NonCensored
You can’t say anything any more - and here to prove it is Harriet Langley-Swindon, with a round of all the best bits of her weekly radio show on a national network that can’t be named for legal reasons. Absolutely Non-Censored [subs please check capitalisation and hyphen] from beginning to end, with all the rubbish edited out.Each week, Harriet will chat through the segments with producer Martin, and we’ll be getting a Hot & Spicy Take Of The Week from resident comedian Eshaan Akbar who was hired because he was funny and not any other reason.NonCensored is cre...
Close The Pubs!
If you don't fill in this survey http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey, your bum will fall off.
This week Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin are joined in the studio by Chief Inspector Ian McFyte, who opposes keeping the pubs open for the Mexico-England maych on Monday morning; they are also joined live from New York by Entertainment Correspondent Kirstie Golightly who knows as much as anyone about the Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce wedding; and you'll hear a clip from our bonus monthly Time For Questions podcast, in which Harriet and Martin answer YOUR questions. If hearing that...
Sir Keir Starmer: King Of Pranks
Only 1% of listeners are clever enough to complete this survey: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey.
This week, soon-to-be-former Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer tells Harriet Langley-Swindon about why he's standing down, and what he's left in Number Ten for Andy Burnham to take over; we speak Al G. Algae, a spokesman for algae, to get their side of the Lincoln Reflecting Pool story; and Eshaan Akbar has a hot and spicy takeaway of the week about why Brexit, ten years on, as been a complete success.
Our Patreons' bonus interview this week is with...
Blowing Things Up Within All Proportion
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This week, Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin talk to campaigner and old man Hugh Oldman, about why the government is right to ban under-sixteens from social media; we speak to A Suffragette From 1913 about how she feels about being compared to Palestine Action; and Eshaan Akbar walks us through a Hot & Spicy Takeaway of the Week for as long as the authorities.
Thank you to Abi, who signed up to our Patreon this week. She, like all Patreons, will...
Triple Lock And Smoking Water Cannon Barrels
Only 1% of listeners are clever enough to complete this survey: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey.
This week, Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin talk to MaryBeth JoAnn Meg, an American-Irishwoman in Belfast about how worried she is about the new trouble there; Chancellor Rachel Reeves joins us because she ISN'T hiding from a decision on the pensions triple lock or, indeed, hiding in general; and Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway of the Week about the immigrant success story that's taking place in California.
Thank you to Pete, who signed up to our Patreon...
Buy A Trip To The USA, Get A Flight To Rwanda Free!
Quick, fill this in, there's no time to explain: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey.
This week, Harriet Langley-Swindon talk to Milly Young, a young person about how young people are not saving enough and also not spending enough and also don't deserve pay rises; Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway of the Week about the animals that have made the shortlist for the next batch of banknotes; and travel agent Tommy Cook has some GREAT deals for listeners who want to make a last-minute booking to America for the World Cup.
Thank you...
Why Didn't Nicola Sturgeon Stop Her Husband From Embezzling?
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This week, Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin talk to SNP accountant Scott Andrews about how everything Peter Murrell claimed was a legitimate business expense; they also hear from Doctor Five, a meteorologist from the future who predicts nothing but sunshine in the years to come!! Finally, Producer Martin continues intervestigation (a cross between an interview and an investigation) into the world of "preppers" - people who are preparing for the end of the world - as he travels deep into the woods with...
King Of The Pigeons
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin talked to King Of The North and King Of Pigeons Andy Burnham about how his powerful Northern accent will bring change to Westminster; Eshaan Akbar celebrates the government's intervention to reduce fuel prices; and Producer Martin continues intervestigation (a cross between an interview and an investigation) into the world of "preppers" - people who are preparing for the end of the world - as he travels deep into the woods with the man known only as "Colllin Maxxxx".
Our Patreons, will be getting a bonus interview with podcaster/cult Leader Helen...
You Wouldn't Like Us When We're Mangry
Harriet Langley-Swindon talked to Health Secretary Wes Streeting at 12.50pm on Thursday where he explained how loyal he was to Keir Starmer; Eshaan Akbar explains the biggest consequence of the Strait Of Hormuz being closed; and Producer Martin continues intervestigation (a cross between an interview and an investigation) into the world of "preppers" - people who are preparing for the end of the world - with his interview with Colllin Maxxxx.
