Handing the Shame Back

Rest and Recovery are essential for survivors. Though not often discussed it is crucial for survivors to rest deeply when dealing with this. Thinking about or working through your trauma, reignites it and this leads to the exact same trauma responses you experienced as a child. What was unavailable to you then was resting and recovering from it, especially if the abuser was a family member. Don’t underestimate the healing resting provides, it can make the world of difference.

► Visit our website for more information on our foundation: http://handingtheshameback.org
► Donate please, this helps us kee...

Q&A Session

Join us on this Q&A Session where Gloria answers a range of questions posed by you, the Survivors. One for this month includes: how do you explain the hand sign to younger children. The questions are pertinent, and Gloria, as always provides calm and measured responses that helps restore grace and acceptance to these difficult experiences.

For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org

We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack

Meet Cadence P.
Survivor. Poet. Advocate

She was abused by her godmother and her godmother’s father. She was heavily manipulated and groomed to the point where, they made her lie and say it was her brother who was abusing her. This eventuated in him being removed from the home and sent to juvenile then foster care. She was 3 when the abuse began.

You can reach out to Cadence here: https://www.instagram.com/cadence_p.2025/

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Su...

Having survived this trauma, understand that your body went into the 4 trauma responses, fight, flight, freeze of fawn. Reason: You had a lot of adrenaline cursing through you as you were in survival mode. This affected your central nervous system including mentally, emotionally and physiologically. Now as an adult that is safe, you will became drained when dealing with it, there will feel a natural level of flatness or needing rest. Please give into that.

For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org

We are on al...

Handing the Shame Back is proud to return for the third year in a row with our GLOBAL AWARENESS DAY (16 June).

This day is dedicated to raising awareness of child sexual abuse, honouring adult survivors — including those who didn’t make it, and most importantly, shifting the silence.

WHEREVER YOU ARE in the world, we invite you to join us for a 30-minute walk at 10am local time. If 16 June falls on a weekday, feel free to do your walk on the closest weekend. Landmarks around the world will be lit in our logo colours — red, w...

Reg Johnston
Survivor. Trauma Informed AOD Clinician. Survivor Advocate

Reg was abused by his sister 13 years older than him, who groomed him at the age of 12 mainly through the use of pornography. His home life consisted of confused boundaries, with secrets and lies always a feature. He wants people to know that drugs and alcohol don’t define you, in most cases they are just symptoms of the abuse that occurred.

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA RAINN https://ww...

The known facts about being triggered are these: We don't know when they're going to occur, or how they will occur. What this means is that we cannot prepare for that which we cannot know. These triggers can appear through anything that involves one or any of the five senses; sight, smell, sound, taste, or touch: triggering a memory or experience of the abuse we suffered. There is nothing we can do to stop that, but there is a way to manage it.

► Visit our website for more information on our foundation: http://handingtheshameback.org
► Donate plea...

Q&A Session

Join us on this Q&A Session where Gloria answers questions posed by you, the Survivors. Ranging from how to manage a family who still believe the predator, to is it even possible to go on to have a loving and healthy relationship as an adult. The range of questions is moving, and Gloria, as always provides calm and measured responses that helps restore grace and acceptance to these difficult experiences.

For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org

We...

Meet Diane Payne
Survivor

Diane was sexually abused by her brother-in-law from age 12 to 16. He was 24 when it started. She told no one for 40 years. Fast forward 4 years, & last year he finally got convicted in NZ. He got home detention for 8 months, due to a plea deal & the laws in the 1980's, when the abuse occurred. Don’t miss her story here.

You can reach out to Diane here:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ffs.trauma/

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Hel...

Feelings of shame and guilt are common to Survivors. This is especially true if we had siblings we felt we couldn't protect, or that we had to lie to protect the abuser which hurt our siblings even more. There is a process over time of healing, which requires great self compassion and tenderness. Don’t rush it and please give yourself some grace. The blame and shame never belonged to you.

Watch the full clip here: https://youtu.be/i92FPdCwp8k

For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a survivor or a...

Meet Sue Philip
Survivor

Sue was abused from preschool age by her father. She blocked the memories out for many years until she was in her 40’s.. Her parents were part of the mormon church, and it was not until she left the church as an adult, that she was able to remember the details of what her father had done to her and her siblings.

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ Lar...

Many people consider that mind games are something that are done to us and that we are being manipulated by others. No one ever considers the bigger truth: that we play mind games with ourselves, more than with any other person, and we do it in a multitude of ways: like testing ourselves, overthinking, questioning ourselves and through sabotaging ourselves! The point being we are constantly undermining who we are by doing this. We need to stop doing this!

► Visit our website for more information on our foundation: http://handingtheshameback.org
► Donate please, this helps...

On behalf of Handing the Shame Back, I had the privilege of presenting to the Parliamentary Select Committee on Child Sex Trafficking within NZ, (we are wanting increased penalties added to the slavery offences amendment bill). Although the experience was daunting, the submission was well received.

Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/GwndoRE3kRI

Video source: New Zealand Parliament

We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/handingtheshameback/
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Meet Hanz Freller
Survivor Advocate. Dad. Author

He was abused in care by a St John of God Brother. The abuse was to span several years and was calculated and manipulative in the grooming of him throughout those vulnerable teenage years.

You can reach out to Hanz here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hanz.freller
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hanzfreller

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ Largest U...

First Q&A Session

Join us on this, our very first Q&A Session where Gloria answers questions posed by you, ‘yes you’, the Survivors. Ranging from what to look for in kids who are being trafficked to coping with seeing your child experience the worst trauma possible, Gloria provides calm and measured responses that help soothe and restore equilibrium to these difficult experiences.

For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org 

We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https...

Today marks the start of something powerful — 2,700 books are being unboxed, packaged, and prepared for delivery to schools across New Zealand.

Every book sent is a step toward a safer future. If you’d like to help us get them into schools, please consider donating: https://donate.stripe.com/aEU4iIfR1b8Pdpu7ss (Reference: ‘Book Distribution’).

At Handing the Shame Back, we don’t see this as just opening boxes. We see it as opening a path to better protecting children, breaking barriers, and giving teachers the tools they need to recognise and respond...

Sometimes as survivors we can feel guilty, frozen or just plain wrong about having sex. As adults this has impact beyond what we can imagine. Have a look at this video as it just may help free you up from anything holding you back from enjoying intimacy with a loved one.

Watch the full clip here: https://youtu.be/j-hwv9GTetA

For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org

We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.fac...

Today is the day!

We are beyond excited to have received the books, "Keeping Kids Safe", which will be distributed to schools across New Zealand.

We are still accepting donations to cover book distribution costs. If you’re able to help, please use this direct link: https://donate.stripe.com/aEU4iIfR1b8Pdpu7ss and include the reference "Book Distribution".

Our goal is simple but vital: to equip teachers with the knowledge to recognise the signs of child sexual abuse, respond appropriately, and ultimately protect vulnerable children.

Thank you...

Meet Susan Gold
Survivor, Author and Transformationalist.

She was the middle child born in a family where generational abuse was undealt with and therefore continued. She was abused by her brother between 7 to 10 years of age with some flashbacks of both her father and grandfather being abusers as well. She believes that finding kindness for yourself from within is a key part of the healing journey.

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ Largest US...

We have now raised $2,500. If you are able to help, please use this direct link: https://donate.stripe.com/aEU4iIfR1b8Pdpu7ss and include the reference 'Book Distribution' to ensure the funds are allocated to processing and postage. Every $10 means one school receives a copy of the book!

Thank you. You may just save some kids!

We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/handingtheshameback/
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It is entirely natural for you as a survivor of child sexual abuse to struggle with sex as an adult. some survivors have a constant battle with this, preferring to be celibate in the end. For others guilt, fear and dissociation can occur. Wherever you are at is entirely normal, and can be worked with if it is of concern. Don’t miss this podcast.

We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/handingtheshameback/
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As children, we were always dependent on the adults around us to meet our needs. This is common and expected, as we were unable to feed or clothe ourselves. However, guilt does feature because we had to accommodate the adults around us, even when we felt scared and uncomfortable.

For more information, resources, or coaching — whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org

We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/handingtheshameback/
X: ht...

Meet Steven Shelton
Survivor and Author

Was abused by many males beginning when he was just 4 years old. His mother walked in on the abuse, saw it, and walked back out again. This was the beginning of Steven’s nightmare, culminating in him developing Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID. He firmly believes that passage of time, a loving spouse, and talking about it, have helped him recover from this.

For further information on Steven, go to: https://stevensheltonauthor.com/author-page/

HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz...

We are thrilled to provide answers to any questions you may have — let's interact! We want to provide information you need, in order to do that, please email us at contactus@handingtheshameback.org and put ‘Question’ in the subject line, followed by your main question in the body of the email.

Let's customise our content to work with your objectives as closely as possible.

We are always thinking of you and finding ways to support the amazing survivors that you are.

We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.fa...