No Return
No Return: An Audio Drama by Kier ZhouNo Return is what happens when you give one person too much coffee, a microphone, and a world that won’t stop expanding.It’s a fantasy series about gods, worlds, mercenaries, lost cities, and bad decisions… but mostly it’s about people trying (and failing) to make sense of the mess they’re in. The tone swings from absurd to sincere, from divine slapstick to quiet tragedy. Sometimes all in the same episode.If Discworld got tangled up with The Wheel of Time and accidentally wandered into a Tom Sharpe novel, you’d be somewher...
6: The Black Thorn: The Taste of Indignation
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The Black Thorn goes to the post office.
Written, performed and edited by Kier Zhou
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5: The Black Thorn: Even In Perfection...
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The Black Thorn tries to love...
Written, performed and edited by Kier Zhou
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4: The Black Thorn: Time to Redirect
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The Black Thorn gets a beer.
Written, performed and edited by Kier Zhou
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20: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: I'd Like That Very Much...
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The Orillian Regiment are leaving... The Vashjek Inaia have re-joined the Warlord's forces... and The Dayan Army is nowhere to be seen...
What do you do when you know all is lost? Do you go quietly into the night? Or will you rage against the dying of the light?
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin:
3: The Black Thorn: It's Not Mine...
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The Black Thorn is recognised.
Written, performed and edited by Kier Zhou
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2: The Black Thorn: I've Become Too Comfortable...
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The Black Thorn makes his way home.
Written, performed and edited by Kier Zhou
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1: The Black Thorn: My Dark Hunger
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The Black Thorn visits the countryside.
Written, performed and edited by Kier Zhou
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8: Mageslayers: Wait... What Do They Call It Here?
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The Heist Begins!
Chieftain Ondrei Anaheit- Mitch Kaye
Uruk Guards- Madeleine Buttitta & Frankie Vega
Gorluk - Graham Capobianco
Biksune Ree- Taylor Michaels
Rebel Freeman- Alan Katsuro
Seilbh- Krissi Williams
Nikhol Ashorn- Cameron Gergett
Phaetra Coi- Danielle Thuen
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle- Dylan Smith
Cinnte Micheart- Gemma Mac...
19: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: The Elusive Answers...
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Salryn (and Jorvin) didn't just sit idle these long weeks. They did everything they could to unpick the mysteries of Vita's plan, the machinations of Alaric Sylwraith and the mysterious 'Lessor' who wrote to the diplomat ... but... with Vita and Alaric dead, the party out of their depth, trapped and under siege... what did they expect? Even when they find clues they lack the knowledge to interpret them... and listening to Salryn and Jorvin flounder around trying to figure out what is signal and what is noise is just bad radio so we...
Finale: Wide-End: Less Than An Animal!
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Part one concludes.
The part of Anzhlo was played by the magnificent Matt Evans
Lady Yvonna was played by the luminous Lauren Littlewood
Brucco was voiced by the charming Christian Maclean-Mair
Ysenda was acted by the ever graceful Gemma Maclean-Mair
Chura and The Domina were played by the accomplished Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Fuzhlo was played by the Dazling Dontae Majors
Rowan Lightfoot was...
10: Wide-End: I Shall Deliberate...
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It. Gets. Real.
The part of Anzhlo was played by the magnificent Matt Evans
Lady Yvonna was played by the luminous Lauren Littlewood
Brucco was voiced by the charming Christian Maclean-Mair
Ysenda was acted by the ever graceful Gemma Maclean-Mair
Chura and The Domina were played by the accomplished Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Fuzhlo was played by the Dazling Dontae Majors
<...
7: Wide-End: Someone In This Family Needs To Dare!
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Brucco and Ysenda get closer. Anzhlo's plans begin to come together. The Little Luiren Families are getting involved.
Mr Kera- Tyler Moody
Alts MC- Brenna Anderson-Dowd
Kaoru- Girunduu
Runa- MadeleineButtitta
Brucco- Christian Maclean-Mair
Ysenda -Gemma Maclean-Mair
Chura/Elyra Lightfoot- Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Anzhlo - Matt Evans
Saurians/Erik Isolde- Kier Zhou
Yvonna Isolde- Lauren L...
5: Wide-End: Swimming in the Endless Sea
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Anzhlo recalls his time in the camp and his run ins with Fuzhlo. Yvonna secures permission for the Saurians to stay. Brucco and Yvonna get closer. Semion takes a stroll around Wide-End
Want to learn more about Lern, Emedu and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Anzhlo: Matt Evans
Yvonna: Lauren Littlewood
Semion...
7: Mageslayers: Can We Get On With This Please?!
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The Party arrive in Terrqas to begin their side quest... but not everyone is happy with how the Reach Arc concluded.
Seilbh- Krissi Williams
Nikhol Ashorn- Cameron Gergett
Phaetra Coi- Danielle Thuen
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle- Dylan Smith
Cinnte Micheart- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Shain Sotalach- Adam Robinson
Addison De Ara- Laura Duncan
Pogrim Pogglefield/Herrand/Tran- K...
3: Wide-End: Let's See What All The Fuss Is About, Shall We?
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https://patreon.com/NoReturnAD
Brucco returns to the camp and Lady Isolde attempts to befriend Anzhlo. Fuzhlo and Gnilfeit meet with Semion Quietknife.
Anzhlo- Matt Evans
Yvonna Isolde- Lauren Littlewood
Erik Isolde- Kier Zhou
Brucco- Christian McLean-Mair
Ysenda - Gemma McLean-Mair
Orryn- Kier Zhou
Abbott Liare: L...
ANOTHER Wide-End Rerelease Announcement!
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BOSH! Episode 2 of the reworked Wide-End Episodes is out now! Check it out! END TRANSMISSION!
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1: Wide-End: Bloody Ungrateful Creatures
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If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
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The Isoldes get a surprise visit late in the night, Brucco finds the Rain Chapel camp less than welcoming.
Want to learn more about Lern, Emedu and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Anzhlo- Matt Evans
Yvonna Isolde- Lauren Littlewood
Erik Isolde- Kier Zhou
Mikkel- Adam Robinson
Sir Casper - Girunduu
Brucco- Christian...
Wide-End Rerelease Announcement!
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Hello all!
A little announcement here for ya! Instead of focusing his time and energies on finishing The Fate of Daya, The Orillian Regiment, Anderkant, or The Steg, K. Zhou, master of story and song, has been hard at work reworking one of the few stories he actually fucking finished already.
[Sigh] So… it is my great pleasure to announce that Episode 1 of Wide-End has now been reworked and remastered to get the sound design closer to the quality you have come to expect from the NoReturniverse AAAAAAND to li...
Alien Robot Space Jesus From the Future
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A collaboration between Strange New Worlds and Spaced Out Tales and The NoReturniverse.
Be sure to check out The Strange New Worlds and Spaced Out Tales Podcast Feed!
Alien Robot Space Jesus From The Future is a surreal and irreverent sci-fi comedy about a well-meaning but bewildered time-travelling saviour who arrives on Earth hoping to fix humanity, only to be met with indifference, bureaucracy, and a media circus. As he stumbles through job centres, detention cells, and diplomatic summits, his mission to stop the world from destroying itself becomes...
2: The 2teg: Are You Sure You're Not Just Really, Really, Really Ill?!
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Wow, the 'old fashioned approach' really is much easier to follow. But... I mean... dead men showing up contrary to every rule in the book.. selective memory from the prime suspect... I'm not buying it.
Samael Vine/Rayan/Matthias Alaric/Weiguan- Kier Zhou
Lars Xu- Blake White
Scurlott Tupou- Marta Hodgson
Gnilfiet/Lucca- Krissi Williams
Leda- Lilly Inverse
Elyra Lightfoot- Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Cole Lumbo- Chris RR...
