Qualified Nonsense
Qualified Nonsense is a podcast wherein lifelong friends aim to answer life's pressing, and not-so-pressing, questions using their lived experiences and insight in a fun and less-than-qualified manner.
Patreon Blink in Lio
On this week’s show, we open by talking about algospeak (the language we all see used to bypass censorship on social media), getting a sponsorship, and how it may not be all that necessary. We then get into our main content by exploring questions from reddit ranging from ordering expensive drinks on a wedding party’s tab, which historical figures we would sleep with, and which life changing item we’ve bought for under $100. Plus, we touch on destination weddings, Matt’s experiences as a wedding photographer, ages of consent in olden times, Brandon’s lack of refined taste, and...
Halloweeners
Welcome to our nightmare! In this Halloween-themed episode, we unbury some vampire mythology, conjure up our thoughts on familial conflict surrounding Halloween candy, and scare up the idea behind America’s sexy costume obsession. Plus, we dig into topics like: Spencer’s gifts, kids’ costumes, ‘Nosferatu’, modern baby names, death in a theme park, the shift from clowns being wholesome to being creepy, the current state of clowning, and more!
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Fig Pluckers
This week, we open things up by trying out some tongue twisters, before jumping into our questions from reddit. We shame someone for traveling to Las Vegas on their child’s birthday, we discuss the etiquette of what to do when you wake up first at someone else’s house, and we discuss whether we regularly keep our phones silenced or not. Plus, we talk about traveling with children, one night stands, morning routines, feet, our own screen time, and more!
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Qualified Nonsense: PreCrime Unit
In this episode, we open things up by talking about the 1988 classic, ‘Big’, and how it plays to a 2026 audience, before talking about other childhood movies and skeevy music. We then get into reddit questions by discussing how best to deal with insulting an HR manager while unmuted on Zoom, and whether killing a 9/11 hijacker before the events of 9/11 would lead to a lighter sentence. Throughout the show, we cover things like origin stories in movies, H.P. Lovecraft, ‘Minority Report’, and alternate timelines. Thanks for listening!
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Stumblebum Elegy
On this week’s episode we are joined by Eli Green, our first second-time guest, and owner of Troy, MI’s Stumblebum Beer Co. Eli shares some unfortunate news about his business, but we have a cure for the blues with questions from reddit! This week’s topics include mundane tasks taking longer than necessary and the funniest way to say that you need to use the bathroom. Plus, we get into the current state of the beer industry, our recent viral video, navigating the healthcare industry, self-checkout, bathroom cleanliness etiquette, feeling awkward in someone else’s bedroom, and more!
Matchado About Nothing
This week, we open with a little trivia quiz about the cities we live in. Then we get into a discussion about train travel before getting into our main questions that include a discussion about examples of high risk/low reward behaviors, matcha tea, and an increasingly common discussion point on this show: proper bidet use. Plus, we talk about our brief minor social media fame.
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<...Washing Our Cars in the Rain
In this episode, we open by discussing our personal hygiene preferences, including a fierce debate about overhand/underhand toilet paper etiquette. We then talk about whether attacking someone online makes one a buttface, bot accounts, the hostility of redditors, what we’re most afraid of, facing our own mortality, ‘Weapons’ spoilers, retirement anxieties, ‘Rocky and Bullwinkle’, and more!
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New York. London. Paris. Estacada.
This week we open the show talking about everyone’s favorite topic: local developments! We talk about the town of Estacada, Oregon, The Safari Club, a grisly murder, missed connections, types of coffee, dirty sodas, Zyn, and more! Plus, we answer a couple questions from reddit about how to tactfully leave a party and whether it is normal to need to spend all day in bed. We cover it all!
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Precious Family Memories, Coming to a Dumpster Near You
We open things up on a downer note by discussing the passing of Dolly Parton, our favorite songs of hers, and separating the art from the artist. We then get into how to properly dispose of old family heirlooms no one wants, and which skill we would choose to compete against 100 people in a battle to the death. Plus, we talk about how we’re not confident in any of our skills, lasting legacies after we die, and more uplifting content!
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For Sale: Children’s Couch, Never Smoked On
This week, we open the show talking about podcast statistics and how you, reading this right now, can help us grow! We then head into the content mines by answering some questions from reddit where we look at things that were once considered a sign of status that are now seen as cheap or cringey. Plus, we talk about Facebook Marketplace returns, a child possibly addicted to cigarettes, Brandon’s recent Ebay selling, stretch limos, Jake’s old Toyota Tercel, monocoque construction in vehicles, and more!
