Encountering You

Ever notice how some hurt fades on its own, while other hurt seems to just harden? In this episode, we look at the difference between hurt and resentment and why resentment is so often just hurt that never got named or spoken out loud. We'll cover how to tell the two apart, how resentment quietly builds over time, and a practical, step-by-step way to actually work through resentment instead of either exploding or burying it.

In This Episode:

"Narcissist" might be one of the most overused words online right now, thrown at exes, bosses, and parents alike. But narcissism isn't a light switch; it's a spectrum, from healthy self-regard all the way to a clinical diagnosis. In this episode, we unpack what narcissism actually means, why the loud, grandiose stereotype isn't the whole picture, and how to protect yourself in a relationship with someone high in narcissistic traits without turning pop psychology into a diagnosis you hand out to everyone who's hurt you.

In This Episode:

We often use "stressed" and "traumatized" like they're interchangeable but your nervous system treats them very differently. In this episode, we break down what's actually happening in your body during everyday stress versus a trauma response, why the same situation can trigger wildly different reactions in different people, and how to tell which one you're dealing with so you can actually reach for the right tool to help yourself.

In This Episode:

Ashley is back and this time we're talking about play, spontaneity, and joy through the HOCI lens of moderation. I grew up not knowing how to play. She grew up playing naturally but maybe using it for regulation. In this honest, funny, and personal conversation, we talk about what we've each had to learn from the other, why play and joy are core to healthy functioning, and what it looks like to find the middle, especially if you tend to live at one end of the spectrum.

What we will talk about:

Adult friendship doesn't happen by accident, it happens on purpose. In this conversation with Ashley, co-owner of our counseling practice and my best friend, we talk about why making friends as an adult is genuinely harder, why so many good friendships quietly fade under busyness, and what it actually takes to move a friendship from surface-level to real. We will also discuss concrete takeaways—things you can actually do this week.

We will talk about:

Self-care isn't a spa day or a to-do list. In the HOCI model, it's one of the six core areas of healthy human functioning -- the ability to identify and tend to your own needs across four domains: physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual. In this episode we look at why self-care breaks down, what the value wound has to do with it, and why the cultural version of self-care leaves a lot of people -- especially men -- out entirely. If you've ever felt like tending to yourself was somehow selfish, this one's for you.

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A wounded sense of worth doesn't stay in childhood. It follows you into your work, your relationships, and the story you tell about who you are. In Part 2, we trace the value wound into adulthood -- the achievement treadmill that never stops, the relationships where love never quite feels safe, the inner critic that renders verdicts instead of feedback. Then we look at how a value wound shapes identity, why identity crises are often doorways rather than disasters, and what genuine healing actually looks like.

IN THIS EPISODE

Worth is not something you earn. But most of us grew up in environments that treated it like you could and should. In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, we look at the core issue of value: what inherent worth actually means, what children need to internalize it, and what happens when those needs aren't met. We also unpack the two directions a value wound tends to go one-up and one-down and the role shame plays in keeping the wound alive.

In Part 1 we named the patterns of codependence. In Part 2 we go deeper – tracing codependence back to its developmental roots, looking honestly at what it costs us, and walking through what healing actually looks like using all six principles of the HOCI model. Not a new self. A more honest one.

In this episode we will look at:

Most people hear the word codependence and think: not me. But codependence isn't reserved for people in crisis or recovery – it's a spectrum, and most of us are somewhere on it. In Part 1, we look at what codependence actually is through the HOCI framework, and introduce five patterns that most people will recognize in themselves.

In this episode we will discuss:

I've been doing the work. I've read the books, sat in the sessions, had the hard conversations. And then something happens -- and I find myself right back in a pattern I thought I was done with. What is wrong with me? Am I ever going to get there?

If you've asked that question, this episode is for you.

"Am I fully healed?" is one of the most common questions that surfaces in therapy -- usually from the people who are working the hardest. Today we sit inside that question rather than rush past it...

Have you ever agreed to something and driven home feeling like you left a piece of yourself in that conversation? Or held so firm to your position that the relationship paid the price? Compromise gets a lot of good press -- but most of us have never learned the difference between healthy flexibility and quiet self-erasure. In this episode, we use the Healing Our Core Issues (HOCI) framework to look at what compromise actually requires, why it can feel so loaded, and how it shows up differently in the relationships that matter most. We talk about romantic partnerships, friendships, adult...

Many of us reach a point where we notice it; the way we react, the way we shut down, the way we respond in relationships and think, I don’t want to keep doing this. In this episode, we explore what actually gets passed down in families and relationships, and why those patterns can feel so hard to change. Through the lens of attachment and the nervous system, we look at how our reactions are often learned, automatic, and rooted in what once helped us feel safe. More importantly, we talk about how to begin interrupting those patterns in real, pra...

