ask a sub

A Dom wants to know how to facilitate a cucking fantasy for their sub and Lina has THOUGHTS (peep the duration of this episode… yapping occurred). We cover all the stuff from (positive) trigger sentences to connect to your cuck, mean Dom assignments that are actually done out of love, and then Lina coins a term so banal and rizzless she needs your help to come up with a better alternative, because we cannot be going around saying the phrase "during care" with a straight face.

PATREON BECKONS…

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This week Lina's getting on the mic with a missive to all of you who want to deepen your somatic experience of kink by reminding you that a body has to say 'no' in its own unique language. Do we wish the body spoke in clear, concise telegrams that we could easily jot down and communicate to our partners?? Yeah!! We do wish that!!! But until that technology is developed I'm going to have to have grace with myself — I mean we… we will have to have grace with ourselves and let the body be the body on its own...

Ahead of the midterms I know we're all we're craving a couple of ANSWERS about why the EFF they are LIKE THAT, so Lina invited on political psychology nerd Keegan Tatum to get into the specifics and the data behind why the right and left do what they do. We discuss what influences authoritarian thinking, how corporate Dems are the abuser-enablers we want more from, and how to show up at the Thanksgiving table guns a'blazin' and call your MAGA uncle a furry (with nothing but the deepest respect for the furry community).

BELESSA BOUTIQUE wants to...

In the year of our lord 2015, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan were placed into the Saw-esque dark and twisted psychological game of E.L. James's 50 Shades of Grey and we all were the worse for it (except for the soundtrack, that still hits). Join Lina and Mr. Dune as they manically wrestle with this messed up universe, have way too many laughs than they should, and pull a few helpful insights from the muck.

To get the full version of this episode Join Patreon at $11/month or substack at $8/month.

BELESSA BOUTIQUE wants to give...

Who gets to be domestic and cozy at the end of the world? Say it with me… THE FREAKS!! This week, Lina is joined by her favorite knitting content creator to stoke the (w)holesome fires of autumnal coziness with a little politically radical kindling. Get a blanket, fetch a warm drink and join us for meditations on how working with our hands makes us human.

To get the full version of this episode Join Patreon at $11/month or substack at $8/month.

EVERYONE who signs up to my giveaway wins a FREE spicy toy or gi...

A caller wants to know what's going on with people who do rope play for non-sexual reasons and somehow Lina traces it back to Audre Lorde again with reflections on the erotic as a way to resist the widespread smoothening of modern life. Get in there and learn something with your hands!! All the while cussing under your breath and sneezing due to your unexpected allergy to jute rope! 

Read the maternity essays on Patreon or Substack.

Uses Of The Erotic by Audre Lorde

PATREON BECKONS…

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Lina has surfaced from the liminal space of postpartum to get on the mic and share a Very Kinky Birth Story with you. No it was not a sexy, orgasmic birth but rather kink in the way we practice it around here — an all-encompassing way of holding your tenderest parts through all the huge shit life throws at you. Listen for the many analogues between births and scenes, lessons learned in the birth pool, and, as always, mantras for being kinder to ourselves along the way.

PATREON BECKONS…

BABY - $6/month - Get access to the...

A caller wants to know how to do kink on a budget so STRAP IN because Lina is fresh off a tear through the outer rings of reddit with vetted ideas and strategies not only for creating your own pervertibles out of everyday objects, but for how to make smart, budget-conscious decisions about what size of flogger to splurge on when you've saved your pennies. Just please, for the love of god, do not put anything without a flared base in your butt. This is how you become a meme and not in a good way.

Lina...

A caller has just gone through a breakup and is facing down a new chronic illness diagnosis all at once, and wants to know how to incorporate kink into life when everything feels like too much. Lina tag teams this question using the wisdom of the #chronic-kinksters channel on the Ask A Sub Discord server, focusing on how to curate an expansive mindset while still making sure you're getting your needs met, tending to yourself, and being your own Daddy in hard times.

Lina is currently on maternity leave! If you're curious about all that, she has...

