It's All My Fault

More recording myself on multiple hits of acid. As expected, this one turns out for the unexpected. And not in a good way.

The way I can turn an attempt to apologize for regularly derailing my thought trains so much that circuitous tail chasing of non-sequitor conclusions is what most listeners suffer - I turn that moment of self-reflection into another derailment that so completely wrecks the train you'll feel pain from the incident. Especially for any GenZeez among us.

As...

Over 70 minutes of me diatribing in this one and it's only now, as I craft my description, that I realized I never even discussed the topic on which I planned to focus. It was to be the bulk of the episode and I forgot all about it. I wish I could say I'm in a state of disbelief that such a disconnect could even happen...

but we all know better.

Even you, new face that you are around here. You should know that 65.126% of the 506 episodes recorded prior to today's suffered the same fate.

This weekend has been on my radar since the beginning of November.

In December it grew even more ominous with my father's passing.

Then, over the past 3 weeks, this weekend's disruptive potential escalated into the mythical.

Other people, you for instance, are getting through this weekend without a second thought about humanity's destiny and the meaning derived from overcoming the obstacles suddenly thrust into our collective lives this century.

In fact the angst I work through in this recording...

Yeah, I'm back.

And yeah I'm pissed.

And yeah life has dipsy-doodled my flighty ass all over the place...

But that's nothing compared to the bad behavior the boys are up to...

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

Let's get one thing straight here... this recording is mediocre. Undeniably. Totally my fault. But there it is.

Of course, if that's your thing, and if you're an American I expect it likely is... feel free to proceed.

For anyone else - you've been warned.

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

I'm back in solo form here.

Reluctantly.

I hate to admit this publicly, but I don't know if this droid is the droid I'm looking for.

I know society thinks we're perfect together. Building forever's foundation hand in hand 60/60/24/7/365/9.2. I hear the encouragement from all you happily connected phoners.

I hear how well it's working out for everyone around me, Well, mostly when you decide to look up and talk to me. So yeah... I'll be over there waiting...

Still... I've got...

Finally! AMiRite?

Not that things didn't happen exactly when they were supposed to - I get all that and don't want to seem unclear about how life's meandering meanings are built from within.

And it's been one surreal year.

AMiRite?

So it is with the untethered zest of someone who should watch out for all the overtalking they did in this recording that I welcome you to hear from the only person I...

All right, awl right, all write.

Hello universe!

How are we doing?

Booyah.

It must be the weather.

I all but forget about October's grandeur, its spectacle of transitions through the pallette of Earth tones we're all treated to once a year...

Like right now. Again.

Booyah.

In celebration of starting a new half-millenium here at It's...

I must admit the persistence of my absence was a bit disconcerting ...toward the end.

For I was convinced that a recording would emerge as the "by default" choice to rise to the lofty perch of episode 500 of this project I've dubbed It's All My Fault. At least mostly convinced... mostly.

At least a helluva lot longer than I would have guessed.

That my faith paid off...

Chop suey again? Is this really the new routine?

Don't you?

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

Hello universe.

I hope this finds you well. In fact I hope this finds you exuberant about the upside of manifesting into the human experience.

I feel like I should let you know that before we get too far into things and I start sleeping with your sister.

Ya know?

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

I'm still so spent from my birthday fortnight, not to mention the 6-pack that just ended yesterday... wow what a life I'm having.

Anyhow, given how blown away living in the moment has been, I hope you can forgive me for not being composed enough to attach something useful here. What else is new?

As always, you have much better things to be doing with your life than listening to me.

Right?

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

This one felt a lot like the lull before the episode 500 storm.

Just call me Edmonton - not quite up to the challenge but more than willing to make it look closer than it really was.

Or... or call me Florida.

No wait.

Never call me Florida.

Please.

Edmonton sure.

But Florida?

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

Blah blah blah.

Enough already about the comic book universe am I write Wolvie?

Yeah you are.

A little framing to help make that stupidity sensible wouldn't be the worst thing you've done lately so... let's just say if that's what you're up to here, we might just have to give it a listen.

