Habits for Your Happily Ever After: Relationship Communication Advice
Each episode offers a date-night-discussion to foster conversation, as well as a tiny habit to keep you and the one you love connected: Because happily ever after isn’t a destination, it’s a journey. Habits for Your Happily Ever After is a place to get clear about your marriage communication. Because when your relationships are strong, you’re able to concentrate at work, reduce conflict at home, and receive support for your dreams so you have courage to live your best life. Relationship Coach, Rebecca Mullen, hosts the show filled with stories about relationship struggles and successes.
It Won’t All Fit: How to Prioritize When Everything Feels Important
Life is full. Maybe too full. So, how do you choose what to let go?
What things are optional? What things are impossible to let go? How do you know the difference?
Today we’re discussing how to choose what to let go when life is too full. You’ll learn:
Why resisting the reality that it won’t all fit makes exhaustion worse.How your WHY can help you identify what matters most during this season of your life.How to choose what stays, what goes, and what you may need from your partne...What Do You Taste? How to Make an Everyday Moment Feel Like an Adventure
How do you zhuzh up your life if you have no time and no energy?
I had the BEST time tasting things recently with my daughter, Kaitlin Pettit, and I want to share the adventure with you, because it’s amazing how little it takes if you know what to be mindful about.
Have you ever stopped and asked yourself, “What do you taste?” You will eat completely differently if you do.
Noticing is this unbelievably powerful ability you have to change your experience of the world. When you slow down and pay attent...
Too-Little-Tired: When More Rest Isn’t What You Need
Do you feel tired even when you’re not doing that much?
Last week I introduced you to the distinction between too-much-tired and too-little-tired. Today we’ll talk more about too-little-tired—the exhaustion that comes when you don’t have enough meaning, focus, or purpose in your life. You’ll learn:
That when you get clarity on your flavor of exhaustion, you can do a better job with the cure.Why having more time and fewer responsibilities can sometimes leave you feeling even more exhausted.Three things that can help you find your way out of the dark c...Too-Much-Tired: When Your Reservoir Is Running Dry
When you view all flavors of tired the same, it’s difficult to address your symptoms. So how do you distinguish too-much-tired from too-little-tired?
Today we’re discussing too-much-tired—what happens when life drains your reservoir faster than you can fill it. You’ll learn:
How to recognize too-much-tired and distinguish it from the emptiness of too-little-tired.How to identify what’s draining your reservoir—and the downstream consequences of running too low.How to find the “river” that can begin filling your reservoir again.Although we’ll define both types of tired, today’s episode is more he...
Why Laughter is Better for Your Relationship
How does laughter impact your relationship communication?
It comes easily to my son, Logan. It’s his superpower. He was a guest on the 50th episode of this podcast, and today I’m bringing you his episode from the archives. You’ll hear:
Logan’s elopement story and the advantages and disadvantages that come with elopingWhy laughter is a great choice for your relationship conflict resolutionHow our pets teach us about unconditional loveWant more?
Hear more about how humor connects you to your partner in this interview with Chris DuffyCould a practical joke sav...5 Thinking Traps Your Brain Feeds to Your Kitchen Sink Voice
Do you ever use your resentment (or your doubt, or your fear) to write the history of your relationship?
Today, we’re exploring 5 cognitive distortions that feed your Kitchen Sink Voice all the resentment it needs to thrive.
I’ll offer you a definition of cognitive distortions and help you see how they’re poisoning your relationshipWe’ll explore where and why these cognitive distortions arise, so you can head them off at the passAnd I’ll help you see how to access curiosity and compassion to turn your relationship aroundComplaint > Criticism > Curiosity > Compassion...
The Art of Getting Unstuck with Ramona Ausubel
When you got married, did you have a basic outline of what marriage was supposed to look like?
I did. And for a long time, that outline felt like a kind of safety net.
But eventually, a safety net can become a cage.
Marriage is messy: give it room
What if the goal isn’t to get marriage RIGHT, but rather to stay engaged with what your marriage is becoming? To keep discovering who you are becoming and who your sweetheart is becoming.
To notice when the old agreement no...
Is Your Kitchen Sink Voice Killing Your Happily Ever After?
Do you have a place where you rehearse how dreadful your partner is?
For me it was the kitchen sink. I stood at that sink and this was my litany while I washed dishes. “Here I am. Alone again. Cinderella. I’m the only one who cleans this kitchen.”
We all do it, right? Poor me. My life sucks. Everyone else has it better.
And we want to blame someone for our sucky life.
