Raising Godly Boys Minute

Detour ahead!

As you drive down the highway, you’ll encounter many road signs. But one of the most annoying is the detour.

When our plans of traveling to our destination are hindered, we grow frustrated by the delay and inconvenience.

But detours don’t only happen on the highway. The parenting journey also has them. Perhaps you love football, but your son doesn’t. Maybe he likes to read, but you’d rather wrestle with him.

Whatever the detour to your original plans and expectations, take comfort in knowing that God is i...

How do you talk to your son?

When Cynthia’s son was little, she frequently called him pet names, like “Bubs.” One day, when her son was twelve, he said “Please don’t call me that anymore.” Cynthia was surprised, but then later, she understood. Her son was becoming a man, and wanted to be treated as such.

Follow Cynthia’s lead– when your son becomes a preteen, drop any childlike nicknames and begin to refer to him as a young man, not a boy.

Pediatrician Dr. Meg Meeker also suggests using phrases such as “I like...

Here’s a parenting strategy to try with your son…try the “walk and talk.”

When you need to address a behavior or share some difficult news, it can be tempting to lecture your son. But if you sit him down, look him in the eye, and start talking, your boy will probably avert his eyes and lose focus.

Try this instead. Lace up your walking shoes, put the dog on its lead, and take your son for a long walk around your neighborhood. As you walk, calmly talk, with short and to-the-point sentences.

Psyc...

Does your son have a gremlin?

An author named Rick Carson created a metaphor out of the destructive creatures from the popular 80s movie. He suggests that negative thoughts are like gremlins– destroying our self esteem.

With the rates of depression continuing to rise for young men today, it’s safe to assume that our sons struggle with their own thought-gremlins. So what can we do to help them “tame the beast,” so to speak?

Proverbs 23:7 reminds us that, “as someone thinks within himself, so he is.”  First, model positive self-talk.  When you mess up, inste...

Does your son need you?

When Christina’s son turned 12, he stopped talking and sharing things with her and, instead, went to his dad for advice. Christina wondered if she would ever feel close to her son again.

But moms like Christina don’t need to worry. This separation is not only common, but necessary. Teen boys focus all of their energies on watching their dad, or dad-like figures in their life, in order to see what it truly means to be a man.

If that healthy detachment from mom is successful, young men...

Have you tried this Scripture memory trick with your son?

Every boy has a different learning style– auditory, visual, kinesthetic, or reading and writing. You don’t have to know exactly what category your son falls into. The key is to simply  use each learning style to memorize the verse together.

Listen to the verse through a Bible reading app. Look up the verse in a physical Bible. Make up simple hand motions for each word of the verse. Then, have your boy write out the verse each day. Don’t forget to memorize the referen...

Here’s a parenting tip: buy a mini fridge.

As your son enters his teenage years, he will begin to spend more time with his friends than with you. It’s a normal part of development. But there is something that can draw any teenage boy and his friends back to your home every single time– snacks!

Buy an inexpensive mini fridge and put it in a gathering area of your home, like a back deck or a basement. Stock it with snacks, waters, and sodas, and tell your son that it’s there for him and...

Maybe, all your son needs is a ladder.

Every day in school, Phillip, an 8-year-old, would rebelliously refuse to complete any assignments. One day, a teacher realized that Phillip had a passion for ladders and construction. A small ladder was located. Phillip began sitting on that ladder every day during school, and to everyone’s amazement, started learning and completing his assignments.

That ladder gave Phillip what every young boy craves– respect and autonomy. If your son is struggling with behavior issues, take the time to learn what he likes. Then, give him appropriate levels of f...

Are you watering your son’s lawn?

In their famous book, called Boundaries, Dr. John Townsend and Henry Cloud give this analogy. When you don’t teach your teenage son responsibility, it’s like your son is your neighbor who doesn’t water his own lawn. But your sprinkler waters both your lawn and your boy’s lawn, so your son enjoys a green yard without any effort on his part.

Letting your son face natural consequences in life is crucial for his success as an adult. While it may be difficult to watch your son strugg...

Let’s be honest– the behavior of teen boys can be baffling! But what if there’s a simple reason for their baffling behavior?

When your son is mean to his sister, irritable about his homework, and disrespectful to you, stop and ask yourself– is he just tired? He may be staying up too late playing video games, or getting up incredibly early for swim practice. Researchers have found that, when children don’t get enough sleep, they have shorter attention spans, worse grades, and bad attitudes. 

