Handing the Shame Back
This channel is dedicated to all those brave fellow 'adult survivors of child sexual abuse'. You are not alone out there, you are believed and supported in finding your voice & handing the shame back to the abusers - where it belongs.Handing the Shame Back is a New Zealand based charity, focused on preventing child sexual abuse through education and supporting adult survivors. Find out more about us and what we do: https://www.handingtheshameback.orgEach week, Handing the Shame Back will add a Survivor Interview, Tip for Survivors, or Blog to help support our community in finding their way...
Supporter Interview: Kathie A.
Meet Kathie A.
Strong advocate of Survivors. Widow of a survivor.
In 2016 Kathieâs husband Kevin told her about his abuse at the hands of a catholic priest when he was 13 years old. Fast track to age 52, when he had a sudden cardiac arrest and his life was brought to an abrupt end.
Watch the story unfold as Kathie courageously shares all that led up to his passing, and her incredible advocacy both before and after this tragedy.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visi...
Survivor Interview: Brianne Williams
Meet Brianne Williams
Survivor. Counsellor. Outdoor recreation enthusiast.
Brianne was abused from 2 - 14 years of age. Her abusers were her father and her paternal grandfather. It was an open secret in their family, and was, she felt generational. Brianne did really well at school and was a high achiever, but as she states, all it did was mask the reality of the trauma she was experiencing.
If youâd like to connect with Brianne, please visit: https://briannehwilliams.com/
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supp...
Global Awareness Day 2026 | Sunday 14 June
Every year, we come together on Global Awareness Day to raise awareness of child sexual abuse, share ways to prevent it, and honour adult survivors, including those who didnât make it.
This is a global silent epidemic. It's up to all of us, as a community, to shift the silence.
Wherever you are in the world, we invite you to take part in three simple but powerful ways:
â€ïž Join us for a 30-minute walk at 10am your local time, wearing red, white, and black to honour this cause.
â€ïž Swap your profile pi...
Survivor Interview: John
Meet John
SRA Survivor. Spiritual War Fighter. Philosopher.
John suppressed his childhood sexual abuse for 24 years. He is now 6 years into his healing, and currently works with police on exposing one of the facilities he was abused at. His perpetrators were mainly his parents and extended family, and continued until he was 12 years old.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.orgÂ
We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack
Instagram: https://www...
Survivor Interview: Shereen Simmonds
Â
Meet Shereen Simmonds
Advocate. Founder of Phoenix Five
Shereen grew up in a family where attention was not directed her way. Her uncle provided that through grooming her with gifts and allowing her to spend time with his dogs. From age 7 to 14 years old he sexually abused her. When the case went to court, her mother spoke in defence of her uncle, suffice it to say she does not consider her a mother.
If youâd like to connect with Shereen, please email info@phnxfive.com, or visit:
https://www.instagram.com...
Survivor Interview: Rob Balfour
Meet Rob Balfour
Survivor. Just Me. Activist
At the age of 4, Rob was found wandering around the streets and said he would rather die than âgo homeâ. Both parents had mental health issues, with his mother having violent episodes. This was the beginning of his trauma, as Rob was abused by several different people over the years, the first beginning when he was 6 years old. His advice? Recover yourself by coming home to who you really are. Donât miss this interview by yet another brave survivor.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are...
Survivor Interview: Caroline Hunt
Â
Meet Caroline Hunt
Advocate. Survivor. Author
She was brought up in a strict Mormon home in a large Samoan family, where her parents were devout followers, and worked very hard. She was abused by her uncle from 4 - 8 years of age, whenever the family went back to visit them. He was seen as a trusted member of the family. He tried to rape her again when she was 15, but she was able to fight him off. What was very difficult for her was discovering one of her own children had also been sexually abused.
Survivor Interview: Dave Lukins
Meet Dave Lukins
Survivor. Father of twins.
Dave first experienced abuse at the age of 7 in the toilets at school. Then again at 11 - 13 from a sports coach. He got so used to it happening, he expected it. He believes other boys were abused by the coach as well. When his son turned 7, the triggers began appearing, and the healing once it began, was to change his whole life.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org
We are on all social media pl...
Tips for Survivors: Feeling Off
We Survivors are allowed to have off days. Healing isnât linear, and some days will feel heavier than others. Itâs okay to rest, to feel, and to take time for yourself without guilt. Every step, even the quiet or difficult ones, is part of your journey, and taking a pause doesnât erase your strength, it honours it.
âș Visit our website for more information on our foundation: http://handingtheshameback.org
âș Donate please, this helps us keep going: http://handingtheshameback.org/donate
ADDITIONAL RESOURCE
âș If you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter...
