LPN Deep Dives: Crescent City

On this week's episode of LPN Romantasy Deep Dives, Jackie and Natalie get into House of Flame and Shadow's chapters 26-29 while Bryce is tryna get OUTTA a dang Prythian tunnel!!! Cuz I hate to break it to you gurl but before peacin out in ch. 26 you gotta get this Truth Teller and Starsword into an Asteri!!!!!!!!! These heads are rollin, rollin, rollin, rollin (wut!) Bye Bye Vesperus! After a little ch 27 wrapup, we make our way into PART TWO: THE SEARCH! Hunt is itchin' to get back to his torture (har!) but he has to get some info...

oooOoooOoooOoohhhh sometimes I wake up grumpy and sometimes I LET HER SLEEP (in her sarcaophogus, that is)!!! In the case of Ch. 24, our tunnel friends didn't have much of a choice because when you stumble upon a hottie-bo-bottie in a sarcophagus, we say sarcophoYES TO ADVENTURE! Especially when that sleeping beauty is bout to drop some fire lore! We jump back to Ithan's POV to find out that he's A SAD BOI WOLF ALL OVER AGAIN and that the fire sprites are BURNIN DOWN THE (snake) HOUSE! In the sub-chamber, we find out from Vesperus that she was Theia's...

"DID SOMEBODY ASK FOR A CHIN IN THE PINK AND A NOSE IN THE STINK??" --Hilde Ugh can someone tell this hag that nobody is looking for her holes in parts? SHE HAS CREATURES TO ENSLAVE! In chapter 22, speaking of how much they LOVE enslavin', Pollux is learning how to enslave Hunt's lightning while Lidia starts to set off the dominoes of her crazy TRIARII-NOT-TRIARII scheme. Back in the tunnel, Azriel and Nesta realize that the Horn LIVES INSIDE OF THIS BROAD THEY JUST MET and even though they ain't happy there's nothing they can do about it because...

TONIGHT THERE'S GONNA BE A WOLF FIGHT and it's alllllll for the love of the Viper! But that's not the ONLY thing we are dealing with in chapters 20 and 21! Our torture boiz are dealing with just about as much as they can HANDle. HA! EVERYONE LOVES A TORTURE JOKE! Back with our gang in Prythian, apparently once you tunnel the words finna funnel cuz Silene's hologram is LORE DROPPIN. We find out way more about the Daglan/Asteri and how the Drop is actually a FLOP and maybe we find out some SHADOW MOMMY FACTS?! We could barely keep...

If you were dreaming that Jackie would play the 'Thong Song: Jackie's Version" on a fake harp today, then your dreams are coming true! Who knew this would be where your dreams began their journey?! Natalie and Jackie navigate the LORE THICC HORNY SLIM chapters 18 and 19 now that we are having ghost story time down in the Prythian tunnel. Silene appears to Nesta, Azriel and Bryce and starts droppin some TRUTHS. But are they......DUSK'S TRUUUUUUTHH?!?!??! Ughhhhh our torture boiz are finally hitting a pain precipice (pain-cipice? preci-pain?) and are starting to come up with some ZANY ideas for...

OH WE GOT OURSELVES A TUNNEL DUMP and we are NOT talking about making on the floor of the tunnel (although where else would you do it??) We go through chs. 16 and 17 in this episode and we are JUMPIN n JIVIN from world-to-world! We are uncovering different parts of the mystery that uncover MORE parts of the mystery and it was allllllllll hidden down here in this tunnel (even though Azriel's wings are too girthy to fly them through it BOING BOING BOING.) Meanwhile in Midgard, Ithan is preparing himself- and his paddle ball....I mean sun ball...

Dost thou eyes decieve ye?! Are we experiencing DOUBLE VISION in the tunnels?? Nope, just a couple of full grown women givin wyrm over here and you GOTTA get over to youtube.com/@lpnromantasy if you wanna see some WYRMS DOWN BY THE RIVER. And in chs. 14 and 15, they are swimmin like Free Willy over here but there ain't nothin free bout leavin in these tunnels. COST'S HIGH. That's why these wyrms gotta get out there on the streets showin a lil slime just to make the tunnels go squish. You don't understand what we wyrms out here have...

Ohhhhh I wonder who could have BARK BONES FOR BRAINS??? No way that it's Ithan!?!? No, you were right it's definitely Ithan. In ch. 13 we find ourselves right alongside Ole Woof-ful and he is spewing some nonsense at the Viper Queen bout savin his fin boy. ITHAN the Viper Queen is too hawt to have to deal with you! Or does she use that snake seductive power to convince him to fight for Tharion's freedom with his big wolf body? Our perspectives get ripped away and we are thrown into the brain space of poor Lidia. Thank the lawd...