Many of us grow up believing that hard work will eventually lead to success, stability, and fulfillment. But career and financial stories don’t always unfold the way we imagined. In this episode, we talk about the disappointment that can surface when work feels empty, progress stalls, financial stress lingers, or success fails to satisfy the way we thought it would. We also explore how cultural messages around productivity can quietly tie our worth to our work and how to hold ambition without letting it define who we are. In this episode we explore: 1. Why career disappointment can feel like an...

Parenting carries some of our deepest hopes for connection, meaning, and legacy. But the story of parenting doesn’t always unfold the way we imagined. For some, the disappointment comes from longing for children that never arrive, through infertility, miscarriage, or not finding a partner to build a family with. For others, the grief happens within parenting itself when children struggle, relationships change, or the experience is harder than expected. In this episode, we explore why these disappointments can feel so profound and how attachment, identity, and cultural expectations all shape the parenting story. In this episode we explore: 1.  The gri...

Many of us grow up assuming marriage is simply the next step in life. But what happens when that story doesn’t unfold the way we expected?

In this episode, we explore the quiet disappointment many people carry regarding relationship status: whether that’s longing to be married, navigating singleness, divorce, dating later in life than expected, or feeling lonely within a marriage.

We also talk about how cultural and church messages around marriage can intensify this grief. When something is framed as inevitable, not experiencing it can feel like falling behind or missing something esse...

In this special Q&A episode, Laura is tackling a few questions that have been coming up a lot lately around mental health and relationships. She shares some interesting trends showing up in 2026—from people switching to “brick phones” to set better digital boundaries, to the danger of self-diagnosis and conversations around family boundaries. Then she covers some practical questions: How do you know if you might need counseling? How can you suggest therapy to someone you care about without it coming across the wrong way? And what do you do if you’re someone who’s afraid of making mistakes...

In this episode, Laura explores the difference between judgement and curiosity—and why learning to regulate our judgement is essential for becoming grounded, healthy adults. She explains how judgement is biologically protective, when it’s necessary for safety, and when it crosses into harmful territory. Laura then offers a roadmap for shifting from judgement to curiosity while holding ethical boundaries for ourselves and others.

If you’ve ever found yourself judging too quickly—or judging yourself even more harshly—this episode invites you into compassion, clarity, and deeper relational awareness for yourself and others.

In this episode of Encountering You, Laura Williams explains why nervous system regulation isn’t about being calm, positive, or emotionally controlled. Regulation is about your ability to stay present with stress, emotion, and discomfort without shutting down or becoming reactive.

You’ll learn how fight, flight, freeze, and fawn show up in everyday life, why dysregulation isn’t a failure, and how regulation grows through compassion, repetition, and safe connection.

Thanks for listening, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and for more shows like this, check out AccessMore!

In this episode, Laura explores why purpose is so essential to our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being—and why so many of us feel disconnected from it. Instead of treating purpose like a goal to achieve, Laura reframes it as something that naturally emerges as we heal, become more grounded, and reconnect with who we truly are.

Drawing from personal story, the Healing Our Core Issues (HOCI) model, and current research, she explains how purpose is shaped by our core developmental needs (attachment, self-esteem, boundaries, reality, dependency, and moderation) and how unmet needs can make purpose feel co...

Encountering You will be taking a short break over Christmas and New Years. In this short message, Laura shares what she hopes for you this season, and a preview of what to expect from Encountering You in 2026!

The holidays can stir up more than joy—they can activate old wounds, grief, and loneliness we don’t always talk about. In this episode, Laura gently explores why this season can feel heavy, how family systems and sensory memories pull us back into old roles, and why grief shows up in so many forms. With grounding tools and compassionate guidance, she invites you to move through the holidays with more honesty, choice, and kindness toward yourself. This episode is a soft place to land if the season feels tender.

In this episode of Encountering You, Laura Williams explores how a well-known relationship tool — Love Languages— can unintentionally create disconnection when used as a rule instead of a reflection of real love.

Through the lens of Healing Our Core Issues, Laura unpacks how our love languages often reveal unmet childhood needs and how genuine connection grows through attunement, not performance.

You’ll learn:

Politics and faith weren’t meant to be weapons, but windows into the heart. When conversations turn political, it’s easy to choose sides and lose sight of each other. In this week’s episode, Laura will talk about what happens when belonging gets tangled with belief—and how to hold conviction without losing compassion. Maybe the real question isn’t whose side are you on, but how can we stay connected in the middle? What if Jesus didn’t come to take sides—but to take us home to love?  

