Golf Is Ruining My Life

TP has become That Guy. He's ditched tees entirely, chucks the ball straight down on the deck and hits three wood off it, and reckons it's the coolest thing in golf (very John Daly coded, apparently). We get into why compressing a three wood feels so much better than releasing a driver, and whether he's onto something or just going through the cycle every golfer goes through.

We also put the Shot Scope LM1 through its first proper session (still not sponsored, still raving about it 🤷), and it sparks a proper generational divide: does anyone remember pacing out...

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TP has been booked in for a 6:46am tee time at and it's sparked a proper debate: when is an early tee time actually TOO early?

We've also got the new Ping iDi driving irons on their way to us, and TG explains exactly why he needs one. He shot an 83 while topping it off the tee six times, so if he can just find a club he trusts off the tee, he reckons there's a 77 in there.

Plus: TP has seen Tom Cruise land a helicopter at Richmond Golf...

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Jon Rahm is heading back to the PGA Tour, and we get into what it actually means: the reported fine, the Ryder Cup implications, whether Tyrrell Hatton follows him, and what's left of LIV if the purses can't stay where they were. Plus the question still hanging over all of it, what on earth does Bryson do now? 👀

Elsewhere, Tom Green is finally back online (proper internet, no more Aggie poses 🙏) and TP took three golf clubs to the south of France, played zero golf in 38 degree heat, and brought them all home agai...

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Big monologue energy from TG this week as he asks whether the handicap system, brilliant as it is for competitive golf, is actually getting in the way of us enjoying the sport we love. He shot 86 and then 89 over the weekend and didn't care one bit, and reckons that's the whole point. Discuss. 🤔

We also rave (completely unpaid, promise) about the Shot Scope LM1 launch monitor and why it might be the best £199 you'll spend on your golf, get to grips with smash factor, and TP relives a genuinely traumatic 10 hour ordeal at the...

WE'RE BACK with a new episode of the Talk Birdie To Me Series and this week we're joined by comedian, broadcaster and full-blown golf obsessive, Susan Calman. 30 minutes of chat about picking golf back up at 50 after a 37 year break, going from a 34 handicap to 17 in under a year, and why golf is the only thing in her life she can actually measure. ⛳

We also find out why she'll only ever play a yellow ball, the incredibly emotional reason she wears her dad's hat on the course, and the ongoing (very awkward) confession about exactly how much al...

We're back from a couple of weeks off (and broadcasting from a brand new house with no internet, filmed on a phone, so apologies in advance 😅). TG got to play the pro-am at Centurion and came back with the stories to prove it.

He was paired with Shannon Tan, who'd finished sixth at the Open four days earlier.

We also get into the format that made the whole day , you'll want to steal this for your next golf trip.

Plus, the story of Gary Player watching every single tee shot on 18, complimenting everyone, and...

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An emotional one this week as it's the FINAL episode from the beloved shed studio (TG is quite literally dismantling it live as we record 😢). We get into whether golf is actually good OR bad for your health, the glorious/terrible world of halfway house food (doner kebabs at the turn, anyone?) and TP's cholesterol-vs-sausage-roll dilemma.

We also work out the best things to buy at the Open shop, share the sneaky (and definitely-not-legal) hack for getting your golf clubs on a plane, and read a Toast or Roast so lovely it nea...

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A sponsor-free, brought-to-you-by-YOU email corner this week, and it's a good one. We debate whether there's ever a circumstance where it's genuinely okay to be a bandit (Liam from Germany might just have found it), and marvel at the world's longest seven wood, a 250 yard freak shot across a cobblestone bridge that started a full-blown junior vs grumpy members war. 😤

We also get into the tragedy of the hole-in-one nobody can ever know about (anonymous snuck off work, and it might just be the darkest golf fear of all), our favourite non-instruction golf b...

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Big topics this week.

We're on a mission to convince you that a 300 yard drive is worthless because a good SCORE is the only thing that actually sticks with you.

We also finally get to the bottom of artisan golf , make the case for a proper UK & Ireland links swing after Birkdale, and TG tells the story of the mate who asked for advice and then flatly refused to take it.

Also with our friends at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠England Golf⁠⁠⁠, Ben serves up a genuinely tragic Toast or Roast.

All this and more com...

WE'RE BACK with a new episode of Talk Birdie To Me

This week we're joined by broadcaster and proud Scotsman, Gordon Smart. 30 minutes of chat about learning to grip a club with his grandad, the perfect golf handicap (spoiler: he agrees with us) and quite possibly the most horrendous first tee experience ever told on this show, hungover at Sunningdale, following Geoff Hurst, Jimmy Tarbuck and Lee Sharpe. 😳

We also hear how golf got him through losing his voice and his job in lockdown, playing the Old Course in reverse (something Tiger's never done), his run...

