Habits for Your Happily Ever After: Relationship Communication Advice

The holidays can be a time of high stress. What if a tiny pause could help you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting to the stress, so you can cultivate connection instead of pushing your partner away?

Today, we talk about the power of the pause and why it's so important at this particular time of year. I’ve brought back clips from previous guests to offer you three perspectives on why pausing can be so powerful for your relationship:

This bonus episode of Habits for Your Happily Ever After is a reminder to find what's funny as you're heading home for the holidays. When you can be the one who brings laughter to the room, you can put the "fun" in dysfunction.

You'll hear a segment from my interview with my son, Logan, and how his superpower is being able to laugh no matter how a conflict goes.

Listen to this week's episode for more ideas on how to put the "fun" in dysfunction this holiday season.

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Your mom slays you in that way that only she can and says, “Oh, I see you’ve julienned the carrots when I asked for slices.”

For you, it might not be your mom. But I bet there’s someone in your family of origin who makes you feel … less than.

Today, I’ve got a few games for you to play during this holiday season as you visit your family. I have 4 intentions with today’s episode:

Bodies tell the truth. We may not like the truth they tell, but your body doesn’t lie. 

This is why you can’t “find the right words” to say something you don’t truly feel/believe. Your body will be at odds with those “right words” and the person to whom you’re talking will leave the conversation feeling confused. This is one of the primary truths that Kasia Urbaniak, author of Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power, is helping us understand in her book.

Today is a first on my podcast: I’ve invited you all to...

Notice. Notice without judgement.

When you’re able to do that, you get into a meditative state that allows you to shift your behavior, and live a better life. No candles or incense required. 

It sounds so simple, right? What’s the big deal with noticing? 

Well, lemme tell you: almost all of my clients resist noticing their body. I do too. It takes too much time. Too much energy. But actually, ignoring your body leads to stress, illness, and definitely unhappiness. 

Today, we’ll welcome back Allison Evans who talked to us abo...

Reckoning. Where do you compromise for your partner? Where do they compromise for you?

Every marriage requires compromise. There comes a point when you realize you and your partner don’t always fit perfectly. You married a separate person, with their own history and agenda. Choosing to stay—despite unmet needs, hurts, and those moments of wondering if things will ever change—can lead to a real, reliable love that goes beyond fairytale fantasies.

Long relationships inevitably experience a “reckoning.” This is that point where neither person is willing to compromise. Each person says, “My way.” So you...

Is there someone in your life that you love dearly and they vote differently from you? And their choice to vote so differently is making it hard for you to be close to them? Love them, even?

I had a marriage therapist ask me to do a podcast episode about our nation’s polarization because it is ending marriages. This is my attempt at this difficult topic. I’m going to talk in the episode as if it’s your partner that votes differently because that’s a huge struggle for people right now. But if it’s not your...

What if talking about money could create as much intimacy with your partner as walking hand in hand, or staying out late drinking your favorite beverage staring into each other’s eyes?

You want to be able to count on your partner to do their part when it comes to paying not just the bills, but saving for a great vacation or setting aside money so the kids have not just what they need, but also some fun money, because we all know that watching your kids’ happiness doubles your own happiness.

But what if you...

When you find a big enough YES! it's easy to say NO! A big enough YES keeps you tuned into your deepest values. You'll be wired to eliminate frivolous spending and wasted money.

Today, we continue our 3-part discussion about money.

Last week we talked about your money mindset. As a reminder, It's critical to hear the WHOLE story from your partner when it comes to money. There are 3 skills to help you hear that whole story: Notice, Get curious, and Understand your partner's deepest values.

In this episode,  I’ll tell you abo...

What happens when you have a toxic, or even just tenuous, relationship with money? How does that impact the relationship with your partner?

Today, we discuss your money mindset, and how conversations about money impact your relationship. 

Habit for Your Happily...

I believe Dr. Zoe’s 11 questions have such healing power (especially if you’ve read her book and let her story help you untangle your own complex shame) that I wanted to give you an easy space to revisit these questions.

Connect with my guest

Visit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here.

Read Dr. Zoe Shaw's book, Stronger in the Difficult Places.

Listen to the Stronger in the Difficult Places podcast.

Connect on Instagram here.

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

Buy my book.

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Do you ever wonder why, even when your partner treats you tenderly, that you still feel empty? Or invisible?

Shame steals the love you are able to feel. Shame steals that love before it’s able to land in your heart, because you feel unworthy. You simply can’t receive love even when it is abundant around you.

If you’ve felt this way, I want you to meet psychotherapist and author, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Today, we bring you a revealing conversation about shame: 

I'm popping into your podcast feed to remind you about my new book club. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER to join.

The first book will be Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power by Kasia Urbaniak. I am so excited to share this book with you and discuss how it applies to relationships. 