In this episode, Laura continues her conversation on forgiveness — exploring what it looks like when healing unfolds slowly, safely, and in relationship. Using the story of Peter’s denial of Jesus, she shows that forgiveness isn’t about rushing past pain but creating space for honesty, safety, and repair.

You’ll hear why forgiveness before safety feels like self-betrayal, how healthy shame can open the door to empathy, and why boundaries are a vital part of restoration.

Highlights:

Sometimes forgiveness comes too soon — not because we’re unfaithful, but because we’re afraid. Many of you have been told that good Christians forgive quickly, but what if forgiveness that comes too soon isn’t holy…it’s harm?

Your body knows when it’s not ready. Betrayal doesn’t just break trust — it breaks regulation. In this episode, Laura will explore what betrayal does to the nervous system and why true forgiveness starts with safety, honesty, and time — not speed.

Did you know that establishing a secure attachment system is not just our responsibility to ourselves? It is actually how we become more like Jesus and it is also our responsibility to the world. In todays episode, we will talk about parenting and discipleship, reparenting our younger selves, moving from fear to love and building lasting rhythms so that we can maintain a secure foundation. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Did you know that you can heal your insecure attachment system? This is good news! In today's episode, Laura will look at stories in scripture where we can see bonds healing, talk about practices that you can implement today to grow your own secure attachment foundation, and how access to a healthy community helps this foundation flourish. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Do you know your attachment style? Do you know how it's formed? Did you know that you could heal from it? In the second episode of a 4 part series on attachment, Laura is going to discuss the 4 different attachment styles, how they are formed, and how to get clues into what attachment style might be driving your relationships....including your relationship with God. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Did you know that your attachment style affects multiple areas of your life? Laura is going to embark on a 4 episode series about attachment and the different facets of how our attachment style affects multiple areas of our life. In today's episode, she is going to discuss how your attachment style in general, can and will impact how you see God and how healing from wounded attachment can actually help your relationship with God grow in ways you never imagined. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Do you ever feel as though your partner is just not meeting your needs? This could be because you are looking for a need that he or she cannot fill. Today, Laura dives into the frustration of when partners just feel like their needs aren't being met in their relationship. And the answers might not be what you think. When our needs aren't met by our parents as children, many times we look to our partners for those needs. Laura will talk about what this might look like in your relationship and give you some helpful tools to navigate the t...

Do you ever feel like change is mundane? It can be but in today's episode Laura is going to talk about why change in the mundane is just as important or even more important than the big "aha" moments. She will discuss our culture's obsession with the big moments, the places where change actually happens, why we overlook these boring moments and how to accept the slow pace of healing. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Do you ever feel like you are too much? Too emotional? Too needy? If you do, then this episode is for you. Today, Laura is going to talk about where the belief that you are a burden comes from, how to identify it, how to talk to that inner child about it, and then learn to reclaim the space you deserve. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

In the world of Instagram and TikTok, many of us are hearing and using terms that we don't truly understand. Gaslighting is one of those terms. In today's episode, Laura is going to walk you through what the term gaslighting actually means, how to recognize the signs big and small, understand the emotional and spiritual impacts of gaslighting, and what healing can look like. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

The word triggered has become common language in our culture today. But, do you really know what it means? Today, Laura will unpack what a trigger actually is, what a trigger is not, how to identify when you are triggered and how to work through one if you are having it. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Does mental health ever become a crutch more than healing? In today's episode, Laura will discuss how the answer is yes, and it happens to all of us. She will be talking about the role of discomfort in the healing process, when mental health becomes a shield from feeling that discomfort, how to identify when avoidance interrupts growth and some tools to help navigate when you get stuck. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Have you ever wondered if it's ok to have boundaries in marriage? Today, Laura will be talking about how it's not only ok but it's actually good for your marriage. She will talk about what boundaries in marriage are, how to establish them, what to do if there are obstacles, and how it will actually benefit you and your marriage. You can subscribe today on AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Do you ever find it easier just to keep doing what you're doing, rather than what's healthy? In today's episode, Laura is going to have a frank conversation about why you might feel this way. She will be unpacking identifying how these situations are indicative of unhealed woundings, how to connect with this inner "teen" and ways to use the technique of reparenting to help you heal. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Do you ever wonder how trauma might manifest in your adult life in ways you don't expect? Today, Laura will be talking about what to look out for. Whether it's perfectionism, inner criticism, difficulty with emotional regulation, struggle in relationships, she is going to help you identify them and give you some practical tools to navigate healing. You can subscribe today at AccessMore or wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss an episode.