Habits for Your Happily Ever After: Relationship Communication Advice

What happens to your relationship when you or your partner attempt a moonshot?

A moonshot—by definition—is a reach. It will ask more of you than feel like you can give. Your moonshot will stretch you, and, just when you think you’re completely laid out flat, your moonshot will...you guessed it...ask for more. This MORE can be stressful. And we know what stress does to your relationship.

Today, Laverne McKinnon is returning to the podcast to help you discern between all the stressors a moonshot can bring into your life:

Are you a practical joker?

I know you want to laugh with your partner. But there are so many details in life, right? And when life gets that busy, sometimes the laughter falls out.

I mean you’re sick, or you’re working until midnight because FINALLY the house is quiet. These living conditions don’t really lend themselves to a good gafaw.

How do you FIND laughter when you’re overwhelmed with living?

Today, I want to offer you 3 ways to plant laughter in your life.

How is your career impacting your relationship?

Think about it this way: when you have a bad day at work, what happens when you get home? It’s easy for your partner to get the worst version of you when you’re unhappy at work, right?

What if you lose your job? How might that impact your relationship? What if your partner got such an amazing promotion that it invited you to move to a new city and afford a house of your dreams? Are you beginning to see the ocean of emotion that careers can...

Does one kiss matter?

My short answer is: yes.

Because the things we do every day–the mundane things that we hardly notice if at all—these tiny moments make more difference in your relationship than anything else. That is because of the power of compounding.

Today we’re talking about my favorite thing: making the invisible visible.

What are you hesitant to forgive?

Are there “unforgivable” things in your past? Are you feeling STUCK because you can’t bring yourself to forgive?

Today I have a conversation with the author of The Forgive Process, by Dr. Lee Baucom. I love the way Dr. Baucom writes about forgiveness. Do you know why? Because he gives YOU all the agency.

Do you like the drama in your relationship?

Hollywood trains us to believe that intimacy lives in the heart of conflict. All those Hollywood stories are about some huge obstacle and the music swells when they…finally…come together.

But there is no swelling soundtrack that underscores your relationship. And navigating obstacles is hard! And most of us don’t have great skills to navigate those challenges, so we just make a mess.

Today, we talk about how drama impacts your relationship.

What do blueberry pancakes and butterflies have to do with your happily ever after?

They’re part of divorce mediator Joe Dillon’s advice for staying married.

I’m a relationship coach. It's odd that I would want to introduce you to a divorce mediator, but he has so much great information to share with us about what he sees when it comes to divorces:

What kind of Friendship date is good for your relationship?

Has life been noisy and busy and you just need some time of shared silence to both reset? What style of date would help you hush the ever-present noise filling your life? Maybe you need a date where you have some dedicated time to understand what your sweetheart is feeling.

Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together.

What type of date does the Lover inside your relationship need?

Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together.

The Partner role in your relationship asks, “Can I rely on you?”

The Lover asks, “Do you make my life exciting?”

And the Friend asks, “Do you really know me?”

Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together.

“What if relationship conflict isn’t about communication SKILLS–but about misunderstood needs?”

This is the foundational question Fernie resident and Counselor, Dayna Haig-Conway asked me when I got to be a guest on her podcast–CAMP Conversations: Keys to Resilience–recently.

I’m eager to share her conversation with you. Dayna’s approach is to search for “the needs behind the needs,” and I am thrilled I get to introduce you to this gem of a human being:

What’s the best thing you can do to create momentum with a habit?

If you want to form a new habit, psychologists tell us the biggest momentum builder is a positive emotional rush. Joy. Today we talk about the most important part of the habit-building cycle: celebration.

How is your negativity bias impacting your relationship, and taking you off course?

Today, we’re talking about that little voice we all have that tends to focus on what’s wrong in our relationship instead of what’s right.

Last week I shared a favorite quote from Jim Rohn, “Direction determines destination.” We talked about planes that are off course 90% of the time they’re in the air, but still manage to land in the appointed destination.

The critical element for a pilot is to keep refining that vector of direction, a little north...

Do you ever feel frustrated because you’re experiencing the same stumbling blocks you faced last year?

And you thought you’d dealt with those…but here you are again. Yuck.

I am a life coach. I hear this complaint over and over. We work on something, my client and I. There’s a shift. Life is good. My client feels motivation and freedom, and then, a year later: Bam. They’re back where they started.

Today, we discuss one of my favorite quotes from Jim Rohn, “Direction determines destination.”

What is it like to spend Christmas Day alone?

We all hate to be left out.

Today, on Christmas Day, I want to talk with you about loneliness. If you are alone today, and lonely, I want you to know I wrote this episode for you.