Thank you to Patrick Keane, who signed up for our Patreon this week. He, like all our Patreons, will be getting a bonus interview with...
Gotcha!
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin talk to independent councillor Barry Normal about the lack of vetting from the main parties when it comes to the local elections, as well as asking... well, what it is that councillors do, exactly; Eshaan Akbar looks at Reform's proposals to build detention centres in areas that have the audacity to vote Green; and Producer Martin begins a brand new intervestigation (a cross between an interview and an investigation), this time diving into the world of "preppers" - people who are preparing for the end of the world.
Thank you to...
Too Many Humans
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Eshaan Akbar debate the power of political debate with our two wokest talking heads, only one of whom can possibly come back, Laura and Laura; they also speak to our Westminster Correspondent Issy Shots about the remarks made by Hannah Spencer, who used to be a plumber and that's important, about the drinking culture in Westminster; and Producer Martin dives into the "manocube" with manfluencer Andy Bankside for the fourth and final part of his exclusive intervestigation (a cross between an interview and an investigation).
Our Patreons will be getting a bonus interview...
No BODY Once Told Him The World Was Gonna Roll Him
Harriet Langley-Swindon speaks to Sir Keir Starmer, who ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, about the fallout from the scandal people are calling Peter Mandelgate; Eshaan Akbar looks at the value Shabana Mahmood is getting for fifty new riot police in his Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week; and Producer Martin once again dives into the "manocube" with manfluencer Andy Banksid for the third part of his exclusive intervestigation (a cross between an interview and an investigation).
Our Patreons will be getting a bonus interview with Jessica Actress, a British starlet on a promotion tour...
Feed The Podcasters, Ten Grand A Pop
Harriet Langley-Swindon speaks to commentator Tessa Pond, whose sources of information have mysteriously dried up since Victor Orban lost; Eshaan Akbar takes a side in the spat between the Pope and JD Vance in his Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week; and Producer Martin once again dives into the "manocube" with manfluencer Andy Bankside, who gives Martin a tour of his supercar collection.
Our Patreons will be getting a bonus interview with Royal Correspondent Nicola Witchell. Patreons also get every episode early and without adverts, access to the full video of all our interviews, as well...
Into The ManoCube
Harriet Langley-Swindon speaks to US Congresswoman Gretchen Hardline about how the Democrats are Hashtag Resisting Donald Trump; Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week about how unnecessary reparations are; and Producer Martin dives into the "manosphere" with manfluencer Andy Bankside who explains that it's actually a manocube.
Our Patreons will be getting a bonus interview with the oldest man on Twitch, Malcolm Dempster, who explains what Twitch is, why he's so good at it, and how his divorce was definitely mutual. Patreons also get every episode early and without adverts, access to the...
Don't Be Pussies, Says General Dick
Harriet Langley-Swindon speaks to US General Dick Terriffic about why the UK needs to help America win a war it's already won and which also isn't a war; Eshaan Akbar rates Kanye West's apology for his antisemitic statements; and Royal Correspondent Nicola Witchell tells us how Sir King Prince Charles will end Meghan's war in the Middle East.
Our Patreons will be getting a bonus interview with diet influencer Jeremy Agutter, who demonstrates the benefits of an all-milk diet. Patreons also get every episode early and without adverts, access to the full video of all our...
Get Jon Richardson Off The Roof
Harriet Langley-Swindon speak to Timothy Nicholas, the official translator for Nick Timothy MP, about Muslim acts of domination; we also hear from Reg Billiards, CEO of Generic Oil, who explains that there simply aren't any alternatives to oil; and Eshaan Akbar asks: Is Suspended Prison Sentences Woke?
Our Patreons will be getting a bonus interview with AI CEO Brad Algorithm, who explains why anyone who isn't using his AI, Chad, is getting left behind. Our Patreons also get every episode early and without adverts, access to the full video of all our interviews, as well as...
