The Huddle Wisdom Podcast with Dr Davin Tan
Parenting an anxious or emotionally intense child can feel like trial by fire. The usual advice doesn’t always work and when you’re overwhelmed, you don’t need more noise! Dr Davin Tan is a child and adolescent psychiatrist who is also a parent. In this podcast, he offers real-world insight into childhood anxiety, neurodivergence, and big feelings without the jargon, the pressure, or the shame. Each episode brings thoughtful ideas, grounded frameworks, and space to think differently about what your child needs when things feel hard. For parents who want to respond with more connection and less chaos even w...
Episode 148: What Can the Lindsay Clancy Case Teach Us?
The Lindsay Clancy case has generated strong opinions about psychiatric medication, postpartum psychosis, risk assessment and clinical responsibility.
It also gives us an opportunity to examine how we think about difficult cases.
We know the outcome. The clinicians making decisions at the time did not.
That distinction is easy to lose.
Once we know what happened, earlier events can appear more predictable than they actually were. Information that seemed insignificant can suddenly look important. Decisions that were reasonable at the time can look obviously wrong.
This is hindsight bias.<...
Episode 147: When Your Inner Child Parents Your Child
Have you ever lost your cool over something tiny?
I explain why those moments aren't always about your child. We dive deep into the concept of the 'inner child' and how our own unprocessed childhood experiences can hijack our nervous system, causing us to overreact. This isn't about blaming yourself...it's about gaining awareness, taking back control, and building a more connected, calm relationship with your child (and yourself).
In This Episode, We Discuss:
The "inner child": What it is, why it gets triggered in parenting, and how it can lead to disproportionate...
Episode 146: Don't Snap: How to Stay Calm When Exam Stress Runs High
Huddle Wisdom: Navigating Exam Season
Exams are looming, and the pressure cooker is on. Not just for our kids, but for parents too. In this episode of Huddle Wisdom, Dr. Davin Tan shares how to help your family navigate this stressful time with grace, calm, and connection. This isn't about micromanaging study sessions; it's about shifting from being a performance manager to being a calm captain.
Key Takeaways
The Myth of Pressure: The idea that pressure equals performance is a myth. When stress tips into anxiety, it hijac...
Episode 145: What I See That You Don’t
Parents often wonder why I notice things about their child that they don’t. In this episode, I explain why that happens (hint: it’s not because you’re failing), and I share a simple Jedi-inspired exercise that helps you start noticing the subtle signs of safety, stress, and connection in your child.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
Why kids act differently with me than with you.
How to reframe the “messy” behaviours you see at home.
A 5-minute noticing exercise that gives you surprising insights.
How tuning in wi...
Episode 144: Beyond “Just Be Consistent”: Real-Life Strategies for Parenting Anxious Kids
If you’ve ever been told to “just stay calm” or “be consistent” but no one actually showed you how to do that in the middle of your child’s meltdown, this episode is for you. Child psychiatrist Dr Davin Tan unpacks why simplistic advice leaves so many parents of anxious and neurodivergent kids feeling like they’re not enough.
We talk about how chasing perfection can burn you out, why perfection doesn’t actually exist, and how embracing the courage to be imperfect can transform the way you connect with your child. You’ll get real-life strategies you can...
Episode 143: Never say 'Calm Down' to your child. Do this instead.
In this episode, Dr. Davin Tan helps parents understand what to do when their child is having a meltdown. He explains why our typical response, "calm down," is not only ineffective but can also make things worse.
Dr. Tan makes the powerful connection between a body overheating in a heatwave and a child's nervous system going into full activation. In this state, the rational part of their brain is offline, so telling them to "calm down" is like telling someone to "cool down" when they can't.
The goal isn't to make their feelings disappear; it's...
Episode 142: When Anxiety Masquerades as Misbehaviour: Seeing Beyond Surface Behaviours
Struggling with a child who seems defiant, argumentative, or won't follow simple instructions? Before you assume it's misbehaviour, there might be something deeper going on. In this episode, we explore how childhood anxiety can disguise itself as challenging behaviour and share practical ways to recognise the difference.
....
MAKING SENSE OF ANXIOUS KIDS - Enrol Now in the self paced program that will well, help you make a lot of sense of anxious, moody and sensitive kids. Why feel overwhelmed, when you can help that?