We want to belong. We want to belong with all our friends and our community.

Our friends are having a drink, and we wanna belong so we take the drink, even though we know that we’re gonna struggle to wake up in the morning. Or we eat the sugary treat because someone made it for us, but it’s gonna give us a headache an hour later.

How can you participate in treats and feel the group celebration without diminishing your connection to yourself?

This is the discussion we have on the podc...

How does your sobriety–or lack thereof–impact your relationship?

Emotions are a huge part of relationship. When you’re able to be sober with your emotions, your honesty and vulnerability cultivate trust and connection grows.

We turn to addictions when we’re uncomfortable with our emotions. We want to hide from them or numb out. So you eat a quart of ice cream or you down a 6-pack of beer. Your addiction confuses your emotional state. You’re unable to be honest and alienation is fostered, trust is undermined, and your relationship connection weakens.

In th...

What’s your favorite meal? What was your favorite way to play outside as a kid? What does your favorite memory smell like?

These are questions that are part of the culture in my house. When my kids were growing up, I asked about their favorite moment of the day, their favorite interaction with a friend, or their favorite moment to be away from me (this question was born during the teenage years).

I ask about favorites because it’s so easy to complain, to focus on the negative, or to harbor resentments and focus on i...

The holidays can be a time of high stress. What if a tiny pause could help you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting to the stress, so you can cultivate connection instead of pushing your partner away?

Today, we talk about the power of the pause and why it's so important at this particular time of year. I’ve brought back clips from previous guests to offer you three perspectives on why pausing can be so powerful for your relationship:

This bonus episode of Habits for Your Happily Ever After is a reminder to find what's funny as you're heading home for the holidays. When you can be the one who brings laughter to the room, you can put the "fun" in dysfunction.

You'll hear a segment from my interview with my son, Logan, and how his superpower is being able to laugh no matter how a conflict goes.

Listen to this week's episode for more ideas on how to put the "fun" in dysfunction this holiday season.

Connect to Improve Your Relationship...

Your mom slays you in that way that only she can and says, “Oh, I see you’ve julienned the carrots when I asked for slices.”

For you, it might not be your mom. But I bet there’s someone in your family of origin who makes you feel … less than.

Today, I’ve got a few games for you to play during this holiday season as you visit your family. I have 4 intentions with today’s episode:

Bodies tell the truth. We may not like the truth they tell, but your body doesn’t lie. 

This is why you can’t “find the right words” to say something you don’t truly feel/believe. Your body will be at odds with those “right words” and the person to whom you’re talking will leave the conversation feeling confused. This is one of the primary truths that Kasia Urbaniak, author of Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power, is helping us understand in her book.

Today is a first on my podcast: I’ve invited you all to...

Notice. Notice without judgement.

When you’re able to do that, you get into a meditative state that allows you to shift your behavior, and live a better life. No candles or incense required. 

It sounds so simple, right? What’s the big deal with noticing? 

Well, lemme tell you: almost all of my clients resist noticing their body. I do too. It takes too much time. Too much energy. But actually, ignoring your body leads to stress, illness, and definitely unhappiness. 

Today, we’ll welcome back Allison Evans who talked to us abo...

Reckoning. Where do you compromise for your partner? Where do they compromise for you?

Every marriage requires compromise. There comes a point when you realize you and your partner don’t always fit perfectly. You married a separate person, with their own history and agenda. Choosing to stay—despite unmet needs, hurts, and those moments of wondering if things will ever change—can lead to a real, reliable love that goes beyond fairytale fantasies.

Long relationships inevitably experience a “reckoning.” This is that point where neither person is willing to compromise. Each person says, “My way.” So you...

Is there someone in your life that you love dearly and they vote differently from you? And their choice to vote so differently is making it hard for you to be close to them? Love them, even?

I had a marriage therapist ask me to do a podcast episode about our nation’s polarization because it is ending marriages. This is my attempt at this difficult topic. I’m going to talk in the episode as if it’s your partner that votes differently because that’s a huge struggle for people right now. But if it’s not your...

What if talking about money could create as much intimacy with your partner as walking hand in hand, or staying out late drinking your favorite beverage staring into each other’s eyes?

You want to be able to count on your partner to do their part when it comes to paying not just the bills, but saving for a great vacation or setting aside money so the kids have not just what they need, but also some fun money, because we all know that watching your kids’ happiness doubles your own happiness.

But what if you...

When you find a big enough YES! it's easy to say NO! A big enough YES keeps you tuned into your deepest values. You'll be wired to eliminate frivolous spending and wasted money.

Today, we continue our 3-part discussion about money.

