At Peace Parents Podcast

Many of you know that my PDA son stopped eating most foods when he was in burnout. But I've also worked with countless parents whose PDA child or teen can't stop eating. And so I've dedicated this episode to the topic - how to understand compulsive eating as part of PDA, and an approach that may be helpful.

xo,

Casey

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as you learn and practice the skills and mindsets I talk about in my podcast? I'd love...

In this episode I spoke with Chris Wenger - AKA "Speech Dude" - a speech language pathologist with extensive experience accommodating PDA teens in a public school. I loved our conversation, and I hope you will too!

We talked about:

Dr. Mel Houser, MD, shares stories from her childhood, career as a doctor, and work reimagining healthcare and community at All Brains Belong in Vermont. PDA Autistic herself, I hope you'll find her insights as interesting, helpful and hopeful as I did.

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as you learn and practice the skills and mindsets I talk about in my podcast? I'd love to work with you in my proven-effective Paradigm Shift Program. Click the link to learn more and join the program interest list. <...

The thing that underpins so much of how we support and accommodate our PDA children and teens - and thereby lower their nervous system activation so they can thrive - is our connection with them.

And this connection can get very, very strained. Especially if they're in burnout, which often means we are, too.

In this episode I share ten tips to improve connection and communications. I hope it's helpful.

xo,

Casey

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as...

Five years ago, when my son barely ate anything, and I feared he would end up with a feeding tube, and none of the traditional therapies worked, these are the 20 things I wish someone would have said to me, because I was freaking out!

I hope they are as helpful to you now as I know they would have been for me back then.

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as you learn and practice the skills and mindsets I talk about in my podcast...

I dive deep on screens in this episode - to give you every bit of information you need to make decisions you can feel confident in concerning screens and screen limits. I talk through how formal studies on screen time handle PDA children (spoiler - they don't) and share what I've seen working with over 1,000 families who have all handled screen limits their own ways. I do this because no matter your decision, I don't want you to feel all the doubt I did from the judgement I received from others and from myself. You know your child, your...

In this episode I discuss the five most common characteristics of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance / Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) to help parents determine if their child or teen fits the profile.

If you want to dig deeper into figuring out if your child fits the PDA profile, I designed my Clarity Masterclass to help. It's free on my website: Clarity Masterclass

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as you learn and practice the skills and mindsets I talk about in my podcast? I'd love to...

"All kids are demand avoidant" is just one of the misconceptions about PDA that I take down with clinical psychologist Alex Klein in this feisty episode. I hope it helps you take on any doubts foisted on you, too.

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as you learn and practice the skills and mindsets I talk about in my podcast? I'd love to work with you in my proven-effective Paradigm Shift Program. Click the link to learn more and join the program interest list.

Paradigm...

In this episode I talk about some of the therapies I've done to heal my own nervous system - and dive deeper on EMDR specifically - in the hope that they might be helpful to you, too. Because the reality is, many of us as parents also experience trauma as we navigate the challenges of parenting a PDA child or teen, especially when they (and we!) are in burnout.

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as you learn and practice the skills and mindsets I talk about...

This episode is for people who follow (or don't follow) any religion and are open to taking some of the concepts from Buddhist psychology that I've found most helpful as I parent my PDA child. I hope you find these six ideas helpful, too.

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as you learn and practice the skills and mindsets I talk about in my podcast? I'd love to work with you in my proven-effective Paradigm Shift Program. Click the link to learn more and join the program...

My son started occupational therapy six years ago, when he was four. I didn't really know what it was, nor did I know my son was PDA. But in the years since, OT has become a prominent part of my life. So much so that as he's now graduating from it, I'm navigating feelings of loss, much like I did way back when he first started.

I hope you find the episode helps you, whether or not you're involved in OT.

xo,

Casey

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift...

In this episode I speak with Dr. Alex Klein about a dynamic I see all the time - when two parents aren't on the same page about how to parent their PDA child or teen. Alex brings his insight as a clinical psychologist who often works with parents on marriage dynamics while they raise a PDA child or teen. I hope you find it helpful!

Also - this is our 100th episode of the podcast! What I've heard over the years is that the podcast is one of the ways so many families learn about PDA and...

"Mama, did God make me this way on purpose?"

That's what my PDA son asked me when he was four years old, and it broke my heart.

But today, at age 10, he has a ton of confidence in himself and his identity as a PDAer.

In this episode I talk through how we got from the one place to the other, and how you can, too.

I hope it's helpful.

Casey

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you...

This episode is about one of parents' most common fears when they begin taking a nervous-system accommodation approach. What about when my kid grows up? Or, said another way, if I don't consistently correct them when they do something wrong, how will they learn not to be awful people?

It's a question and fear I had, too. But what I've seen with my son, and the thousands of families I've worked with, is that our kids know right from wrong, and correcting them when they're having a nervous system response takes us backwards instead of forwards.