Check it out.
www.huddlewisdom.com
Episode 141: Parenting Parenting Is Harder Than You Think, Easier Than You Know (Here's How)
Before we became parents we had all sorts of ideas about what it would be like, stemming from our past experiences, memories, books, hopes and dreams, other peoples ideas...but it's not quite the same thing becoming a parent. I'd personally never have it any other way but there are things we don't anticipate if our children are of a certain sensitive temperament and experience great anxiety; we might not be prepared for the reactivity, the unpredictability of emotional upheaval, the overwhelm, the feeling of 'nothing's working'.
Let me help you out a little bit...there are 3 i...
Episode 140: How to Parent When You’re Exhausted: Staying Present with Your Child on Empty
This episode is about the version of parenting no one talks about. The one where you’re running on almost nothing. Where your child still needs you, and you’re not sure what you have left to give. We’re not talking about burnout as a concept, or fatigue as a buzzword. We’re talking about the real-life moments when you're holding a meltdown with one hand and your own regulation with the other. When you want to be calm, present, available but you’re overstretched and running late and the toast is wrong again. This conversation won’t give you tri...
Episode 139: The Smoke is Not the Fire: Decoding Your Anxious Child's Behavior
Is your child's misbehaviour leaving you frustrated, confused, or exhausted? You're not alone. In this powerful episode of The Huddle Wisdom Podcast, host Dr Tan unpacks a crucial concept that will transform how you view your child's struggles: challenging behaviour is not the problem, it's the signal.
Learn why parents often fall into the trap of "fixing the smoke" (addressing outward child behaviour like yelling, tantrums, defiance, or meltdowns) instead of uncovering the true "fire" beneath. Often anxiety, overwhelm, perfectionism, or unmet emotional needs.
Learn actionable strategies to:
Pause before reacting to your child's...Episode 138: Your kids are maxed out, not acting out
Ever found yourself thinking, “Why is my child acting like this?”
In this first episode, we reframe what many of us call "misbehaviour" not as disobedience, but as a signal of stress, overwhelm, or mismatch between a child and their environment.
You’ll hear:
Why some children “explode” over nothing
How stress builds under the surface until it doesn’t
Why focusing on behavior misses the point
A
Episode 137: When Connection Feels Impossible: Parenting Through the Disconnection
When Connection Feels Impossible: Parenting Through the Disconnection Feeling disconnected from your child? This Huddle Wisdom podcast episode with Dr. Davin Tan explores why kids withdraw and offers practical parenting strategies for staying grounded and fostering connection, even when it feels impossible. Learn the power of presence and how to navigate those challenging moments of silence and emotional distance.
Key Discussion Points:
Understanding the frustration and pain of feeling disconnected from your child. Recognising that disconnection isn't always personal rejection but can be a sign of a child's internal struggles. The counterintuitive power of "being there" wi...Episode 136: Beyond the Fix: Understanding and Responding to Your Anxious Child
In this episode, Dr. Davin Tan explores a powerful shift in how we respond to anxiety in our children, not by rushing to fix, but by staying present.
When your child is overwhelmed, your calm presence, not your solutions can be the most healing thing you offer. Through quiet reflection, grounded insight, and relatable examples, Dr. Tan helps parents understand why emotional safety matters more than strategies, and how doing less can actually help our children feel more seen, safe, and supported.
Why “fixing” your child’s anxiety often backfires
The deeper message we sen...
Episode 135: How not to raise a 'psycho'! Developing empathy in children
In this episode, Dr. Davin Tan addresses a common but often unspoken fear among parents: "Am I raising a child who lacks empathy?"
He explores the complexities of childhood development, distinguishing between normal behaviors and potential red flags. Dr. Tan explores the neurological basis of empathy, the influence of parenting styles, and practical strategies for nurturing compassion in children.
He also discusses when to seek professional help and offers hope for families facing challenging behavioral patterns.
Key Takeaways:
Empathy develops gradually and unevenly throughout childhood.
Man...
Episode 134: Navigating the Neurodiversity Landscape: Raising Siblings with Different Minds
Raising children is a unique journey for every family, but when siblings have different neurotypes, the path can feel particularly complex. This insightful episode dives deep into the realities of nurturing neurodivergent children within the same household. Learn practical, actionable strategies to bridge communication gaps, understand and accommodate diverse sensory needs, and navigate the varied ways anxiety can manifest. Discover how to cultivate an environment of open communication, create a truly supportive home sanctuary, and recognize the vital importance of individual decompression time. For parents seeking to move beyond daily challenges and foster profound connection and growth w...
