The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle

Everyone, not just traumatized people, gets dysregulated sometimes. And virtually everyone eventually re-regulates. But if you were traumatized at a young age, it can cause you to get dysregulated more easily than other people, and stay dysregulated longer. How can you do this ON THE SPOT? In this video, I teach you my expanded list of emergency measures to re-regulate. This is super helpful for people with CPTSD, or who need to "act normal" in a stressful situation.

Learn Quick Measures to Get Re-Regulated: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3YBrIVg

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When you’re into someone but you hide how you really feel, don’t be surprised when the reality of the situation smacks you down. People who were traumatized as kids are particularly vulnerable to this “just friends” behavior. And unhealthy people can detect that in us – the way we see what they just did and -- and how we pretend it didn't affect us. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is getting strung along by a "friend" with JUST enough hope to keep her from leaving.

10 Things Romantic Manipulators Say: FREE PDF D...

The stories you tell yourself are an expression of what YOU believe is important about you. And if you're wedding to saying life is never fair, everyone’s terrible, they take advantage of you, you never get a break – this is actually another sign that you might be playing SMALL. It’s something that those of us who had a rough childhood can sometimes get stuck in. And while trauma really happened, we don’t have to stay identified with it. In fact, as long as we keep telling the sad stories and making those the story of our lives, w...

The Daily Practice is a set of two techniques -- a specific form of writing, followed by a simple meditation, that I was shown 31 years ago when I was in extreme distress after a series of traumas, and was barely able to function. I teach the techniques in a free online course (you can register for it and learn it in less than an hour -- the link is below), and I lead regular free Zoom calls for people who have learned the techniques to try them with me and others, and then I take questions. This video is...

People who were abused and neglected as children sometimes struggle to stay emotionally regulated. Part of healing is to learn to self-regulate; this is a skill that, in substance recovery programs, is called "Emotional Sobriety." Is it the same with trauma? In this 4-video compilation, I share four videos where I teach how the wounds of early trauma can leave you prone to lashing out or getting stuck in anger. How can you tell when you're emotionally "intoxicated", and how can people with CPTSD practice "emotional sobriety? Learn strategies to manage and regulate strong emotions and still express yourself...

In this video, I interview fellow YouTuber and Family Systems expert Jerry Wise. He has a deep background in counseling and marriage and family therapy. Now he's on YouTube teaching people how they can separate themselves from the "WiFi" of their families -- this is the pull, the ethos and the nervous system chatter of their family of origin. He teaches about the "family super self," and the "umbilical cord" that connects it to each member of a dysfunctional family. Learn from Jerry how you can separate and differentiate yourself, and become more fully yourself.

Eleven Strategies...

Just when you think things are going well for you, BAM! Someone criticizes you, you get rejected, or you don't get chosen for an opportunity that meant everything to you. A rush of anger, panic and shame rises up, and next thing you know, you feel like you CAN'T. DO. ANYTHING. You freeze, stuck in procrastination, struggling to stay focused or follow through on plans. This disabling reaction to emotional hurt is a known symptom of CPTSD and a common experience for those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect. And though you're not doing it on...

People sometimes use the word “privilege” as an accusation that allows the accuser to feel better than the person they accuse, and even to shame and discredit them. Recently, Dr. Nicole Lepera (@TheHolisticPsychologist) posted an Instagram reel where she pointed out that the ultimate privilege is having a *support system,* and encouraged those of us who grew up neglected to stop comparing ourselves to those who were loved, guided, and helped through life. This is my fourth video in my PLAYING SMALL series, and in it, I talk about why Nicole's video made me cry, and why I now feel...

Recognizing your worth after neglect in childhood – where adults literally don’t care for you appropriately, can lead to a kind of emotional “leakiness” where -- even though you’ve created a good life and set goals as an adult, -- you feel disconnected from people when they are close to you. For people with CPTSD, that memory of NOT being cared for can creep into every situation – you feel it with people you date, with friends, you feel it at work or school, and if it’s not healed, it will cause you to get into and STAY in relationshi...