Get them buns (and swords) of steel ready- it's a TUNNEL TALK LEARNING WALK!!! Much better than an Aaron Sorkin walk-n-talk IN MY PERSONAL OPINION but mostly because this one has NESTA'S SILVER FLAAAME ::guitar riff::. Woah-- who knew I'd be comin after the Sorkinator in this caption?? Anywayyyy, in this episode we go through ch. 12 and it seems that we got some worm lore and cave drawings to keep us going! We also realize in this episode that Chris Pratt is obviously an IRL Asteri and Nat-n-Jack would go to the GRAVE defending that position. Ugh, Nesta's tatt...

WE NEVER WANT THE WET TO TURN TO DRY unless it has nothing to do with a downstairs goosh and everything to do with being physically wet. In that case- PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME IN THE HELL THAT IS REMAINING PHYSICALLY WET.  In ch 10, we head over to the Viper Queen's lair but she ain't the only snake up in this piece. Does someone hear the SLITHERY SHREW alarm being sounded?! Or does the rest of the scooby gang find out that this big scary mean is actually a HERO DRAPED IN SNAKERY?! The Hind aka Agent Daybright shows u...

 Oh this book ain't givin no normal grocery store's amount of torture. This is MEMBERSHIP CLUB AMOUNTS OF TORTURE. Big torture time. And that's not gonna let up any time soon but don't worry we aren't dwellin on all that TOO hard. In ch. 8, we have to deal with the riddles bein dropped by Apollion and Aidas to Hunt via torture-tired-dream but these two Princes of Hel are not droppin the truth bombs very easily. THEN WHY DID THEY COME TO THE TORTURE BRAIN PARTY?! Ugh, then we move over to all of our book friends trying desperately to f...

AND THEY SAID IT COULDN'T BE DONE AGAIN. Yes, Natalie and I accidentally dressed as the same character again but it's because we are gearin up for a BITCH V. BITCH TUNNEL SITCH and four warrior breasts are better than one. What? Ya see, Bryce is in Prythian and now she has a new Prythian Protector down in the tunnel whether she wants it or not. Nesta Number 1 and Number 2 navigate chapters 6 and 7 and there's almost too much woman to fit inside of this lizard tunnel. The Hind is still tryna squeeze every last bubble drop out of our...

Ima do things MY WAY it's my way or the FAE WAYYYYY. Did Limp Bizkit just enter the episode description? Yes but don't worry he's not trapped in this tunnel with the Silva Sobek Sisters because they are here to scalily annoy you with their very over cushioned faces! Natalie and Jackie are biting right into chapters 4 and 5 in this ep and boy does SJM not start us off easy! It's a torture party of three for our boys in the torture dome and one would rather LIVE THE TORTURE REALITY than be faced with a recent ex! On...

UGH NATALIE REFUSES TO SUP ON MY SIZZURP. This episode covers chapters 2 and 3-- heartbreak comes in ALL forms in the world of SJM and sometimes that heartbreak is from a relative who refuses to get addicted to your body's heroin sizzurp. I JUST WANNA SEE IF SHE *CAN* GET ADDICTED TO ME is that such a crazy thing to ask? What's a crazier thing to ask is for your fighting slave dragon to GIVE EM A SEXY MOIDA SHOW but the Viper Queen does not mind asking those questions!!! Starting off this book with PLENTY of dissent-- Tharion's...

GUESS WHO'S BACK-ACK-ACK NATJACK'S BACK-ACK-ACK (do you hear the slim shady in that?) here we come to save the DAAAAY!!! (maybe a lil mighty mouse instead?) DID YOU MISS US?!?!??! We are back-in-the-habit sister act 2-style but don't worry we won't be turnin into nuns anytime soon! House of Flames and Shadow is here and it AIN'T easin us back in. We jump RIGHT BACK INTO where we ended House of Sky and Breath and Bryce is in......Prythian??!?!?!?! WITH OUR BAT BOYS?!?!?! and we are inside the mind of a double agent at a torture party for boyz...

If you came to Crescent City to get a HEA from book 2, WE HATE TO DISAPPOINT YA! NOT A LOTTA HAPPY GOIN ON HERE SRRYYYYYYYY! We last left Bryce on a portal journey to Hel but that wormhole definitely doesn't end in Hel....... In ch 77, everything is looking as bleak as a battle can look when all of Team Fuck You gets Rigelus'd harrrrrrddddddd. Hunt is in Gorsian shackles and goes through the horrific process of gettin' slaved up again and they reeeeally want portal Bryce to hear it (ugh SJM thanks for making the idea of slavery ALMOST...