Help your son out. Implement a family nighttime routine tha...

Dealing with emotions can be difficult … for all of us.

But for your young son, feeling frustrated, disappointed, or jealous can be all-consuming.

Here are some steps you can take to help your son work through his feelings.

First, find a list of emotion words online. Post that list on your fridge, and discuss what each word means. Second, draw a thermometer and talk to your son about different levels of anger, so he can notice when he starts to get angry and take steps to calm down. Third, always make sure your so...

What if there are benefits to keeping your son busy?

Children and teens are spending more time in front of screens than ever before, and their mental and physical health is suffering for it. But instead of focusing on getting your son away from the screen, what about trying to keep him so busy he doesn’t have time for his phone or TV?

It may take lots of trial and error to find what your son likes. Some unique ideas include joining a robotics club, volunteering at a local radio station,  helping at a hor...

“The kids are alright” was an iconic rock song by the Who. But unfortunately that phrase no longer rings true when it comes to young men in our society.

Boys today are struggling with rising rates of depression and anxiety, and underperforming girls at every academic level.  The boys are “not alright.”

So what can we do? The key is to go back to the basics. Boys need less time sitting down in school. They need more freedom to run, explore, play, and take healthy risks. One way to do this is to declare a “no screens”...

This parenting tip may surprise you.

When your son is struggling with anger, your instinct may be to address his behavior. But did you know that, in boys, anger is often just a mask for a much deeper issue?

Child development specialists have found that, in boys, slamming doors, yelling, or being mean to a sibling can actually be signs of intense anxiety.

When your son seems angry, consider what’s going on in his life. Is he struggling in school or sports, or going through a major life change?

If so...

Going to theme parks and ball games with the family isn’t cheap, and requires parents to say “No” to souvenirs, snacks, and other requests.

That’s okay. Boys need to learn moderation and the value of a buck.

But let’s say your son “gets it” and shows genuine appreciation. If you can swing it, next time – before you go through the gate – announce, “This is a splurge outing.” Budget some extra cash and let the family know you will try to say “Yes” to just about any request.

You may discover your son doesn’t abuse the...

Next time you’re at Wal-Mart or Hobby Lobby, spend about twenty bucks on a nice set of colored markers and a half dozen assorted poster boards. Then stash them in secret at home.

In the next year or so, your son is going to come to you as bedtime approaches with a look of terror on his face. “I need to make a poster for school that’s due tomorrow!”

You could say, “Too bad, too sad. Hope you learned a lesson.” You could race to the 24-hour drug store across town and pay triple for t...

Most of the time when your son messes up, he knows it. He has instant regrets. But it’s not easy to apologize.

Guilt, ego, and fear get in the way. He may feel unworthy of your love and forgiveness.

Consider the Prodigal son when he found himself broke, lonely, and even yearning for pig food. He was prepared to tell his father, “I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.”

But what did that dad do when he saw him a long way of...

When your son starts questioning why God sometimes doesn’t make sense, turn to Isaiah 55 and explain that God’s thoughts are “higher” than ours.

Then, if you can, pull a cross stitch or embroidery off the wall. Turn that tapestry over so your son sees the tangled zig-zag of knots and loose threads on the back. Explain how that’s “our view,” and that life does get messy. Then turn it over and reveal “God’s view.”

That heavenly perspective – one we cannot possibly have yet – reveals perfect order. God’s plan is in place.

Then poin...

The best way to stay one step ahead of the latest technology might be … to ask your son!

Whether he’s 9 or 19, there’s a good chance he knows more than you.

Do a bit of research about emerging technologies in gaming and networking and then ask your son about it. He may be eager to show off his tech knowledge.

Treat him as an authority. Tell him you feel out of the loop and say, “Can you help me?” then let him teach you.

By  entering his world, you might identify st...

Initially, a boy’s worldview comes from Mom and Dad.

Beginning around the age of 4 or 5—no matter what you have planned for his schooling—he will begin to learn things from other avenues. Cool, fun stuff. And maybe dangerous stuff.

Some is taught quite intentionally in textbooks and lesson plans. Other worldviews and attitudes come from friends, relatives, the kid down the street and the many screens he’ll come across in the decades to come.