Introducing our new series, Kink Journeys, where each week we'll follow a listener of pod as they go through a pivotal moment in their journey. This week, we're closing out Grey's journey with some very exciting summer news, a scene that brought the educator within to the surface, and a manifesto for the future of Grey's drag. Follow him at @greytheteaman.

Lina & Mr. Dune's Pillion convo is available on Patreon and Substack.

Lina is currently on maternity leave! If you're curious about all that, she has curated a series of written posts releasing every 1.5 weeks...

Introducing our new series, Kink Journeys, where each week we'll follow a listener of pod as they go through a pivotal moment in their journey. This week, we're catching up with Grey as he heads out in the midst of a snowstorm, ready to be PERCEIVED. Where? Where else but a Heated Rivalry rave. The horny queers are out, and your boy is among them. Tune in to see what happens, and follow him at @greytheteaman.

Lina is currently on maternity leave! If you're curious about all that, she has curated a series of written posts releasing...

Introducing our new series, Kink Journeys, where each week we'll follow a listener of pod as they go through a pivotal moment in their journey. This week we meet Grey, a trans man at the beginning of his medical transition who's seeking to answer the eternal questions in life — how do we take up space while still finding ourselves? How binary should gender even be? And, most importantly, how does an adult man fuck? Follow him at @greytheteaman.

Lina is currently on maternity leave! If you're curious about all that, she has curated a series of written po...

A caller wants to know why kinky rejection hurts more than any other rejection and wonders if maybe, possibly, there's a way to avoid it?? Asking for a friend?? Lina gets into some solid reasons why the ouch is so ouch, how to make it ouch in a good way, and how to apply some time-honored strategies to healing the ouch. Say 'ouch' again…. Ouch.

Lina is currently on maternity leave! If you're curious about all that, she has curated a series of written posts releasing every 1.5 weeks on Patreon and Substack, many of which are free, an...

Introducing our new series, Kink Journeys, where each week we'll follow a listener of pod as they go through a pivotal moment in their journey. This week, we hear the final installment of M's journey, and learn about what roles softball, juggalos, and witchcraft have to play in a life well lived in a room of one's own.

Lina is currently on maternity leave! If you're curious about all that, she has curated a series of written posts releasing every 1.5 weeks on Patreon and Substack, many of which are free, and several contain bonus content. You can...

Introducing our new series, Kink Journeys, where each week we'll follow a listener of pod as they go through a pivotal moment in their journey. This week, we're catching up with M a few months on from her first interview, to check in on her new life and cheer her on in her self care. 

Lina is currently on maternity leave! If you're curious about all that, she has curated a series of written posts releasing every 1.5 weeks on Patreon and Substack, many of which are free, and several contain bonus content. You can still get all o...

Introducing our new series, Kink Journeys, where each week we'll follow a listener of pod as they go through a pivotal moment in their journey. This week, we meet M as she navigates the wreckage of what is truly one of the worst breakups Lina has ever heard about. But in spite of the male audacity in this episode, we promise you'll be inspired by M's humor, witchy wisdom, and iconic penchant for cussing her way through self care.

Lina is currently on maternity leave! If you're curious about all that, she has curated a series of...

This month on the Deep Dive series, we're graced with the presence of one of London's preeminent kink queens Miss Gold — Dominatrix, photographer and creator of the iconic One Night parties.. She shares with us how her SW career has influenced her photographic gaze, her specialty in *the kink* most people list as their hardest of hard limits, and her thoughts on mothering be it of humans or hand-reared kittens. In signature Ask A Sub style, this interview goes anywhere and everywhere and we know you'll have fun keeping up.

Become a Patreon member to gain access to...

A caller is doing trauma therapy and wants a good lens to explain the value of kink in their healing journey. In response, Lina checks in on how we're interpreting the word 'healing' when it comes to kink (ableism — be gone!), gives some reflections on what kinds of messages our bodies give us in scenes, and somehow in the midst of that coined the phrase that is our episode title this week, once again making the English language just a little bit worse 🫶 You're welcome.

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub b...

