Basic Snitches
Tara and Adam are re-reading everyone’s favorite series! Warning: Contains swearing, spoilers, wine consumption and a lot of us talking about our cats.
Patreon Archives: Best of Screen Rant - Vol. 1
Happy bonus episode, Snitches!
Here we share some of our favorite Screen Rant discussions (disagreements) previously shared on Patreon! Some (most) of these lists are terrible but every now and again, someone gets something right 🤷♀️
It's Just Sarah and Brian - featuring Adam and Tara
Apparently everyone is Brian and Sarah today (and naked...and Tara hasn't been invented)...
Anyway, if you haven't had enough chaos in your life, here's the missing piece...Basic Snitches Improv Night!!!
Two Messes Flock Together
On this Timed Turner episode, we discuss all the Harry Potter spin-offs that we would watch...we start off pretty standard suggesting the need for a series about McGonagall and the Marauders and the founders of Hogwarts... Then, as you would expect, it gets weird (though not as weird as it could be, considering who we are...)
McG is Cher
In this week's Character episode, we discuss the classiest of witches, Professor Minerva "McG" McGonagall ❤️
We basically spend the episode talking about how amazing McG is, focusing on all the badass stuff she does and how incredibly important she is to Harry's story. Also, Hogwarts literally would have completely fallen apart when Dumble was headmaster without McG there!
Old People Food
Time for another bracket episode!!!
This time we break down the best magical treats! 😁 What is the most superior magical treat???
Hint: it's NOT Every Flavor Beans 🤮
Also we don't know what half of these are so we just make up a bunch of stuff 🤷♀️
People Be Losin' Bodies Everywhere
In this fandom episode, Adam and Tara discuss wild HP theories...some of which we have decided are now canon...ish.
Also, in case you didn't know, Snape reads Nora Roberts
I Have a Potion for That - featuring Neci Bryant
It's time for SNITCH GAME!
Hosted by Victoria, and featuring Neci as the contestant on her Basic Snitches debut episode!
Will Neci match with any of our panel? Listen and see just how well a potions master, a French headmistress, a disgraced politician, a fraudulent author and the ghost of a horny teenager match up with her!
I'm the Ultimate Potato
Time for a TIMED TURNERRRRRRRR
Y'all, this one is off the rails...so enjoy this whole episode about potatoes!!!
There's Something About Hagrid
We love Hagrid. He is our innocent little (giant) cinnamon roll.
Seriously, he is the BEST.
The Basic Snitches and the Deathly Hallows
Happy Christmas!!! You know what this is!!!! Time to enjoy the correct version of book 7 😉
Everything is Water Goblets
It's time for another bracket episode! In this episode we pick the best spell for every day use. We also learn that it's a good thing Tara isn't actually a wizard because she would steal all the pies. She would not, however, steal any dildos.
The Trelawney Dining Experience
This is possibly the longest episode in Basic Snitches history that is ONLY Adam and Tara....so buckle in for 2 hours of us reviewing every deleted scene from all 8 Harry Potter movies. We determine which scenes should not have been cut, and which ones we are glad weren't in the movies...also, Fiona Shaw is a treasure.
Want to watch the scenes we are watching? Here's the playlist we had on while we recorded!
Tara's Patronus is Still her Own Ass
Best of Patreon archives-MASH
The complete MASH fates of Adam, Tara, Jean, and Peggy
This is the Chaos Zone
It's Basic Snitches Game Night!!!
We bring in a few of our favorite Snitches to play a few of our favorite games.
Buckle in - we are loud* and we are fun and we are hilarious.
❤️ Thank you to our special guests - Ashley, Sarah, Brian and Roxana
*No, seriously, we are LOUD - don't say you weren't warned...
Essentially, I Do Everything
Welcome to our first Timed-Turner episode! Stealing the idea of "Podvilla" from Podcast in Death, we pulled out a random topic and talked about it for 25 minutes!
If you were one of our wonderful Qwen patrons previously, you know that we have been doing these for some time now - and we love nothing more than to not have to prepare a single bit before recording 🤣
So what did the wheel dictate we discuss? Arthur Weasley working in a Muggle office! We had such a great time imagining Arthur in the office spaces that we are...
Hagrid is the Other Woman
This is a character study on Harry Potter. Have you heard of him? Is every character episode really just about Hagrid? You decide.
You could say that this whole podcast has been dedicated to a character study of Harry James Potter - but this conversation was a fun overview of Harry's journey and how much we have enjoyed his growth over the last 5 years and 7 books of podcasting ❤️⚡🪄
The Main Butt People
Welcome to our second bracket episode!!!! This time it's a showdown between all our favorite Basic Snitches nicknames that we have given the characters! Featuring a surprise guest appearance by Ashley, so if we're too annoying for you, stick around for that Qwen 😁
While the winner of the bracket isn't someone we love, the nickname is CLASSIC because we are hilarious 😉
If I Was a Wizard I Would Make Strudel
WELCOME TO SEASON 8, SNITCHES! And - Happy Back to Hogwarts Day!!!
Because we read so many books we rewarded ourselves with a movie 😁
Here is a long-winded and praise-filled recount of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them to start off the season!
Enjoy!
And welcome back, Snitches ❤️❤️
Don't forget that we have changed the cadence of episodes to every other week, so our next episode will be headed your way the week of September 15th on Wednesday!
NOW WHAT?
We ain't goin' NOWHERE, Snitches!!! :D
Cutting Room Floor - Number whatever this is (5)
Just more fuck-ups...basically what we do best.
Chicken Wing Station - Movies 7 & 8 with Peggy Newton and Jean Brennan
The house is once again filled with Slytherins and it's time to talk about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- Parts 1 and 2.
Though Adam and Tara have spent the last year ripping apart these films, Jean and Peggy are much nicer.
In the second longest Basic Snitches episode in history we spend nearly 2 hours with two of our favorites walking through the movies and talking about how much we love Dobby and Hedwig.
We've Learned all This Life - featuring Dan and Victoria Hunsicker
Deep dive on DUMBLE! Featuring Dan and Victoria Hunsicker - We discuss the good and bad of Dumble, talk about dicks, and ask important questions.
All These Randos at the End - Book 7 Wrap-Up featuring Inky
WE READ SEVEN WHOLE BOOKS!!!
This is a long one, Snitches...
This is not only the wrap up for book 7, we also discuss the points Adam has been keeping for the past seven seasons as well as some thoughts about wrapping up the series.
Guess who wins the house cup??? 😁
Don't worry, we still have a handful of episodes left for you this season... and we refuse to stop just yet, so you're getting a season 8 🍾
Confetti
Chapter 36: The Flaw in the Plan - OMG the LAST CHAPTER OF THE SERIES!!!
Basically, Harry wins. So do we. Basic Snitches win.
Bye Cocaine Babyyyyyy!!! 🎉
Can You F*** at King's Cross?
Chapter 35: King's Cross -
Apparently you CAN fuck at King's Cross because Voldy is about to be SO fucked 🤣
Harry's Sponge Bath
Chapter 34: The Forest Again - Harry takes a little stroll, passes a torch, reunites with family, and has a nice little make out session with cocaine baby.
Snape Goop
Chapter 33: The Prince's Tale -
This is apparently where we are supposed to stop hating Snape for being a piece of shit. Don't worry. We don't.
The Duke of Tara's Boob
Chapter 32: The Elder Wand -
Adam writes one of the greatest things ever written...even though Tara stole all his adjectives. Again.
I'm a Ghost, I Can Tell You Things
Chapter 31: The Battle of Hogwarts -
Harry figures stuff out! We're so proud even though he's a dummy dumb dumb. Harry's interrogation tactics are just to be a dick, but hey, it's effective. Harry sees a statue and it reminds him of another statue.
Everyone goes on vacation to Albania and Tom is the strangest name ever.
Adam gives us all a lesson in the floor plans of Hogwarts thanks to his blueprints book and Hogwarts legacy.
Holding Out for a Lumos
Chapter 30: The Sacking of Severus Snape -
Amycus and Alexto suck.
McG and Luna are badass.
Slughorn is a walrus.
The movie is...eh...okay? They don't have the budget for us to see the Ravenclaw common room and they're not paying John Cleese, so... 🤷♀️
The Pretentious Doorknocker
Chapter 29: The Lost Diadem - in this episode we ask the important questions: Why are there so many crowns in this series? Why is Cho back at Hogwarts? Why are Adam and Tara so amazing at the word association game?
Voldemort Screams Like a Cat
Chapter 28: The Missing Mirror -
Congratulations on your new couch, Adam!!!
Aberforth is fed up, Harry is determined, Ariana Grande is bffs with Neville.
He's a Precious Baby
Chapter 27: The Final Hiding Place -
THEY RIDE A DRAGOON 😁😁😁
Ron is sassy. Hermione is prepared. Harry gets to see into Voldy's head (so all usual stuff).
And it's time to go home ❤️🏰
Dragon is Good Pet, Yes?
Chapter 26: Gringotts - if Tara and Adam were wizards they would steal furniture from Parma.
The trio and Griphook go on a field trip, Hermione is too friendly and Harry learns a new spell!
Justice for dragoon!!!
Horse Shadowing
Chapter 25: Shell Cottage -
Adam and Tara discuss the importance of wearing crowns for every day tasks and Harry becomes a grandfather.
Oh, and "daddy" is an adjective now.
Carry That Body!
Chapter 24: The Wandmaker - We love the coziness of Shell Cottage and spending time with Bill and Fleur.
The trio interrogate Griphook and Ollivander and Tara rants about how stupid Voldy and his crew were to not make Ollivander make them extra wands...
MAGICAL CREATURE SMACKDOWN - featuring Olivia x 2
Highly combustible, O2 is BACK and we are two Slytherins and two Gryffindors together determining which is the best magical creature out there!
New facts that are absolute canon about magical creatures:
Sirius Black is a Disney princess and makes friends with all the woodland creatures
The Giant Squid (aka: Adam) is lazy but effective
Thestrals are the Ford F150s of the series
Time to Vacuum the Driveway
Chapter 23: Malfoy Manor - Fucking Frenrrrrrr is back 😒 Seriously - fuck that guy.
But we do get to reunite with Luna 😍
So much- like the longest thing maybe ever was written-SO much happens in this chapter.
RIP Skinny Dick. Actually no. Fuck that guy.
A Long Tunnel
Chapter 22: The Deathly Hallows -
Canon: Lee Jordan will dethrone Rita Skeeter in the wizarding media world.
Harry needs to travel to the future to listen to Basic Snitches so he knows to refer to Voldy as Cocaine Baby, obviously. Then he wouldn't have broken the taboo 🤷♀️
We play a new game. For funsies. Adam is maybe impressed 😂
Did you know you can travel from Hogwarts to Bouxbatons through a long tunnel? Canon.
Death Eaters are Drag Queens
Chapter 21: The Deathly Hollows - Soooooo...the big question here is why is a story that includes murder and suicide something being told to CHILDREN?
Anyway, Luna is the best. Also there are lots of spoilers in this episode... Even though this is not a spoiler free podcast (Nor is it a Twilight podcast thank you very much no) We figured we would let you know about all the spoilers 🤷♀️