Episode 133: You'll Never Stop a Meltdown If you Don't Understand These Things
In this episode of The Huddle Wisdom Podcast, Dr. Davin Tan explores the neuroscience behind teenage meltdowns, their common triggers, and provides evidence-based strategies for parents and caregivers. Learn practical insights into the adolescent brain's development, effective mindfulness techniques, and empathic communication methods to navigate the challenges of raising teenagers.
Key Topics Covered: The Neuroscience of the Teenage Brain: Understanding the ongoing development of the prefrontal cortex and its impact on teenage behavior. Common Emotional Triggers: Identifying factors that lead to emotional dysregulation in adolescents, such as academic pressure, social dynamics, and sleep deprivation. Mindfulness as a Neurological To...Episode 132: Transform Parenting with Ancient Wisdom: Stoicism for Anxious Kids
Discover how Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, can empower parents raising anxious children. Dr. Davin Tan unpacks stoic principles and offers practical tools to build emotional resilience—for both kids and parents. From relatable metaphors to stress-busting strategies, this episode provides actionable insights to navigate the challenges of parenting with calm and wisdom. Plus, learn about Dr. Tan's audio course, Making Sense of Anxious Kids (www.huddlewisdom.com/makingsenseofanxiouskids for deeper learning. Tune in and transform your parenting journey!
Episode 131: Is Your Kid's "Best Friend" Destroying Their Life? Here's what you can do about it.
Childhood friendships aren't always sunshine and rainbows. We're uncovering the hidden manipulation and emotional turmoil kids face in their social circles. Learn about concepts to help your child build resilience and identify genuine connections, before their self-esteem takes a hit.
Sign up to FREE email series : Confusion to Connection (for folk wanting to really help their anxious children)
www.huddlewisdom.com/14days
Episode 130: The difference between Anxiety and ADHD
Is your child struggling with symptoms that might be ADHD, anxiety, or perhaps both? It can be difficult to tell the difference, as these two conditions often share similar characteristics.
This episode clarifies the complex relationship between ADHD and anxiety, providing practical tools to help you understand your child's experience.
Discover how to distinguish between ADHD and anxiety, understand the phenomenon of masking, and learn actionable steps you can implement today.
For further support, sign up for our FREE email series, "From Confusion to Confidence," and discover how you can best help anxious ch...
Episode 129: Your Child's Separation Anxiety And Are You Making It Worse?
Understanding Separation Anxiety:
Separation anxiety is normal, but that doesn't make it enjoyable.
The goal is to understand why a child perceives temporary absence as abandonment and how to reassure them. The child's brain acts like an overenthusiastic security guard, setting off alarms when a parent leaves. The child's brain is trying to protect them, but it can be "extra" about it.Signs of Anxiety:
Beyond a child treating a parent's departure as a major event, look for these indicators: Physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches, particularly on school days. Behavioral changes, like...Episode 128: Anxiety: Normal age and stage issue or is this an actual issue?
In this episode Dr Davin Tan shares his insights about what to look out for so that you can distinguish between what's probably normal age and stage anxiety stuff and what might be more serious.
With his usual brand of self-effacing humour, we hope you'll enjoy this somewhat lighthearted episode about an important topic.
If in doubt, please consult a professional.
Making Sense of Anxious Kids Online Course
www.huddlewisdom.com/makingsenseofanxiouskids
Episode 127: How to Grow Resilient Children with Empathic Guidance
This podcast episode focuses on building resilience in children through empathic listening and emotional validation. The host, Dr. Davin Tan, explains that these techniques foster strong parent-child connections by creating a safe space for children to express their feelings. Empathic listening involves understanding children's emotions, while emotional validation means acknowledging their feelings without judgment. The podcast offers practical tips for applying these methods and promotes related courses for further learning. Ultimately, the goal is to help children develop emotional strength and navigate challenges effectively.
The 'Making Sense of Anxious Kids' course:
www.huddlewisdom.com/makingsenseofanxiouskids
Episode 126: The link between anxiety and stomachaches
Discover the connection between the brain and gut, and how anxiety triggers the release of stress hormones which can disrupt your child's digestion.
Learn why mood imbalances can lead to stomach problems, because of the key neurotransmitter, serotonin, found primarily in the gut.
Recognise that timing is key; see if there's a pattern between stomach aches and stressful situations.
Look out for other symptoms of anxiety, such as sleep changes, appetite changes, and irritability.
Know the difference between anxiety-induced stomach aches and when it's important to seek medical help, particularly if t...
Episode 125: Beyond Bouncing Back: Finding Strength in the Struggle
2024 was a tough year, wasn't it?
In this episode, I share my own experiences of navigating personal challenges while trying to be the best parent I can be.