If you are like me and everyone else I know, the easiest person to blame is your partne...
When a Son Dies of Addiction, What Does Love Look Like?
What happens when you feel your feelings?
You don’t get stuck. You don’t get stuck in bitterness, resentment, shame, or a host of other negative places where I see people stall out or begin to push their partner away.
Today I talk to the mother of Nicholas Rizzo who died of an opioid overdose. I wanted you to hear from Katie Rizzo, Nicholas’s mother so you can have a deeper understanding of the family life of an addict.
Katie reminds us that addiction is a family disease: The whole family suffers.I want...Relationship Olympics with Rick and Clancy Denton
Today I talk to Rick and Clancy Denton who are relatively new to the empty nest phase of life and have some great ideas to offer much younger couples to keep your relationship fresh and vital.
You’ll hear how your identity can change through the lifetime of your marriage, and how that will impact your relationshipYou’ll hear why Rick believes that a happier couple makes for happier parentingAnd we’ll offer you a habit to create your own relationship OlympicsDate Night Discussion
Inspired by watching the summer Olympics of 2024, my guests, Rick a...
What if You Mattered as Much as Everyone Else? with Monica Packer
Ever notice how easy it is to put yourself at the bottom of your own list?
You tell yourself you'll rest when the laundry is done.You'll pursue that hobby when the kids are older.You'll make your doctor's appointment after everyone else's needs are met.Little by little, you disappear.
Not because anyone asked you to, but because somewhere along the way, your domestic productivity became tangled up with your worth. Your ability to feed everyone, keep things clean, and the trains running on time ran right over you. The YOU inside your...
Better Vacations: Play More and Have More Fun
How do you take a vacation that sparks tons of joy?
Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend.
We’ll focus on The Lover in your relationship and how to increase connection by playing more and maximizing your funWe’ll talk about the unique quality of The Lover: Focus on yourself and what you wantAnd I’ll give you 4 questions to discover the secret formula to play more while you’re on vacation.Date Night Discussion
Here’s 4 questions to discuss as Lovers who vacation together:
When am I...The Lover Role in Your Relationship
The Lover in your relationship craves adventure.
The Lover is part of my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Lover.
You’ll hear a story about a romance that was dead and was resuscitatedYou’ll get an adventurous habitAnd I’ll give you a date night discussion topic so you and your lover can explore ways to tend the fire between you.Conne...
Better Vacations: Plan Together and Reduce Conflict
Vacations are full of details: reservations, travel, and adventure. How do you share the load of logistics when it comes to vacationing with your Partner?
Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend
Today we’ll focus on The Partner in your relationship and how to plan a great vacation and rock your to-do listsWe’ll talk about the skills of The Partner: Leading and FollowingAnd I’ll give you 3 questions to open up a conversation that supports planning with your sweetheart so you create ease and reduce conflictDate Nig...
The Partner Role in Your Relationship
The Partner in your relationship loves to get stuff done.
Who is that “Partner?” you’re asking. I’m talking about my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Partner.
You’ll hear about the deep intimacy The Partner can create in your relationship from a widow who misses the smell of toast her sweetheart used to make for her every day.You’ll hear about a st...Better Vacations: Dream Bigger and Increase Connection
Dreaming is a vulnerable thing to do. And dreaming with your sweetheart? Doubly vulnerable. So how can you feel good dreaming about great vacations to take together?
Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend
Today we’ll focus on The Friend in your relationship and how to increase connection by sharing your dreamsWe’ll talk about the skills of The Friend: Listening and RevealingAnd I’ll give you 3 questions to open up a conversation that supports dreaming and connecting with your sweetheartDate Night Discussion
Here’s 3 questi...
The Friend Role in Your Relationship
The Friend in your relationship wants to feel understood.
The Friend comes from my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Friend.
You’ll hear how The Friend thrives when you and your sweetheart have time to just hang outWe’ll talk about why companionship builds trust between you and your sweetheartAnd I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt to make it easier to...6 Kinds of Fun for Your Relationship
What kills a fun time faster than anything else? Someone who doesn’t want to be there.
Not everyone has fun in the same way. When you understand what’s fun for you, it’s easier to ask your partner if they want to join you in having your kind of fun. Today we’ll talk about 6 types of fun (but there are plenty of others).
Fall into FlowBolt of JoyContentmentFidgetingSomething MessySomething CleanHabit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to create or refine one...
49 Years Later, They're Still Each Other's Favorite Date
What does it look like to build a marriage where kindness becomes second nature?