If women want to be equal, they should always pay their own share of the bill on dates with men -- or so my mother told me. This is the third video in my "Stop Playing Small" series. In it, I explain what happened during the years I was always quick to throw down money on dates -- what my real reasons were, how that turned out, and THEN what happened when I decided to let the man pay. Dating may be harder than ever these days, but old traditions (many of which were used to control or suppress...

There are two competing ideas in our culture about how you should pursue happiness: One is that anything that happens to you, you have to MAKE it happen. And the opposing idea is that there’s something "unspiritual" about that level of certainty, and that what you REALLY should do is “go with the flow.” I’m here to tell you that if you’re doing either of those things, you just might be playing small, and I’ll tell you why we do that – as well as a better way to expand your life to a bigger, happier, more delightfu...

If you’ve been hurt by others SO many times that you can’t face conflicts, disappointments and sad moments, – that’s what I call playing small. And it stops you from being able to heal or change. Life involves friction. Facing it is how we grow. I played small for most of my life -- and maybe you have too. In this video -- part of a multi-part series -- I show you what I looked like when I played small (and what caused that), and what I look like now.

Heal Trauma in Just One Year?: F...

A classic sign that a person grew up traumatized is that their life is full of hostile, cruel, and punishing people. If you were abused or neglected, you may freeze up when people are unkind, or lapse into "fawning," trying desperately to make the hostile person happy, as if that were your responsibility (or even possible) In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos about mean people -- why they get into your life and what you can do change the rules and free yourself from mistreatment.

Try the FREE Daily Practice Course...

The problem with romantic attachments, especially for those of us who were hurt and neglected as kids, is that our attachment wounds make us feel so.... attached! Ending a relationship can make it feel like you’re dying, even when you don’t like the person. Even when you don’t want to be with the person. Even when the person has been abusive to you – You’ll start having thoughts of going back to them. And many of us have gone back to these people, and wasted years of our lives, unhappy and stuck with someone we don’t want to be...

When you get angry and people can hear it in your voice? They don’t like it! And you know what? That’s OK! Because in a healthy relationship, it’s OK for you to express your anger. In fact it’s necessary. But it’s all about how you express it – not cruelly, not constantly – of course that can hurt a relationship, especially when there’s kinda subterranean resentment and wounds underneath that maybe you can’t even acknowledge in the moment. But this OTHER factor is no matter how nicely you express yourself – and you MUST express yourself somehow or...

With unhealed trauma wounds, it's easy to make terrible mistakes at critical moments. Times of stress (which is often when you have to make important decisions) can shut down critical thinking skills, and push you toward emotional thinking that can lead to bad outcomes. This is common for people with CPTSD. In this video, I talk about trauma-driven decisions, and how you can stop them before the damage is done!

Do you have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3X9MZ7J

🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: https://bit.ly/4dtGVze

Romantic obsession with someone you can’t have is a sneaky, life-wrecking toxin – a "drug" that feels great at first. It seems like if you could just have that person, your life would go from empty... to amazing. It treats pain... until the drug wears off, and next thing you know the “solution” you’ve found has become the problem, wrecking everything good in your life. Can it ever be true that this one person you wanted but lost, is the missing element in your life that explains why you’ve been sad so long? In this 4-video compilation, I share four...

Work is the worst place to fall in love with someone you can’t have – or rather, someone with whom you're forbidden to pursue a relationship with. Workplace affairs have the potential to ruin your happiness and theirs and cause both of you to lose your jobs. One thing that can make this all much worse, is if you are prone to limerence, i.e., you tend to get romantically obsessed with people – at the level of a strong addiction – especially when they are off limits to you. This is common for people who grew up abused and neglected. In this...

The trouble with being abused is that it can wreck your thinking... You disconnect. You go numb. And when you feel awful inside, you can't always tell where the feeling is coming from. In a dysfunctional family, the hurt and blame can go flying in all directions, and become like glue – binding everyone to the toxic dynamic that hurt them in the first place. So how do you heal? In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is struggling to make her daughter stop blaming her. But she may be unable to see the underlying pr...

Jeff Krasno, the founder and CEO of the global wellness platform Commune Media, thought he was pretty healthy. Though he suffered from brain fog, chronic fatigue, and bouts of insomnia, those symptoms seemed utterly normal in today’s society. When he learned he had diabetes, his first thought was, How can that be? I run a wellness company! In this video, I interview Jeff about his new book "Good Stress," why doing hard things can actually be GOOD for your health, and the surprising ways people healing from past trauma might benefit from doing things that are hard.