We'll explore the true meaning of resilience, how to practice intentional parenting even when you're struggling, and practical steps to help you and your kids thrive.
Plus, I'll tell you about my free "14 Days of Reflection" program for anxious kids and my comprehensive course, "Making Sense of Anxious Kids". Let's face the challenges of parenting together - you are not alone!
CHECK OUT...
Episode 124: Understanding Before Change; how to 'look' at Anxiety
Understanding Before Change: Huddle Wisdom Podcast Episode 124
Do you ever feel frustrated by your child's anxiety?
In this episode, we explore how your own behavior might be impacting your child.
We often react quickly to our kids' anxiety. We want to fix it immediately. But sometimes, our reactions can make things worse.Take a moment.
Think about how you respond to your anxious child.
Do you get anxious yourself? Do you try to solve their problems? Do you avoid situations that make them anxious?Your reactions can unintentionally reinforce...
Episode 123: Building Resilience - From Anxiety to Confidence
Building Resilience - From Anxiety to Confidence - This episode explores practical strategies for helping children build resilience and confidence in managing their anxiety
Dr. Tan introduces the "Courage Ladder" approach, which involves creating manageable steps to gradually expose children to their fears
The episode also emphasizes the importance of understanding the physical symptoms of anxiety and how to manage them
Dr. Tan introduces the "Body Detective" technique for recognizing and managing physical anxiety signals
Practical tools are also discussed, including the "Dragon Breath" technique, the "Worry Box," and the "Superhero Pos...
Episode 122: The Power of Validation
The Power of Validation - Communication That Transforms - This episode focuses on the critical role of validation in communicating with anxious children
Dr. Tan explains how dismissing a child's fears can worsen their anxiety and emphasizes the importance of acknowledging their feelings
Validation acts as a "bridge" to help anxious children move towards coping strategies
The episode provides examples of how to validate a child's feelings by using phrases such as "It sounds like you're really worried" instead of dismissing their fears
It also introduces the "Feel and Deal" approach, whi...
Episode 121: Understanding Your Anxious Child's Mind
Understanding Your Anxious Child's Mind - This episode introduces the concept of anxiety as an oversensitive "smoke alarm" in children, creating a "threat telescope" effect where minor issues seem overwhelming
Dr. Tan emphasizes that anxious children aren't being difficult; they are responding to a world that feels genuinely threatening
He also discusses how anxiety can manifest in various ways, including physical complaints, avoidance, and irritability
The episode highlights the importance of understanding what is happening in a child's mind to better support them
It encourages parents to shift their perspective from "What...
Episode 120: Making Sense of Anxious Kids
Making Sense of Anxious Kids
Join Dr. Davin Tan as he delves into why some kids exhibit challenging behaviours and how we can better support them. He discusses:
Misconceptions about "misbehavior" and the importance of understanding root causes.
The "problem of fit" and how demands on children can exceed their coping abilities.
Becoming a behaviour detective using the "ABC" method.
The role of temperament in children's behaviour.
Creating a supportive environment with empathy and understanding.
Long-term strategies to help kids manage their emotions.
F...
Episode 119: Recap of the Meltdown Solution Series
A recap of the Meltdown Solution Series.
EBOOK available for download:
https://www.huddlewisdom.com/the-meltdown-solution-ebook
Episode 118: Solving problems STEP by step
The STEPs procedure is an excellent, effective and easy method of creating solutions to problems that lead to meltdowns. It does take some practice but it saves you time and energy and helps your children to build up resilience as you go through this process.
The Meltdown Solution EBOOK
https://www.huddlewisdom.com/the-meltdown-solution-ebook
Episode 117: Creating a Heatmap of Friction Points
In this episode, we dive into Chapter 4 of the ebook, exploring how to create a Heatmap of Friction Points. This visual tool helps identify when and where meltdowns are likely to occur, enabling you to address potential triggers and create smoother transitions throughout the day.
Key Points:
Creating Your Own Heatmap:
Draw a timeline: Outline your typical day.
Mark meltdown times: Use red dots for frequent meltdowns.
Stressful periods: Mark these with orange dots.
Calm periods: Use green dots to indicate easy times.
Identifying Patterns:<...
Episode 116: Immediate Meltdown Management with the SAVE Protocol
In this episode, we delve into Chapter 3 of the The MELTDOWN SOLUTION ebook. The SAVE Protocol. This essential strategy is your go-to for managing meltdowns as they happen. By the end, you'll have a powerful tool to help your child navigate intense emotional moments.
