Bottle Crow Reborn

Given that I was on painkillers for this recording, editing it was a journey of "huh I don't remember any of this. Did I say that? Ok." And I didn't say anything too wild. This was in fact a very tame episode. But it's a strange feeling.

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Motorslice fans please don't talk to me, please get away from me. It's time for the debut of Games Critic Nick as he gets surprisingly worked up about a bad, semi-horny semi-action game voiced by the lady you all know and love from Kramer Hentai Adventure 2. I don't know what to tell you, gang.

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There was no such thing as a small town on a Forge World like Novus Jersey, but The Boss's hometown was as close as you could find. Still, between the massive factoriums and their choking clouds of black smoke, the sky was a rare sight, even on the least dense place on the planet. But on the rare moments where Buce "The Bross" Spingsteen saw past the smog, the stars beyond seemed endless. But today, the curtain of smoke was closed- a velvet shroud foreclosing the future. A shroud he'd pierce one day, and escape.

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Well, Nick was a very good sport about trying to guess all the pokemon. It's only fair if I do the same. Warning- mine takes longer, and is MUCH more boring. Great podcast to fall asleep to.

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Now, podcaster! ENJOYYYYYY THE MOON! Beer, peeps, mochi, a flight of M&M's. Which are possessive? That's weird, huh. The latest from amateur Dota 2 team 6reg Se7en! And of course, Nick proving his worth in a deadly game of... naming pokemon. We've got it all this week.

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There's a part of me that's surprised we still do these. Should we do them for Deadlock? Idk, I just had that thought, I'll run it by Nick. Facets are dead, Tinker is... interesting, Meepo changes are NUTTY, idk gang we'll see how this patch shapes out in play! I mean. ~I~ won't. But you know. Probably someone.

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Sorry, Nick's cat: I tried to think of another good title, but this is all I had. Blame your misfortune on the circumstances of your birth.

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Some might say with a name like "EternalEnvy" we should have anticipated ways in which he might become someone we didn't want to hitch our wagon to. That maybe him turning into a greedy and craven day trader was less of a transformation and more of a revealing one's true colors. We may never know the truth, especially because we're about to stop paying attention to him entirely. But whatever the case... we had good times with Jacky Mao.

And now they're over.

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I will never doubt Emma again. ...I will doubt Emma again. I wonder if she's ever had giardiniera. Do you think she's Chicagoan? Or Italian? I mean she sounds American, but, I can't narrow down more than that. I do feel Midwest, because the Midwest is generally a pretty neutral accent. And maybe I shouldn't be guessing at all- Emma doesn't want to be found. And I will respect that.

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A little holiday cheer goes a bit... too far as we pod for almost two and a half hours. Inside, there are celebrations, there's a little despair, there's Hot, Haz, and Claus, and maybe, just maybe... a little hope. Nah I'm kidding, no hope here. Not our brand.

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This guitar-playing hero has to play Guitar Hero to power his ult! The Note Highway is open to all those whose hearts move to the beat. And for everyone else, there are some truly daring new hats, the beginning of the end of facets, minor hero reworks, and HELM OF THE UNDYING IS DEAD! TONIGHT WE CELEBRATE!

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OR: White Fuge Balmore

It would be a shame to waste a pretty fantastic title, so I put it there, even though the Thankful Episode doesn't get a specific title like that. Y'know, if you add a comma, it could be like... a rare spawn in Final Fantasy XI. "White Fuge, Balmore "

should i play more FFXI? on the one hand, it was kinda impenetrable. but it was also kinda sick. but i don't have much free time. but the time i DO have i mostly waste, and i could probably squeeze in some Vanadiel...

All worlds are secret, because all men are brothers. Hey, Lesotho's a lot bigger than I thought, y'know? Another dumb American moment I'm afraid, wish I was better than that but here we are. At least I'm not putting ginger ale in beef stock like that's something I should put in my body. That would be an absurd thing to do.

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Why is it that the Oreos are the ones in pieces? I thought Reese's had the pieces. Well, what can you do I suppose. You wanna know something funny? After that conversation about how neither of us really care about Hollow Knight Silksong, I was convinced (pretty easily) to give it another shot and I've turned around on it. Cool game. People losing their minds over it are still confusing to me, but the game's ok with me.