If you came to Crescent City to get a HEA from book 2, WE HATE TO DISAPPOINT YA! NOT A LOTTA HAPPY GOIN ON HERE SRRYYYYYYYY! We last left Bryce on a portal journey to Hel but that wormhole definitely doesn't end in Hel....... In ch 77, everything is looking as bleak as a battle can look when all of Team Fuck You gets Rigelus'd harrrrrrddddddd. Hunt is in Gorsian shackles and goes through the horrific process of gettin' slaved up again and they reeeeally want portal Bryce to hear it (ugh SJM thanks for making the idea of slavery ALMOST...

It's a firstlight party and all the Angel bottom holes are invited!!! If by firstlight party you mean a not party trapped in the Asteri's house with some torture on the schedule!!!! In ch 75, we jump RIGHT BACK INTO THE SCENE after having a huge truf bomb dropped by Agent Daybright but there's no time to talk it out. There's MURDER and WORLD SAVING to be done! Ya hear THAT, Harpy?! Oh you might have a difficult time hearing after this chapter! Ruhn is wiggin out but the HIND'S GOTTA HIND. In ch 76, we find ourselves in the CHOPPED-OFF-ANGEL-WING...

GET READY FOR AN INFO DUMP ON THIS ONE but hopefully they won't be dumping the info where the Asteri take their lightfall!!!! In ch 72, we are following Team Fuck You as NOBODY follows the plans they set out with. Bryce is by herself following tubes and staring at *conquered solar system maps* to find out Dusk's Truth, Ruhn is running off to follow his downstairs nose to find Agent Day and Tharmian are making crazy explosive battle moves. In ch 73, ugnnnghhhhhh Rigelus has been watching us the whole TIME?!?!? How did they know Team Fuck You's plan-that-no-one-stuck-to?! In...

OoooooOoooOohhhHHhhhh errybody loves an "I LOVE YOU I MIGHT DIE TODAY" battle build up!!!! In Ch 69, Cormac and Ruhn start to have a bad-dad-sad-boy-brodown in a Jeep while Hunt gets his weapon sneak on before bumping into Celestina (but don't worry remember we are alllllll shrouded in secrecy protection!!) In Ch 70, Tharion and Cormac are in full on battle mode and Team Fuck You is getting to their battle start positions. Bryce and Ruhn have very cute siblings-bout-to-die moment before Cormac drops big YOU GOTTA BE QUEEN hype on a pre-battle Bryce. In Ch 71, as we move closer to...

Come on down to the viper's den THE BLOOD'S ADDICTINGGGGG!! In Ch 67, we start off with Tharion desperately needing protection (from his groin's choices) and running right into the veins of a SNAKE! Then Ruhn's groin is also getting him into battle position and maybe that's when they'd stop and think "is this all because I want my willie to get wonka'd" and the answer is yes AND.... it's to like, save everybody. In Ch 68, with their groin powers combined Team Fuck You can hopefully get into the Asteri's palace and start the Battle of Hullaballoo before Pippa Stetsos...

Dry January but make it WET! (ugh but NOT with the River Queen's daughter, Tharion!!!) This corpse-and-bitch duo is hanging with our goons while we get everything situated for the BLOW OUT ACTION at the end of this book! In chapter 65, we got a Danika Truther comin at us dog style and Bryce can't believe her bestie had EVEN MORE SECRETS? Get used to it, gurlllllll!!!! But also Baxian is a corpse truther as well??? GIVE US THE NUMBERS, DOG!!!! In chapter 66, Bryce meets with Fury to get intel and her #life situated while Tharion sticks his FIN WHERE...

Bryce is giving a 'yes chef' to Apollion in this episode because when a star eating daddy tells you to WERK you WERK, BITCHHHHHHH. In ch 63, Bryce is desperately trying to hone her teleporting skills and unfortunately this time she's not practicing through teleporkin'. Ugh and if she doesn't go to Urd's Temple the Under King is gonna shred the already dead Pack of Devils ughhhhhhh she has ENOUGH ON HER PLATE! She finally shares the TEENIEST bit of info with a kept-in-the-shadows Cormac and spilled that Emile is both POWERLESS and still alive. In ch 64, we follow Tharion...

In ch 61, we jump into the middle of a TRYNA NECROMANCE party and of course Ithan convinced Hypaxia to use her powers to find Connor because Ithan only has the power to annoyingly get in the way and screw things up. Does she find Connor? NAY. Does she find heaps of trouble instead? YAY. Ugh then we go over to the brainbridge with our spy loves but Daybright knows Night is Ruhn..... BUT WHO IS DAYBRIGHT (ahhh-ahh-ahhhh) and is she fighter of the night man (ahhh-ahh-ahhhhhh)? In ch 62, Bryce gets a visit from Apollion (the Prince of the Pit...

OHHH TO BE FANCY AT AN AUTUMNAL EQUINOX BALLLLLLL ohhhhh and that's where we find ourselves at the top of ch. 59 and errybody in our fam is having a TIME ABOUT IT! Autumn King is pissed cuz Bryce is out here droppin truths (although she told NOBODY SHE PLANNED TO) and Hunt can't keep his lightning off her big bangin body. In ch 60, Ruhn is hanging with his betrothèd Hypaxia until she feels compelled to introduce herself to her bitch sister The Harpy. UGH AND THE HARPY'S NOT NICE ABOUT IT. While this uncomfortable exchange is going on, R...

It's a bro-thel and I'm not the ho-thel they want but the ONE THAT THEY NEED. We start ch 56 with a wolf boy on the mend (ugh unfortunately Hypaxia's soooo magical medicinally smart that Ithan's throat isn't gone forever 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫), we find out that Hypaxia and Tharion are BUDDIESSSSSS and that Tharion would love to add his fins to the boy's Party Haüs. CUTTTEEEE I hope they play a lotta "sword" games in their downtime. We call penis shennaneries that, right? In chapter 57, we are with Ruhn takin a trip to the bridge and are we gonna meet our DAYBRIGHT AT THE PARTY TONIGHT...

In chapter 54, it's time for Bryce to TALK OUT SOME OF THE DECISIONS SHE HAS MADE but first she needs to be annoyed by Daddy King telling her about her forced name change! UGH STAY OUT OF MY LIFE DADDY but maybe she just needs a bitch seshhhhhhhh and who does she call? Not the Ghostbusters (because I think they'd probably disrupt Hypaxia and all her necromancy and ghost tutors and stuff?) but maybe Bryce needs a not-like-the-other-girls kiki with her Queen Doctor Witch someday sissy-in-law Hypaxia. In chapter 55 (ugh the opposite of ACOMAF ch 55) Ithan is tasked with...

YOU KNOW WE ARE ALWAYS LOOKIN FOR A FISHASS TO FIGHT! But a fishHEAD? Oh no, I wouldn't open THAT can of worms! In Chapter 52, we find Tharion and I'm starting to think that the River Queen just KNOWS that Tharion is not very good at being Captain of Intelligence and keeps him there because she knows he's gonna EFF IT ALL UP? When we get back to Ruhn's place we see that HYPAXIA HAS ENTERED THE CHAAAAT! OOF BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT you a witch bitch AND you're so spooky spesh that no one accepts...

OH GOSH YOU KNOW WE ARE STILL IN A LOTTA TROUBLE and somehow more trouble just KEEPS finding us??? In chapters 49-51, we travel with our mated Bryce and Hunt but they are currently not in the greatest of moods as they visit the Viper Queen in the Meat Market. Everyone in this book keeps manifesting more chaos and that INCLUDES the child slave/boring human child Emile. Bryce keeps making CHOICES out on these streets and it'd be real tight if she could start sharing those choices with other people? We also get to learn about BLOOD EAGLES...

On today's episode, Natalie and Jackie end part 2 and head right into Part 3: The Pit and even though it's not talking about an underarm you can still believe that our gang is gonna be finding themselves in some STANK. Our scooby squad is found back with the corpse of Sophie Renast and she has some questionable etchings in her chest?? NOT HELPING CORMAC'S GRIEF. Ugh and boring Cormac won't even let Tharion drag her corpse down to his River Queen to do god knows what with it-- ANNOYINGGGGGGG. We also tumble down with Day and Night on the brainbridge...

 As we discuss chapters 45 and 46, did Ithan maybe accidentally make one decision that was kinda good? YES! Will they probably still get in a lotta trouble for it? DOUBLE YES! But for now, Ithan can wag his tail like a good boy because we have added three new ring slave fire sprites and a sexy nude mean dragon lady to the party house! Cut back to our Squid Ship Savior, we also meet a cavernous biodome fulla tropical trees and by meet I mean we talk to one and by talk to one I mean Natalie dressed AS the b...

As we careen through chapters 42 and 43, we have poor exhausted Cormac teleporting all his besties to the WET RUMBLE! These mechsuits are creepy deepy and how the h are they going to stop them? GET A MECHXPERT IN HERE! Pippa certainly ain't helping and she proves herself to be a REBEL AND SHE'LL NEVER EVER BE ANY GOOD! She's a rebel cuz she never ever does what she should! Hunt has gone electrofyingly feral and we are HERE. FOR. IT. Maybe that SCARY STINK on he and Bryce is the stink of matehood? That matehood is drivin Hunt CUCKO...