Episode Highlights:
Recap of Previous Episode:
Differentiating between tantrums and meltdowns.
Identifying common triggers and early warning signs.
Introduction to the SAVE Protocol:
S: Safety First - Prioritise removing hazards and creating a calm space.
A: Assess and Approach - Evaluate t...
Episode 115: Understanding Meltdowns and Recognising the Signs
In this episode of The Meltdown Solution podcast, we explore the first two chapters of the ebook, focusing on what meltdowns really are and how to spot them before they escalate. We differentiate meltdowns from tantrums and dive into the neurological processes behind these intense emotional responses. Learn about common triggers, such as sensory overload and changes in routine, and discover early warning signs to help prevent full meltdowns. Plus, gain practical tips for managing and understanding your child's unique behavior patterns.
Click on the link to get your copy of "The Meltdown Solution" ebook for deeper...
Episoe 114: Meltdowns Be Gone? Introduction to the Meltdown Solution
This podcast series accompanies the book.
Mental models for parents, teachers, professionals dealing with their children's meltdowns.
For Episode 1 we start with controlling the one thing we can control in the heat of the moment...tune in to find out what this is.
Episode Highlights:
Personal Journey: I share my own experiences as a parent, including a haunting day at the school car park, and why these moments led me to create effective systems for managing meltdowns.
From the Expert: Despite being a child psychiatrist, I admit that parenting e...
EP 113: Is Your Anxiety Rubbing Off on Your Kids? Find Out Here!
Are you a parent struggling with anxiety? Do you worry about how your anxiety might be affecting your children? In this episode of 'The Huddle Wisdom Podcast' with Dr Davin Tan explores practical strategies for managing parental anxiety. Discover how to identify your triggers, practice mindfulness, communicate effectively, and set healthy boundaries. Learn how taking care of your mental health can create a more positive and nurturing environment for your entire family.
www.huddlewisdom.com/signup
www.huddlewisdom.com/courses
EP 112: Matching Your Approach to Mental Age | Huddle Wisdom Podcast Episode
In the final episode of the Huddle Wisdom Podcast series, Empathic Guidance for Anxious CHildren, Dr. Davin Tan explores the importance of tailoring your approach to your child's mental age rather than their chronological age. Using the factory analogy, Dr. Tan explains how children develop at different rates across various domains and provides practical strategies for supporting them at their actual developmental stage.
Highlights:
Recap of the factory analogy for understanding child anxiety
Differences between mental and chronological age
Story of Emma, a 12-year-old with varied developmental stages
Practical strategies for preschool, primary school, and teenage developmental stages
...EP 111: Encouragement for Anxious Kids | Huddle Wisdom Podcast
Join Dr. Davin Tan in this episode of the Huddle Wisdom Podcast to explore the power of encouragement in helping anxious children thrive. Recapping the factory analogy from previous episodes, Dr. Tan highlights the importance of recognizing and reinforcing a child's efforts to build self-confidence and resilience. Learn practical strategies to implement encouragement and help children navigate challenges.
Highlights:
Recap of the factory analogy for understanding child anxiety
Importance of empathy and positive reinforcement
Story of Alex, a young boy overcoming his fear of speaking up
Strategies for recognizing and reinforcing efforts
Emphasizing intrinsic motivation over external rewa...
EP 110: Building Strong, Empathetic Connections | Huddle Wisdom Podcast
Part 2 of the Empathic Guidance for Anxious Children series; based off the course. Here, we explore how to build strong, empathetic connections with children to help manage anxiety. Using the analogy of a factory, Dr. Tan explains the importance of improving communication between the emotional and rational parts of a child’s mind. Discover the S.A.V.E. protocol and practical strategies for consistent connection.
Highlights:
Recap of the factory analogy for understanding child anxiety
Importance of secure attachment relationships
Story of Sarah, a young patient overcoming panic attacks
Introduction to the S.A.V.E. protocol: See, Acknowledge, Validate...
EP 109: Understanding Anxiety in Children | Huddle Wisdom Podcast
In this episode, which is part 1 of a series based on the course 'Empathic GUidance for Anxious Kids'.
We dive into the complexities of anxiety in children. Discover how anxiety manifests, with examples and statistics from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Dr. Tan shares personal anecdotes and practical strategies, like the "balloon breath" and "worry box" techniques, to help manage anxiety. Tune in for insights on recognizing signs and providing effective support.
Highlights:
Definition and forms of child anxiety
Signs and symptoms to watch for
Real-life example of a young patient, Tommy
Importance of understanding root ca...
