The Patrauma Party - Heal from trauma, improve self worth, and learn to love yourself, dammit

Self-doubt can plague us, especially when we come from trauma and abuse. We don't put ourselves out there for the jobs we want, the friendships we're drawn to, the crushes we have. It can be so frustrating (!!!!). But what if we could put some distance between us and that self-doubt? What if we could poke holes in the lies it tells us? What if we could learn more about what's behind it? Hop in, hunny, that's what this episode is all about.

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Not feeling chosen by your caregivers is such a painful experience that it gets tucked into our subconscious, where it thrives without us even knowing! It's just hanging out in the shadows of our minds, making (usually not great) decisions for us and making us feel sad as hell. In this episode, we get into the impact of not being chosen in childhood—how it shows up in relationships, why it can be so hard to know that's even true for us, and how we can start to...

Maybe we're constantly dieting or abstaining from eating, maybe we're obsessively counting calories or working out, maybe we're spending crazy amounts of money on anti-aging procedures or products, or maybe we're just looking in the mirror and talking mad sh*t to ourselves. In this episode, I welcome therapist Gina Gratza to the show to talk through what's at the core of criticizing our bodies (hint: it has nothing to do with our actual bodies), and how we can return to loving the bodies we're in.

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Everyone talks about authenticity, and there's even a lot of shame for not "being real." But when you come from abuse and/or emotionally immature parents, it's actually really complicated to know how to be authentic. People-pleasing, fawning, emotional shutdown, freeze, and other trauma responses (often results of CPTSD) prevent us from even knowing how we feel, much less being able to express it. In this episode, licensed therapist Carli Kilbourne joins the pod to talk about how we get back to what's true for US.

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Unsafe people aren't going to walk up to you and tell you they're unsafe. But there are lots of signs if you know what to look for. Unfortunately, many of us had that internal alarm system groomed out of us as kids so that we could survive our unsafe parents and caregivers, and we literally don't know what to look for. Until now.

TW: This episode talks about acts of violence ICE has enacted on Americans.

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When we're taught that "love" is conditional on outside approval, when we're taught to fear authority rather than stand in our personal power, when we're expected to provide unwavering loyalty and praise, even at our own expense—we come into adulthood deeply emotionally debilitated. Emotionally immature parents and caregivers leave lasting wounds on their children—a fear of rejection and abandonment, fawning and people pleasing, a lack of boundaries and sense of agency, trouble with relationships and attachment, and maybe worst of all, a deep confusion about what love is. In this episode, associate counselor Taylor Pearl joins me to g...

It's my first epi of 2026! And we're getting into depression. Depressive episodes are so painful. You might think you'll never bounce back, and even worse, you might feel like you have to hide how sad you are so people won't reject you. In this episode, I spill the tea on my Christmas depressive episode and get into what I USED to do, what I did differently this time, and what I learned in the process.

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Our conversation on attachment styles continues! This week, we're getting into disorganized attachment style, aka fearful avoidant. One of the reasons this style is so hard to understand is that it's rooted in contradictory desires—wanting something while simultaneously fearing it. It can be as confusing for the people with this attachment style as it is for the people in relationship with them. Holistic therapist and podcaster Hayden Rosato joins me to talk us through how this attachment style differs from anxious and avoidant, what beliefs come up for those with disorganized attachment, how it impacts relationships, and how we...

How many people are walking around performing success—achieving, following the "rules," doing everything that's "supposed" to make you happy on paper, only to find themselves depressed, disconnected, and dissatisfied? Why do we do this? What's at the root of it? And how do we reroute our lives? In this episode, Danielle Mcgeough, professor, speaker, and transformation strategist, joins me to dig into the cause of performing happiness and how we heal.

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This is a continuation of the attachment style series! So many of us are avoidant *and don't even know it.* We avoid conflict, people please, shut down, and/or chronically fail to voice our needs in relationships (yes! this is what a fear of intimacy looks like!). So how do we go from avoidant attachment to a healthier, more secure attachment? In this episode, Dr. Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, LAc, joins me to dive into how we got here, how it hurts us (aka it's literally impacting your health), and how we start to heal.

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Have you heard about reactive defense, AKA reactive abuse? This is super important to know about if you've been in relationships with abusers (your family counts!), especially when narcissistic abuse is at play and YES, even chronic defensiveness. We're getting clear on what this looks like and how to get off the hamster wheel so we feel focused, clear, and powerful and not like we're about to lose our damn minds.

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It's the 3rd epi in my people-pleasing series! I have been DYING to know what human design really is, how it works, and if it can help us with people pleasing. Turns out, not only can it help, it can give you a map that shows exactly where your people pleasing started, how it works, and how you heal it. Human design expert and confidence coach Kelly Hughes joins me to show us the way.

Want to work with Kelly? Check out her incredible courses, and use code PATRAUMAPARTY at check-out for 10% off:

This is episode 2 in my people-pleasing deep-dive! One of our biggest fears as people-pleasers is speaking up for ourselves during conflict—it can literally make us feel like we're going to pass out from anxiety! So how do we move from the knee-jerk "Sounds good, no worries!" to a thoughtful, authentic: "Actually, here's what I need..."? In this epi, psychologist, author, relationship expert, and podcast host Dr. Tracy Dalgleish joins me to get into what's underlying our people-pleasing patterns, why people-pleasing actually leads to MORE conflict, and how we heal.