Hey, for no reason: 1:08:11 is a timestamp. Do with that information what you will.

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Why is it that the Oreos are the ones in pieces? I thought Reese's had the pieces. Well, what can you do I suppose. You wanna know something funny? After that conversation about how neither of us really care about Hollow Knight Silksong, I was convinced (pretty easily) to give it another shot and I've turned around on it. Cool game. People losing their minds over it are still confusing to me, but the game's ok with me.

It's in my best interest to make these show notes slightly different, for logistical reasons! Fun fact.

...

Promises delivered. Hatcast. Bikinicast. Midnight Baja Blast. Mountain Dew Dragon Fruit at last. Rice candy from the past. I'm out of rhymes.

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August the 13th be with you- and also with you. Y'know, we were supposed to talk about that new lil f- can I curse in here? I don't think I can, I think since this is on like iTunes and any kid could see it, I can't cuss in the description. Well the new lil GUY they added to Dota 2. And we completely forgot. And then I was gonna record a drop-in about it. And I completely forgot. And I'm remembering now but the edit is uploaded and it's almost 3am so you know? Sometimes you do a bad...

Unfortunately, I'm now wary about trying those energy drink jellies. Like. If this is how the pudding one turned out, why would I do that again voluntarily? I could try CC Lemon. Or Vita C. Or hell, just drink more brands of milk tea and go "yep this is good" every time. Honest, if they sold 12 packs of milk tea like it was soda, I'd kick my soda habit no problem. Now, is premade milk tea BETTER for you? Umm....

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Aka Let Your Mind Freak Flag Fly. Aka I Can Be Your Chris Angel or Your Chris Devil. Aka Who Is Dr. Mario. Your choice, gang. Weird ep.

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Well, it's been a long road getting here. It's been, in fact, a lot more than 200 episodes, thanks to our stupid naming conventions. But regardless- here we are. Whatever the real number is, we're calling this episode 200. It's time to settle old scores.

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What happened once might maybe happen twice. It did in this case at least. Taco Bell held a press event last year, and they did it again. We covered it then, so we're doing it again. Really all there is to it. How many months til those fuckin crunchwraps they announced at the last one actually show up for humans to eat?

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God, it's been so long. How does this go again? "They put out a huge patch for Dota 2 and we talked about it for over two hours." God, the last Patch Notes Special was nine months ago. But seriously: they flooded the map! They added crafting (kind of)! They redid a ton of Facets! And perhaps most importantly of all...

....Windranger is back?!?!

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I cannot promise you that episode 200 is real, or ever will be. What I can tell you is, we have a plan. We're gonna go into the past. We're gonna tackle... well. For those with long memories and a long history with us (ahem, no one), let's say this... we once tried to record a certain podcast, and failed. It devolved into shouting. It was unpublishable.

We're gonna try again.

But that's ep 200, on this one I just make fun of Nick while he drinks whiskey.

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...stay away from meeee, heee! american pudding! cornstarch let me beeee, heee!

don't come hangin round my spoon, pudding textured like a lagoon i got better things to eat, you bring shame to the word sweet

now pudding! ok done now i'm tired of this bit

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The danger at this point is if I try to invent fictional Taco Bell items to deceive Nick, it'll turn out some of them are real. We've all noticed the rotating roster of Taco Bell ingredients. Beans, cheese, tortilla, beef, chips, nacho cheese, sour cream... the Invoker of the Bell has already whipped together so, so many spells. Independent invention is just a nice phrase for "wasted everyone's time."

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Aw. That's so sad! See this? It's the world's tiniest omelette, cooking just for you.

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It's like Garfield Minus Garfield! Kinda. As you'll hear in short order, I don't like or respect Geoff Keighley, or The Game Awards, a yearly video game awards and news presentation that supports some shitty causes while suppressing things like strikes, unions, etc. Rats can get f- mmmm I don't think I can write that in show notes, these get posted on like Apple and stuff. Well, you can probably guess what I think of rats. Despite all this, The Game Awards are home to a bunch of game news. What if we watched those trailers at 1.5x speed...