1: The 2teg: It's Like Dranekian Theatre!
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Thank the silent gods! We have finally dropped that insane story telling device (literally) and now we can get to the bottom of what is happening with some good old fashion interrogation!
Commander Vine/Matthias Alaric/Rayan/Saurians: Kier Zhou
Domina Elyra Lightfoot: Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Nyalie Alaric: Glenda Villimar
Constable Lucca/D'Brie: Krissi Williams
Lt Lars Xu - Blake White
Cole Lumbo P.I: Chris RR Bauso
...
Bonus Content: The Last To Leave
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The final days of the last age were filled with sadness...but for some... cosmic calamity was new...
Across many worlds and many lands, amongst many creatures... The Fall brought many ends and many beginnings... these are the tragic words of 'One of Many', 'The Last to Leave'.
One of Many: Justin Fife
Angau: Kier Zhou
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3: Anderkant 2: You Truly Know Nothing!
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Min explores the temple. The Lessee has a fiery reunion. Herrand tries to walk a tight rope. Gnilfiet drinks some soup!
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Gnilfeit- Krissi Williams
Thae Oraen - Gemma Maclean Mair
Everyone else- Kier Zhou
Content Warning:
- Torture
- Violence
- Lazy Crazy Oversexed Goddess Trope
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2: Anderkant: I Have No Idea What's Happening!
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Are you finding Anderkant confusing and difficult to follow? Well how do you think Min feels?!
Min finally makes it to Anderkant and encounters one of it's denizens. Gnilfeit makes gets more involved with the Lessee's plans... H keeps manipulating our hapless hero.
Want to learn more about Anderkant, the Kabouters and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Gnilfeit- Krissi Williams
Thae Oraen - Gemma Maclean Mair
Miner 1 - Adam Robinson
Miner 2 - <...
1: Anderkant 2: I Just Want Out...
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If you like the show, why not become a patron on patreon, and get access to hours of bonus content!
Patreon
Who is 'H'? Who is The Lessee? Who is this enigmatic sister?...Well...actually...if you've been listening to the other stories and bonus episodes...you might be able to figure out the latter... and the former...
This episode follows our villain's backstory and begins to unravel the mystery of what they are really up to with the Anderkant Project.
Be prepared...it...gets...
743$736: F33dErr0r: 9a2t 53v3N.
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Original release date 20 Apr 2024
I've fixed this bloody thing three times now! Why is it being so weird!? I think we might have to drop this story telling conceit if it carries on any longer...
Cole Lumbo - Chris RR Bauso
Elyra Lightfoot - Abbie Tickle
Matko- AJ Fidalgo (AKA Mr F)
Vasa - Lilly Inverse
Selwyn Janicek- Stasi Dimitrova ig
Zafar- Christian Maclean-Mair
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6: The Orillian 2egiment: That's The Way He’d Want To Go!
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Gazi struggles to make friends with the Red Shirts... Colonel Wilifred struggles to put the evidence together... Gnilfeit and Third continue their battle... Tommo gets a touching moment...
| Chermise Vermillion | Dragonbait
| Dag'r | Lilly Inverse
| Deky | Cameron Gergett
| Gazi | Graham Capobianco
| Gnilfeit | Krissi Williams
| Layna Jareg | Rae Witte
| Major | Chris (One Wall)
| Olda| Anne Marie Lebeau
| Rufus Sark | Chris (One Wall)
| Sushila | Loretta Chang
5: The Orillian 2egiment: He's Not Going To Make It, Is He?
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Gazi and Von Overton return to the lines just in time for the fight back... Von Overton receives some bad news. Luobo leaves Dagrun at the Row and goes looking for the Guard Commander. Tommo gets some peculiarly timed grief from one of his Vir.
| Anan | Skyler Giordano
| Bezeroa | Tyler Moody
| Chermise Vermillion | Dragonbait
| Dag'r | Lilly Inverse
| Dagrun | Kier Zhou
| Deky | Cameron Gergett
| Door Man| Graham Capobianco
| Gazi | Graham Ca...
4: Flashback: The Orillian 2egiment: There Is Nothing But Harmony In The Row!
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We flashback in time to give you all the context you were missing!
Anan- | Skyler Giordano
Dag'r - | Lilly Inverse
Kova Dagrun- | Kier Zhou
Deky- | Cameron Gergett
Gav- | Dylan Smith
Gazi- | Graham Capobianco
Guildmaster- | Girunduu
Ivanic- | Justin Fife
Jarna - | Daniellelanois
Jinu - | Ren @Ren_Cant
Kane- | Tyler Moody
Kongol- | OneWallChris
Luobo- | James Hart
Mal...
3: The Orillian 2egiment: I Told You, Didn't I?
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Original Release Date: 22 Apr 2024
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Content Warning ⚠️:
- Foul language
- Peril
- Violence
- Death/Dying
The Guard Commander refuses to explain. The Colonel takes drastic action. Gazi and Von Overton head to the Aventine. The captured boys encounter old 'friends' and 'family'. Sharp has to deal with the political fall out. Gnilfiet confronts Third.
Cpl Deky - Cameron Gergett (Recap played by Luke Scarrow)
Tpr Hupsu...
2: The Orillian 2egiment: Well, You Might Well Have Killed Us All!
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The Boys return and things get dangerous!
CSgt Malcom Rigby- Girunduu (@Girunduu)
Sgt Gav Fern - Dylan Smith(@DylanandDragons)
Cpl Dek Ana- Cameron Gergett (@Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink)
Constable Ang Von Overton- Rachel Pulliam
Captain Luobo Ironside - James Hart
Tpr Gazi - Graham Capobianco
Tpr Tomo - Jack Duncan
Col Wilifred- Edmund Cragg-Barber
Sgt Mjr Kova Dagrun- Kier Zhou
Gnilfeit-...
1: The Orillian 2egiment: These Barbarians!
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The next chapter in the journal of the Chief Signalman of the HNS Deliverance.
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18: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: "This Is Your Final Warning!”
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Salryn has a long awaited reunion, but it is nothing like how she imagined it. Food, water and gold dwindles and treachery is discovered. Swifty takes drastic action. The city's heart is lifted by report of an army advancing from the North... It looks like the Dayan relief is finally here!
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
...
17: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: You Know What Doesn't Have An End?...
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Things start to get tense in the city. Cracks start to show. Swifty indoctrinates his newest Barrel-Man. Ceanni tries to lead Swift further astray. Factions plays nice in the colleges. Factions scheme in the shadows. Salryn has a surprise visitor. Salryn struggles to unpack Vita and Alaric's byzantine schemes.
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De...
16: Fate of Daya: Journey to the World-Scar.
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Delicate Hammer has left the city... but where did he go? and what did he find?
Ignatius Leon - AJ Fidalgo
Thae Oraen- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Gnilfiet- Krissi Williams
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15: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: Everything is Going to be Fine...
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Our heroes reminisce. Delicate Hammer provides words of encouragement. There is scheming in The Colleges. Salryn and Jorvin give Swifty a job!
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dyla...
14: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: Need You Aid?
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
HOLY SHIT IS THAT A LERNIAN QUAD!?!
I guess you should probably listen to find out!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
13: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: We All Died For Daya!
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
They have faced a feinting force. They have faced insurgents in the city. They have faced the mysterious machinations of Alaric Sylwraith and they have faced the political arena of the colleges. But now the Warlords are here to play for real.
Will the party be able to muster the motley band of Sun and Moonshields to defend the city walls against a prepared and disciplined force?
I guess you...
12: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: Everything Is Totally Normal!
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Jorvin rations the city and bestows Swifty with a new title. Swifty puts Delicate Hammer through 'the trials' and Salryn speaks with the Vashjek Inaia.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM<...
11: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: The Clothes Maketh The Man..
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Vita is dead... the city is still under attack... what will our heroes do?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
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