I am so excited to share this conversation with Demi Burnett!

She's famous for her appearances on The Bachelor and more, but I had so much fun - and also learned a ton - talking with her about her life as a PDA Autistic person. I mean, who would have thought reality television would be so accommodating?!?

You can find Demi's often hilarious social media posts here: instagram.com/demi_not_lovato

And she sells her amazing crochet creations here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/Demlia

Also - in my intro...

In this episode I discuss how seemingly disconnected activities can impact each other for PDA children and teens. I hope it is helpful to you.

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Enrollment is open for the next cohort of my signature Paradigm Shift Program at https://www.atpeaceparents.com/paradigm-shift-program

To learn more about and figure out if your child or teen is PDA, you can take my FREE Clarity Masterclass at www.atpeaceparents.com.

You can...

In this episode I talk through some of the most common places that the parents, therapists and teachers I've worked with get stuck.

If you're stuck in one of these spots don't feel bad. This is hard stuff we're all doing. And I hope this episode can help.

Mentioned in this episode:

Paradigm Shift Program

Want me to coach you as you learn and practice the skills and mindsets I talk about in my podcast? I'd love to work with you in my proven-effective Paradigm Shift Program. Click the link to...

In this episode I share some stories that show that the accommodating we do for our PDA children and teens isn't all that crazy. In fact, you could make a reasonable argument that many of the most successful people working in retail are constantly using their ability to coregulate their customers' nervous systems.

I share these stories with two hopes - that they help you feel less crazy, and more confident the next time your "but how will they make it in the real world" fear pops up.

I hope they're helpful.

Are...

In this episode I answer your questions with Dr. Alex Klein, clinical psychologist.

We covered a few diagnoses - DMDD, IED and ODD - that children often receive before their parents figure out they are PDA. And then we also discussed the grieving process that many parents go through after learning their child has a disability, and how that can be different from ableism, which parents often feel guilty about.

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist...

The holidays can be excruciating for us parents of PDA children and teens. So in this episode I share five tips to help you and your family get through them (with as much joy as possible). I hope they are helpful.

Also, this episode includes a story about my PDA son not being able to sleep on Christmas Eve several years ago. After I recorded this I then re-read a blog post I'd written shortly after that Christmas Eve, and realized that I hadn't correctly remembered some of the chronology when I retold the story here. This...

Advocating with the school of your PDA child or teen can feel like slamming your head against a wall. But you keep trying because you think that if you just explain how PDA works clearly enough the school will start accommodating appropriately.

At least that's what I thought. And I was wrong.

But it took me more than a year and multiple lawyers to get to the place where I pulled my child from our local public school.

I share my story here in the hope that, at the very least, it absolves...

I love it when alumni of our Paradigm Shift Program™ send me updates. It's just so wonderful to hear about the work that parents do and the slow but tremendous progress they make.

In this episode I decided to invite on one of the moms who sent me such an update about a year after she finished the program. We talk about how she ultimately fared with the questions she was grappling with during the program: Should she send her PDA son to sleepaway summer camp? And if so, how should she go about it?

I...

I conceptualize PDA as a nervous system disability because it can impair access to basic survival needs - such as eating, sleeping, toileting, movement, and safety.

It's terrifying for parents when this happens, and in this episode I discuss why it does. This understanding helps many parents support their children, who can then regain access to those needs over time.

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature Paradigm Shift Program at...

Lowering demands is how many parents start accommodating their PDA child or teen, and it's also where many get stuck.

In this episode I talk through the mindset work that parents can do to get unstuck and be more successful with lowering demands. I also explain why lowering demands is a necessary but not sufficient accommodation for our PDA children and teens.

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature Paradigm...

Does you child or teen often try to control you, criticize you and/or destroy your things or things around the house. This is very common among PDA children and teens, because they are equalizing.

Equalizing is a nervous system response - out of their control - in PDA children and teens whereby they try to regain sense of nervous system safety due to a perceived loss of autonomy and equality.

In this episode I break it all down, and share lots of examples. I hope it's helpful.

xo,

Casey

Este episodio está en español. This episode is in Spanish.

En este episodio hablo con Juliana Carrillo sobre PDA - la Evitación de Demanda Extrema - y como entender la discapacidad del sistema nervioso en niños y jovenes. Juliana es una psicologa y "coach" con At Peace Parents. Puedes leer más de ella y sus servicios aquí: https://www.atpeaceparents.com/Juliana-asesoria-personalizada

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my...

It's very common for two parents to be on different pages or trajectories with PDA understanding and acceptance. Sometimes this is because one parent wants more "evidence" that PDA exists at all, which can be very difficult given that academia has not yet caught up to our lived realities.

In this episode I provide a possible way forward - building your own evidence!

I hope it's helpful.

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist for...

In this episode I share the techniques for using declarative language that I've seen are most effective for parents of PDA children and teens. And I snuck in a suggestion on how to get your PDAer's teacher to use declarative language, too ;)

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature Paradigm Shift Program at https://www.atpeaceparents.com/paradigm-shift-program

To learn more about and figure out if your child or teen...

There are tons of misconceptions about if and how we set boundaries with our PDA children and teens (spoiler - we do!), and in this episode I talk through the most common of them.

I also explain the process I use - cost-benefit decision making within constraints - to help parents decide when they should set boundaries and how to do so with eyes wide open to the activation this will cause their PDAer.

I hope it helps you!

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child...

Hi everyone - in this episode I share some of the many messy, awkward and (in retrospect at least) kinda funny situations I found myself in during the many months I was in the process of changing my parenting approach to better support my PDA son.

I share these as a reminder that this can be (almost always is) a chaotic transition, and that's ok. You're learning and implementing a new parenting paradigm, and it takes time for you, your family members, and you PDA child to get into a new rhythm.

Are you ready...

ABA is helpful for some PDA children and their families. For other PDA children it doesn't help or can make things worse.

With this in mind, I'd love to live in a world where ABA and additional options were available - and covered by insurance - to support PDA children and teens.

In today's episode I provide more information about ABA and the how parents of PDA children can better understand the research supporting it.

Also - here are links to the two articles I referenced:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007...

In this episode I share my experiences with the Safe and Sound Protocol, and also provide guidance on how parents can think about trying therapies with their PDA child or teen.

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature Paradigm Shift Program at https://www.atpeaceparents.com/paradigm-shift-program

To learn more about and figure out if your child or teen is PDA, you can take my FREE Clarity Masterclass at www...

This is a question I get frequently, and there's a lot of nuance that goes into answering it. I hope this is helpful to you!

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature Paradigm Shift Program at https://www.atpeaceparents.com/paradigm-shift-program

To learn more about and figure out if your child or teen is PDA, you can take my FREE Clarity Masterclass at www.atpeaceparents.com.

You can...

In this episode I explain the logic that underpins all my teaching, and why traditional behavioral parenting approaches - which are great for many children - don't work for PDA children and teens because of the way their brains and nervous systems work.

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA child or teen and lead your family to peace? Join the waitlist for the next cohort of my signature Paradigm Shift Program at https://www.atpeaceparents.com/paradigm-shift-program

To learn more about and figure out if your child or...

Like many parents, I spent years looking for a magic solution that would fix or circumvent my son's PDA. And then I came to accept that this is a disability he has. Only then was I able to make the decisions to truly support him and our family.

In this episode I share the tool I teach in the Paradigm Shift Program™ to help parents accept the limitations they face and make decisions to move forward. I hope it supports you, too.

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand and support your PDA ch...

In this episode I explain why it makes total sense that we have PDA children and teens before academia has proven the existence of PDA, because research follows real life. (And while I love research, it is often slow and expensive.)

But that doesn't mean we can't move forward and experiment with approaches that support our children. That's what parents have always done, and then studies come after that prove the effectiveness of those approaches.

I hope this episode validates for you that what you know to be true is indeed true, even though many...

One of our goals in accommodating the nervous systems of our PDA children and teens is to make them feel safe. And in this video I walk through nine ways we can signal safety (many of which aren't verbal) to help them feel safe, and safe in their connection with us.

This podcast is the audio recording of a video I made, and you can hear me talk about some of the visuals I shared, which you don't really need, but are available here if you want to see them (https://youtu.be/FD_oHidffP4?si=R3...

I don't plan a single weekend - nor really any other free time with my PDA son - without thinking about the 4 S's. Just keeping them in mind buoys my confidence that I know how to prevent or interrupt my son's dysregulation.

This podcast is the audio of a video I made explaining the 4S's in detail. I talk a bit about the graphics I drew for the video, which you don't really need to see, but can find here if you'd like (https://youtu.be/4hYEtJhbg7k?si=jZlWZLhawS-sZ0p4).

Are you ready to...

Are you thinking about taking your PDA child or teen out of formal school for homeschooling? Or perhaps you've already done so and are finding what you've gotten into to be pure chaos?

This episode is for you!

Kelly Edwards is the mother of a PDA child and founder of 90-Minute School Day (https://90minuteschoolday.com/), an organization that helps parents homeschool and unschool their neurodivergent children and teens. I loved speaking with her and know her insights will be supportive for so many of you great parents out there!

Are you ready...

Raising a PDA child or teen is extremely challenging. Trying to be perfect in your implementation of accommodations makes it impossible and unsustainable.

But here's the good news - you don't have to be perfect! Not when your child is in burnout, and certainly not when they're in equilibrium and you need to bring some nuance to your caregiving.

I explain these distinctions in this episode, which I hopes helps you breathe a little deeper and recognize what a great job you're already doing!

Are you ready to start working to deeply understand...