Or not.

TenHUnsRye.ziNg

Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Emily!

Tis the day ye came to life herea all those years back in history!

If I wered to take this one more verse I'd for surely say.

That this day is one I hope meets all your dreams in every way.

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

Alright alright right on.

I agree.

After all the time I took away from corporate american life, I owe you the story of what roped me back in.

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

Being out of weed, officially, makes the recent gaps in my recording output more understandable. I hope. Plus I've been out getting to know my neighbors and enjoying the hell out of the process.

that doesn't keep me from taking the stupid people to task in this one...

As I'm known to do, I bring a solution to the table that might help remove some of that fog of stupidity currently descending on the United States of America.

that would require my fellow Americans...

I admit, in a life lived as stress free as the one I'm currently layin' down, I often have the self-realization just how damn lucky I am. Especially as an American.

And yet... when it comes to saving the soul of humanity... well there, at least, I'm making progress.

Wait. Whoa whoa waitup.

Nah... I didn't mean that.

Sorry for getting overly enthusiastic about working in America.

...

At times I find myself wandering without purpose on these recordings.

Unexpectedly, this one felt rather on point.

Having not listened to it I feel rather "out-on-a-limby" here, but toot my own horn I will... if only to suffer the consequences later.

If that's the game we're playing,

I'm in.

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

If you and I were just sittin' around chit-chattin' about not much and the direction of our dialogue detoured into considerations like what are some of the least respectful ways you can imagine closing out a recording... well I think the top of my list might land squarely where the end of this recording finds itself.

I really wish I'd have been paying attention in real time on this point of sharing too much...

But nope.

Not even a little bit.

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

You say hiatus,

Whichever trip through time you're currently flowing within, I beg you to maintain course. Full steam ahead, as it were. Forward march. Myopia preferred.

Because any diversion into this realm, the absurd cartoon universe that I reside within - well, you'll be disappointed. Yep. Dis.sed.

You've been warned.

at least.

If warning you was trying to convince you that whatever you were doing before you ended up here should just maintain. It would...

If ever there were an episode that exposed just how unnecessary this intro blurb is...

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

Once again, I offer proof that nobody can derail their own train better than I can...

...

and that proof is this recording.

In fact, so honed are my skills in this regard that I can even do so from within my dream state. On another planet. Entirely from another life lived. One filled with bliss and harmony and self-love and grace...

So definitely not this one.

And exactly like the Chad incident a few recordings previously, in this context, I am addressing Israel the nation, not Israel...

Hey Hey Hey Universe.

You've caught me a bit offguard here. Excuse my mess. I'm celebrating mother's day this year the only way available - by making it all about me.

To be fair, my mom up and ran to the Caribbean with my sister at 430 MST this morning so making today all about her seems a little out of place.

This frankenstein monster ends my threepeat - my most recent episodic trilogy - the George Lucas way, with more regret than one knows what to do with.

To which I say:

As if anywhere at all I have limited regrets in life? Come on.

Let's get going here.

We're only living with regrets because collectively we've decided we're okay with it. Well I say to that:

Or at least I say that...

Finally!

After many attempts to drill down on money and its emergence as a crucial component of civilized society - here, in this recording, I finally stay on point.

Probably not though.

Again, it is very much up to you.

TensHUnsRye.ziNg

This recording is work.

It was work for me.

And it will be work for you.

Not physical labor mind you - no no no - that would be easy.

No the work involved here is mental and not the fun gymnastics kind of mental - nope this one is dissociative schizophrenia all the way.

So.

Basically.

It's my usual...

As it were.

Or make the mistake of listening to this one, and then the next one...

So yeah... I've been AWOL for a bit.

If I can be so generous in decribing the gap in recording time I've allowed to pile up like laundry I'm ignoring here in April.

Will you grant me the latitude? I knew I liked you... so easy to get along with when I give you no voice.

Now how do you feel about folding boxer shorts?

Oh that's the line is it?

Hopefully as easily as you can live with my elevating concern for...

I know, I know... I heard you okay... ??.

I've been going a bit long lately. I get it.

So...

I thought I'd take it easy like a hotel in California by preparing something a bit more Tik-Tok.

The rest of the recording is a public service message from some foundation with a ridiculously long name.

Then, unexpectedly, we hear from Benji Netanhayu.

No?

My failure to launch yesterday, March 29th, was not intentional.

In fact It would have been my guardian angel's 35th birthday were she still with us. It's an event I've been eyeing since Thanksgiving if not earlier. Given her recent passing, I wanted yesterday's recording to express how much I valued her while she was here.

It just wasn't meant to be.

This one was very much meant to be. Meant to be interesting. Meant to be respectful...

Making it tremble on command? I'm not sure I like the sound of that. But I'm a guy so of course I find that intimidating.

However we are not here to get bogged down in a discussion about men and their uncertainties when another season opener for the recording project "It's All My Fault" has just dropped:

Of course that's as far as our promotional efforts will go. Ten seasons into this thing we still know there are 923 things you could be...

Recording the season finale of NëiNsensiCaL felt like a tragedy that lost its comedy for all but 13-ish of the minutes.

If I had to guess the other 94 minutes aren't all tragedy but the funny parts will be hard to find. It feels like I did a lot of wandering down alleys of immediate regret.

Listen to me. How life does.

The truth is that I really have no idea how bad it got in there since I'm posting the recording without reviewing any of it. Putting the QED o...

This recording is NëiNsensiCaL's 52nd installment. You now have the full deck of cards.

Which means the next episode, #53, adds the joker to the deck while officially closing down the 9th season of my personal vanity project/confession/podcast project: "It's All My Fault".

As such, I want to point out that if ever there were an episode to avoid entirely it's this one.

But even more than the amount of vacuous time this recording is perched to inject into your current reality, I say t...

It certainly took a while to get my point across in this one.

Maybe that's just how distracted my efforts have been since my melancholy manhole mishap threw me for a "clean burps" loop.

Or maybe it's indicative of how little substantive contribution I'm making now.

Or.

It could be I'm just as full of it as always.

Yeah.

...

So getting a bit "crunchy" with my time means I kind of cut this one off short.

But still - timecrunches in this linear sh!tstorm are real.

So if you want to know what can cause me, the chronic-talker-to-myselfer-of-epic-proportions to StFU for a little over a week - well here's your chance.

Otherwise go watch...

I used most of the last recording to complain about the human condition we're collectively accepting here on Earth867-5309.

The one that has our humanity so unfulfilled right now.

And then, like a jerk, I offered nothing in the way of solutions that might help offset this situation.

So today, I try and make up for my faux pas with {drumroll please} -

Madam President?

NëiNsensiCaL

In the version of english I use to attempt communication with others, the one that today is spoken in the nation currently labeled the United States of America in the spacetime moment that is the "year after the year" Love Was Left on the Cutting Room Floor - in that specific version of reality - I really think the collective nailed it on one word:

I'll even go so far as to include FLAW as an example of onomatopoeia but completely understand if you feel less "buzz" in...

It's "Saturday Date Night" universe so should we pick up Thai or go out for Italian? Or did you want to grab something to cook together?

I'm sorry I didn't hear you... come again.

You say you have a headache?

That's almost believable given the insanity I'm putting myself through lately...

But come on universe - you don't even have a head.

NëiNsensiCaL

My content delivery method can, correctly I might add, be criticized as long-winded and distracted.

These are AMONG the many other criticisms that might legitimately be expressed of me, my presentation, my technical challenges and my general purpose communicating herein. I know any audience willing to engage with me - the unplugged, unfilitered, uncouth me - has to put up with more than their fair share of letting "me be me".

It's why I might even agree with...

I would qualify this recording as a "sidebar" effort, if such a category existed, in this project.

- Welcome to the Sidebar Part of the Show -

If you enjoy yourself a USA Today in locations other than airports...

NëiNsensiCaL