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Impress Your Friends by Learning Identity Theft
After Matt donned his new shades in the last episode, the rest of the gang joins him with sunglasses and backwards hats for no particular reason. Jake opens by reporting sad news about friend-of-the-show, Eli, and the future of Stumblebum Beer Co. We then get a little lighter by talking about skills that take less than an hour to learn that makes one look like a genius. We also figure out the etiquette of showing up to a friend’s house early. Plus, we talk stealing credit card numbers, picking locks, D&D, Matt’s habit of showing up earl...
That Boy Ain’t Wrong
Welcome to the introduction of cool sunglass Matt! Check out our Youtube Channel to see his new specs! After lavishing him with praise, we talk about pay-it-forward chains at drive-thrus, things that younger generations are rejecting, ways to scam your credit card company, old man complaints about our vision and hearing loss, the comeback of cigarettes, and more!
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All Work and No Bidet Makes Matt a Dull Boy
The boys are all back from traveling and vacationing and we are back to our regular recording setups this week. We open the show talking about our whereabouts, including a lengthy discussion of Matt’s newfound love of bidets. Plus, we into viewing luxury properties under false pretenses, how long is too long to wait for food at a restaurant before ditching, plus we talk about or dinnertimes, Jake’s experience in the restaurant world, and more!
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Fun in the Dying Sun
This week, it’s just Jake and Brandon toiling in the content mines while Matt takes some vacation time. We talk about colonoscopies, nagging existential questions, the sun dying, the comfort of feeling small in the vastness of the universe, cruise control, driver’s ed, outdoor hobbies, de-thatchers, male grooming devices, and more!
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a Patron!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/QualifiedNonsense
So...
Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Podcaster’s Life For Me!
This week’s show opens with some chit-chat about underwear before we shift to how to spend/invest a lottery windfall, how we would spend lottery money, frivolous purchases, and the modern-day appeal of pirates and vikings. Plus, were pirates the pioneers of DEI hiring practices?! All that, and more!
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a Patron!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/QualifiedNonsense
Socials:
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The Computer Wore White New Balance Tennis Shoes
Jake’s shipping up to Boston this week, so we’re partially recording on tour! Because he’s recording from a hotel room, the sound quality is a little different, but the content quality is off the charts! We discuss which stats we’d like to see about our lives, using ChatGPT to express kind sentiments, Boston sights, negativity and groupthink on Reddit, and more!
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a...
Pre-Internet Problems & Other Bad Decisions
This week, we open by discussing inflation and what we could buy for $5 100 years ago. Then, we’re a little punchy from a late evening recording, and things slide off the rails fairly quickly as we look at what life was like pre-internet, followed by the dangers of our modern world. We wrap things up by figuring out which items we would never buy used. Plus, we discuss the handiness of walkie talkies, old toilets, how to pronounce “syrup”, and more!
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Safety!
On this episode, we start with a bang, literally! We then help out some redditors figure out a situation after being the victim of a crime, and proper etiquette when someone breaks wind in front of them. Throughout it all, we give our World Cup predictions, our limited grasp of USSR history and the ‘Rocky’ franchise, the rules of the safety/doorknob game, cleaning between the seats of our cars, and more!
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Semiquincentennial Fever
This week, we celebrate (?) the United States’ 250’s birthday with all America-related questions! We have guest and friend-of-the-pod, Roux, joining us to give us perspective on topics like obvious signs that someone is an American, why Americans are so accepting of long drives, America’s greatest contribution to humanity, Bulgaria, Coca-Cola, Transylvania, ice (frozen water, not the agency), Eurovision, and more!
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‘Bangaranga’ music video
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Become a...
Lions, and Gorillas, and Hippos! Oh My!
This week we embrace the aged men that we are and talk about things we no longer pretend to enjoy in our old age, we talk about wine, hiking, being out too late, zoo animals we’d rather encounter in their enclosures, sea creature encounters, and more!
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a Patron!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/QualifiedNonsense
Socials:
Discord: https://di...
Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs
We’ve got a bit of a format change this week where we start with questions from Reddit to keep things fresh and engaging! We discuss blowing up at friends for not liking TV/movie recommendations, door-to-door salespeople, a lot of ‘Frasier’ talk, things that were ruined because too many people discovered them, and more!
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a Patron!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Qualif...
Coupon Anon
This week we dive into the murky end of the pool by talking about dead bodies in bodies of water, Matt’s birthday, Tweetsie Railroad in Blowing Rock, NC, using coupons on a date, which foods we’d live off of for a week, and more!
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a Patron!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/QualifiedNonsense
Socials:
Discord: https://discord.gg/h...
Feets of Strength
This episode starts with some interesting shark facts, but try not to be too distracted by Jake’s foot cam (check out our YouTube, if you dare!). This week we talk about shark attacks in the US and Australia, spring weather, kangaroos and their meat, frenemies inviting themselves to weddings, Jeopardy phrasing, using “how come” instead of “why”, words we intentionally pronounce “wrong”, and more!
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Avoiding Poseidon’s Kiss
This week’s show allows us to ponder our old school district boundaries, current school choice issues, middle schoolers, the generational superiority wars, our parents falling for AI slop online, advances in AI, the business model for AI companies, disgusting habits we find to be perfectly normal, flachspüler toilets, how to respond to cops when being asked how fast you were going, and more!
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Bec...
Q.N.W.A.
Jake opens the show on a high-note by spitting fire (figuratively, not literally)! Then we get into topics like: street performers, Matt crashing a birthday party concert, Jake’s smashed finger, custom sounds for our technology, what to do when your boyfriend picks his nose too much, co-workers showing inappropriate videos, and more!
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a Patron!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/QualifiedNonsense
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Follow Us for More Beauty Tips
This week is another guest-less episode as the three boys talk about their weeks including Jake’s soccer marathon, kids’ birthdays, a shoulder update from Brandon, a recent change to the way kids play baseball from Matt, Brandon’s recall of the presidents, celebrities we do and don’t find attractive, advice for a younger guy romantically involved with an older married woman, Brandon’s bad JFK impression, and more!
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Cold War Kid
Joining us this week is Ryan Richardson: Navy vet, motorcycle enthusiast, Trimet operator, father, grandfather, and Brandon’s soon-to-be brother-in-law (and that’s just scratching the surface)! We talk in-depth (no pun intended) about Ryan’s time on a submarine in the Navy, his experiences driving for Trimet in Portland, why old people don’t go on crazy benders in their golden years, inexpensive things that improve your life, submarine recipes, and a lot more in this extra-long episode! Note: we apologize for some audio issues, but hopefully it doesn’t get in the way of enjoying this great episode wi...
Kissin’ Cousins
Right off the bat, we’re slowly rolling out new merch! Join our Patreon to get in on the first supply of some nice drink coozies we’re ordering up! As for this episode, we get into topics like urinals, strong and fancy cocktails, our listenership in Vietnam, going to a bar to lift your spirts, the taboos around dating third cousins, and more!
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Become a Pa...
The Shoulder That Care Forgot
No guests this week, but we have plenty to talk about. Matt and Brandon talk about their recent trip to New Orleans, Brandon dislocating his shoulder in the Crescent City, Jake finding new work while taking his family on a Spring Break trip, raptor adventures, things people romanticize that they haven’t experienced, space travel, our favorite sports, and more!
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Pa...
Joe Puts the FU in Fun
Joining us this week is Joe Harrison, co-owner of Farmers Union Coffee Roasters in Eugene, OR! Not gonna lie…there’s A LOT of coffee talk on this one, and we’re better for it! We learn about roasting methods, second crack, coffee-growing location preferences, brewing the best cup at home, transportation issues in Guatemala, and more! Plus, we tackle a couple questions on reddit related to booking international travel with your significant other, and how movie and TV tastes change with age. Put on a pot of coffee for this one!
Check out Farmers Union Coffee here...
Boogie Woogie Bugles Bois
No guest, no problem for the QN boys this week! We talk about St. Patrick’s Day traditions, corned beef vs pastrami, the transition to spring, drag queens, getting fatter in your 30s, our chip preferences, what music feels like when you’re high, and more!
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a Patron!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/QualifiedNonsense
Socials:
Discord: https://discord.gg/h...
Serving Kant
The movies come to Qualified Nonsense as Mike and Moy from Evening Squire Productions join us to talk about their previous and upcoming film projects, how they came to find themselves making films, and what the film festival circuit is like. Plus, we opine about coffee, tea, and whether dumping one’s boyfriend via text is a good idea. That, and so much more!
Links to Evening Squire’s projects:
And Through The Portal We Go: https://www.instagram.com/andthroughtheportalwego https://www.eveningsquire.com/and-through-the-portal-we-goTurns Out: https://www.instagram.com/turnsoutmoviehttps://www.facebook.com/turnsoutmovieEvening Squi...Go Outside, Nerd!
Bees! There’s a whole lot of beekeeping talk on this episode as we welcome beekeeping hobbyist, Kevin, to the show. He shares his knowledge and passion for honeybees with us, we learn about all sorts of glands and secretions, and get some helpful tips for helping our pollinator friends if you don’t want a hive in your yard. Plus, we ponder potentially controversial Lego sets, Lego culture, alleged local Lego drama, and we close out by digging into why men want to live like hermits in the woods.
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Pioneers! O Pioneers!
Take a trip down memory lane with us while we chat with our longtime pal, Becca! Like the oldheads we are, we reminisce about high school, first jobs, and youthful pranks. We also figure out what truly matters in life after 40, chat about astrology, and navigate how to cope with a coworker’s perpetual flatulence. Plus, we find out Becca’s favorite swear word!
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Become a Pa...
Make It So-So
Won’t you be our neighbor? If not, that’s okay, because our guest this week is Erik Anderson, Matt’s actual neighbor! Erik is a stay-at-home dad and self-described Trekkie. We talk at length about Star Trek, changes in TV episode orders, the local ‘Buy Nothing’ scene, using the term ‘partner’ to describe spouses, things that may become illegal in the near future, book recommendations, and so much more! If that’s not enough for you, then dammit, Jim, I’m a podcaster, not a chatbot!
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Podcasters in Cars Getting Coffee
This week we have Peter Kincaid joining us. Peter is the founder of the Eugene Men’s Social Club and Eugene Car Club. We talk about the importance of finding community these days, Matt’s midlife crisis ‘99 Honda Civic or lifted Mazda Miata, how the internet has gotten worse in recent years, how we’ve grown socially as we’ve aged, and an awkward moment for Brandon with a New Orleans bartender.
Keep up with the latest Eugene Car Club events here: https://www.eugenecarclub.com/
Check out the Eugene Men’s Social Club: https://mens.eugenes...
Else the Puck a Liar Call
Special Guest Alert! We have with us, Derek, colleague of Matt/hockey coach/hockey player/bon vivant. We get into topics like Derek’s guest-starring role on the TV show ‘Leverage’, Bitcoin scams, safe things that people find dangerous, and why hockey isn’t more popular in the US. Plus! We get some first-hand Tonya Harding scandal observations from Derek!
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Meaty Beaty Big and Bouncy
Put the kids to bed, because this episode gets a little blue. In both senses of the word…scratch that, blue has more than two meanings. What we’re trying to say is that we go from talking about dirty things like private parts and move all the way to personal tragedies, realizations, and everyone’s favorite topic: 9/11. Plus, we sprinkle in some beekeeping talk and a mild debate about veganism.
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Balancing the Geek and the Freak
This week, we start things off on a geeky note by touching on topics like the LIGO Hanford Observatory, Lord of the Rings, video games, and PCs before fully devolving into matters of both the boudoir and the scatalogical. Here at Qualified Nonsense, we’re all about finding balance.
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Send any questions or comments to: [email protected] and don't forget to rate, review, like and subscribe on your podcast app of choice! Thanks for listening!
Become a Patron!
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/QualifiedNonsense
Socials:
Di...
(Stumblebum) Beer, Cheese, and Fries - Ft. Eli Green
For the first time ever, we at QN have a +1! Our friend and entrepreneur Eli Green, proprietor or Stumblebum Beer Company, joins us for talking shop and slingin’ shi– Reddit questions…
Eli gives us the skinny on delicious beer, fry-flights, and “use it or lose it skillz”. And do we stop there?! Is a fog’s butt water-tight?!? We talk about beer nostalgia and what takes us back to a time where our livers and metabolism were more forgiving…
Check out our guest, Eli at:
Stumblebum Beer Company
1965 W Maple Road
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