almost 17-year-old son's GED . The years before this moment included school refusal, police contact, CPS involvement, inpatient treatment, and substance use. Things are calmer now, but the household is still walking on eggshells and Ivy is still trying to figure out what comes next.

In this episode, Casey and Ivy talk through what addiction looks like through a nervous system and PDA lens, why the home Ivy has created is doing more than it feels like it is, and what the timeline for recovery actually looks like for a teen who...

This is part three of my hygiene and PDA series, and it is focused entirely on practical strategies. I cover bathing and showering, hair washing, hair brushing, nail clipping, hand washing, and getting dressed.

I walk through four types of accommodations I use with my own sons and with the families I work with: lowering demands, autonomy, equality, and novelty combined with nervous system safety. For each hygiene category, I give concrete examples of what these look like in real life.

If you are looking for the why behind hygiene resistance, I recommend starting with...

This is the second episode in our three-part series on hygiene and PDA. In this episode we deep dive on helping your PDA child or teen go to the dentist and brush their teeth.

Specifically, we support parents (and therapists) to understand:

This is the first of three episodes about hygiene and Pathological Demand Avoidance.

In this episode I focused on how to think about PDA and hygiene struggles, and understanding the root cause of struggles around:

More specifically, in this episode I talk through:

In this episode I coach a mom of a 10-year-old PDAer who is in burnout (Pathological Demand Avoidance / Pervasive Drive for Autonomy). The child loves to cook and bake but has a meltdown if family members clean up after her while she’s in the kitchen.

She also melts down if others pass by her bedroom on the way to their own, which her mom has to do if she’s going to clean the kitchen after her daughter leaves.

We talked through if Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was also present, but decided to focus on work...

In this episode I talk with our coach Donna Georgen - parent of PDA 28- and 21-year-olds - about her top tips for parenting PDA teens.

This is the second of two episodes in which Donna and I discussed this topic. In the first episode we covered five of her tips, and in this episode we cover five more.

Here they are:

I hope you find our conversation helpful!

PS - Want...

In this episode I talk with our coach Donna Georgen - parent of PDA 28- and 21-year-olds - about her top tips for parenting PDA teens.

We cover five of her tips in this episode and will release another episode soon with five more.

Here's the first five:

I hope you find our conversation helpful!

PS - Want to work with Donna to move your family...