I spend a lot of time helping couples figure out how to make their relationship work. Today, you'll hear a conversation with Jamee and Doug Simons, a couple who have spent nearly 50 years creating the marriage many people hope to build.
You’ll hear what it was like for Jamee and Doug to take of a family business and balance their partnership at work with cultivating a loving marriage at homeAnd you’ll hear how the kindness and generosity they foster in thei...Better Communication Begins with You
Today, I bring you an interview when I was a guest on the podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, with psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw. On her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, her guiding premise is: “We’re not fixing them, we’re fixing you, and that changes everything.”
Dr. Shaw has been a guest on this podcast before to discuss the impact of shame on your relationship. In this episode, you’ll hear me talk about my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.
Discover more from Dr. Zoe Shaw
Read Dr...What if They Don't Need You to Fix it? with Dr. David Marcus
You hate seeing your partner suffer. So, you jump to solutions.
When someone we love is hurting, our instinct is often to fix it.
But rarely do any of us want a solution.
We need a soothing presence—someone who can sit with the discomfort long enough for the pressure to ease and your words to emerge.
Today, I’m joined by Dr. David Marcus. We discuss how you can become a soothing presence in the lives of the people you love most and why that is key to emotional regulation.
Yo...Protective Defensive Maneuvers vs “Presenting the Deeper Me”
“Why don’t you ever initiate sex?!” vs cuddling up and kissing your sweetheart’s back. Which do you typically choose?
Do you hide your heart in the precise moment you want to be loved? Or are you willing to disclose that super tender underbelly?
Today we look at why it’s tempting to hide behind Protective Defensive Maneuvers (PDM’s) because when you start with compassion, change is easier.
You’ll understand why you resort to PDM’s and understanding helps you forgive yourself and begin again differently.We’ll find some fun PDM turn-arounds l...Recognize the Trigger. Rewrite the Story with Michael and Penny Gold
You and your partner are the authors of your relationship story. But what happens when your childhood triggers begin writing the script?
Today, my guests are Michael and Penny Gold from Relationship Alchemy.
They share examples of relationship triggers and how to recognize the patterns underneath themThey'll invite you to see how you can create a tiny ritual that strengthens intimacyAnd they have an endless supply of 10-minute dates to refresh your relationshipTriggers Identified, Demystified, and Disarmed
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict and wondered, "Why...
What if You’re Both Wrong? The Seductive Power of Either/Or
Why is either/or thinking toxic for your relationship? Because it boxes out possibilities. Why is either/or thinking so tempting? Because it simplifies our complicated lives.
Today we’re noticing how toxic the unconscious but super seductive question “Either/Or” can be.
I’ll take you through 3 reasons your brain loves to default to either/or thinking and how to use 2 words to free your mind from the limitations that either/or thinking can impart.Then I’ll offer you the magic words that will open your mind.And not only will I share with you the fa...How Do You Say Hello to Your Partner?
One word can change the character of your relationship.
Don’t believe me? I invite you to notice how you say hello to your partner.
Does your hello say, “I’m glad to see you!” or is your hello flavored with the taste of goodbye?
I am always sending people to episode #8 of my podcast where I tell the story of how hello changed the course of my relationship with my husband. This week, I’m bringing the episode back from the archives.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
To help yo...
Is Your Brain Answering the Wrong Questions?
What questions are you asking yourself on a regular basis?
Today, I’m inviting you to ask a better question, because if you do, you’ll magically live a better life.
We’ll talk about how questions—even those invisible questions you didn’t realize you were asking yourself—are shaping your experience of the worldI’ll give you a habit to help you wake yourself up to the questions you didn’t realize you were askingAnd I’ll help you and your partner find the questions that will deepen your connection and your intimacyHabit for Your H...
You say yes. Your partner hears no. What happened?
You say yes. Your partner hears no. What happened?
Today I’m bringing you a snippet from my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.
You’ll hear why communication can get confusingIf you’re married to someone who’s typical answer to your idea is “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I’ll offer you some hopeAnd I’ll explain why negativity is often fear in disguise and how you can fix that negativity with just one wordHabit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever...
How to Be Your Own Life Coach Part 4: What’s Your Takeaway?
When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.
Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.
That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.
You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your...
How to Be Your Own Life Coach Part 3: Tools and Invitations
When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.
Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.
That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.
You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your...
How to Be Your Own Life Coach Part 2: “Good to Notice”
When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.
Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.
That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.
You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your...
How to Be Your Own Life Coach Part 1: Celebrate Your Strengths
When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.
Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.
That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.
You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering: the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your...