From teachers, grandparents, and coaches, much of it will be good stuff! What a gift that is to yo...

Here’s a new prescription for your glasses…

A comedy group once posted a fake commercial online for a device called “husband glasses.” When a wife put on the glasses, she no longer noticed the clutter in their home– but she could see a deer out of their window quite well.

That satire video points out an interesting truth. Starting from a very young age, boys and girls see the world quite differently. While girls focus on details, boys tend to be more skilled in noticing things that are far away– making them better hunters and protecto...

Sometimes a country music lyric just nails it.

In 1999, a unique song was released on country radio. It wasn’t about trucks or dirt roads– it was about the relationship between a loving stepfather and a stepson.

To everyone’s surprise, the song reached number one on the country charts. The key lyric, sang by artist Brad Paisley, reads:  “I hope I’m at least half the dad that he didn’t have to be.”

You may not have a biological son. But every young man longs to be mentored, invested-in, and listened-to– not out of obliga...

Henry David Thoroeau once said, “I go a-fishing and a-hunting every day, but omit the fish and the game, which are the least important part. I have learned to do without them.”

Even when our fishing lines are slack and our deer tags are unfulfilled, we men have been wired by our Creator to need challenge and adventure.  And boys today are no exception.

Each week, help your son find a new activity to tackle. It doesn’t have to be hunting or fishing– it could be trying a complicated recipe, seeking out unique coins, or attend...

You wouldn’t eat a raw potato, of course. But what if you chopped that potato up, and put it in hot oil for several minutes? You would have delicious, golden french fries.

As parents, we want our sons to have the happiest life possible, free of things that are risky or hurtful. We often wish we could take away every obstacle in our boy’s way so that he can accomplish all of his dreams.

But don’t be afraid to let your son fail, whether that means falling while trying a new skateboard trick...

In 1962, the Soviet Union was winning the Space Race. To inspire the nation, President Kennedy announced, “We choose to go to the Moon.” He admitted that this wouldn’t be easy, but that we would succeed.

President Kennedy was right. Achievement is built on the backbone of hard work. But it’s competition that spurs us to even greater heights of progress. That’s why it’s unfortunate that today’s socialistic society tells parents that competition harms a boy’s self-esteem when they lose.

Even though losing isn’t fun, it’s by trudging through the valleys...

Every night, you make sure your phone is plugged into its charger. If you forget, you know that your phone won’t last through the next day.

Your son is much the same way. If you don’t make sure his “battery” is charged at home, he will struggle to sit still and focus while he is at school.

Make sure your boy has plenty of opportunities each day to do fun and fulfilling things. Create an obstacle course for him in the backyard. Give him a bunch of cardboard boxes and help him build a fort...

Every night, you make sure your phone is plugged into its charger. If you forget, you know that your phone won’t last through the next day.

Your son is much the same way. If you don’t make sure his “battery” is charged at home, he will struggle to sit still and focus while he is at school.

Make sure your boy has plenty of opportunities each day to do fun and fulfilling things. Create an obstacle course for him in the backyard. Give him a bunch of cardboard boxes and help him build a fort...

The USS Gerald R. Ford is America’s newest aircraft carrier. It’s longer than 3 football fields and taller than a 24-story building. But when this massive ship needs to stay in place, it relies on a 30,000-pound anchor.

In life, your son doesn’t need a physical anchor, but he does need to be grounded in God’s Word. Today’s anti-Christian culture will try to make him believe that choices of morality, truth, and gender are defined by each person. But by being well grounded in Scripture, he can defend his faith and stand firm against th...

A young man was on his first river rafting trip with a group of friends. As he paddled through the rapids, he glanced at the shore and was surprised to see his dad, waving and cheering the group on.

Later on, he saw his father again, standing on the shore, shouting encouragement. The boy realized that his dad was running along the shore and waiting at each section of rapids to cheer his son on. The boy couldn’t stop smiling.

As parents, we often feel like we are failing our sons. But our boys do...

Today’s boys seem busier than ever. They dart from one activity to another, and yet remain confused and unguided. Why is that?

Consider, for a moment, the Falcon 9 rocket. It launches astronauts into space at more than 17,000 miles per hour! But if the rocket doesn’t go the right direction, the mission is doomed.
That’s why guidance and navigation systems are so important. They keep the rocket steady as it soars toward its destination.

As a parent, are you providing your son the guidance he needs to grow emotionally, socially, and spiritually? By spe...

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health issues of boys today. But why are boys so afraid?

First, society has made a sport of putting men down. Many women think that in order to be empowered, they need to prove that men are beneath them.

Second, our enemy, Satan, knows that if boys believe they are weak and not needed, they will not accomplish God’s purpose for their lives.

As parents we must be counter-cultural. Find something positive to compliment your son on, and remind him of how valuable he is...

It’s a tough world out there for boys. Research shows that they’re often unguided, ungrounded, unappreciated, and uninspired.

Part of the reason for this is that, in the name of progress, the value of manhood is being discounted. In fact, the term “toxic masculinity” is used to shame people into thinking that gender differences are bad. But they aren’t.

God designed boys and girls to be different from one another. Understanding this helps us realize that boys need male role models in their lives. It’s not enough just to be a dad. We need...

How much have you thought about brains lately?

In a typical male brain, neural connections go from the front to the back, while in a female brain the processing goes side to side. Boys also have more gray matter than girls, and scientists think this is why boys often excel at subjects like math, while girls enjoy language and arts. And since your son’s prefrontal cortex is bigger, he is more likely to deal with emotions analytically.

But even if you understand the science of it all, your son’s behavior may still baffle you...

Does it ever seem like your son just doesn’t listen to you?

Well, you may actually be right.

Studies have found that boys are worse listeners than girls. Males only process information with one hemisphere of their brain. They also hear high frequency sounds– like a mom’s voice– at significantly lower decibels.

Here are some tips to help your son be a better listener. First, minimize distractions, like turning off the TV or phone. Secondly, speak in short sentences, and make your main point clear. Lastly, encourage your son to “overlearn.” This means t...

Batman struggles with being obsessive. Iroman has a problem with arrogance. And the Hulk…well, I think you can guess what his character flaw is.

We never say a superhero isn’t super just because they have issues. So why do we as men think we cannot be good mentors, just because we aren’t perfect?

Forty-three percent of boys today are raised by a single mom. Seventy-eight percent of teachers are female. So many young men have no examples in their life showing them what it means to be a man.

Take some t...

I will make a bet that your cell phone is within reach right now!

The first cell phone weighed 2.4 pounds and was larger than your head. That’s definitely not something you’d want to carry in your pocket. Fortunately, today’s cell phones are much smaller and lighter. They allow us to quickly talk And text each other.

And yet, despite the extraordinary technology within a cell phone, these devices often hinder communication. You’ve seen it—family members sitting beside one another staring at their phones. We’re so plugged into these devices that we lose...

Are you hanging on …too tightly?

In 1956, Jim Elliot was murdered by Indians in the jungles of Ecuador. Newspaper reporters wondered why this missionary would risk his life for uncivilized Indians. Though Jim Elliot died at only 28 years old, he had a proper perspective of life. He said,
“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”

Too often, we hold tightly to possessions and activities that hold no eternal value. Don’t make the mistake of clinging to things of insignificance. Teach your kids through your example...

Microwave much?

In today’s society, we expect immediate results. When we try something new, we want instant success. But life doesn’t always work that way.

Sometimes life is hard and tough. Sometimes failure crashes over us like an avalanche. During these times, it’s easy to grow discouraged. Maybe even angry.

But if you are wise, you’ll use times of fatigue, frustration, and failure to teach your son important lessons about grit and determination. And guess what? The more your son sees you rely on God as you work through trials a...

“Trust your instruments.” This mantra is repeated all through flight school. While flying, it’s easy to get disoriented visually, especially in thick fog. Pilots must learn to trust their gauges, not their vision.

Boys today are also “flying through fog,” so to speak. In the confusion of cultural relativism and gender fluidity, young men don’t know where they are or where they are going. So they often choose their own course, or refuse to move at all.

As parents, we must help our son gain a solid foundation and understanding of God’s Word. Involve...

In 2010, a man named Forrest Fen buried treasure in the Rocky Mountains, and published a book with clues to its whereabouts. Thousands went searching for it. Four men even died during the hunt. Finally the box was found in 2020.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most of the people who embarked on that search were male.  From the time we are very young, boys love a good challenge. If young men are under-challenged, they will rebel, resist, or become apathetic. Others will turn to a virtual world they can conquer.

Today, be sure...