Last week we talked about your money mindset. As a reminder, It's critical to hear the WHOLE story from your partner when it comes to money. There are 3 skills to help you hear that whole story: Notice, Get curious, and Understand your partner's deepest values.

In this episode,  I’ll tell you abo...

What happens when you have a toxic, or even just tenuous, relationship with money? How does that impact the relationship with your partner?

Today, we discuss your money mindset, and how conversations about money impact your relationship. 

Habit for Your Happily...

I believe Dr. Zoe’s 11 questions have such healing power (especially if you’ve read her book and let her story help you untangle your own complex shame) that I wanted to give you an easy space to revisit these questions.

Connect with my guest

Visit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here.

Read Dr. Zoe Shaw's book, Stronger in the Difficult Places.

Listen to the Stronger in the Difficult Places podcast.

Connect on Instagram here.

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

Buy my book.

List...

Do you ever wonder why, even when your partner treats you tenderly, that you still feel empty? Or invisible?

Shame steals the love you are able to feel. Shame steals that love before it’s able to land in your heart, because you feel unworthy. You simply can’t receive love even when it is abundant around you.

If you’ve felt this way, I want you to meet psychotherapist and author, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Today, we bring you a revealing conversation about shame: 

I'm popping into your podcast feed to remind you about my new book club. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER to join.

The first book will be Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power by Kasia Urbaniak. I am so excited to share this book with you and discuss how it applies to relationships. 

Join me for the book club on October 13th at:

In order to receive your invitation, make sure you're signed up for my email list. That’s where I’ll sen...

Sexual magnetism and general attractiveness begin with falling in love with yourself.

The problem is that many people (and mostly I notice this in women, though not exclusively) find their worthiness in other people’s approval.

When you’re chasing anyone else’s approval, you lose touch with your own desires. When you lose touch with your own desires, you slowly become less desirable. Because you’ve lost your vitality. Your verve. What makes you excited has faded from view.

In this episode, you get to hear from Bern Mendez. Typically, you’d find Bern...

I'm starting a new relationship book club, and I want you to join.

Do you want to discuss books about relationship with me, and maybe even end up on the podcast? Take a minute and SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER so you don't miss the invitation to sign up.

Fill out this survey and let me know what book you're dying to discuss.

You make assumptions. You want your partner to change. What if I told you the reason you do these things is romantic?

Today, we talk about two main elements I see that make it difficult to stay in your own business: Blending and judging.

I'm launching a new relationship book club. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER so you'll receive the link to sign up straight to your inbox.

I love a good book club—and I especially love reading books about relationship. So I decided, why not invite all of you to join me?

If you're interested in meeting with me to discuss relationship books, make sure you’re subscribed to my newsletter. That’s where I’ll send the invitation to sign up and announce the first book in the coming weeks.

In the meantime, I'd love it if yo...

Are you often tempted to enter your spouse’s experience?

This can look like judgment: “He should brush his teeth.” “She should find a new job.”

Or blending: “He doesn’t tell me he loves me.” “She never appreciates me.”

When you have these thoughts–or speak them aloud–you are in your partner’s business. And that doesn’t bring you closer, it pushes your partner away.

Today, we talk about the single most important habit that will ensure your happily ever after: stay in your own business.

Habit for Your Happily Ever...

Do you ever say “yes” to something even, when exhausted or depleted?

We’ve all experienced these moments–for some reason or another, you overcommit even when you don't have the capacity—and your whole day seems to spiral from there.

What if instead, you responded based on how you were feeling? If you were honest with yourself and others about the energy you have?

Today, I’m joined by a dear friend and coaching colleague, Allison Evans. In this episode, we examine each element of the body budget—sleep, food and water, nature, moveme...

Has your sweetheart ever looked at you in a way that made you flush?

You felt overwhelmed by the love. So much so, that you looked away?

Deep love can carry deep pain with it: maybe because we fear we'll lose that love we value, or because we wonder if we're worthy.

Today, my guest, Dr. Diana Hill, tells a story about a time her husband was trying to see her and it caused her pain.

When we allow ourselves the bothness of our fear and our love–and we allow th...

Do you and your partner argue about money?

This is a common topic of conflict because it is so closely tied to our values. When you and your partner have different ideas about how to spend--or save--your money, communication about your finances can quickly turn into an argument.

In this episode, you’ll hear how a conversation about money can bring you closer to your partner when you improve your communication step by step:

“I’m hurting too” Has your partner said this to you and you didn’t hear it?

Isn’t it amazing how blinding pain can be? And how self absorbing it is?

This week, my guest from last week, Jen Price, returns with a story about the second time in her long marriage that pain threatened the connection she had with her husband: