No Return
No Return: An Audio Drama by Kier ZhouEnjoy yourself in the chaotic, fantastical world of "No Return," where the worldbuilding ambition rivals Robert Jordan, the humour channels Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams, and the violence echoes Tom Sharpe—all wrapped in the indie punk aesthetic of a one man band making content on a laptop powered by a potato.This full cast comedy fantasy spans a diverse array of tales:- Clumsy Divine Quests: Join researchers on accidental divine missions.- Mercenary Chaos: Witness comedic clashes between mercenaries and foreign warships.- Eerie Mysteries: Delve into the haunting search for lo...
Bonus Content: Fate of Daya: Herrand and Mikhael
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With the Vashjek Inaia leaving... The Orillian Regiment Brigadier has some words for them...
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14: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: Need You Aid?
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
HOLY SHIT IS THAT A LERNIAN QUAD!?!
I guess you should probably listen to find out!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
6: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Setting Shadow
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We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Dowager: Lilly Inverse
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Loads of Extra Characters : Kier Zhou
Typhonkratos: Chris RR Bauso<...
5: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Setting Sun
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We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Dowager: Lilly Inverse
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Loads of Extra Characters : Kier Zhou
Typhonkratos: Chris RR Bauso
<...
4: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Setting Stage
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We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Dowager: Lilly Inverse
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Loads of Extra Characters : Kier Zhou
Typhonkratos: Chris RR Bauso
<...
3: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Seeds of Severance
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This is a pilot and I would greatly appreciate feedback!
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Vizier/Special Representative : Kier Zhou
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: Rae Witte
Dowager: Lilly Inverse
Content Warnings:
Violence and Magical Combat: Contains scenes...
2: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Seeds of Struggle
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This is a pilot and I would greatly appreciate feedback!
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Headmaster Jareth/Student/Herald/Councillor Branton: Kier Zhou
Irht: Kat McQueen
Heliokyna: ...
1: Pilot: The Kingdom of Lern: The Seeds of Strife
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This is a pilot and I would greatly appreciate feedback!
We do sure talk a lot of Lern on No Return... how about some content where the Lernians actually appear for once!
Drakon: Dontae Majors
Ignatius: A J Fidalgo
Aegisa: Daniellelanois
Kerren: Stuart Bullock
Gidia: Gemma Maclean-Mair
Iskra: Ren @Renovershares
Thurkearix: Glenda Villimar
Rael: Cameron Gergett
Hogyn/Fara: Kier Zhou<...
Call to Arms! Kingdom of Lern Pilot.
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Hey everyone!
We are super excited to announce the release of the pilot episodes of The Kingdom of Lern over the next few weeks!
We would REEEEALLY appreciate your feedback on this story before we go into full production.
Use the 'Text us' function hear in the show notes, the comments on Spotify or, hells, join us on Discord to discuss!
Join Us On Discord!
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Bonus Content: Fate of Daya: Ceannaí and The Brigadier
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Ceannaí chooses an inopportune moment to approach the (very sweary) Brigadier of the Orillian Regiment!
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13: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: We All Died For Daya!
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
They have faced a feinting force. They have faced insurgents in the city. They have faced the mysterious machinations of Alaric Sylwraith and they have faced the political arena of the colleges. But now the Warlords are here to play for real.
Will the party be able to muster the motley band of Sun and Moonshields to defend the city walls against a prepared and disciplined force?
I guess you...
Bonus Content: Fate of Daya: The Vashjek Inaia
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Herrand and Tran contemplate what is to come...
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
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12: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: Everything Is Totally Normal!
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Jorvin rations the city and bestows Swifty with a new title. Swifty puts Delicate Hammer through 'the trials' and Salryn speaks with the Vashjek Inaia.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM<...
Bonus Content: Fate of Daya: Ceannaí
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Ceannaí plots in the shadows.
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11: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: The Clothes Maketh The Man..
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Vita is dead... the city is still under attack... what will our heroes do?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
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Bonus Content: The Regiment at Daya: Part 4
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Did you know the Orillian Regiment were at Daya? Then you have been paying close attention!
The Boys return to see the aftermath of the Warlord's feint.
Cpl Gavin Fern- Dylan Smith
L/Cpl Hupsu Tommo- Jack Duncan
Sgt Malcolm Rigby - Girunduu
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11: The Orillian Regiment: That's The Way He’d Want To Go!
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Gazi struggles to make friends with the Red Shirts... Colonel Wilifred struggles to put the evidence together... Gnilfeit and Third continue their battle... Tommo gets a touching moment...
| Chermise Vermillion | Dragonbait
| Dag'r | Lilly Inverse
| Deky | Cameron Gergett
| Gazi | Graham Capobianco
| Gnilfeit | Krissi Williams
| Layna Jareg | Rae Witte
| Major | Chris (One Wall)
| Olda| Anne Marie Lebeau
| Rufus Sark | Chris (One Wall)
| Sushila | Loretta Chang
10: The Orillian Regiment: He's Not Going To Make It, Is He?
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Gazi and Von Overton return to the lines just in time for the fight back... Von Overton receives some bad news. Luobo leaves Dagrun at the Row and goes looking for the Guard Commander. Tommo gets some peculiarly timed grief from one of his Vir.
| Anan | Skyler Giordano
| Bezeroa | Tyler Moody
| Chermise Vermillion | Dragonbait
| Dag'r | Lilly Inverse
| Dagrun | Kier Zhou
| Deky | Cameron Gergett
| Door Man| Graham Capobianco
| Gazi | Graham Ca...
The Lore of No Return!
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Hey all!
I am not going to clog up the No Return feed with all this crazy worldbuilding, but for those who are interested:
The Lore of No Return will have it's own feed where I nerd out in detail (but not too much detail!) about Erset La Tari and the No Returniverse more generally.
If you hate it, fear not! I won't be dropping more of it on here!
But if you like it, you can find it on Spotify:
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2: The 2teg: Are You Sure You're Not Just Really, Really, Really Ill?!
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Wow, the 'old fashioned approach' really is much easier to follow. But... I mean... dead men showing up contrary to every rule in the book.. selective memory from the prime suspect... I'm not buying it.
Samael Vine/Rayan/Matthias Alaric/Weiguan- Kier Zhou
Lars Xu- Blake White
Scurlott Tupou- Marta Hodgson
Gnilfiet/Lucca- Krissi Williams
Leda- Lilly Inverse
Elyra Lightfoot- Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Cole Lumbo- Chris RR...
1: The 2teg: It's Like Dranekian Theatre!
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Thank the silent gods! We have finally dropped that insane story telling device (literally) and now we can get to the bottom of what is happening with some good old fashion interrogation!
Commander Vine/Matthias Alaric/Rayan/Saurians: Kier Zhou
Domina Elyra Lightfoot: Abbie Jordan-Tickle
Nyalie Alaric: Glenda Villimar
Constable Lucca/D'Brie: Krissi Williams
Lt Lars Xu - Blake White
Cole Lumbo P.I: Chris RR Bauso
...
743$736: FeedError: Part Seven.
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Original release date 20 Apr 2024
I've fixed this bloody thing three times now! Why is it being so weird!? I think we might have to drop this story telling conceit if it carries on any longer...
Cole Lumbo - Chris RR Bauso
Elyra Lightfoot - Abbie Tickle
Matko- AJ Fidalgo (AKA Mr F)
Vasa - Lilly Inverse
Selwyn Janicek- Stasi Dimitrova ig
Zafar- Christian Maclean-Mair
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4: Mageslayers: Who Sh*t In Your Büno?!
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Whilst most of the party try to advance the plot and explore a little lore, Dec and Lif's antics derail the story.
Want to learn more about Terrq and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Written by Kier Zhou and Jack Duncan
Addison De Ara - Laura Duncan
Shain Sotalach - Adam Robinson
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle - Dylan Smith
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
3: Mageslayers: It May Already Be too Late, Eunuch Boy!
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The Mageslayers head to the ancient city of Reach in the Terrq'n Mountains to investigate their mysterious artefact!
Want to learn more about Terrq and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Written by Kier Zhou and Jack Duncan
Addison De Ara - Laura Duncan
Shain Sotalach - Adam Robinson
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle - Dylan Smith
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Cinte Micheart- Ge...
2: Mageslayers: Revenge of the Cult Teens Of Terrible Darkness
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The story continues!