This episode covers chapter 42 and she is thiccccc with events and questionable choices!! Even though Bryce is FAILING on the gal pal front, she is KILLIN it with the angel kiki she is having with Celestina! HOORAY SHE FREED HUNT'S LOINS but he ain't the only thing freed in this chapter! Ithan meets the poor freed mystic and gets some idears for them big astronomer SPRITE PRISON rings. Tharion is gettin his bubble busted by the River Queen as per usual while Ruhn is lookin to get HIS bubble busted out on the brain bridge but in a VERY...

Oh what a barely corporeal duo we make!!! On today's episode of LPN Romantasy Deep Dives we go through Chapters 39-41 to find LOTS OF LORE and plenty of questionable decisions!! The team finds themselves in quite a predicament with the mystics and THANATOS THE PRINCE OF THE RAVINE?? Ugh, thanks Ithan 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 and then MORDOC shows up and even though that sounds like a wolf fun times party IT'S JUST FOR SNIFFS. Hunt's got blue balls in his state of No-Bryce-Hardness but don't worry Baxian is there to play video games with!! IT'S ACTUALLY SUPS CUTE but can we trust Baxian??? THE H...

Join us this week as we talk out of our butts a la Ace Ventura for the entire episode. It was very difficult to get the mics down there/up there but with the wonders of science ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!! We didn't, that's a lie, we used our regular mouths. And what did those mouths GET INTO??? Dance class!!!!! Fouettes out the yin yang! But remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, BRYCE QUINLAN. We also watched Hunt have an awkward convo with his boss (who's giving a little 'Miss Piggy-just-got-railed'?) because she just got angel...

During this week's episode we venture through chapters 35 and 36 and the gang finds themselves forced to reckon with more danafacts while faced with Sabitch (although Natalie and I are Sabine SQUARED today so get ready for a lil exxxtra bitch in this ep!) We've got Ithan movin into the boy's flop palace and he's awoo-ing to no one about his FORLORN LOVE. Ruhn and Daybright are slippin-n-slidin couch style on the mindbridge and Ithan's taking his frowntown on a SeaQuest! A LOT HAPPENED ALL IN ONE DAY!

Please read up until Chapter 39 for next week!!!

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Hunt and Bryce finish up with Andrew and Dice and Clay and realize that together they make a SUPA WEAPON which is both sexy and badass? While they got dogged, Ruhn and Ithan are having quite the poker game with Celestina's Triarii-Hos (and the Hind and the Harpy did NOT laugh at their 'poker i barely know her' jokes.) Maybe they were too busy to laugh? Harpy was definitely looking for the pants meat of Lunathion and the Hind is living the secret life of a Peeping Tina-- who's got extra time for perfect jokes???

Please read...

Wolves and dogs and whiskey-- sounds like either a great afternoon or a reaaaaaal bad morning! Dreadwolves are skulking about the town and the BOIS are on the beat trying to get the LOWDOWN! We get some interestinggggg information about Big Scary Mordoc but I certainly hope he keeps that sniffer far away from our bois!!! We are also back with Lil Undies and Hunt and Bryce and ughhhhh he is introducing us to his dog friends and these might be the only dog friends I DON'T wanna cuddle with.

Please read up until Chapter 35 for next...

DO we need to re-watch Popeye (1980)? Probably not but don't worry there's no Bluto or spinach OUT ON THE BRAIN BRIIIIIDGE!!! Bryce and Hunt don't think for a MOMENT before going to visit the Under King. Nobody's thinking this might not be a great idea?? You guys think he's gonna serve you lunch and have a kiki with you?? Do you think he's gonna show you his BONE GATE tattoo right above his skele-peeny? Honestly if he did, it would make it all worth it.

Featuring Dudes Grappling with Erotica starring Jared Logan and Holden McNeely reading...

OH WE ARE KICKIN OFF PART 2: THE ABYSS and y'all better buckle up because errrrrrybody is learning NEW STUFF and OLD STUFF and some are learning some INBETWEEN stuff if ya knowwhatimeaaaaaaaaan. Tharion is getting a dry punishment for a wet wet man but our boyz are having a time getting their sunball on while trying to find out WHERE ARE THESE DANG SEWER REAPERS COMIN FROM??? Listen as Hunt gets told to dress for the gym and then is dragged through the Meat Market but BABE I THOUGHT WE WERE LIFTIN?!?!?!

Please read up until Chapter 31...