Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One's Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness
This podcast is comprised of three series addressing topics relevant to families dealing with a loved one's addiction: - FAMILIES SPEAK: parents share wisdom, tools & experience using CRAFT (a proven method) with their loved one - Partner CRAFT: co-hosts explore the specificity of using CRAFT with a romantic partner (or ex) - VOICES from the FRONT LINES: Guests share expertise and stories Allies in Recovery provides online learning modules, expert hand-tailored guidance, CRAFT support groups, info on treatment options, and much more. Learn about membership options on alliesinrecovery.net
CLASSICS REVISITED: Stigma -- Changing the Story
Stigma is a story someone makes up about a situation. CRAFT provides a framework, and helps you take the story apart and change it, consciously addressing situations and moving forward with eyes open. Stigma takes power away, but making conscious choices brings your power back.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is cur...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Putting a Positive Spin on Negative Thinking
Your thoughts have power. Anxiety is a thought process. Our hosts share their experiences and most importantly, the tools we need in order to start shifting negative thinking towards positive. When we emanate that positivity, it has a cascading effect on our entire entourage. The CRAFT method for families with an addicted loved one teaches us to get a little distance from our thought patterns in order to see them more clearly. Kayla and Laurie discuss how to handle negative thinking, and why it’s important to do so.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now of...
CLASSICS REVISITED: The Importance of Self-Care During Conflict
Times of crisis and conflict may seem like the worst times to practice self-care -- yet in those moments, taking care of yourself is key to CRAFT. The more you learn to increase your awareness of yourself and your reaction, the more you can successfully use CRAFT tools. If what you want to happen in those times involves your loved one's actions, it's not likely to be successful. Changing your actions and reactions, however, alters the environment and creates the possibility of change.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
<...CLASSICS REVISITED: Speaking Up the Compassionate Way
How do you communicate when you see (your Loved One's) problematic behavior?
We'll show you how to pay more attention to *intention* — CRAFT guides us to observe the behavior, and point it calmly and thoughtfully and without adding your two cents/ personal interpretation.
Once you have briefly and specifically told your Loved One how the behavior impacts you, you can then step back without expectation of an outcome, and give them the dignity of processing what you've said. Over time, this CRAFT tool can lead to long-term change.
We explain how to do this...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Sectioning -- When to Consider Forcing Your Loved One into Treatment
"Sectioning," or using the courts to force your loved one into treatment, is an extreme tool, and not optimal. It conflicts with some of the pillars of the CRAFT method, but it's also sometimes unavoidable. Use the CRAFT skills to understand when danger is acute, and enough to warrant sectioning.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Giving Your Loved One Trust and Agency
Kayla and Laurie discuss short-term vs. long-term change -- start by working on one change in yourself rather than in your loved one, like focusing on your thought process, choosing to trust and step back, giving your loved one the chance to make decisions. This gives both of you the tools for slower, but more effective long-term change -- think of erosion, not a tsunami.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
(C...
CLASSICS REVISITED: How to Ask Effective Questions
How do you ask questions that create space for your Loved One rather than hemming them in?
We may have brilliant ideas about what someone should do, and want to share. The skills we need, however, are openness and a willingness to hear the other person and provide space and opportunity for them to process.
Learn how to back away, avoid interrupting, and let your Loved One talk without offering your feedback.
In this episode, we explain why this approach works better.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Creating a Safe Space for Decision Making
You can help your loved one make decisions by creating a safe space -- by listening, being genuinely interested in their perspective, being non-judgmental, and allowing them to slow things down to examine their own thinking. Avoid trying to fix things yourself, and assume that they're wise enough to know what they need. Your role is to help them make their own choices.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is...
CLASSICS REVISITED: How, Why, and When to Put Yourself First
How do you take care of yourself when there's a crisis with your loved one? It's a process of changing how you think about yourself and your role in the dynamic. If you can change how you think -- even for small parts of the day -- it changes the dynamic with your loved one, allowing them the freedom to look at themselves, and not just worry about how they impact you. Laurie and Kayla share tips.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barri...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Answering Listener Questions
In all our interactions with our loved one, it's important to be open to conversation, and seek a way to be collaborative rather than making demands. Our hosts discuss two listener questions, one about a partner who wants a debit card back, and another about a friend who's picking someone up from prison and wants to help continue their seeking of sobriety.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning vide...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Motivation -- What Drives Change
Motivation drives change. How do you find motivation to change your part of the dynamic, and allow time and space for the process to unfold? It's okay to sometimes feel like maybe things aren't working, then get back on track. If you don't know how to change, Allies in Recovery offers a toolbox. As long as you stay interested and use the tools, things can change.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Re...
CLASSICS REVISITED: What is Radical Acceptance?
