ReRooting

Over concern for their safety due to the recent conflict and the major uptick in antisemitism globally, this will be the last episode of ReRooting. For now. Rebelle discusses the week and their experiences of growing up and living in an antisemitic world amidst trying to figure out what to do to ensure this reality stops playing out. Thank you to all the listeners and loved ones who have been on this road with me and hopefully we will meet again.

Rebelle looks back at the past year and at some childhood memories that have floated to the surface.

At an ungodly hour, Rebelle briefly touches on some aspects of how body image issues have cropped up in their life and reflects on what routes they began taking to learn more about how they felt about themselves.

Rebelle has a rough day with a surprising ending.

Rebelle talks about experiencing Gibraltar for the first time

Rebelle briefly talks about pre-travel freakouts before they head to Gibraltar, but mostly focuses on the enormous presence of Hawaii on their life in the wake of the wildfire on The Big Island and the community of Lahaina in Maui. If you are able to, please donate what you can to help the locals. Here are some orgs directly helping the community:Maui Strong Fund: hawaiicommunityfoundation.org/maui-strongMaui Mutual Aide Fund: www.bit.ly/mauimutualaideLahaina Fire Recovery Efforts: Lahuifoundation.orgMaui Humane Society: www.bit.ly/mauihumanesocietyChefs for Hawaii: wck.org

Rebelle begins to clarify what has been pulling them to do genealogical research, specifically looking into their Sephardi lineage.

In lieu of a full episode and due to a tight schedule, Rebelle gives a quick update and lets listeners and loved know where they can find Rebelle's latest work.

Rebelle gives a quick update on life, thinks more about time blindness from their previous convo with Claudia, gushes about Barbie

Rebelle and friend Claudia talk about their struggles navigating a neurotypical world with neurodivergent brains, their feelings about many-legged creatures, work and writing milestones, and London Alpacas.

Rebelle talks developments in their ancestry research as well as tries to process what it means and looks like in practice to be an American in this moment.

Rebelle talks ADHD, writing developments, and is interrupted by an unexpected guest.

Rebelle touches on their struggles with saying what they mean and want in the moment and expressed what they wished they were able to have said in response to a family member they disagree with.

Rebelle finally begins to grieve the loss of their home that prompted this two year sojourn and reflects a little bit on why finding a sense of belonging has felt so difficult.

Rebelle gives a short update on how the ancestry research is coming along.

Rebelle reflects on what it means to be mediocre and comes to no conclusions and possibly confuses themselves even more. Featuring surprise guest, Baloo.

Rebelle talks about their struggles with perfectionism and the reemergence of those tendencies from the past few weeks.

Rebelle takes a walk and thinks about the many doors of places they can only return to in memory.

Rebelle discusses their frustration over the overarching narrative that posits that people get through hard times only through bravery, hard work, and resilience without taking into account the contexts in which many people's hardships derive from. Most of which have to do with people being in situations where have limited or no access to resources. Placing blame on an individual not being "strong" enough to leave an abusive relationship, too lazy for being hungry, unhoused, and without consistent work puts the focus on the wrong people and issues and creates a volatile and, for too many, fatal reality.While Rebelle...

Rebelle makes the decision to leave the house they'd hoped to be in for six months. They talk incompatibility and no longer tolerating certain dynamics or contorting themselves into situations they didn't want or sign up for.

Rebelle sits on a bench in Central London thinking about how loud athletic footwear stores are, needing better arch support, and poets inspired by David Bowie.

Rebelle talks about learning to be more comfortable with people having misconceptions of them, while also feeling braver about correcting folks or bringing concerns about those misperceptions to those they are in relationship with.

Rebelle scratches the surface behind their reasons for being and choosing to remain childfree.

Rebelle talks about some of the challenges in their current living situation and reflects on how much of that has been impacted by childhood experiences and what their needs are.

CW: Abuse/Domestic ViolenceRebelle considers love as a verb and the consistency and trust that is foundational to loving relationships. They also reflect on the grayness of these conversations while remaining steadfast about what behavioral dealbreakers are for them in relationship where they used to have none.

A congested Rebelle (not COVID-19, just a Spring cold) recounts spending a couple of days in Norway, how it feels to travel and what that clues them into about what home and stability could look like for them, and what it feels like to know when they have enough.

Rebelle talks about their struggles with Selective Mutism.

During a week of processing waves of grief around family, specific thoughts and feelings about Rebelle and their relationship to their mom bubbled to the surface.

Rebelle is joined in conversation with their new housemate, Jane. They work through what it means to heal and live in the transitions.

In a ReRooting flashback recorded on March 9th, 2022, Rebelle - after multiple waves of panic - reflected on their first week after arriving in London. They spoke excitedly about the fellowship application they had just submitted (and was later rejected), how they hoped job applications wouldn’t take as long to do (LOL), and that Hannah Gadsby was coming to town and maybe they would buy themselves a ticket (Listeners and Loved Ones, they did buy that ticket and had a glorious time).

Rebelle wonders whether houses themselves let you know when they want you to go.

Finally out of brain fog, Rebelle reflects on the meaning attached to being in a “good” mood and on what living as a hermit in Lisbon has meant as their time in Portugal approaches its end.

As Rebelle tries to manage another week of small successes with feeling majorly depressed, they talk about the difficulty and importance around untangling their thoughts and feelings from how things were in the past. A quote by psychologist Nedra Tawwab on the impacts of manipulation on the brain inspired the thoughts in this episode.

Rebelle’s Fibromyalgia flares up and they are reminded that it is ok to feel disappointed and down about life sometimes.

Rebelle discovers possible family ties to Portugal and a renewed sense of purpose for the the rest of their time there.

A recent job inquiry has Rebelle relistening to her past work in music. They think about the projects themselves, how their relationship to making music has shifted since they left the industry 6 years prior after a fibromyalgia diagnosis, and the cosmic hilarity of it all.

Recorded a few days before the 2023 New Year, Rebelle reflects on some significant growth.

Rebelle visits the only synagogue in Lisbon. The Sha’are Tikvah Synagogue was just built in 1904 and is only one of five synagogues in all of Portugal. The only way to enter the synagogue is to either be a member, schedule a guided tour, or fill out a request to attend services.The Spanish and Portuguese Inquisitions decimated the Jewish populations of the Iberian Peninsula beginning in Spain in 1492 with the Alhambra Edict, followed by the Portuguese in 1496. The Portuguese Inquisition was formally established in 1536 and was not extinguished until 1821. For more information, head to cilisboa.org

Rebelle battles an infestation and irrational fears.

Rebelle talks burnout and trying to make finding a more permanent home a reality by the end of next year.