Cat Noir Comedy Podcast

Kev isn't feeling well, so Matt decides, against the advice of deceased TV Star Patrick MacNee, to put together a clip show to cheer him up.

However Patrick has seen what happens when a series stoops so low, and within the spirit world an ancient force begins to bleed into the podcast.

Behold the white noise of Auditus. A monster whose only passion is to reset failing podcasts.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come f...

With the game birds regrouped and vastly outnumbering them, Major Caine Michaels and his rag‑tag band of farmers brace for an inevitable final assault.

As the skies fill with ariel support from the ever‑reliable Captain Wiggles, tensions rise within the farm walls.

Ammunition is scarce, intelligence even more so, whilst suspicions grow about who armed the birds in the first place.

So ends the battle for Cranny Nook Farm in this very pheasant war.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. Some sound effe...

"We shall defend our feathers, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the moors, we shall fight on the farmlands,

we shall fight in the fields and in the scrubs, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."

Tipping the balance of society, a shady organisation has armed all British Game Birds so that they are able to fight back.

A small group of farmers are trapped in a valley, with no way out. This is the battle for Cranny Nook Farm.

Written, pe...

First came the noir classic: Strangers on a Train. Then, decades later: Throw Momma from a Train. Following that was: Snakes on a Plane,

although it had nothing to do with the first two. And now, finally, after all these years… there’s this.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com

Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker took a train once. He put it back as he had no use for it...

It’s a fable as old as the hills; the tragic story of two quarrelling households becoming a generations long feud.

So, cosy up with the Burpingtons and the Windbuckets, as they tell their tale of heartache and flatulence.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com

Magic flute and Harp arpeggios by gertraut_hecher -- https://freesound.org/s/561156/ and https://freesound.org/s/560524/ - License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0

Find us on Instagram @catno...

The chase continues across the spaghetti junctions of the M6. Can Gavin and Chip escape the lorry that's been tailing them

or will they be pushed off the road to face a fiery death on the hard shoulder.

Geoff the Baker advises that there could be some confusion with the small print about him on the last episode, and

would like to point out that he is not a vampire, he just enjoys merlot.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. 

S...

On his way to a job interview in Birmingham, Gavin Walters picks up a hitchhiker, unaware he is being followed by a lorry eager to get his attention.

Can they escape before they are forced to eat at a two-star motorway service?

Geoff the Baker occasionally enjoys a little glass of red.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. 

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast .

www.catnoircomedypodcast.org.uk

As the story becomes increasingly unfocussed due to sloppy writing, Kev and Matt finally learn the truth of The Pie Man.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com

Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker said he’ll be back when we stop mocking pies. So, next week. 

www.catnoircomedypodcast.org.uk

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Novel-Story-Creeping-Jazz/dp/B0GHJQJCKZ

Cat Noir is a character based...

The Pie Man strikes again, leaving a helpless town to become more pastry than people. Will he succeed in his diabolical schemes, or will everything turn to crust and crumbs?

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com

Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

No word from Geoff the Baker yet, but we’ve left messages. 

www.catnoircomedypodcast.org.uk

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Novel-Story-Creeping-Jazz/dp/B0GHJQJCKZ

Cat N...

Hide your children. Flush your pets. Lock away old people. The Pie Man has come to town.

And he won’t be leaving until he knows everyone’s favourite recipe.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker is co-incidentally out of town. 

www.catnoircomedypodcast.org.uk

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Novel-Story-Creeping-Jazz/dp/B0GHJQJCKZ

Cat Noir is a charact...

Whilst running a session, a therapist is surprised to discover he is actually the patient.

However things take a really strange turn when another therapist arrives.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders. 

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast .

www.catnoircomedypodcast.org.uk

#britishcomedy #comedyseries #ukcomedy #storytelling #comedyvideo #funny #catnoir #scary #silly #surreal

Buy the Creeping Jazz novel here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Novel-Story-Creeping-Jazz/dp/B0GHJQJCKZ

Season Nine Coming Soon

Season 9 will be released around August 2026 and will including the following 12 episodes:

Everyone needs therapy

The Pie Man Saga Part 1

The Pie Man Saga Part 2

The Pie Man Saga Part 3

Last chance to die

Dual

A tale of two idiots

Not a Clip show

Death Match 3000

And three other mystery stories

#mystery

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Patrick MacNee presents the first episode of his new podcast, showcasing recent finds of missing TV.

Expect duelling children's presenters, chickens and chaffinches, excellent theme tunes and a line from the biggest movie of all time, ever.

You will be so pleased that you can only imagine the visuals.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Colour of a lizard theme written by Sid Ward and Kevin Chilvers.

Matt has travelled back in time to save the podcast and possibly the world.

(Although we might be exaggerating that bit.)

All he needs to do is steal a piece of paper from his comedy partner and ensure it is burnt.

Now that sounds easy, but this is Matt we are talking about, and the decisions he makes in the past are surely going to affect the future.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.c...

It's episode 100 but due to an error on the production paperwork, Kev has accidentally listed the Podcast

as starting 100 years earlier than it did, pushing the show out of copywrite.

Finding that someone is taking advantage of the situation and releasing their own stories using Cat Noir characters,

all Matt and Kev need to do now is to travel back in time to sort this mess out.

Luckily for them, they know a time traveller. Just not a very good one.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited b...

Are you hungry for more whelk-based action? Then join us for a nature-runs-amok story that critics are already calling: “the third whelk-based tale in a whelk-based trilogy”.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast . 

Geoff the Baker is no longer baking cakes for fish. It was a stupid idea that resulted in some very messy fish tanks. Do NOT feed cake to fish.

Cat Noir is a character based, fully...

The whelk selling industry might be booming, but can a single humble whelk seller maintain monopoly against a rising sea of competitive business?

Join us back on the promenade to find out.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com - Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker wishes to clarify that although he does not do fishcakes, he will bake cakes for fish if required. Sorry for any confusion.

Cat Noir is...

How much do you really know about the high-pressure business of whelk selling on a seaside promenade? Whatever your answer might be, things are all about to change…

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone. Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com

Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker does not do seafood. Not even fishcakes.

Cat Noir is a character based, fully scored, British comedy series trapped within a podcast. Every fortnight, follow the...

Mr Godwin is looking for love. Unfortunately he is looking for it on an app provided by his new next door neighbour

who has built a casino in his loft. Can Mr Godwin beats the odds to find love before the council offices open on

Wednesday or has he had his chips?

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast .

Geoff the Baker spins right round, baby, ri...

Mr Godwin can't get any rest, as his new neighbour is making too much noise,

so he turns to his old friend Agony Aunt to find a solution.

Will the council help before Mr Godwin is forced to seek the advice of MC Hammer?

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast .

Geoff the Baker has good neighbours. Just a friendly wave each morning, helps to make a...

Filthy, frazzled, foul-smelling, and largely friendless in a world too big to make sense,

Stargazers Bundy and Ted are faced with some difficult choices in their quest to return to normal size.

Part 4 of a 4 part story.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

There has been a recall on Geoff the Baker’s new four layer triple chocolate éclair cheesecake pies.

If you have one...

With the butterflies disgruntled and woodlice chomping on the floorboards, Stargazers Bundy and Ted

hope for more promising answers from the return of Tim the ladybird. Meanwhile, elsewhere,

the greenfly don’t seem too happy. Part 3 of a 4 part story.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Following multiple announcements, Geoff the Baker’s new four layer triple chocolate éclair cheesecake

pie has attracted a lot of...

With a whole new perspective of the observatory floor, stargazers Bundy and Ted meet some of the wildlife

and learn what they really think about humans. Part 2 of a 4 part story.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker proudly announces that his new four layer triple chocolate éclair cheesecake pie is now available.

Come to think of it, the first announcement last week probably was...

Stargazers Bundy and Ted are in for a fun surprise at the hands of a strange new mystery parcel, which comes complete with incredibly vague instructions.

Part 1 of a 4 part story.

Written, performed, produced, directed, and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker proudly announces an upcoming announcement about a new four layer triple chocolate éclair cheesecake pie.

Stay tuned for further announcements.

Cat Noir is a cha...

Welcome to Cat Noir Comedy Podcast Season 8.

The weekly season.

Join us every 7 days for 12 weeks of fun.

Bundy I shrunk the Ted 1

Bundy I shrunk the Ted 2

Bundy I shrunk the Ted 3

Bundy I shrunk the Ted 4

Home under the hammer

Dates are not the only fruit

War of the Whelks (Part One)

War of the Whelks (Part Two)

Revenge of the Whelks

Public Domain

The Knowing Wink of Podcast Zero<...

Announcement: Cat Noir will be releasing 12 episodes weekly from Feb 2026 and then again later in the year.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. 

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone. 

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker is up to something.

See you for Season 8 in 2026.

K: Right then. Please tell me you’ve got a complete script ready, Matt, cos I’v...

The four survivors of Flight 935 have been saved, but at what cost.

As a devious plot to restart a chocolate empire puts Insert and Agatha in danger, Danny and Warren are forced to complete a dangerous mission in the heart of occupied Herring territory and not everyone is getting out alive.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Artwork by Maisie Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast .

The four survivors of flight 935 have been stranded on the island again, but this time it won't be for long. 

After covering themselves in feathers to keep cool, Warren's past catches up with him and Insert and Agatha are kidnapped by a birdwatcher. 

Danny just wants to get home and put his feet up.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Artwork by Maisie Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on...

Celebrity chef Honk Romsey and his team randomly pitch up at Kev’s house to record an episode

of his hit kitchen television show.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. 

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone. 

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker doesn’t believe in doughballs.

Cat Noir is a character based, fully scored, British comedy series trapped within a podcast. Every fo...

Today we join Keith and Chris on the frontline of a training session all about the complexities of safely managing risk in the workplace. Participation is mandatory.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Matt Sanders and Kevin Chilvers. 

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone. 

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast

Geoff the Baker won’t be appearing in this episode due to bakery reasons.

Cat Noir is a character based, fully scored, Britis...

Join Dale Alan for the once in a lifetime opportunity to interview Hollywood actor and all round legend Brian Breynolds

on a specially extended episode of Digging Deeper. Brian’s not actually here yet, though he’s definitely on his way.

Luckily, someone else is keen to fill in for him, and she swears she has a story to tell.

Geoff the Baker does not appear in this episode due to some elephants placing a massive order of iced buns.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Matt Sanders and...

You wanna know what's gonna happen, don't you? Maybe it's for the best you just listen. You can never have too much of a good thing.

Curiosity is healthy and can be wise, but sometimes you need to know when to leave well alone. Just get out whilst you still can.

Can you hear bagpipes? Oh my god! RUN!

Travelling by train, Chip Mason and Gavin Walters find themselves on the run from a bizarre Scottish soldier who cannot possibly exist.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by...

Charlie Blunderwedge and Jim Bond fly out to a small apple producing isle to find a missing child in a story

remarkably similar to the old film The Wicker Man; a film so famous that surely everyone must have seen it by now...

haven’t they?

All celebrity voices impersonated.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

"Hegs" written and performed by Matt Sanders, music by Kevin Chilvers.

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone.

So...

A classic tale of meringue-based hauntings.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Social media management by Laurie Stone.

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers and AI generated episode cover by KC.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast . 

Geoff the Baker went bowling.

Cat Noir is a character based, fully scored, British comedy series trapped within a podcast. Every fortnight, follow the fortunes or misfortunes of an ever growing cast of characters played b...

Only one man can save publisher Jim Bond when an ancient evil is waiting in the shadows.

However, Charlie Blunderwedge must face his faith, wellbeing and hatred of long, boring flashbacks in order to be ready.

Please arrive early or be a little late. The exact hand of time is where the Hour Man waits.

Beyond the eye, just out of view. The Hour Man counts the seconds for you.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers...

In America, songs from a hip-hop band have begun to predict the future and the F.B.I. are tasked to investigate before the release of their new single:

Kaboom! (End of the World)

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers. Social media management by Laurie Stone.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast .

Geoff the Baker enjoys time at his local playground; where he likes to go cl...

For this year’s seasonally festive special we were inspired by the Dickens’ Christmas tale of ghosts and changing ways.

In our version, we’ve reworked the classic into a modern day story of constantly feeling hassled, and given it a name lifted from an old Bowie movie.

This pleased Kev cos he’s a massive fan. Matt likes Labyrinth.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Social media management by Laurie Stone.

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers and AI generated episode cover by KC. <...

Ian Browdent, a struggling music producer Is auditioning singers for a new commercial when he is offered the chance of a lifetime: an all-inclusive tour of America.

However, there is always a catch. Will Ian be able to explain why there are four dead bodies in the street and he is holding the smoking gun?

Or is he destined to spend the rest of his life behind bars?

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Social media management by Laurie Stone.

Original a...

When Christmas gets rudely hijacked, Kev and Matt take to the road tracking the evil Rick Alanman to The Tachycardic Plaza in London,

where Danny Peaks is having the time of his life. Can Kev and Matt save Christmas? No good asking Mr Tunguska... he will never tell.

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Social media management by Laurie Stone.

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers and AI generated episode cover by KC.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find...

Novelist Charlie Blunderwedge and his agent Jim Bond take a few well earned vacation days in a secluded health spa hidden in the Swiss Alps.

But is Restoration Falls all that it seems? And what exactly are the special treatments that go on there?

Written, performed, produced, directed and edited by Kevin Chilvers and Matt Sanders.

Social media management by Laurie Stone.

Original artwork by Maisie Chilvers and AI generated episode cover by KC.

Some sound effects sourced from www.zapsplat.com Come find us on Instagram @catnoirpodcast . <...