Radical acceptance involves understanding that much of what happens is out of your control, and using strategies to calm, distract, and soothe yourself. The goal is to avoid catastrophizing -- envisioning and preparing for the worst outcomes. Radical acceptance means letting go of what you can't control, experiencing feelings and pain, but without increasing agitation, reactivity, and suffering.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
Du...
CLASSICS REVISITED: When Your Loved One Uses Multiple Substances
If your loved one uses multiple substances, use the "functional analysis" to understand which substance to focus on first. Start small, by changing your own behavior in response to your loved one's use. Aim to shift over time. Study CRAFT modules 3, 5, and 6 closely to help make your plans.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire lib...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Coming Home
After any treatment, when someone is in early recovery, check your expectations. Your loved one is likely in a fragile state, uncomfortable, edgy, body wrecked after dependency, and disregulated physically and emotionally. It's a time of transition, so have realistic expectations. Be gentle, caring, and connected, not an inquisitor. Connection is key.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Unsolicited Advice: Helpful or Hurtful?
It's smart to avoid giving unsolicited advice. If you receive it, hold your ground, knowing that you're dedicated to upholding the CRAFT model. Consider telling the advice-giver to look into CRAFT to understand what you're doing.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube
CLASSICS REVISITED: An Interview with Meme English
Guest Meme English, a former family therapist and consultant in the legal system, discusses family dynamics. When it comes to substance use, family dynamics are complicated. There are many layers of trauma, from generational to personal, and competing needs among family members. Balancing all these factors and personal situations means deciding whose needs get most clearly met. Trauma therapy also requires time and commitment, and is harder to find since the pandemic.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Conditional Love, Unconditional Love, and Shame: Part 2 -- The Antidote
Let's look at shame and negative thinking and discuss how to slow down, gain awareness, and soothe your system. Our hosts focus on the essential tool of empathy -- especially for yourself -- as a way to understand what story you’re making up, and change that story by looking for the positive even in difficult moments.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During th...
CLASSICS REVISITED: When Do You Work on Use of Less-Dangerous Substances?
Dominique shares a family’s question about a loved one who’s addressed the most pressing substance use. Should the family now focus on their loved one’s cannabis use? Our hosts discuss harm reduction and the role of the “functional analysis” in CRAFT to address such questions. The analysis involves reviewing what’s changed, patterns and dynamics, and making sure your own behaviors support reduction of use. These actions are subtle, and their subtlety makes them more effective. Even with multiple substances, they recommend addressing one at a time. The functional analysis should keep happening with different drugs, so that you...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Conditional Love, Unconditional Love, and Shame: Part 1
Even when love is not conditional, there sometimes must be conditions regarding people’s behavior. Love in romantic relationships may change if you break up, but with family members, conditionality applies to behavior, not love. What we as family members can modify is how we react and our expectations. Conditionality goes back to boundary issues – there are edges someone comes to where they must stop what they’re doing. It’s important to note that wishing someone would go away is a normal, protective reaction to difficult feelings.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sli...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Facing Obstacles Part 2: How to Not React in Tough Moments
What do you do in those difficult moments when you feel ramped-up? Laurie and Kayla discuss strategies to back away and not go with the emotion of the moment.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel
CLASSICS REVISITED: Facing the Obstacles, Part 1
What are the obstacles between knowing what to do and putting that knowledge into real practice? In part 1, our hosts focus on avoiding a "crisis" response, and slowing events down to avoid being reactive.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our
CLASSICS REVISITED: Making Changes at Your Own Pace
Laurie and Kayla discuss change -- how to manage it, how quickly it can or can't happen, and how to focus your efforts.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel.
CLASSICS REVISITED: What CRAFT Can Do in 12 Weeks
An overview of the first twelve weeks of CRAFT, discussing what it can accomplish quickly, and what becomes a lifetime practice.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel.
CLASSICS REVISITED: Setting Boundaries
So what are boundaries, really? Who are they really for, and how do you use them well?
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel.
CLASSICS REVISITED: De-escalation Strategies
How do you address conflict? The Allies' team discusses several important de-escalation techniques to use when you're faced with an emerging conflict.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel.
CLASSICS REVISITED: CRAFT and Decision-making: A Listener Weighs In
Dominique tells the story of a dad who sees his son's truck at a saloon. Not wanting the son to drive home intoxicated, dad uses an extra key to drive the truck home, parking it a block away. The son returns home intoxicated, ranting about his "stolen truck." Dad stays silent while the son calls the police. They arrive and the intoxicated son rages. Dad tells police (but not the son) where the truck is.
A listener says this whole scenario about dad parking truck away seems passive-aggressive, and asks what purpose was served. Was an...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Treatment and Families, Pt. 2
A continued discussion of families and treatment. Part one examined how the family can affect treatment and vice-versa. Part two looks at the overall idea: taking care of yourself and observing your own boundaries, while asking how you might best add to treatment.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Treatment and Families, Pt. 1
Laurie, Dominique, and Kayla discuss ideas about families and treatment, focusing particularly on how the family can affect treatment -- and vice-versa -- in part one of this two-part episode.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel.<
CLASSICS REVISITED: CRAFT in Romantic Partnerships, part 2
A continued discussion of the CRAFT model in romantic relationships. In part 2, our hosts talk about practicing and using the tools of CRAFT in difficult moments to address not you loved one's substance use, but the relationship-affecting behavior that happens with substance use.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire lib...
CLASSICS REVISITED: CRAFT in Romantic Partnerships, part 1
How does the CRAFT model work in romantic relationships? In part one, our hosts say our job as loved ones is to get our own needs met. First, we must figure out those needs and what we can do to meet them, then ask for help from our loved ones in specific, measurable ways.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our en...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Don't Take It Personally
What are the challenges of releasing yourself from feeling responsible for your loved one's behavior, as their parent or family member? This involves recognizing yourself as your own person, and allowing them the respect and dignity of having their own process.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here.
During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel.
CRAFT REVISITED: Redefining Recovery
Our hosts discuss the individual nature of the term "recovery." They look at recovery as an evolution involving growth, change, finding meaning, and finding ease. They say the best plan is to respect people's processes, plant seeds when you can, and stay interested in how your loved one defines the process for themselves.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Al...
CLASSICS REVISITED: CRAFT as the Beginning of Treatment
A look at CRAFT as the beginning of treatment – as connection, openness, curiosity, and modeling change. Our hosts advocate focusing not on what your loved one does, but on case management, on researching available options to present when the time is right. That leaves you free to work on changing the dynamic and going for connection.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Grandparents and Multigenerational Dynamics
In many families, parents of children with substance abuse disorder are taking care of their grandchildren. Hosts Dominique, Laurie, and Kayla and guest Dr. Meme English discuss the complexities of a multigenerational dynamic, intergenerational trauma and substance use, the lack of resources for grandparents, and the need for people to connect to more support in these overwhelming circumstances and know that they’re not alone.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
(Cos...
CLASSICS REVISITED: Guest Dr. Carl Erik Fisher
Addiction specialist Dr. Carl Erik Fisher discusses the effects of stress on the body, and shares some mindfulness techniques that are proven effective. Dr. Fisher and our hosts explain how mindfulness can help families in recovery achieve a sense of agency in their lives by allowing them more control over their emotions.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)
Allie...
CLASSICS REVISITED: When Your Loved One Is Homeless
It’s incredibly hard to have a Loved One who’s experiencing homelessness. Our hosts—Hazel, Kevin, and Greer—join Kayla Solomon to discuss their experiences with their Loved Ones and offer hard-won advice.
They say it’s important to try to create an environment of openness, connection, and availability—up to a point. But it’s also important to have boundaries. If you’re not giving advice or intervening in ways your Loved One is not asking for, they get the life experience of their choices, but they also have loving connections available. When they’re ready, you’re ready...
CLASSICS REVISITED: How Do You Get Past Accumulated Trauma?
How do accumulated negative feelings and trauma impact you and your relationship with your loved one? How do you get past them, to a better place? In part, it's about breaking the contract of the usual interactions and cycles—learn to step back, re-assess, and let our loved ones handle things without so much of our intervening. Kayla and Dominique discuss how that can be done.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
...
CLASSICS REVISITED: What Are the Challenges of Reflective Listening?
"This is not just a conflict resolution tool, it's about showing somebody that you're actually interested in what they're talking about," Kayla reminds us.
Reflective listening involves two simultaneous mindsets—you're listening, and at the same time reflecting whatever your Loved One says. Our hosts weigh in on good strategies for dealing with the difficulty of inhabiting those simultaneous mindsets, including curiosity, interest, and separation.
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
CLASSICS REVISITED: Reflective Listening, Intentional Dialogue & Improving Communication
Ever felt baffled or enraged by communicating with a loved one? Check out this popular episode from 2021, hosted by Kayla Solomon, Laurie MacDougall, and Isabel Cooney. What is "reflective listening?" How does it work? What are the benefits for you, and the person you're listening to? And why does Kayla believe in it so much that she'd use it if someone were pointing a gun at her?
The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.
Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET
Email [email protected] to join or learn more
...
CLASSICS REVISITED: How Do You Negotiate When Your Loved One is Coming Home?
When your Loved One is coming home, it's time to collaborate and negotiate about expectations and plans. It's important to hear what consequences they suggest for certain actions or inaction, and to keep communicating openly over time.
This is a ripe moment to have a talk about the various possibilities and what might occur in the near future. This is a perfect timeto use the leverage you have (they want to come home, they are not currently using substances).
The CRAFT model that we teach at alliesinrecovery.net is a therapeutic process that teaches us ho...