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It's my first in a series on people pleasing! We're looking at it from all angles, starting with people-pleasing at work. We do it to stay safe, even to get ahead in our careers—but it's actually sabotaging our success! The problem is, half the time, we don't even know we're doing it, and the other half, we've people pleased before we even have a chance to think about what we're saying (soooo frustrating)! In this episode, executive coach, TED Talk speaker, and founder of Encourage Coaching, Katie O’Malley, joins me to talk about how we overcome the trau...

How do you know when it's time to end a friendship, or any relationship for that matter? How do you know when you're just being "dramatic," like your family of origin always told you you were, and when you're self-advocating and standing in your power? How do you balance healthy boundaries with healthy compassion, especially when a person's toxicity is coming from being abused themselves? In this episode, we're doing a deep dive into when it's time to call it quits, so that you can stop feeling drained and disrespected, and start feeling loved and cared for.

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We've all been there—trying to figure out the exact right way to phrase the text so we sound cool and aloof when actually we've been crying for the last two hours. Anxious attachment style can suuuckkkkk so bad because it's rooted in deep feelings of not being good enough, not trusting people, and not loving ourselves. But what if I told you there's nothing wrong with YOU? Not just to hype you up (which, I'm your forever hype girl), but literally, technically - anxious attachment is a *healthy* response to a *really unhealthy* situation. You're not f*cked up...

Being anxiously attached in a relationship is hard enough, but anxiously attached during a breakup?? The feelings of abandonment, the hopelessness, the sense that you'll never get your life back—it can be a real codependent spiral. In this episode, we dive into what the breakup process can look like for anxiously attached folks, what lies we tell ourselves in those dark moments, and what we need to know to get back in alignment with our TRUE selves.

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A lot of times, we think the antidote to burnout is a nap or a vacay (which, no shade, we love a vacay) but a lot of us are struggling with burnout from our own—often *subconscious*—repeated behaviors like perfectionism, overachieving (in an attempt to feel worthy or valid), people pleasing, or not setting appropriate boundaries. AKA, the call is coming from inside the house. In this episode, I welcome therapist and yoga instructor Amanda Baker to join me as we get into all things burnout—what it looks like, the role our nervous systems play in it, and ho...

Do you ever get mad at yourself because you didn't hold a boundary? Are you SO over what a people pleaser you can be? Has anyone ever told you you need to respect yourself like they were talking to kindergartener and you STILL, to this day, carry that shame around with you? This is your epi, hunny. We're getting into the connection between people pleasing, boundaries, and self respect, and why self respect is actually a lot more complicated than your (kind of rude, TBH) friend realizes.

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Real talk—narcissistic mothers unleash a reign of terror over their kids, and for MANY of us, we don't even realize it for years and years! We may even adore, worship, and endlessly praise our mothers (which is what many narcissistic mothers groom their children to do BTW). The way it impacts our self-worth and ability to set boundaries is WILD. In this epi, I welcome coach and host of the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers podcast, ⁠Matilde Crocini,⁠ to get into what this abuse looks like, how it impacts us, and her 3-step process for recovering from it. (PS you ca...

Literally romantic obsession SUCKS. The longing is so intense, and there's no way to satiate it. In this epi, we get into how your unmet childhood needs are feeding your limerence, how we work with them, and why self-love is both the key AND just the beginning.

Birth Chart Reading Giveaway Rules! Leave me a rating and review, screenshot it, post it on your Insta story, and tag me: @thepatraumaparty. If you leave it on Apple Podcasts, you'll get 3 entries. If you just do a rating on Spotify (since you can't do a review), you'll get 1 entry...

Anxiety isn't just about your thoughts, it's about whether or not you see *YOURSELF* as capable enough to handle life (OOF!). In this episode, I get into this and SO much more with anxiety expert Dr. Stephanie Lopez (you can check out her FREE training for ditching anxiety here).

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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In this epi, we're getting into the symptoms of growing up without a parent who supported and hyped you up or even hugged you—it can show up allll over your life—AND we're getting into how we heal. (Don't worry—it's a huge heartache, but we're starting small.)

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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NBD just going through life feeling like you're always the problem because you weren't treated like you were good enough to be heard, seen, respected, or loved as a kid! In this episode, psychotherapist Kelly Lewis joins me for a deep dive: neglect, anxious attachment, conditional love, perfectionism, and having to earn approval—and how all of them are related to not feeling good enough. Plus we look at social factors like fatphobia, homophobia, racism, and sexism, and how THEY create the feeling that we're not good enough. We'll also look at growth & fixed mindsets and imposter syndrome, and th...

Are you feeling like you're always on the brink of a panic attack while a government of racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic oligarchs squeezes every last ounce of democracy out of our country? Then this one's for you.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute f...