It's a very sincere episode as Nick and I (hi, this is Six, I write these, I think Nick wrote like one? ever?) try to do our normal podcast without resorting to faux anger, hyperbole, or misrepresentation. It's harder than you think, given our relationship.

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There's nothing in the title "mixologist" that says it has to be drinks. For that matter, lots of "bars" qualify for "bartending." ...Damn, the speed with which this bit became boring! Anyway. Jelly bean cocktails, luxurious Snickers, """""Cider"""" and more. Oh! And Dota, because they actually put something good in the game for the first time in ages.

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Ranch dressing. Since time immemorial it has enchanted mankind with its smooth flow and flavor. It is divisive, just as the Mighty Mississippi divides America. "Wings are better with blue cheese," they say. "Fries are better with ketchup," they whine. And sometimes they are right. Well, the ketchup people are. Blue cheese dressing is in fact disgusting and you should feel ashamed of yourself.

Sorry. What were we talking about? 

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I hope y'all like Carmilla. There's a loooot of Carmilla this ep. ...Wait wait wait don't leave! It's not til like 50, 55 minutes in! There's a lot of non-Carmilla pod I'm sorry come baaaaaaaaack

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Btw, you don't need to tell me the Hello Kitty thing is wrong. You can if you want. I pulled up tabs during the ep, and I left them open, and then looking at them AFTER the show, it was like "huh. No they say that's not true. Well. Ok." I don't really know what that means to be honest. I mean I guess it just means she really is a cat? I guess. Which is kinda the simpler explanation. But it's not very engaging, Sanrio.

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It's been a year- the story can now be told. We lived a real-life Battle Crow... and because it was real, it therefore wasn't a Battle Crow. Let's go back in time, shall we? One year ago to the day, Nick and Six were in Disneyland, as was Allen aka Sir Not Appearing On This Episode....

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We're allowed to talk about Deadlock now! And, fortunately, we want to. That always helps. Plus, there's a new Dota hero- that doesn't happen every day. Hell, it barely happens every year! Actually (squinting at a chart) in 2014 and 2018 we didn't get one! But otherwise, there's been at least one every year since Dota 2 came out. Maybe that'll stop soon! Maybe it SHOULD, judging by the latest release! Just spitballing here.

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Also known as "Cream Cheese Dog Food." Also known as "I Can See My House From Here." Also known as "Is This A Zacchaeus." Also known as... idk, it's a podcast, you can listen to, outside.

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Now, I have some sympathy for influencers, and then I also have a lack of sympathy in some areas. Part of the blessing of Scanline not paying my bills is, I'm not beholden to audience numbers and such. Bottle Crow's existence was probably a good clue of that. Point is, I can make whatever I want, and also NOT make whatever I want (broadly). An influencer doesn't have that same freedom. The content they produce is in response to trends and demands, and while they absolutely have sway, if they just follow their whims too much odds are they'll...

This was supposed to be a Battle Crow (our monthly bonus Patreon show), but the guidance of Grace deemed it not to be. Press play with your Two Fingers and celebrate with us the start of the Summer of Sour, cracking open a normal one with the boyz, and marveling at the miracle of bagged tea. I hope you brought some Oil Dipping Sticks for snacking.

Bonus points if you tell me (Nick) to "git gud" in the comments.

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Bad drinks for me are a religion, and CoffeeMate is the sh- wait, can I write that? Is Apple gonna get mad if I swear in the description? Hmmm. Listen I'm a "rule breaker" but like only when no one's gonna get mad at me. i dont like disappointing people. im sorry i will not swear in the show notes.

anyway if you're scrolling through eps or something this is the dirty soda episode. god willing the only one.

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Were you having trouble sleeping? Do you need to hear two idiots get confused by numbers for, oh, around two and a half hours? I have such good news for you. It's gonna be great.

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For a certain subset of our audience, I should probably apologize for the amount of Dota talk this ep. It's... uncouth. We're supposed to be post-Dota, like post-modern but cooler. Well, I am. Nick is still in denial. I just try denial on sometimes, like a nice dress you can only bust out for special occasions.

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