Two Open Doors

The well-known sex educator and podcaster Dan Savage has stated his belief that all loving relationships are transactional.  In contrast with that, there is the proposal that true love is unconditional.  Can these two polar positions be reconciled?

In this episode, we’ll consider what it means for a relationship to be transactional, and we’ll also envision what an unconditional relationship might look like.  We’ll then consider what these two perspectives have in common, to try to gain a broader and more inclusive understanding of the nature of intimate relationship.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a rela...

 One of the things that I’ve observed about the sex-positive community is that many of its members differ in significant ways from the mainstream population.  That’s reflected in the lifestyle preferences of these community members, as well as in how they interact with one another. 

We’ll explore some of these differences in this episode, and we’ll see that living outside the mainstream calls for the personal attribute that was the focus of our previous episode: courage.  We’ll also note the many benefits that are open to those who do choose to live a self...

Connecting intimately with another human being can sometimes be a scary thing.  Deep connection requires vulnerability and radical authenticity, and both of those can expose a person to potential hurt.  Yet, without accepting the risks inherent in relationship, one cannot reap the many benefits of deep connection.

In this episode, we’ll consider why risk is inherent in relationship, and we’ll then entertain how that risk can be managed.  That will help clarify why courage is a prime requisite for living in intimate connection.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach b...

In our last two episodes, we considered the idea of socially-constructed “sexual imperatives” that constrain our sexual expression, as described by Dr. Emily Nagoski in her new book, “Come Together”.  We then examined the possibility of living an “erotic” life, in which all of our experiences are expressions of the flow of life-energy.

In this episode, we’ll take a look at a kind of experience that becomes possible when we’re living a life in touch with our erotic essence.  We’ll explore a very special kind of deep human connection in which our sexuality provides a path to personal t...

Our previous episode considered a number of socially-constructed “sexual imperatives” (or expectations and limitations) that were cited in Dr. Emily Nagoski’s new book, “Come Together”.  That book also described another topic that I find both important and fascinating: the transcendent potential of human connection.  In this episode, I’ll explore that concept, and relate it to my own experiences.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach cert...

In her wonderful and informative new book, “Come Together”, the sex educator Dr. Emily Nagoski extends the lucid understanding of how sex works that she delivered in “Come As You Are”.

In this episode, I’d like to share and comment on an observation that I believe is relevant to all thinking adults who wish to determine the course of their own sexuality:  the notion of “sexual imperatives”.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from...

In my prior episode, I highlighted the scientific field of sexology, and I described why I believe that sexology is relevant to everyone who is striving to live a fulfilling life.  I noted that sexual misinformation is widespread, and that it damages society.

In this episode, I’d like to take that theme a bit further, by focusing on a topic that is especially misunderstood by many: the human sexual response cycle.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the...

I recently had the pleasure of participating in a thank-you event for a friend and colleague who is a fellow sҽxologist.  From the many glowing comments I heard, it’s clear that my friend has made many contributions to her professional community.  At least as importantly, she has touched many lives.

In this post, we’ll revisit what sҽxology is, and why it matters in our society.  We’ll consider why and how it provides essential support for the full expression of our humanity.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in th...

Human sexuality is a strong force, which impacts both personal lives and the fabric of society in many ways.  Not surprisingly, then, sex can stir up some very strong feelings in people.  Similarly, the expression of sexuality can provoke both strong reactions and constraints in many if not most societies. 

In this post, we’ll take a look at a connection that bears on this uneasy relationship between sex and society: how morality enters the realm of sexuality.  It’s important to understand this connection, if we as individuals are to be able to comfortably and responsibly enjoy th...

I’ve recently been wondering about why I’ve had such an intense longstanding interest in deep human connections, even in childhood.  While many of my peers seemed to be focused on sports, or having adventures, or running in popular social circles, I was drawn to the exploration and understanding of intimacy.  Why?

We’ve previously explored the three realms in which human connection plays out:  the physical, mental and emotional planes (with the latter including spiritual experiences).  In this episode, we’ll consider the very special role filled by intimate relationships.

Dr. Claude Cruz is a relatio...