Written by Kier Zhou and Jack Duncan
Addison De Ara - Laura Duncan
Shain Sotalach - Adam Robinson
Descartamelius (Dec) Go’orbulle - Dylan Smith
Nanda Nall- Justin Fife
Cinte Micheart/Silda Grass- Gemma Maclean-Mair
Mr Grass - Robb Clark
Nikol Ashorn - Cameron Gergett
Phaetra Coi- Daniellelanois
Seilbh- Kris...
1: Mageslayers: This Time, It's Me!
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This is a story about heroes. No, that’s too much. This is a story about what it takes to make a hero. Welcome to Erset La Tari, the Land of No Return!
This strange and mysterious realm teeters
ever on the verge of disaster, barely having survived the apocalyptic world curses! But from the ashes rose the Treaty of Budan and the nations of La Tari achieved a hard won peace. The starving were fed, calamitous war averted and a safe and prosperous zone established. But there were those who...
74310v3e5: FeedError: Part Six.
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Yep.... yep... definitely in need of repairs...
Originally published 26 Feb 2024
Samael Vine: Kier Zhou
Niillas Janicek: Dylan Smith
Selwyn Janicek: Stasi Dimitrova ig
Paela: Dragonbait
Matko: AJ Fidaglo AKA Mr F
Vasa: Lilly Inverse
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10: Actual Play: Fate of Daya: You Wouldn't Believe Me, Even If I Told You...
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Can Alaric talk his way out of this one?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
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9: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: I Am Quite Concussed!
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Jorvin and Swifty investigate Alaric. The Party reunites to see Vita.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
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8: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: What Manner Of Gobsh**e Is This!?
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
The battle for the streets ends...the battle for the city begins.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
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7: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: Keep That Blade Sharp, Yeah.
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Salryn rises to the occasion!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
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Bonus Content: The Regiment at Daya: Part 3
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Did you know the Orillian Regiment were at Daya? Then you have been paying close attention!
The Boys meet the enemy in battle and put up a good fight... but their reinforcements are taking too much time...
Cpl Gavin Fern- Dylan Smith
L/Cpl Hupsu Tommo- Jack Duncan
Sgt Malcolm Rigby - Girunduu
Jiloat Levi - Connor Hodgson
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6: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: If You Have To Step Up, You Step Up
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Will Salryn rise to the occasion?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
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5: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: I Require It, Nonetheless
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
An assassin in the warehouse, a mysterious character under the temple, and a useless commander of the guard- the story continues.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smit...
4: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: "What Do We Do?"
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
The city burns, the farms burn and the enemy army is marching towards them… what will our heroes do?
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
Supp...
Bonus Content: The Regiment at Daya: Part 2
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Did you know the Orillian Regiment were at Daya? Then you have been paying close attention!
The Warlord's troops arrive on the Eastern shore of the Nuur.
Cpl Gavin Fern- Dylan Smith
L/Cpl Hupsu Tommo- Jack Duncan
Sgt Malcolm Rigby - Girunduu
Warlord Captain - Kier Zhou
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3: Actual: Play: The Fate of Daya: The Battle of Nuur
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
Our heroes thought the war was over…but the battle has come to familiar shores.
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
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Bonus Content: The Regiment at Daya: Part 1
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Did you know the Orillian Regiment were at Daya?
Then you have been paying close attention!
Cpl Gavin Fern- Dylan Smith
L/Cpl Hupsu Tommo- Jack Duncan
Sgt Malcolm Rigby - Girunduu
Ice Cream Seller - Kier Zhou
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2: The Fate of Daya: The Adventurers and The City
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Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
All seems well in Daya and the war is finally going the right way! Daya’s Army and it’s allies are marching to the destruction of the warlords who have plagued the land for almost a century. Hope is in the air, a new future just on the horizon… nothing could possibly go wrong.
Welcome to our vibrant world where gods have abandoned mortals and an intriguing adventure awaits you.
Un...
1: Actual Play: The Fate of Daya: What is an Actual Play?
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Hey all!
We, here at No Return, are returning to our roots!
As some of you may know, Erset La Tari; The Land of No Return, began life as a 'homebrew' Table Top Role Playing Game (TTRPG) setting.
Thanks to the immense talents of Dylan Smith (GM of Hearthfire Tales, as well as the voice of Sergeant Gavin Fern and Niillas Janicek on No Return) we are able to bring No Return to you in the form of a TTRPG Actual play.
Co- Gamemastered by D...