Healing after a breakup suucckkks—the grief, the anger, the fear. In this episode, I sit down with somatic practioner Laurie James to talk about The 4 E's (we especially love "expel"), self-compassion post-breakup, and even breakups with friends and family.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substi...

A lot of families don't take sibling abuse seriously—behavior they would never accept from a bully at school, they completely gloss over when it's happening at home. How do we heal from that trauma? And when it continues into adulthood, can we even mend the relationship with our sibling? In this episode, I coach Jackie through these questions, letting go of what isn't working so that she can reclaim her authentic self and integrate what was lost along the way.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.<...

Does your internal monologue ever sound like, "I'll never get better," "I'll never have the life I want," "I'll never fall in love"? Then this one's for you, baby! Learned helplessness is when we learn (often in abusive households growing up) that we don't have any control over the harm being done to us, so we just stop trying. We basically learn to be helpless. In this episode, somatic marriage and family therapist Katrina Foster joins me to talk through how learned helplessness impacts our lives and how we heal from the bottom up.

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After a sexual assault, you often spiral into a hole you feel you'll never come out of. In this episode, Rima writes in to ask for help with the feeling that she will be never the person she was before she was assaulted.

For clarity's sake, the phrase "sexual assault" is an umbrella term that applies to many experiences, including but not limited to rape. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can reach out to RAINN at 800.656.HOPE (4673).

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So much of what we think about ourselves and the world is A. not helpful, and B. operating on automatic without our even knowing about it. If we think we're not good enough, not worthy of love, always going to be broke, never going to feel happy again, etc. etc., we're letting self-defeating beliefs run the show of our lives. In this episode, I'm joined by therapist and author Judith Belmont to talk about how we work with those self-defeating beliefs, so they don't work us.

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People keep telling Maggie to write gratitude lists to help her while she's struggling emotionally. But every time she tries to do it, she feels worse and sometimes even cries, which makes her feel like there's something wrong with her. Is there a part of her that's resisting happiness? or is there a problem with gratitude?

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Anyone else feel like they're not good enough for people to stand up for them? Anyone else get a hit of unworthiness when people don't have your back? In this episode, LCSW Sydney Linden joins to talk about the different ways it can look to go unprotected in childhood, what core beliefs it creates for us in adulthood, and what it looks like to heal.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Chloe's father is a malignant narcissist, but now that he's dying, she's deeply wrestling with her decision to go no-contact. How can she truly be a loving, forgiving person if she refuses to be in contact with him? In this episode, we talk about healing the wounds of being in relationship with a narcissistic parent and redefining what "love" means when it's time to go no-contact.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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We think of empathy as always being a good thing, but like everything else, too much of a good thing can be toxic. I call "toxic empathy" (not a clinical term, BTW, just my term), the phenomenon that occurs when we empathize with others to the point that we can't feel our *own* feelings. We can't feel anger when people hurt us, or we order a cocktail we don't want because our friend doesn't want to drink alone, etc. etc. It robs us of our boundaries and our autonomy, often leading to self-abandonment. In this episode, I welcome marriage...

Teal grew up being super parentified by her addicted mother. The house was dirty, there wasn't food, her mom was at the bars, and Teal was in charge of her siblings. In this episode, we dig into the self-limiting beliefs around self-worth that resulted from Teal's struggle (the people pleasing, resentments, and lack of self-knowing) and look at what it means to heal.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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A lack of encouragement in childhood leaves a deep mark on us—it can impact our sense of self-worth, of safety, of resiliance—you name it. Sometimes it's easy to see that we weren't encouraged, but for many of us, we don't even realize that it's at the root of many of our struggles. In this episode, I welcome writer and therapist Solasta McIntyre back to the show to talk us through how a lack of encouragement impacts children's developing brains, what the repercussions look like in adulthood, and how we heal.

If you'd like a one-on-one coac...

There are so many ways to approach healing the mother wound, and what works for one person won't necessarily work for someone else. That's why I was SOOOO excited to have hilarious comedian, internet star, badass feminist, daily meditator, mental health advocate, and sweet baby angel Toni Nagy on the show to talk about what her process has looked like in working through the mother wound (plus we get some dad stuff in there, too, so. humble brag).

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Never heard of limerence? You know that feeling when you don't know if someone's into you, but you can't stop thinking about it, you get stuck in daydreams about them, and you're just waiting with bated breath for the next time they talk to you? It's that feeling of romantic obsession that keeps you stuck on people who don't reciprocate, and turns out—it's a trauma response. In this episode, clinical social worker and psychotherapist Amanda Ichihashi Jagerman joins the pod to talk about how limerence works, where it comes from, and how we overcome it.

If yo...

Lucy writes in about being "discarded" by her ex-boyfriend who struggles with addiction. She wants to figure out why he's acting this way—she wants it to make sense. How do we navigate relationships like these?

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, profess...

It's not something you can slap a dinner party on and call it good. Chronic loneliness is often carried into adulthood from childhood—usually due to neglect. In this episode, I talk to psychotherapist Zara Neukom about how chronic loneliness starts, how it impacts our lives, and what it can look like to change from a lens of hyper self-reliance to one of mutual support.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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