Survivor Interview: Staci Reay
Â
Meet Staci Reay
Survivor. Advocate
Staci was abused between 3-17 years of age by her father, who she later discovered was NOT her biological father. Her brothers were also abused by this man. Her twin brother became an alcoholic and died at age of 40. Staci herself, attempted suicide twice as a teenager, trying to escape the ongoing trauma of the abuse. Inspirational and brave, Staciâs story is well worth watching.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org
We are on al...
Survivor Interview: Damien Diver
Â
Meet Damien Diver
Survivor. Married father of 3. Primary School Teacher.
Damien was abused in 2003 at age of 16 by a family friend while working with him in the school holidays. This was to continue over 2 summers, with the grooming built up over this time impacting both him and his family. The first time it happened Damienâs behaviour changed, and it was to be 16 years before he could talk about what happened to him. What happened next is inspiring, do not miss this survivor story.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a...
2025 Xmas Message from the Board
Itâs Christmas.
Getting through Christmas, can be an overwhelming ask for us as survivors. While many people experience joy and celebration during this time, we can feel the opposite through difficult emotions, painful memories, and feelings of isolation surfacing.
Hereâs some ideas that may just help.
From all of us here at Handing the Shame Back
We see you
We stand beside you
We believe you
For more on us, go to: handingtheshameback.org
We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: h...
Survivor Interview: Alyssa Milligan
Meet Alyssa Milligan
Advocate for School Student Survivors. Article Writer. High School Student.
Alyssa is an incredible 16-year-old advocate who is wanting to help other students. She was abused when she was 13 years old by a family friend. He was caught by his wife who began calling her names and denigrating her. Her parents believed her, but it was her Church youth leader who went to the police with it. He was charged with the crimes he committed.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.or...
2025 Xmas Panel Discussion
It's that time of year again and we have an exciting panel discussion lined up for you. Meet Ali Mau, Survivor, recent Author and Co-founder of Tika charity. Please welcome Dean Clarkson, Survivor and Founder of the charity Wana, the first male refuge in New Zealand. Together and combined with our own very special Gloria Masters, they will be providing ideas and support to help survivors navigate the Christmas season.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org
We are on all social media platforms:
...
Survivor Interview: John Comerford
Â
Meet John Comerford
Survivor. Mental Health Ambassador. Author
John was abused in a catholic school beginning when he was 11 years old. His abuser was a catholic brother who was later found to have been moved by the church from Melbourne to Sydney because of his sexual abuse of boys in his care. The damage he did spanned 3 decades and involved over 100 boys. John has some powerful insights and is both resilient and inspiring.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org
We...
Blog: Telling Someone
When is the right time to disclose what happened to you as a child? There is no one answer to this. Disclosing childhood sexual abuse is deeply personal, and the âright timeâ should not be determined by a calendar or someone else's expectations. It should defined by you; your readiness, your safety, and your sense of emotional strength in that moment.
âș Visit our website for more information on our foundation: handingtheshameback.org
âș Donate please, this helps us keep going: handingtheshameback.org/donate
ADDITIONAL RESOURCE
âș If you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter...
Q&A Session: November 2025
Every month we provide answers to YOUR questions. Yes we do read them, so please reach out to contactus@handingtheshameback.org, we want to help you! If you have a burning question, we may have an answer. Each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This monthâs Q&A has a range of questions including: As a step parent, how do I have age appropriate conversations around body safety? For this and more, have a watch of this short video, and learn something you may not have known.
âș Visit our...
Survivor Interview: Dean Clarkson
Meet Dean Clarkson
Survivor. Trail Blazer. Founder. Father.
Dean was 6 years old when he was first abused by an older boy who isolated him while playing a game. He never saw him again after that, but his coping mechanism became one of self harming. He was then abused from the age of 9 - 11 by a much older girl. His life as an adult, then became one of a victim as his wife physically abused him for years. What he now does is inspiring. Do not miss this interview.
For more information, resources, or coaching â wh...
Tips for Survivors: Survivors and Sleep
Â
It is beyond important for everyone to get enough sleep. For survivors it is essential. Sleep is where the mind can relax, unwind and rest. We keep our minds busy with unresolved trauma and anxiety, so a good 8 hours of sleep is essential for healing and recovery.
âș Visit our website for more information on our foundation: http://handingtheshameback.org
âș Donate please, this helps us keep going: http://handingtheshameback.org/donate
ADDITIONAL RESOURCE
âș If you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter, visit: http://handingtheshameback.org/coaching
We are on all...