Why Humor Connects You to Your Partner with Guest, Chris Duffy
Laughter makes everything better with your partner, and my guest, Chris Duffy, has written a book called, "Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy."
Today, you’ll hear the 3 core pillars Chris outlines:
Notice things. Be present. (Look for the odd, wacky, and awkward things: they’re funny.)Laugh at yourself. (My biggest laugh in the book was how a realtor described his living situation.)Take social risks. (He tells a super funny story about his time on LinkedIn, and why his account got shut down…eventually.)Habit for Yo...
Dirty Asks Cleaned Up
Do you ever wish you could take back something you’ve said to your sweetheart?
We’ve all done it: the dreaded communication blunder.
Today we’re rebooting your communication one yucky phrase at a time. I’ll demonstrate the ick. Then we’ll reword, re-examine, and reboot.
Because wouldn’t it be better if your marriage was a long string of conversation pearls you’ll treasure forever rather than a tangled mess?
Today, we’re fixing your communication blunders one lousy example at a time:
We’ll examine 6 communic...What Happens to Your Relationship When Your Partner Takes a Moonshot with Laverne McKinnon
What happens to your relationship when you or your partner attempt a moonshot?
A moonshot—by definition—is a reach. It will ask more of you than feel like you can give. Your moonshot will stretch you, and, just when you think you’re completely laid out flat, your moonshot will...you guessed it...ask for more. This MORE can be stressful. And we know what stress does to your relationship.
Today, Laverne McKinnon is returning to the podcast to help you discern between all the stressors a moonshot can bring into your life:
Lavern...Could a Practical Joke Save Your Marriage?
Are you a practical joker?
I know you want to laugh with your partner. But there are so many details in life, right? And when life gets that busy, sometimes the laughter falls out.
I mean you’re sick, or you’re working until midnight because FINALLY the house is quiet. These living conditions don’t really lend themselves to a good gafaw.
How do you FIND laughter when you’re overwhelmed with living?
Today, I want to offer you 3 ways to plant laughter in your life.
“Plant” something wacky in your fron...How Does the Loss of a Job Impact Your Relationship? with Laverne McKinnon
How is your career impacting your relationship?
Think about it this way: when you have a bad day at work, what happens when you get home? It’s easy for your partner to get the worst version of you when you’re unhappy at work, right?
What if you lose your job? How might that impact your relationship? What if your partner got such an amazing promotion that it invited you to move to a new city and afford a house of your dreams? Are you beginning to see the ocean of emotion that careers can...
Make the Invisible Visible: The Compounding Power in Your Relationship
Does one kiss matter?
My short answer is: yes.
Because the things we do every day–the mundane things that we hardly notice if at all—these tiny moments make more difference in your relationship than anything else. That is because of the power of compounding.
Today we’re talking about my favorite thing: making the invisible visible.
I’ll tell you a kissing story that happens in my mud roomWe’ll talk about Alpha Centauri and the compounding power of invisibilityAnd I’ll offer you encouragement if you need some courage to be gentle...What does forgiveness have to do with setting boundaries? With Dr. Lee Baucom
What are you hesitant to forgive?
Are there “unforgivable” things in your past? Are you feeling STUCK because you can’t bring yourself to forgive?
Today I have a conversation with the author of The Forgive Process, by Dr. Lee Baucom. I love the way Dr. Baucom writes about forgiveness. Do you know why? Because he gives YOU all the agency.
He explains why forgiveness is for YOU, not the person who wronged you. He doesn’t say you “have to” forgive. He says you “get to” forgive.We’ll talk through his 6-step process to help yo...The Seductive (and Toxic) Power of Drama in Relationships
Do you like the drama in your relationship?
Hollywood trains us to believe that intimacy lives in the heart of conflict. All those Hollywood stories are about some huge obstacle and the music swells when they…finally…come together.
But there is no swelling soundtrack that underscores your relationship. And navigating obstacles is hard! And most of us don’t have great skills to navigate those challenges, so we just make a mess.
Today, we talk about how drama impacts your relationship.
You'll hear about how big questions and grand gestures can light...A Habit That Could Save Your Marriage with Divorce Mediator Joe Dillon
What do blueberry pancakes and butterflies have to do with your happily ever after?
They’re part of divorce mediator Joe Dillon’s advice for staying married.
I’m a relationship coach. It's odd that I would want to introduce you to a divorce mediator, but he has so much great information to share with us about what he sees when it comes to divorces:
I found Joe Dillon online and his body of work was so extensive that I wanted to share it with you.Joe is going to help you understand what typica...