In honor of U.K. father's day we're getting into 'Daddy' as an honorific, whether it always implies age play (Sometimes? Yes? No?) and how nobody has to do anything they don't want to do but maybe getting curious is what saves us all from the shame monsters.

Get the Summer Deep Dive schedule here

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new podcast within a podcast, OTK with Lina and Mr. Dune. 

A listener wants to know what to do about their well-meaning but vanilla therapist, and in response Lina earns her gold star Therapist's Favorite badge by exploring the ins and outs of the therapeutic relationship, how to resource your therapist and yourself, and takes a weirdly polyamory-informed stance on getting your needs met. 

Links: A Walker In LA | Murder Mystery Yacht Orgy | Summer Deep Dive Schedule

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new...

This week we're doing a refresher on flirting so Lina can assist you all into getting into more trouble to keep the questions coming for the pod — vertical integration!! That's how that works, right?? Either way, we're talking about flirting by zodiac sign (helpful even if you're a grumpy Capricorn that doesn't believe in astrology), flirting to bring forward your most authentic self, and flirting as a measure of compatibility. Now go look at people and talk to them!!

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, ar...

A caller wants to know whether their miraculous gift of nonstop orgasms is hindering them from long term partnership — really goes to show one person's dream scenario (Lina's) is another person's anxiety (this caller's)! Lina talks about the joys of dating high-volume cummers, lists practical tips for Domming and topping these lucky ducks, and shares how the patriarchy infects all of us when we imagine the limits of what a submissive can be.

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written pos...

These week callers want to know how to welcome the springtime, how to enjoy/not enjoy the Met Gala, hack quiet sex, and, of course, see Lina lose it over exclusionary privileged queers being weird about who's allowed to use the label. Pull up a chair to the burn sesh (with love). 

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new podcast within a podcast, OTK with Lina and Mr. Dune. 

Submit questions for thi...

A listener is recovering from a religious culture that expected submission from women by default — how, then, can she trust her desire to be submissive in a consensual D/s dynamic? This week we're talking self trust, healing through kink, and Lina's deep desire to physically harm this caller's ex (for legal reasons this is a joke - ha ha)

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new podcast within a podcast, OTK with Lina an...

On this month's Deep Dive, we're joined by S.T. Gibson, bestselling author of A Dowry of Blood, Savage Blooms, and more, who also hosts the Metaphysical Girl podcast/substack. Her approach to fantasy is intellectual, informed by her background in theology and deep thought about queerness and our insatiable hungers. Join us for our thoughts on fairies, vampires, and what to say to local river.

To get the full version of this episode Join Patreon at $11/month or substack at $8/month.

Submit questions for this podcast by going to memo.fm/askasub and recording a...

Ahhh vanilla dating…. Well, it mainly sucks. Jk! Maybe not! Either way, it's not something you have to do before you get to be kinky. It's good to know what you want and go after it, and treat each experience as information to be collected along the way. Except for that time Lina went on a vanilla date with a guy who Venmo requested her $2 for a hot dog while she was in the uber home from his apartment. That was not an especially valuable learning experience. 

Join us for the Deep Dive with author S.T. Gib...

What happens in a long-term 24/7 dynamic when you, as a sub, get so fuckin pissed that you just need a MINUTE to collect yourself before resuming your tasks?!?! Lina gets into the communication tools that can hold us and our dynamic in moments of conflict so when you come back from your grumpy space walk the space ship is still in pretty good shape.

Join us for the Deep Dive with author S.T. Gibson on 4/18!

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive...

A caller wants to know how to feel confident as a sub in your local scene after a friendship breakup with a Dom who seems to be the golden boy of said scene. We talk about how to claim space that's rightly yours, not give Doms too much power after a dynamic has ended, and how to remember no one is thinking about anything but themselves! But in a freeing way!

Join us for the Deep Dive with author S.T. Gibson on 4/18!

Read 'Where I'm At With Shame' free on Substack

Become...

On this month's Deep Dive, we're joined by Anastasiia Fedorova, author of Second Skin: Inside The Worlds of Fetish, Kink, and Deviant Desire. We talked about how capitalism and commodity culture influence fetishism, how to become archivists of our experience, and we took some time to compare and contrast the vibes of the Foot Guys at various kink parties across the globe.