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So many people are stuck in their CPTSD symptoms. How can you face your trauma symptoms and make REAL changes that last? In this 4-video complication, I share some of my most popular videos about TRANSFORMATION -- how you can overcome some of the common challenges associated with trauma in your past, and become more successful, more connected, and more FREE to live your life happily.

Ten Signs Your Trauma Is Healing: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3raZghI

🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: https://bit.ly/4dtGVze

Take my FREE Course or Qui...

When your heart’s desire is to find a love that’s lasting and real, listen to that. This is what you are meant to have. And if you grew up with trauma, what might be blocking you from what you want is unhealed trauma, wobbly boundaries, and a big cluttered pile of half-relationships all over your life. You can’t be open to real love when your emotions are like a cluttered home. No one can get in the door. And even if they did, you might not recognize them. In this video, I respond to a letter from a...

This is what it feels like to fall for an avoidant: First, there’s a STRONG feeling of connection, like the feeling you knew was possible, and you recognize it like you’ve found home at last. Then you attach quickly, while you can, because the signs that they can’t love you back begin to appear immediately. They don’t look like red flags to you, because that incredible moment when they are right in front of you, but not quite with you – feels like the most romantic feeling you’ve ever felt. Except you have felt it before. If i...

It can be HARD to find the right person and form a deep and lasting romantic relationship -- especially if you've had trauma in your past, or you come from a dysfunctional family. If you want to attract real love, then it's time for YOU to get ready! In this video, I cover 20 signs that YOU are "partner material." This means you're happy, you're able to give love, and your life is not complicated and problems. Find out how many of these signs are already happening in you -- and which ones you may want to work on so...

Abuse and neglect in childhood can set in motion lifelong trauma symptoms. The people who hurt you are 100% responsible for this harm... it's NOT your fault. It's also true that in adulthood, many of us continue to retraumatize ourselves with what I call "self-defeating behaviors." These are the habits and tendencies that can suck you right back down into dysregulation and lead you into MORE trauma in your life. In this video, I walk you through the most common self-defeating behaviors. Check which ones are holding you back now.

16 CPTSD Behaviors That Sabotage Your Success: FREE PDF...

If your attachment style is so anxious and insecure that when your partner pushes you away, and says “I don’t want to be with you anymore,” – YOU hold on tighter than ever – you are stuck in distorted thinking. If you’ve ever done this – and I have – you know on some level that you’re wrong. It’s your fear of abandonment driving you to beg and humiliate yourself. And then what do you do? Rationalize it, right? You tell yourself, "I’m not clinging to someone who doesn’t me --I’m trying to HELP them!" In this video, I respond to a...

Your partner is not your child, so if you're doing everything for them (when they could do these things for themselves), you are overfunctioning. If you grew up with trauma, you may have been “programmed” to pick up all the slack, which might work for a little bit, but eventually it breeds resentment and breakdown of the relationship. Overfunctioning doesn't change by itself when the relationship ends though. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman with CPTSD who left her underfunctioning partner, and will do almost anything NOT to play that role when she dates some...

Having more than your share of conflict with other people is a common adult symptom of growing up with neglect and abuse. Fighting, arguing, and falling out with people can feel normal when your nervous system is always dysregulated. It can feel like the world is doing this to you. But if it keeps happening, the common factor may be you, and the good news is, you can heal this trauma-driven behavior. In this video I teach why people with CPTSD are so prone to conflict, and what you can do to "cool down" a conversation that's getting heated...

Attachment wounds stem from your primary relationship with parents when you were a child, and affect who you fall in love with, and how you behave in relationships. In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos in which I answer letters from people struggling with attachment styles -- disorganized, avoidant, and anxious -- and the triggers this generates in their relationships.

Do you have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3X9MZ7J

🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: https://bit.ly/4dtGVze

Take my FREE Cou...

It’s so hard to know if you should stay in a safe relationship even though it’s dull, or break up with that person so you can try for something more romantic and wild? If you grew up with trauma, you may see these as the only two options. And chances are, until you heal, no new relationship will bring the fulfillment and love you hope for. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is deciding if she should leave her avoidant long-term partner for someone equally unavailable.