Join me for the book club on October 13th at:

In order to receive your invitation, make sure you're signed up for my email list. That’s where I’ll sen...

Sexual magnetism and general attractiveness begin with falling in love with yourself.

The problem is that many people (and mostly I notice this in women, though not exclusively) find their worthiness in other people’s approval.

When you’re chasing anyone else’s approval, you lose touch with your own desires. When you lose touch with your own desires, you slowly become less desirable. Because you’ve lost your vitality. Your verve. What makes you excited has faded from view.

In this episode, you get to hear from Bern Mendez. Typically, you’d find Bern...

I'm starting a new relationship book club, and I want you to join.

Do you want to discuss books about relationship with me, and maybe even end up on the podcast? Take a minute and SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER so you don't miss the invitation to sign up.

Fill out this survey and let me know what book you're dying to discuss.

You make assumptions. You want your partner to change. What if I told you the reason you do these things is romantic?

Today, we talk about two main elements I see that make it difficult to stay in your own business: Blending and judging.

I'm launching a new relationship book club. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER so you'll receive the link to sign up straight to your inbox.

I love a good book club—and I especially love reading books about relationship. So I decided, why not invite all of you to join me?

If you're interested in meeting with me to discuss relationship books, make sure you’re subscribed to my newsletter. That’s where I’ll send the invitation to sign up and announce the first book in the coming weeks.

In the meantime, I'd love it if yo...

Are you often tempted to enter your spouse’s experience?

This can look like judgment: “He should brush his teeth.” “She should find a new job.”

Or blending: “He doesn’t tell me he loves me.” “She never appreciates me.”

When you have these thoughts–or speak them aloud–you are in your partner’s business. And that doesn’t bring you closer, it pushes your partner away.

Today, we talk about the single most important habit that will ensure your happily ever after: stay in your own business.

Habit for Your Happily Ever...

Do you ever say “yes” to something even, when exhausted or depleted?

We’ve all experienced these moments–for some reason or another, you overcommit even when you don't have the capacity—and your whole day seems to spiral from there.

What if instead, you responded based on how you were feeling? If you were honest with yourself and others about the energy you have?

Today, I’m joined by a dear friend and coaching colleague, Allison Evans. In this episode, we examine each element of the body budget—sleep, food and water, nature, moveme...

Has your sweetheart ever looked at you in a way that made you flush?

You felt overwhelmed by the love. So much so, that you looked away?

Deep love can carry deep pain with it: maybe because we fear we'll lose that love we value, or because we wonder if we're worthy.

Today, my guest, Dr. Diana Hill, tells a story about a time her husband was trying to see her and it caused her pain.

When we allow ourselves the bothness of our fear and our love–and we allow th...

Do you and your partner argue about money?

This is a common topic of conflict because it is so closely tied to our values. When you and your partner have different ideas about how to spend--or save--your money, communication about your finances can quickly turn into an argument.

In this episode, you’ll hear how a conversation about money can bring you closer to your partner when you improve your communication step by step:

“I’m hurting too” Has your partner said this to you and you didn’t hear it?

Isn’t it amazing how blinding pain can be? And how self absorbing it is?

This week, my guest from last week, Jen Price, returns with a story about the second time in her long marriage that pain threatened the connection she had with her husband:

Sometimes you’re not capable of paying attention to how your actions impact your partner, especially when you’re in pain–physically or emotionally. 

What can you lay to rest so that the impact of your pain doesn't hurt your relationships? Or how can you lessen the damage? 

Today, we discuss the impact of chronic pain on your relationship.

How do you know if you’re making the right decisions and choices as a parent?

And how do you deal with decision fatigue in a way that is supportive—instead of destructive—to your relationship?

Parenting is confusing. There’s a million decisions every day: 

You’re ti...

What is that gesture from your partner that makes you feel taken care of or pampered?

Have you ever felt like that gesture was a radical departure from the rest of your disposition?

NaTasha Richburg feels loved when her husband carries her luggage. This shocked me because my guest today is wildly independent. Yet this gesture on her husband’s part makes her feel feminine and cared for. 

NaTasha Richburg has 2 master’s degrees and teaches as an adjunct professor at the University of Maryland Baltimore County. And she’s written a book, People...

How do you cultivate the 3 different roles of Partner, Lover, and Friend in your singular relationship?

Summer tends to fly by, and it’s easy to find yourself swept up in the busyness. Suddenly it's September, and you realize you haven’t truly connected with your sweetheart. When you intentionally find time for each other, even in small ways, your relationship will grow stronger.

Today, I’m offering you 3 summer time dates to tend each of the three roles in your relationship: Partner, Friend, and Lover:

Why did it seem so easy to make friends in kindergarten? And how do you make a new friend now that you’re an adult?

In kindergarten it was easy. Certainly easier. First of all, children that age haven’t yet faced rejection, so they aren’t scared to simply speak their mind, “Want to be my friend?”