We Don't Give A Dam About Churchill
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to A Beaver, about replacing Winston Churchill on British banknotes; we also hear from Fashion Critic Hannah Winter about who looked AWFUL at the Oscars; and Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway of the Week about estate agencies.
Our Patreons will be getting a bonus interview with children's author Sarah Pompom, who has definitely read all the books she's written. Our Patreons also get every episode early and without adverts, access to the full video of all our interviews, as well as the Patreon-exclusive monthly Time For Questions podcast...
Blessed Be The Gigachads
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to American General Dick Terrific, live from his bunker somewhere in the Middle East; we also hear from Reform's defeated candidate in Gorton & Denton, Matthew Goodwin, about how he's is NOT a sore loser and how he DIDN'T cry; and Eshaan Akbar has a seriously unserious Hot & Spicy Takeaway of the Week about police discrimination.
Thank you to Jodie Sampson and Mike Smith, both of whom signed up to our Patreon this week. They're making it possible for us to pay our guests, because lord knows the ad revenue doesn't...
Don't Finger The Grubby Boy
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to Reform UK's Suella Braverman, about Reform's exciting new slate of policies; we also hear from Oxbridge University, Leicester's Professor Emeritus Of Constitutional Monarchy & Media Studies Brenjamin St. Francis, about how hard it is to remove someone from the line of succession; and Eshaan Akbar has an award-winning edition of ApologyWatch.
Thank you to Richard, Michael Vickers, Peter Gorman and Sue Avery, all of whom signed up to our Patreon this week. They're making it possible for us to pay our guests, because lord knows the ad revenue doesn't cover...
Time For Questions?: January 2026
There's no regular show this week, so instead here's last month's Time For Questions?, the monthly bonus podcast that usually sits exclusively on patreon.com/NonCensored. You'll hear Harriet, Producer Martin and Ehsaan Akbar answer questions like:
And: it's time for performance reviews! How would the team rate each others' performances this year?
...
This Debate Is Bangor Out Of Order
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to former Number 10 Chief of Staff Morgan McSweeney about why he quit Downing Street; we also hear from Health Secretary Wes Streeting about what how he isn't friends with Peter Mandelson; and Eshaan Akbar has a very debatable Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week.
Thank you to Lukas Bell-Dereske for signing up to our Patreon this week. He's making it possible for us to pay our guests, because lord knows the ad revenue doesn't cover that. This week he - and all our Patreons - will be getting a bonus...
Unlike Certain Other Podcasts, We Are Not In The Epstein Files
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to Dead Paeodophile Correspondent Eshaan Akbar for a look at who isn't in the Epstein files; we also hear from Lord Bertie Cuthbert on why having a law that kicks you out of the House of Lords if you're mates with a convicted sex trafficker is "going too far"; and the policeman in charge of investigating the former Andrew Former Mountbatten Former Windsor, PC Bob Hancock, is having a really tough time, guys.
Our Patreons will also get an interview with the host of the smash hit podcast Diary Of...
Like A Bull In A China Embassy
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to Chinese government spokeswoman Blank Peng about how Sir Keir Starmer's trip is going; Skeletor explains why he's defected to Reform; and Deputy Diversity Correspondent Athena Kugblenu dives in with a Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week about Hampstead Ponds.
Our Patreons will also get an interview with the woman behind TikTok's algorithm, Poppy Ticktock, which will never appear on the main feed. They will also get every episode early and without adverts, access to the full video of all our interviews, as well as this month's Patreon-exclusive Time For...
Baby Bear Diplomacy
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to Britain's most patriotic columnist, The Daily Telegraph's Tim Quisling about what's just right for American is just great for Britain; Royal Correspondent Nicola Witchell updates us on the feud that's tearing apart Britain's most famous family; and Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week about, well, a load of crap...
Thanks to Charlotte Skardon, who signed up to our Patreon this week. She, like all our Patreons, got this episode early and without adverts, and access to the full video of the interviews, as well as...
Grokblocked
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to AI Producer Martin, who now works for Grok, about what's going on at X: The Everything App; we speak to the third-shortest-serving Chancellor in British history, Nadhim Zahawi, about how he definitely didn't ask for a peerage; and Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week about repressive regimes - but only after a surprise ApologyWatch....
Thanks to Grace Thomas, who signed up to our Patreon this week. She, like all our Patreons, will also hear an interview with punctuality expert Lucy Clockman - but you can...
A Bad Man, Not A Badman
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to Latin American Correspondent Jeremy Byrne about the reaction on the streets of Caracas to Donald Trump's liberation of Venezuela; we also get an immediate reaction on that, as well as America's plans for Greenland, from Sir Keir Starmer; and Eshaan Akbar has a Warm & Cuddly Takeaway Of The Week about ZSL's 200th anniversary stocktake.
Our Patreons will also hear an interview with an AI Actress - but you can only hear that by going to Patreon.com/NonCensored and signing up for just £4/£8 month. You'd also get every episode ea...
Cheesin' Up Christmas
In this end of year special, Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin "unwrap" (play) some "presents" (voicenotes) from regular contributors Sir Keir Starmer, the Telegraph's Siobhan Connery, Lord Evans, General Dick Terrific of the 3rd US Airborne Tariff Division, chair man Jonathan Gullis and royal correspondent Nicola Witchell and her spiritual companion The Ghost Of Princess Diana.
Our Patreons will also hear an interview with a Non-Ethical Non-Monogamist - but you can only hear or see that by going to Patreon.com/NonCensored and signing up for just £4/£8 month. You'd also get every episode early and without ad...
Total Victory!
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to Scottish Correspondent Nicola Cromerty about Sandie Peggie's complete and total victory over NHS Fife; we hear from the man behind the Great British Railways rebrand about his fast-moving flags; and Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week about truth - or does he? We've also thrown in last year's interview with Spotify's Daniel Elk about how Wrapped works as a little Christmas bonus for you.
Thanks to Priya for singing up to our Patreon last week. She, like all our Patreons, will also hear an interview...
Time For Questions - October 2025
There's no regular show this week, so here's the Time For Questions we made for our Patreons a few weeks ago, where Harriet, Producer Martin and Eshaan Akbar we answer our Patreons' questions:
...and more!
To see the episode in full video, as well as to unlock all the other bonuses you get every week, head over to Patreon.com/NonCensored and sign up...
Communismsplaining Rachel Reeves
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to Chancellor Rachel Reeves about the similarities between this week's budget and the Communist Manifesto; Producer Martin goes undercover to expose two members of the House Of Lords who are willing to lobby - and more - for cash; Eshaan Akbar asks if Marjorie Taylor Green... is Woke?
Thanks to Jon Blyth for singing up to our Patreon this week. He, like all our Patreons, will also hear an interview with a man who suffers from Replytis, a devastating condition that prevents you from shutting up online - but you...
Shabana Mahmood's Crystal Maze
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood about her controversial new policies for asylum seekers; Larry Summers joins us to explain why he was asking Jeffrey Epstein for dating advice; and if music be the food of love, Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week about how it can also be the snack of anti-terrorism.
Patreons will also hear an interview with the host of the Historical Numerology Podcast, Kevin Kisskiss - but you can only hear that by going to Patreon.com/NonCensored and signing up for just £4/£8 mo...
Bluey In The Ducking Stool
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin speak to BBC Wokefinder General Robbie Gibb, who explains how he's de-woking the corporation; meanwhile, former
BBC journalist Helen Helen tells us how she was forced out of her job for holding perfectly legal beliefs about who should and shouldn't get her coffee; and Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway Of The Week about how The Big Apple has turned into The Halal Apple.
Patreons will also hear an interview an anonymous advisor to Sir Keir Starmer - but you can only hear that by going to Patreon...
Bonfire Of Inanity
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin present an Bonfire Night Special edition of NonCensored - the annual celebration of the foiling of the Gunpowder Plot. We speak to Yorkshire's very own failed terrorist Guy Fawkes, who talks about why he tried to blow up Parliament and how he views his legacy, and William Wade, the Lieutenant of the Tower of London 1613-1615, about Guy's interrogation experience. And of course, Eshaan Akbar is here, with a Hot & Spicy Takeaway of the Week that threatens to blow up the entire premise of the episode.
If you don't fill in...
All The Rage: The Anger Special
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin present an "anger special", as they speak to NonCensored's very own social media editor Benjamin Closetabs about how and why he makes the clips you see on TikTok and Instagram; The Telegraph's Northern Correspondent Siobhan Connery returns to the show, live from X: The Everything App, to update us on the imminent civil war; and Eshaan Akbar rates the non-apologies for Reform MP Sarah Pochin's comments about seeing non-white faces in adverts.
THEY don't want you to fill in this survey. Sure would be a shame if you did, huh? http...
The Big One Five Oh
Harriet Langley-Swindon takes a look back at some of the highlights of the first 150 episodes of NonCensored, as selected by our Patreons. Yes, we said "first" 150 episodes. Consider that a warning AND a promise.
Featuring: Sir Keir Starmer, Nadine Dorries & Ben Houchen, Jonathan Gullis, South Central Thames Water CEO Sir Douglas Brown, publisher Helen Penguin, disggraced celebrity chef Craigg Rommit, billionaire bio-hacker Hersh Ravensfold, Dr Shola Mos-Shogbamimu, Rachel Parris, and Royal Correspondent Nichola Witchell.
If you don't fill in this survey, we will flirt with your dad: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey
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Donald Trump: Peace Artist
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin celebrate Donald Trump's inevitable Nobel Peace Prize win by checking in with NonCensored's network of foreign correspondents to see how his peacemaking ability is viewed around the world; we hear from former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher on the allegations that she was no Iron Lady; and Eshaan Akbar has an aitch oh tee ay en dee es pee aye see why take about English.
If you don't fill in this survey, we will be sad: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey
Thanks to Rohan and Ankya, who both signed up...
Make Britian Grate Again
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin are joined by Kemi Badenoch, who explains what she means by "integration"; we hear from Ethan Jablowski, from Kent's version DOGE, on how it's going now that Reform are in control of the council there; and Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy take about how to make animals more patrotic.
If you don't fill in this survey, we will be sad: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey
Sign up to our Patreon at Patreon.com/NonCensored to receive every episode early and without adverts, as well as bonus segments such...
If You Want To Be British, Speak Better Than A Brummie
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin are joined by Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood, who explains the new requirements for migrants seeking leave to remain in the UK; Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy take about the masculinity needed for modern warfare; and the agent of an AI actor, Sylvie Tootoo, explains why actors and improvisers are awful and need to be replaced.
If you don't fill in this survey, the terrorists have won: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey
Sign up to our Patreon at Patreon.com/NonCensored to receive every episode early and without adverts...
The Possibility Of A Paddle
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin are joined by Sir Ed Davey, who explains why the Lib Dems have moved beyond silly, fun stunts, into impassioned liberal politics; we interview A Swan about the rumours that they are being eaten by asylum seekers; and Eshaan Akbar has a Hot & Spicy take about going to Saudi Arabia to do stand-up.
If you don't fill in this survey, the terrorists have won: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey
Thank you to Stuart Pomfrett, who signed up to our Patreon last week at Patreon.com/NonCensored. They'll now receive...
An Absolute State Visit
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin are joined by Phyllida Pomp, the events planner who arranged President Trump's historic second state visit; we speak to to a member of the Free Speech Union, Harold Spock, for their reaction to Jimmy Kimmel being taken off the air; and Eshaan Akbar reports live from the Unite The Kingdom march.
If you don't fill in this survey, the terrorists have won: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey
Thank you to Kevin Worrall, who signed up to our Patreon last week at Patreon.com/NonCensored. They'll now receive every episode...
The Future Of Politics: 10am Sambuca Shots
Harriet Langley-Swindon and Producer Martin are joined by Sir Steven Belm, the civil servant who provided David Lammy with official advice about genocide; Eshaan Akbar's has a Hot & Spicy Takeaway of the Week about the National Television Awards; and Political Editor Chris Builder looks back at last week's Reform Party conference - or, at least, what he can remember about it!
If you don't fill in this survey, the terrorists have won: http://bit.ly/noncensored-survey
Thank you to Gerry O'Boyle, who signed up to our Patreon last week at Patreon.com/NonCensored...