How To Prepare For...

People with CPTSD often end up with a harsh "edge" to their personalities, especially when they feel vulnerable. It's no surprise that after a childhood of emotional neglect and deprivation, without protection from bullies or abusers, some of us would have "fighting energy," even when we're trying to flirt or go on dates. You can develop a distorted idea of the qualities people are looking for in a mate, and aggressively promote one aspect of your life, while using language and an emotional tone that pushes them away. My letter today is from a woman who considers herself to...

Unfortunately, it can be very easy to take advantage of people who were traumatized as kids, and make them think that some uncomfortable or painful or exploitative situation will lead to being loved. When you haven’t been loved properly, almost everyone becomes vulnerable to manipulation, because love and being included is something we all want so much. We need it! And one way that manipulative people can take what they want from vulnerable people is by giving you spiritual or ideological reasons why you should go against common sense, even when red flags are flashing, accepting bad treatment, an...

One sign that childhood trauma is still affecting you is that you probably have at least one of these common triggers -- things that set off dysregulation in your nervous system, and make it hard for you to function at your best. These include hurrying, socializing, abandonment and feeling left out. Do you have these? In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos about these four major triggers. I'll teach you how to notice them, and what to do to calm triggers before they cause you to get dysregulated.

Are You Dysregulated? Take...

It’s every traumatized kids’ dream, that one day, your parents will finally see how much their abusive behavior hurt you, and they’ll change, and say they’re sorry – even if you had to cut them out of your life for a long time – and do everything that’s needed to set things right. But really, what COULD set things right? And even if they really had changed, would you be able to handle picking up that relationship again without falling back down into a place you know TOO well, where you’re depressed and dysregulated and your life gets stuck...

In life, there are people who are going to try to treat you badly. Your gut is going to tell you that what they’re doing is NOT OK, and your gut KNOWS you need to get out of there. But if you were abused or neglected as a kid? There’s something a lot stronger than what you know to be true, and that’s the fear of leaving someone you’ve formed an attachment with. It will make you doubt what you see and hear with your own eyes, and you’ll talk yourself into putting up with somet...

The most powerful thing you can do to have meaningful connection with people is to make them feel like you hear them. People love this, and doing it is an art. But very few people get trained how to do this, especially those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families. In this video, I'll teach you how to overcome ten common conversation stoppers that push people away, and how to make people feel heard and appreciated instead.

How to Be a Better Friend: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3WS0475

🟢 Order My New Book, RE...

Growing up abused and neglected has an almost universal effect of draining people of their innate POWER. You lose the sense that you have agency to make anything good happen. It takes will, resilience and luck to recover enough to remember who you are, to stay connected to your potential, and to know it's worth trying to become MORE than you are right now. In this 4-video compilation I teach about ways people with trauma from childhood become disempowered, and how to heal the patterns and free your life at last.

Try the FREE Daily Practice Course...

Being avoidant in relationships isn’t just the obvious stuff – they won’t commit, they blow hot and cold, they ghost you when you try to talk about commitment. You might not realize this, but if you have a PATTERN of falling for people like this, YOU are avoiding intimacy just as much, but in your own way. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is navigating a relationship where two people who can't get close fall madly in love!

Do You Struggle to Connect with People?: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3Lc...

Nothing good can come from relationships built on lies. You can tell yourself that you lie because you don’t want to hurt the other person. You can tell yourself you lie because something bad happened to you when you were a kid. And you can put all kinds of psychological jargon on it. But if you keep doing it, it will wreck everything in your life, and seriously harm others around you. So the question is, how far are you willing to go to STOP the lies? My letter today is from a man I’ll call Artie, and...

The core symptom of early trauma is neurological dysregulation, and it drives almost every other CPTSD symptom (or makes it worse). In this video, I explain what dysregulation is, what it feels like, and how you can support trauma healing powerfully by learning to re-regulate quickly, and stay regulated more of the time. Doing this can help you feel calmer and more focused, and increase your success in healing.

Learn Quick Measures to Get Re-Regulated: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3YBrIVg

🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: https://bit.ly/4dtGVze

Take my FRE...