To get the full version of this episode Join Patreon at $11/month or substack at $8/month.

Submit questions for this podcast by going to memo.fm/askasub and recording a voice memo.

What if you wanted to wear a raincoat but like…. in a weird way?? In anticipation of our upcoming Deep Dive with Anastasiia Fedorova, author of Second Skin: Inside The Worlds of Fetish, Kink, and Deviant Desire, we're revisiting an old episode all about rubber and latex! If you're a fetishist of any kind, or just a little fetish curious, check out this link to join that discussion on Sunday, March 22.

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as wel...

We're all a mess rn. How do we share our messy selves with others messy selves without making too much of a mess?? It's the question of the day and Lina uses her mess to make an attempt at an answer.

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new podcast within a podcast, OTK with Lina and Mr. Dune.

Submit questions for this podcast by going to memo.fm/askasub and recording a v...

What is a Nice Guy™ to do when the sub he's playing with refuses to enumerate her wants/needs? Is it pressure-y to insist on a discussion? And, more broadly, how are nice and good men supposed to operate as Doms? Lina chimes in this week on one of her favorite subjects — Men! Not to bash them, but to encourage them along the road to constructive masculinity and their best selves. 

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well a...

On this month's Quick Hits we're talking about how Lina and Mr. Dune take their tea, and how to put yourself out there at kinky parties, when you're a little tender, and most especially when you're grieving. You don't have to be perfect to be loved, but you MOST CERTAINLY may NOT put the milk in before the tea is steeped!!

Twin Cities Rent Relief: https://gofund.me/442fc6781

The Great Milk Debate | Gianmarco Soresi at Edinburgh Fringe

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A listener wants to know how to tell if someone is kinky without having to ask. You guessed it, you do still have to ask, but there are subtle ways of sussing out the bedroom habits of your hot, competent coworker without immediately entering lawsuit territory. 

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new podcast within a podcast, OTK with Lina and Mr. Dune.

Submit questions for this podcast by going to memo.fm...

Some thoughts on the implications of the words we use to signal safety, pontifications on whether 'Pleasure Doms' are inadvertent pick-mes, and another battle cry on how you deserve pleasure, respect, and softness even if your kink is hard and scary. We don't all have to be sunny, happy carebears…. Some of us are evil carebears that wear black and get stepped on.

Substack post on The Chronology Of Water (also available on Patreon)

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Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

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Pro-sub Alexis O'Kneel joins us to discuss a little-known facet of the Oldest Profession, and how pro-subs can be a resource to all members of the kink community. Even people who have been slighted by waitresses and want to alchemize their experience into horny mutual fun. You know, #JustCanadianThings.

To get the full version of this episode Join Patreon at $11/month or substack at $8/month.

Subscribe to the subby substack here. See the paid post archive here.

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Go here f...

We're inventing idioms on the Ask A Sub podcast once again, and this time we're talking about how to balance a desire for a long-term relationship with sorting out kink compatibility. We also talk about how easy 'easy' is supposed to be, prioritizing your priorities, and how to go to the tide pools and come out with the exact pufferfish you want. It makes sense if you listen, we swear!!

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well a...

What if our baggage from the vanilla world could be taken away as easily as selling something on Facebook Marketplace? Until that time, Lina provides a rubric and several measuring sticks (??) for evaluating methods of sharing your stuff with partners that feels interdependent rather than trauma dump-y. 

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new podcast within a podcast, OTK with Lina and Mr. Dune.

Submit questions for this podcast by going to me...

We're back with another Quick Hits episode! This time we're talking about how to get slammed in a hockey-coded way, how to tell if your kinky commune is a cult, and how to negotiate a relationship where your boundaries are no boundaries! Join us!

Become a Patreon member to gain access to all the Ask A Sub benefits including our discord server, archive of premium audio and written posts, as well as our new podcast within a podcast, OTK with Lina and Mr. Dune.

Submit questions for this podcast by going to memo.fm/askasub a...