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TG is in a full non-golfing slump (moving house means the beloved shed studio is being retired 😢) but that won't stop us solving one of golf's great debates once and for all: what is the PERFECT golf handicap?

We also get into why being fitted by someone who ISN'T incentivised to upsell you is a total game-changer, and how long it takes for the hope to reignite after a truly disastrous round

It's also the FINAL email corner before we pick our winner for Egyp...

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Buckle up, because this week TG tells a story so scandalous it could get us sued. For legal reasons, none of it happened to anyone we know it happened to a man called Tommy Greenfield, from Ireland, who mows fields until 1pm. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

We also get into the shyness of the new golfer, the various times we've had to walk off a course early (Celtic Manor, RIP), and TP relives his club championship meltdown.

We’ve also got another Toast or Roast...

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BOOK YOUR NEXT GOLFBREAKS TRIP MY CLICKING HERE ⁠⁠

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TP has turned up sporting a full facial midlife crisis. His hairdresser left the moustache on, his wife hasn't replied to the text and we can't stop talking about it. Genuinely one for the Spotify/YouTube crowd this week. 🥸

We also get deep into arm Johnnies (UV protection, very sexy), the correct sock length for golf shorts (a masterclass, honestly) and the ongoing dream of a GIRML golf day with Stella on draft.

In the email corner with our friends at Go...

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Ryan Fox has only gone and won the 154th Open at 200-1 odds. Nobody saw it coming, and honestly, we love it he looks like one of us, he plays like one of us and he's now drinking wine out of the Claret Jug. Absolutely brilliant. 🏆

We also talk Tommy Fleetwood's three bogeys in a row that cost him his home Open (genuinely heartbreaking), Bryson exiting without speaking to the press, and how the online mood has swung on the whole Rory situation.

Plus we rank all four major winners of 202...

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We're back after a very heavy comedown from Thursday's high at Birkdale (and after accidentally announcing a sponsorship deal with Netjets that... definitely wasn't a sponsorship deal 🛩️). Turns out you can't just say something on a podcast and make it true.

Today it's ALL about Bryson. Did he stamp it down? Did he mean it? Is Rory right? Faldo's gone in on him for having no strategy, despite Bryson beating his best ever round at Birkdale. We pick a side, make our predictions for the fi...

WE'RE BACK with a new episode of the Talk Birdie To Me Series and this week we're joined by comedian, Taskmaster creator and Bad Golf legend, Alex Horne. 30 minutes of chat about why he has ZERO interest in getting better at golf, his theory that winning is actually embarrassing, and the day he played a pro-am with Adam Scott, Michael McIntyre and Clare Balding. 😅

We also find out about his gloriously chaotic golf bag, why he's made peace with a handicap that never moves and his DREAM four ball. 👀

MASSIVE thanks to our friends at GOLF N...

We simply cannot believe it… today’s episode is coming to you LIVE (ish) from a Thursday at a MAJOR. We will be brining you all the action from day one of the 154th Open at Royal Birkdale. AND by all the action we mean following Max Homa relentlessly… it got a bit weird!

We have to say a massive thank you to GolfNow for inviting us down and hosting us for the day. MUCH more to come between us and them in 2027. ALSO a massive thank you to our news best mates at NetJet...

Welcome back to PART TWO of our very special episode with the guys over at Glen Moray Single Malt Whisky, where we're getting an even deeper insight into what it's ACTUALLY like to be a greenkeeper at one of the world's best golf courses.

We're back with Andrew Jowett (AJ) Director of Golf and Grant Frogley the Golf Courses Manager at Gleneagles, answering more of YOUR questions ahead of the 2026 ISPS Handa Senior Open Championship.

If you thought Part One was eye-opening, this one goes even further behind the scenes into the work that goes...

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TP has come to a difficult realisation: he's been vanity handicapping. After clinging on to a five for far too long, his handicap has crept back up to nine and he's never been happier about it. We get into why the handicap has so much power over us and why letting go might actually be the answer.

We've also somehow been LONGLISTED for a British Podcast Award (up against Peter Crouch, who has never done admin in the middle of an episode) 🏆, we've got a genuinely brilliant Toast or Roast with our friend...

Today is a VERY special episode of Golf Is Ruining My Life as we are teaming up with the guys over at Glen Moray Single Malt Whisky to give you an insight into what it is ACTUALLY like to be a greenskeeper at one of the worlds best golf courses.