Secondly, there were a whole bunch of kids and there was recess. There was a designated time to play with a friend and a host of friends to choose from.

Now that you’re an adult, it fe...

When your toddler loses it, it’s tempting for you to lose it too, right? If your kid grabs a toy away from their sibling, do you grab the toy away and say, “We don’t grab things!”

We’ve all done it, right?

Today I talk with Audra Rutnik who helps us understand behavior differently. She fixes behavior at the source: where information is processed. And she’ll help you identify the clues to your child’s—or maybe even your sweetheart’—bad behavior. 

Audra Rutnik is a Pediatric Occupational Therapist with 15 years of experience m...

Ever wonder HOW I wrote a book titled “6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication?” Short answer: I failed. A LOT.

Today, I bring you an interview I did on the podcast, Emerging Form, with Christie Aschwanden and Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer.  You’ll get an introduction to the podcast and the two amazing hosts, and you’ll get to hear me talk about my book from a different perspective.

How to FAIL your way into marriage communication

I talk frankly on the podcast about all the ways I fail both as an author and as a wife. F...

Where does happiness come from?

My father is responsible for teaching me how to be happy. He didn’t wait for happiness to find him. He was a happiness magician. 

Is there a place in your life where you are regularly afraid, sad, or lonely? Today, I want to show you how to invite happiness into that place. I’m sharing my father’s lessons so you can find your own happiness handles as you swing on the jungle gym of life.

You want sparkling summer memories. What’s the key ingredient to a summer filled with lasting family memories?

Everyone needs to be having fun. Everyone. And that includes you.

Today, we’re talking about how to make your summer memorable. We’ll talk about inexpensive ways to have fun with your kids, and why YOUR happiness is very important when it comes to establishing family traditions.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

Some of my best summer memories were in the car. We played The Favorites Game.

This game is sup...

You were feeling fine—until you saw your friend's vacation photos. When you compare, you don’t just lose confidence—you lose connection, too.

We’ve all done it. We’ve all looked at social media and seen the vacation someone else is taking and we think, “I want her life. She’s got it figured out.” It's the easiest thing in the world to do. It’s also a joy-stealer and a resentment-builder.

Today, we're going to talk about a hard truth: Joy and pain are a package deal. 

Do you ever feel lonely in your romantic relationship? Like you're more roommates than lovers?

What's the impact of small bits of affection on your relationship? And what happens when the tenderness disappears?

Have you ever been afraid your partner doesn't love you anymore because the tender touches have disappeared? We'll discuss why this happens and what you can do to bring the tenderness back.

Today, we discuss how a tiny gesture of affection keeps the spark of your love alive. 

What does it feel like inside of you when your partner says a genuine “Thank you?”

Today, we discuss why it can be tricky and vulnerable to let the words, “Thank you,” settle all the way into your heart. 

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for you...

Have you ever considered how a simple "thank you" could transform your relationship?

I've been watching people's relationships since my parents divorced when I was five years old. During those decades of observation, I’ve observed a handful of habits that work over and over. Today's episode focuses on one of those habits. It's all about the magic of thank you. 

I'm bringing this episode back from the archives because it’s a habit that makes a difference every single time. With my private clients, when we focus on this habit of "thank you" for the m...

What would change in your relationship if you gave yourself permission to say YES to what you desire?

As you listen today, ask yourself, “What does my sweetheart NOT KNOW about me? What am I holding back because I’m afraid? If I allowed myself to simply say YES and give myself permission to ask my sweetheart for my truest desires, what would my sweetheart know about me that they don’t know today?”

Today we revisit an episode from my archives. This story illustrates what happens when we get into our partner’s business rather tha...

When you "win" an argument, your relationship loses. We all do it. We all want to be "right" and we want to prove our partner "wrong."

I loved this discussion. It's filled with all the rotten things we're tempted to say to our partner, and why all those jabs get in the way of what we really want: intimacy and a feeling of safety.

Learn how to use nonviolent communication and protect your relationship.

Learn:

How do you and your partner share the ick that comes with living life?

If you loved me…you’d eat my sh*t sandwich. We got this map from our parents who were willing to change our diaper, clean up our messes, and cook all our meals. But this expectation—that true love=eating life’s sh*t sandwiches—will surely kill your romance.

Today, we discuss sh*t sandwiches and how they can pollute your relationship:

You have needs. Your partner has needs. Your relationship has needs. How do you balance it all?

Today, we discuss the power of a habit so tiny it becomes invisible.

Habit for Your Happily Ever...

I’m celebrating my 100th podcast episode! This is a huge milestone in the world of podcasting. Less than 5% of podcasts reach their 100th episode. I hope you’ll celebrate with me.

In this episode, we’ll revisit several habits from guests I’ve had on in the past 2 years, so you’ll have a handful of hacks to help you create your happily ever after. You’ll hear: