Red Roses. Not Red Flags.

This is a special room.

This is where the kids gather to tell tales. Explore their imagination, tell jokes, gossip and bicker.

This is where the adults watch, laugh, rest.

This is where the kids become teenagers. Where they tell tales, tell jokes, gossip and bicker.

This is where the adults take notice, watch, laugh, rest.

This is where the teenagers gather to establish common interest in their diversity. Where they tell secrets, tell jokes, gossip and bicker.

This is where the adults become the ultimate referees...

Use your words, Dear.

I cannot hear your mind.

Speak your thoughts out loud.

Show your spine.

What it means for your eyes to close

and your head to turn, - I do not know

Your actions

do not match your tone.

How can I judge your heart,

when it does not show?

🖤

And so here we go again,

mixing up emotions

turning in these cards,

threading these needles,

Rest Easy, Dad

"Mom, are you talking about Bob? Dont forget about him coming after us when we would stick up for our brother and when he bought you flowers everytime you guys fought." Kids observe and catch on to more than you know.

Fuck off Bob

If it makes Bob uncomfortable, it's not acceptable.

sacrifice what makes you happy, to make Bob happy.

Bob is the king of Ghosting and Gaslighting.

I never understood "Gaslighting" untill now.

Petty examples of constant battles that fueled an emotional roller-coaster

Bob had a special way of keeping you on eggshells.

It's simple, You couldn't do enough.

Bob proposed 2 months in.

and I said, Yes.

Private Ceremony? No, I want my family to be there. I want to experience the excitement. I want to wear the dress and pick out flowers.

Bob wanted secrecy.... because Bob has an embarrassing track record of failed marriages.

Bob decided he didn't care for my oldest,

and didn't hesitate to show it.

My son's poor behavior at school only amplified the struggles at home.

While my son was grounded for something he and Bob's son did together, Bob's son was allowed to enjoy his day watching cartoons and my son was confined to his room without entertainment and NOW accused of lieing. -Just one of MANY battles

Let me introduce you to Bob.

Bob was family oriented, a part of a huge network of friends.... Bob was spoken highly of in public, but whispered about when uncloaking his true colors.

Narcissism Intro

Definition of Narcissism and their traits

seriously though....

why is it

so. damn. hard.

for a man to.....

be self sufficient,

be a good provider,

want to have fun,

know when to be serious,

take care of their damn teeth,

not have a substance issue

or live on alcohol...

want to communicate

be considerate of my children

and not hate my fucking dogs?

I'm just saying.

I personally feel like my biggest mistake...

Single Parenting? Let's call it Solo Parenting. The Emotional aspect of single parenting, sucks.... but you can do it.

Let's not Suck.

make the best of a difficult situation.

because THAT SHIT MATTERS.

....First episode recorded from my phone. apologies for shady audio quality

Let's talk about Boundaries.

"Be careful of the devil. He can hear your prayers, too. He doesn't always come with horns and a pitchfork, sometimes he comes dressed up like everything you've ever wanted."

This is a real thing., you need to remember that when you meet new people, especially somebody you hope to develop a relationship with, someone that you plan to spend your life with, someone you're bringing into your family and your future.... you need to remember that when you are meeting them, they are putting their best face forward. They are promoting themselves; they want you to...

I miss that old Sadistik vibe. That slow melodic feel, With the razor tip verse.

Every time he speaks, you feel it a little more.

"I need the dark today to see the stars decay" -I felt that.

"And I grieve with the leaves 'til I pray it's not autumn." -I felt that.

I've never smoked a carton. But I've kissed a man that has.

Now my voice in changing That morning-after rasp.

When the wires burn through You can feel the lights dim.

Summoning...

what are you thinking? right now, I want to hear you say it, out loud. Tell me how you feel about me lean into me. share with me. I can hear you breathing and see your eyes navigating. does this please you? is this satisfaction? our lives are filled with moments painting up memories. I want yours to be enjoying yourself with the best of me.

------------------------

I want to watch you crumble. shed and detach. Venerable and sexy. Give me your secrets come lay with me. We've been staring at this same wall for...

{{ You dont fucking get it, You have it all}}

no. listen. take a moment, pay attention. remove your head from your ass

look around and relax. "you have it all" uhu. what I have, from what you see

has been solely provided by...ME. the house. the car. these nice things.

nothing comes easy. I've spent nights tossing in my sleep,

worrying and weighing my battles. prioritizing obligations

because if I don't. who will?! you?! no.

since the beginning, I've had to work harder to...

I'm ugly today.

I woke up finished with him, fed up with them.

I'm tired already. I straddle the crooked line of looking down, pushing forward. and stepping up, I can't be down forever.....I'm so fucking tired. There's been days, where I've closed my eyes.....I picture myself holding that bouquet of burgundy flowers. What an insane daydream. Truth is, Commitment doesn't seem to exist in a single one of my lovers. I've dolled up for the attraction and dressed myself down to test our infatuation. no surprise- Here I am, entertaining an empty...

Day dreams weaved in my lashes..

crow's feet and lip creases. I beg you, don't leave me.

shoulders back, the sun cries. sidewalks flood, we're all tied up.

the sky broke loose the night I heard you lie.

a flood gate released a washing of bleeding hearts.

I see you in a different light So I tilted my hat and went for a ride.

I hope you know It's your mouth that wakes tomorrow.

There's a secret about you that sets my skin on fire. <...

Frost is promised to soon creep in and stay.

Nights will be longer.

what Daylight you have embraced, between your blinds before,

will shortly fade. I hope your ignorance keeps you warm.

when you see your breath before you. I pray you acknowledge the distaste.

I sincerely hope you experience. what it means to fully open up and let go.

what it must be like, to lock up and pull the blinds, like you do.

what it must feel like, to burrow in such ego...

Im wasting my words on you.

Losing track of time, studying you. With all these possible scenarios. Maybe we're all a little crazy. I've been wishing for brutality maybe then we could be honest.

....reason with me....

so these questions can stop tearing me apart. I know you think of me in the mingles of your company. I know how easy it can be to be in 2 places at once.

I know. I know. I know.

We all get a little lonely.

And we all need to...