In celebration of the 2026 ISPS Handa Senior Open Championship we are putting your questions to Andrew Jowett (AJ) Director of Golf and Grant Frogley the Golf Courses Manager at Gleneagles.

We have always wanted to highlight the amazing work the teams behind the scenes do...

⁠⁠⁠⁠BOOK YOUR NEXT GOLFBREAKS TRIP MY CLICKING HERE ⁠⁠

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The tour's done, life has lost all meaning, so naturally we're back to talk absolute nonsense with you.

This week. TP has beef with a marshal (on the 17th, obviously, because when else), we get deep into the great two-ball-letting-a-two-ball-through debate, and there's a lads-trip incident involving our mate Luke, a runaway push trolley, a large body of water!

Thanks to our friends at GolfBreaks for hooking us up with an amazing prize, remember the best email...

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TP hits the big 3-5 this week and we're reflecting on why golf is one of the few things that actually gets BETTER as you get older. But first, we have to talk about the wedge incident. Yes, TP snapped his brand new ping 60 degree in a bunker during his annual match with his mate George and had to do the walk of shame folding it away. Grim. 😳

We also FINALLY reveal the big secret we've been keeping all tour (spoiler: four of you are coming to Egypt with us 🐪), relive the shot of T...

WE'RE BACK with a new episode of the Talk Birdie To Me Series and this week we're joined by Sky Sports legend and former European Tour pro, Andrew Coltart. 30 minutes of chat about life on tour in the 90s, what it was really like playing alongside Tiger Woods and the prank that involved a firehose and an unsuspecting hotel room. 🚒

We also get his tips for staying in love with golf, his predictions for the Open at Birkdale and his DREAM four ball. 👀

MASSIVE thanks to our friends at GOLF NOW for helpin...

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The tour is nearly over, we are absolutely exhausted and Tom Green walked into a door after having the time of his life at Blitz Golf. Classic. We're also planning the GIRML Golf Day for 2027 and getting very excited about it.

In the email corner with our friends at Golf Breaks, we hear from a 15 year old who shot 3 under in a comp, had his card questioned by a bond villain and then got banned from the medal. We are furious on...

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We've just walked off the course at Blitz Golf and we are still recovering. Playing in front of actual crowds turns out to be a genuinely terrifying experience, even for two goobers like us.

We talk you through the round hole by hole, including a flop shot Tom Green is calling "the shot of his life", a few too many trees taking the brunt of our bad swings, and why six-hole formats might just be the future of golf events.

Massive thanks to our caddies Rob and Seb for putting up...

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It's officially the hottest day of the year and we are STRUGGLING.

Em's got a barbecue going five yards from Tom Green's head and he simply cannot focus on anything else.

We've also got Tom Price's dog Phoebe joining the pod for the first time and a full driver crisis after an emergency 8am golf lesson before the radio.

Thanks to our friends at GolfBreaks for hooking us up with an amazing prize, remember the best email of the summer will be joining us for 4 nig...

Hey Par Pals!

Welcome to the slightly delayed Monday episode. Sorry but we were TIRED AFTER OUR TOUR SHOW (have we mentioned we were on tour? Tickets still available for Liverpool and a FEW for London...).

On the show today:

TOM HAS A PLAN TO WIN BLITZ

TOM HAS FOUND A CADDY

AND

WYNDHAM WON WITH TOM'S PUTTER!

All this and more on the way!

Toms

<...

WE'RE BACK with a new episode of the Talk Birdie To Me Series and this week we're joined by talkSPORT broadcaster Andy Goldstein. 30 minutes of chat about his obsession with golf, how he got a putting green installed the night before his wedding anniversary 😬 and the greatest golf prank ever pulled.

We also find out about his friendship with Robbie Williams, playing at the East Course with a caddie and his DREAM four ball. 👀

Andys Book 📕

MASSIVE thanks to our friends at GOLF NOW for helpi...

⁠TICKETS TO SEE US THIS SUNDAY IN BIRMINGHAM

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This week, we're previewing the 2026 US Open at the iconic Shinnecock Hills.

Who have we got winning? Who's got absolutely no chance? And which poor soul is about to have their dreams crushed by one of the toughest tests in golf?

We'll be breaking down the course, the contenders, and all the storylines heading into one of the biggest weeks of the year.

We...

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On today’s episode, we’re dealing with every golfer’s worst nightmare…

Embarrassing yourself in front of someone who actually listens to the podcast.

Yes, just when you think golf can’t humiliate you any more, it finds a brand-new way

We’ve also got another Toast or Roast with our friends at ⁠⁠⁠⁠England Golf, where another scorecard goes under the microscope.