Survivor Interview: Tracy Lee
Â
Tracy Lee
Author. Activist. Lived experience CSA victim.
Tracy was the eldest of 4 children and the only girl. Her mother was 17 years old when she had her. She was abused by her father from the age of 4. She was abused by a celebrity at age 9, by a boy at age 12 and then by a man under a bridge at age 15. Her childhood was traumatic and difficult. Donât miss her story here.
For more information, resources, or coaching â whether you are a survivor or a supporter, visit: handingtheshameback.org
We are o...
Blog: Overthinking
Â
I believe that overthinking is connected to hypervigilance and is part of a post trauma response. For many survivors, overthinking became second nature, as you had no control over what was happening to you, and you began to think about, plan and replay events endlessly in your head. Simply because your survival depended on it. Question: Does it still serve you in your life as an adult? If not, keep listening to the blog, it provides answers.
âș Visit our website for more information on our foundation: handingtheshameback.org
âș Donate please, this helps us keep going...
Survivor Interview: Keith Williams
Keith Williams
Survivor
Keith was 7 years old when the abuse began by an older brother, this went on till he was 12 years of age, at which point Keith believes he aged out. The coercive control and manipulation was powerful and ensured Keith never spoke out. He finally found his voice during Covid in 2021.
HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ Largest US support for adult survivors of child sexual abuse
UK NAPAK https://napac.org.uk...
Q&A Session: October 2025
Please reach out to contactus@handingtheshameback.org, we want to help you! If you have questions, we may have some answers, each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This monthâs Q&A has a range of questions including: How do I help my kids identify who a âsafe adultâ is? For this and more, have a watch of this short educational video, and learn something you may not have known. Once you know something, you canât unknow it.
For more on us, go to: handingtheshameback.org
We are...
Tips for Survivors: Overthinking
Do you ever find yourself overthinking and wondering why you do it?
This can stem from anxiety, fear, and even feelings of not being seen, heard or understood. This was because during the time the abuse occurred, you had no way of overcoming what was happening to you. Instead of having healthy adaptive techniques you developed unhealthy maladaptive techniques. This led to becoming emotionally disregulated instead of being emotionally regulated, and so it goes onâŠ.Â
 For more on us, go to: handingtheshameback.orgÂ
We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: ht...
Survivor Interview: Lisa Mannina
Â
Lisa Mannina
Survivor. Pilot. Metastatic Breast Cancer Warrior
Lisa was abused by her mother's 3rd husband's son who was in his mid to late 20âs. She was 10 years old, this abuse carried on for 4 years and occurred at her family home, right under her motherâs and step father's eyes. She was frozen and confused and was told she wouldn't be believed if she ever told anyone. She did tell her best friend and she was believed.
HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male...
Blog: Possibilities
For most of us possibilities are not something we ever seriously consider. We tend to live with thoughts of things not working out for us as opposed to the opposite: things working out well. Did you know that if you think you can or think you can't, either way you are right? There is so much potential that lies within all of us that is largely untapped. I believe this is because we are not aware of how to access it, let alone use it fully. It is widely considered that most of our minds are underutilised by most...
Q&A Session: September 2025
Â
We want to help you! If you have questions, we may have some answers, each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This monthâs Q&A has a range of questions including: how to support Survivors as a partner or spouse? What if I say the wrong thing? For this and more, have a watch of this short educational video, and learn something you may not have known. Once you know something, you canât unknow it.
For more on us, go to: handingtheshameback.org
We ar...
Survivor Interview: Kieron
Â
Meet Kieron
Survivor. Educator. CEO and Founder of Speak It Out
Kieron was 6 years old when the abuse began and was to continue until he was 17 years of age. This was perpetrated by someone close to him who he trusted and never thought would harm him. This was someone 4 years older than him.
To find out more about Speak It Out, go to: https://www.speakitout.org/Â
HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA RAINN https://ww...
Tips for Survivors: The Mind Dissociates
Â
The Mind Dissociates
There is confusion around why this happens, but put simply the mind leaves when the body canât. For survivors of child sexual abuse that is a blessing. But what if years later, as an adult, you are still quite dissociative? What if you are struggling to stay present? Can anything be done to help this?
Yes it can, and Gloria shows how.
For more on us, go to: handingtheshameback.org
We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Han...
Survivor Interview: Isabella Grosso
Meet Isabella Grosso
Survivor. Dancer. Author
She was abused from the age of 5 years by family friends and neighbours. She told her Dad, but nothing stopped after that. She could see the fear and sadness in his eyes so never spoke out again until she was in her 20âs. She felt her parents didn't want to know, and that her mother was also abused as a child.
HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ Largest US...
Blog: Letting Go
Do you ever find yourself struggling to let go of a situation?
Do you ever find yourself uncomfortable with not having control or insight into what happens next? If the answer is yes, you stand in good company. Many survivors experience just that, and it is more common than you think.
It makes sense, as being abused as children you didnât have any control, let alone understand how to manage it.
âș Visit our website for more information on our foundation: handingtheshameback.org
âș Donate please, this helps us keep going: handingtheshameback.org/donate...
Q&A Session: August 2025
We want to help you! If you have questions, we may have some answers, each month we provide a Q&A forum for you to help educate and inform. This monthâs Q&A has a range of questions including: how to approach schools who are posting children's pictures on Facebook? For this and more, have a watch of this short educational video, and learn something you may not have known. Once you know something, you canât unknow it.
For more on us, go to: handingtheshameback.org
We are on all social media platforms:
...
Survivor Interview: Lee Cooper
Â
Meet Lee Cooper
Survivor. Advocate. Photographer
He was abused between 11-13 by a family member. He told no-one until he turned 31 years of age, and that was to his girlfriend. He believes that perpetrators know that disclosure is like a nuclear bomb going off which is why they so confidently operate under the cover of silence.
HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Auckland 0800 623 1700. Male Survivors Aotearoa, Freephone: 0800 044 334
USA RAINN https://www.rainn.org/ Largest US support for adult survivors of child sexual abuse
Tips for Survivors: Using Instinct to Let Go
Having a quiet time where you can connect in with your inner wisdom, will give you the answers you need. Your higher self is always at play, but you can only truly let go when you trust your instinct. The easiest and most effective way is through the following gateway: Go within.
It may feel odd, and contrary to what you are told⊠as in look outside yourself for the answers, through other people, books, etc.
But the real wisdom of being able to Let go, lies within you.
For more on us, go...
NZ Police Share the Global Hand Sign Message in Te Reo MÄori
Â
We are fortunate to have a member of NZ Police share the Global Hand Sign message in Te Reo. Please share far and wide so all who need to can see the hand sign and hear it. The more people that see this, the more children we can save.
For more information, visit:
â
Global Hand Sign: handingtheshameback.org/global-hand-sign
â
Global Hand Sign Response: handingtheshameback.org/global-hand-sign-response
-----------------------------------------------
English translation:
Hello,
If you need help but cannot or do not feel safe to ask for it, there...
Survivor Interview: Debbra Blosnich
Â
Meet Debbra Blosnich
Survivor. Author. Transformational Life Coach
Between the ages of 6 - 18 she was abused by her father, with him telling her you canât get pregnant, Iâve been fixed. She was 12 at the time. At the age of 9 her mother asked her if her father âdidâ things to her, with Debbra not answering the question fully as she didn't know how to respond. She was later to discover her father went on to abuse her sisters and niece.
HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotal...
Blog: Reflection
Â
Most of us would rather not revisit the past. It was traumatic, frightening, and understandably triggering. But what if I told you that how you approach your past could make all the difference? What if, by gently reflecting, you could make sense of it and gather some valuable insights about the child you were, and the adult youâve become as a result? There is real value in understanding more of who we are. In doing so, we begin to regain mastery over our livesâeven the painful parts that once devastated us.
âș Visit our website...
Survivor Interview: Marvin Hitchman
Meet Marvin Hitchman
Survivor. Author. A fighter who wants to make more people aware of child sexual abuse.
He was also born in prison. When he was adopted out, he never bonded with his adoptive father, and found himself feeling isolated. He took refuge outside the home, and it was there he was preyed upon. His abuser sexually abused from the age of 11 to 14 years of age, with no respite. He is now an author and legend, helping others to deal with their trauma.
HELP
NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334...
Q&A Session: July 2025
This monthâs Q&A has a range of questions including: Why use the hand sign when it's for everyone else to use? Do survivors of child sexual abuse more likely to go on and abuse children? For these answers and more, have a watch of this short educational video, and learn something you may not have known. We all know once you know something, you canât unknow it.
For more on us, go to: handingtheshameback.org
We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack
In...
Tips for Survivors: Guilt
Â
The role guilt plays in sexual abuse as a child is varied. Please note, that without exception; if you are a survivor of this trauma, you were undoubtedly groomed, manipulated and often bullied into being complicit. However it manifested, you would have felt guilt. As an adult looking back, although you understand this, sometimes the guilt feels too much. Have a listen to this to begin finding your way back to empowerment and self belief.
For more on us, go to: handingtheshameback.org
We are on all social media platforms:
Facebook:
