Lesbian Chronicles: Coming Out Later in Life

This week Alli and Melisa talk about how the "Sunk Cost Fallacy" of a relationship can keep you invested in something for far longer than your gut is telling you is right. Also, why Burning Man and camping just isn't for us... 

Read more about Sunk Cost Fallacy: Why We Stick With Bad Decisions

And don't forget to check out Out on Film in Atlanta September 24-October 4, 2026 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Filmmaker and Out on Film Executive Director Cindy L. Abel joins the Lesbian Chronicles podcast to share about the upcoming Out on Film Festival in Atlanta -- and the importance of telling all LGBTQ+ stories. The 39th Annual Out On Film LGBTQ+ Film Festival takes place September 24 through October 4, 2026 in Atlanta, Georgia featuring a variety of films including a special screening of the lesbian classic "Desert Hearts," with director Donna Deitch. podscan_Mg1v5MMcR4yIOrlSkdq2Wp5yNwqlC0oh














Click here for details on Out...

Melisa and Alli talk about how those early relationships after coming out can feel safe, but the reality is, you're drowning so anything feels "safe." We share how we've learned from those early relationships how we want to parent and co-parent our children and protect that dynamic. And what it means to feel truly fulfilled in life. 

We also reference this article from the Washington Post about people who choose to be child-free.  

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

This week, Alli and Melisa explore the “cost of being a woman,” including the financial expectations women navigate in dating and everyday life. We unpack Professor Scott Galloway’s argument that men should pay for dates, while also discussing how WLW couples can navigate who pays. We also talk about our own financial insecurities since coming out, as well as women’s mental health and how medication can be a helpful and valid part of treatment.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Our friend Tennah joins the show to chat about her love for astrology and tarot. She also gives us a bit of an Astrology 101 lesson -- a valuable tool for anyone coming out later who is bound to be asked, "So... what time were you born?"

Follow Tennah on Instagram and YouTube at ZodiacChatline 



Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Alli shares her very questionable massage experience in NYC. We also discuss what's the "best" or "right" way to tell kids about divorce? And is "no contact" really necessary or is it just a way to have control?

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Melisa and Alli talk about dating without losing yourself, some early expectations in a relationship and the small ways to show you're in it with someone. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Melisa and Alli discuss a survey from the National Survey of Family Growth that found the median number of opposite-sex partners in a lifetime among women aged 25-49 years of age is 4.3. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Our friend Robin joins the show to chat with Alli about her evolving style and what inspires their individual styles today -- and the power of "boy jeans"

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Melisa and Alli explain why your brain naturally ruminates after a breakup. It's not because you're "stuck," but because your mind is trying to make sense of what happened and solve an unresolved problem.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Briana Smith joins the show to talk about growing up Mormon, getting married at 20 years old, having four kids by the time she was 29 --- and how meeting a woman at a wedding changed everything.

Connect with Bri here!

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Melisa and Alli answer a listener email about their attraction to masc women vs. femme after coming out. Also, is there a power dynamic when kissing?  

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

This week Alli and Melisa explore the "3+1" theory from Simon Sinek which says that relationships require three core pillars of compatibility combined with one external factor -- Intellectual Compatibility, Emotional Compatibility, Creative/Sexual Compatibility and the key factor, Circumstances.

Learn more about Simon Sinek here. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Trigger Warning: Episode mentions rejection of trans kids, a violent murder, and self harm

Liliana Bakhtiar -- the first queer Muslim person to be elected in Georgia and the first non-binary councilmember of a major U.S. city -- joins the show to speak about issues currently facing the residents of Atlanta. Liliana also shares their upbringing in a family of political refugees and immigrants, their coming out story and how their family is accepting of them and their two partners. 

Follow Liliana on Instagram

https://www.lilianaforatlanta.com/

Georgia lawmaker comes o...

What distinguishes femme energy versus masculine energy when you take away the heels and the backwards hats? Our friend Robin joins the discussion with Alli and Melisa as they talk about how these energies present in different ways in our lives. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Alli shares how the book "When Things Fall Apart" is helping her right now. We also get into how to get comfortable with the discomfort of not knowing the future. (And how sometimes seeing a medium helps a little bit...)

Buy "When Things Fall Apart"

Buy Lesbian Chronicles Merch!

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Sometimes we take someone's capacity for a relationship really personal when the reality is, it's not that deep. This week Melisa and Alli discuss how much capacity plays a role in emotional bandwidth for a relationship. Sometimes someone's unavailability stems from having so much on their plate in other areas of life. But the bigger part of that is how the lack of capacity is communicated -- or if it's communicated at all. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Kiki Joy joins us to share about life living in Minneapolis-Saint Paul, Minnesota and being on her own since the age of 17. She talks about her journey to coming out later in life and how the pandemic forced her to face her own sexuality. Kiki also shares how she's working to find her place in the queer community while struggling with body image and learning to honor and love herself. 

Follow Kiki on Instagram

Trigger Warning: This episode mentions suicidal ideation and sexual assault. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/po...

Alli and Melisa explore the emotional ups and downs of relationships, both romantic and platonic that have taught us some lessons along the way. And accepting the fact that not everyone is going to like you or invite you to everything. 


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Dr. Lorri Sulpizio joins us to talk how modern “therapy speak” can sometimes make people second-guess themselves. What's the difference between true intuition and overthinking? Also, how do we hold space for our partner's anxious feelings and communicate with empathy and boundaries.

Learn more about Dr. Lorri Sulpizio... 
lorrisulpizio.com
Follow Dr. Lorri on Instagram and TikTok

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Singer-songwriter Abby Nissenbaum joins the show to share her story of growing up in a Jewish-Catholic household, being outed as a teenager by a neighborhood mom and what life is like today navigating her music career, full-time job and dating in Nashville. 

Learn more about Abby - abbynissenbaum.com
Follow her on Instagram and Spotify

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Alli and Melisa talk about what it means to be a "visible" lesbian and how that image has evolved since we came out. And how friendships with couples look different now than when we were married to men. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Our friends Jennifer and Mary join the show to share their coming out stories, how they've navigated life as a couple over the last five years -- blending children and raising a child with special needs. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Dr. Mallory Hanfling joins the show again to share the results of The Firefly Study -- which analyzed compulsory heterosexuality and how it impacted the experiences of those who came out as gay, lesbian or trans later in life. 

Learn more about Mallory and The Firefly Study Courage to Grow Counseling


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Melisa and Alli talk how dating looks today compared to 25 years ago before smart phones encouraged near constant contact. We also address how to approach dating multiple people and how to avoid moving too quickly. 

Send us a DM on Instagram to pitch yourself or your friend! 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Alli joins us from Mexico City as she celebrates her niece's wedding -- and we talk about how therapy is finally paying off in the form of lessened anxiety -- and why people who say they won't date a "baby gay" are just very insecure. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

The Luxury Lesbian Matchmaker Sophia Spallino joins the show to talk dating apps, age gaps, long distance, catfishing scams, and dating etiquette. Also is there a Masc Lesbian shortage or a High Fem Lesbian shortage? 

Click here to work with Sophia and follow her on Instagram



Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

This week we share audio clips from an interview Katie's wife did with Atlanta News First in July 2021. 
You can watch the full interview with Emma here.

If you'd like to report a tip anonymously, contact Atlanta Crimestoppers 
Atlanta Crimestoppers



Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

This week we talk about the importance of breath work with Relationship Coach Rebecca Kordecki. Rebecca's work has been featured in The New York Times, Men's Health and Strong Fitness Magazine, just to name a few. 

To learn more about Rebecca's work -- follow her on Instagram or visit her website



Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Former detective Stef Huertas joins the show to give her take on the investigation into the 2021 murder of Katie Janness and her dog Bowie. 

If you'd like to report a tip anonymously, contact Atlanta Crimestoppers 
Atlanta Crimestoppers

Sources for this episode: 
Atlanta PD Crime Report and 911 call from Janness Murder

News Coverage
11Alive - August 2025

Fox 5 Atlanta - July 2025

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Alli and Melisa talk aging and how signs of it creep up so fast -- and how to embrace the gift of time passing. Also, The Pitch! Our attempt at connecting single lesbians! 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Retired Homicide Detective Vincent Velazquez joins the show to give his take on the Katie Janness case. He answers our questions about how DNA, cell phone data and past crimes play a role in the investigation. 

Check out Vince's show "The Murder Mind" on YouTube
And give him a follow on Instagram


If you'd like to report a tip anonymously, contact Atlanta Crimestoppers 
Atlanta Crimestoppers

Sources for this episode: 
Atlanta PD Crime Report and 911 call from Janness Murder

News Coverage
11Alive - August 2025

Fox 5 Atlanta - J...

Alli and Melisa talk grieving the blueprint of your life -- mourning the life events you thought would happen but just aren't coming to fruition -- and mourning the life events that have passed.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

In our very first episode of Be Gay, Solve Crime, we dive into the details of the 2021 murder of Katie Janness and her dog, Bowie. The crime occured in a very popular park in the heart of Atlanta and remains unsolved. 

Sources for this episode: 

Atlanta PD Crime Report and 911 call from Janness Murder

News Coverage
11Alive - August 2025

Fox 5 Atlanta - July 2025

Internet Speculation 
Reddit r/UnresolvedMysteries

If you'd like to report a tip anonymously, contact Atlanta Crimestoppers 
Atlanta Crimestoppers

Become a supp...

Buckle up for part two with our friend Becca where we share some icks and "friend of the pod" Robin joins us for a conversation that goes very off the rails. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Our friend Becca joins the show for a long overdue interview seeing as Melisa and Becca go way, way back. Becca shares her story of experiencing multiple losses in her life, multiple marriages (to the same man!), a sexual awakening courtesy of a former teacher -- and her journey to coming to terms with her sexuality. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

All and Melisa discuss how healing can feel like an endless cycle -- and address Alli's mom's question of "Are we just trying too hard to find the 'perfect' relationship?"

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Alli and Melisa discuss the Blake and Taylor drama, the 10-hour drive date that went viral on TikTok -- and how this all relates to toxicity in dating -- how discouraged so many people feel about not making solid connections despite their best efforts. 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

This week's episode is a bit of a mixed bag as Melisa and Alli discuss evolving emotional regulation, choices we would make when we first came out versus today -- and always a fun topic, the "ick." 

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.

Leadership and Mindset Coach Dr. Lorri Sulpizio joins the show to talk about the ups and downs of dating later in life, attachment styles and why it's so hard to be vulnerable. 

Check out Dr. Lorri Sulpizio on Instagram
Or on her website, lorrisulpizio.com

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.