All this and more coming up on this week’s episode of Golf Is Ruining My...

TICKETS TO SEE US THIS SUNDAY IN BRISTOL

WHY HELLO GOLFING FRIENDS. We are getting to the business end of the season, the part of the year when really it should all be coming together, handicaps should be dropping and PBs should be getting set… but…. For the Toms… they’re not. BUT WHY!

We’ve got a small dose of golf melancholy in the podcast today HOWEVER that is resolved by handing out a hefty portion of GOLF ROMANCE via email corner in what might go down as our sexies...

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Let’s have another long look at this Monday putt, shall we, and work out just what to do about this horrible horrible game. On the agenda today:

TOM IS GOLF SAD

TOM IS CHIPPING BAD

And

TOM IS HOPPING MAD

That last one isn’t true but we had to make them rhyme.

We also have another edition of Toast or Roast with our friends at ⁠⁠⁠England Golf⁠⁠, where we take a look...

WE'RE BACK with a new episode of the Talk Birdie To Me Series and this week we're joined by comedian and podcaster, John Robins. 30 minutes of chat about his golf obsession, how he stumbled across Loch Lomond for FREE, and finding Tiger Woods' locker in the changing room. 🔒

We also find out why he's a better golfer when he doesn't play, his genius tactic of buying the opposition an extra drink and his DREAM four ball. 👀

MASSIVE thanks to our friends at GOLF NOW for helping make this series happen and bringing it to...

THE EVENING FOR SWINGERS TOUR IS HERE, click me for tickets

The Thursday episode has landed, lets go legends. Today on the show Green is sad because his golf is getting worse and Price thinks he has solved all golfing issues by reading a book about HERTZ (lol what).

Also, it's an email corner so expect golf clubs in lakes, all issues fixed by AIMING and HOLE IN ONES (or are they)

Thanks to our friends at GolfBreaks for hooking us up with an amazing prize, remember the best email of the summer...

Alright Par Pals,

On today’s episode, we’re asking one of the strangest but possibly most important questions in golf…

Is your brain electricity ruining your golf?

Yes, this week we’re diving into brain waves, hertz, focus, feel, overthinking, underthinking, and whether your actual brain activity could be the reason you keep snap-hooking it into another postcode.

Can understanding your brain help you play better golf? Or is this just another excuse for being absolutely terrible?

We also have another edition of Toast or Roast with our friends...

COME AND SEE US ON TOUR

I never thought i'd say this sentence BUT... with it being 34 degrees in the UK, is it too hot to hit up the golf course. The answer we've come to is POTENTIALLY. What we can say is that it is certainly too hot to be doing a golf podcast in a wooden shed.

SO THAT

Plus we get back into the email inbox with our friends at GolfBreaks. Remember, the best email from the summer will be crowned WINNER and be joining us for a golfing holiday...

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Big one this week…

We've somehow blagged our way into a PRO TOUR EVENT. Yes, you read that correctly.

We’re playing in Blitz Golf and to explain exactly what we’ve got ourselves into, we’re joined by Simon, the organiser of Blitz Golf, to talk through the event, the format, and whether we’re about to embarrass ourselves on a much bigger stage than usual.

Blitz Golf Tickets

Also on today’s show, we bring back Toast or Roast with o...

WE'RE BACK with a new episode of the Talk Birdie To Me Series and this week we're joined by golfing legend and Dame, Laura Davies. 30 minutes of chat about life after competing, her SECRET golf course in her back garden, and her tips for getting out of the bunker. ⛳

We also find out why she has FOUR TVs all showing golf at the same time, her thoughts on Tiger Woods and her DREAM four ball. 👀

MASSIVE thanks to our friends at GOLF NOW for helping make this series happen and bringing it to th...

⁠Hello Par Pals!

We’re back with another Email special thanks to our pals at Golfbreaks. Don’t forget you COULD BE JOINING US IN EGYPT.

Just drop us an email and you could be heading out for a spot of golf and pyramid spotting later this year.

On the show today:

LOVE BLOSSOMS ON THE GOLF COURSE

CAN YOU PUT A CARD IN BY YOURSELF

AND

SHOULD SINGLES HAVE MORE RIGHTS ON THE CO...

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On today’s episode, we’re talking about the ultimate golfing nightmare… a lads’ golf trip almost ruined before it had even started.

After the airline decided to absolutely destroy my driver, the trip was hanging by a thread. But just when all hope looked lost, a hero emerged — the pro at the golf resort somehow managed to fix it and save the entire trip.

And it’s a good job he did… because I then went out and shot three under at La Manga.

Was it destiny? Was it luck? W...