Coming Out Stories

Rob shares a coming out story that is less about one big reveal and more about a series of honest, ordinary moments that add up to self-acceptance. 

We talk with him about growing up in Oxford with little LGBTQ+ education, finding confidence in his own body, and meeting his fiancé during lockdown. 

• feeling different early on and lacking words without LGBT representation at school 
• recognising attraction in the teenage years and the impact of Queer as Folk 
• coming out first to a best friend who already knows 
• a first kiss in a gay club and w...

A kid who hates sports, gets bullied for being “different”, and finds refuge painting sets backstage does not usually grow up to become one of America’s most in-demand wedding planners. 

Jason Mitchell Kahn did, and his story is a reminder that the places that keep us safe early on can end up shaping our whole life. We talk about South Florida suburbs, theatre as sanctuary, and what it feels like when other people think they know your sexuality before you do. 

Jason came out as he was finishing school, right as Will & Grace hit TV, and...

You can grow up surrounded by farmland and still feel like you’re living on another planet. 

Kris Saim joins us from Kansas City to talk about what it means to carry secrets for decades.

Kris shares a raw coming out story shaped by childhood sexual abuse, the fear-driven silence it creates, and the deep imprint of Pentecostal teaching that labels gay people as sinful. 

Kris also grew up in the AIDS crisis era, when misinformation and panic made being a young gay person feel dangerous even before you could begin to explore your...

We talk with Manchester-based poet Amy about growing up without queer role models, first love with a best friend, and learning to claim “lesbian” with joy. The chat ends with her live poem about a double coming out in Wetherspoons.

• childhood in Grimsby with little queer visibility
• legacy of Section 28 shaping silent classrooms
• first crushes, confusion, and a secret relationship
• telling mum and dad in small, human moments
• TV and history as lifelines for representation
• reclaiming lesbian and standing with trans siblings
• haircut, visibility, and letting beauty be ours
• poetry from slam urgency to...

A goodbye note found on a computer. 

A father who says, “I don’t understand, but I love you.” 

A marriage that proves joy can grow in places once ruled by fear. 

From rural West Virginia to an online audience that shows up for humour, makeup, and honesty, we sit with Bobby Jean Spears as he traces a path from secrecy to self-belief.
 
 If you’re weighing how and when to come out, you’ll find practical advice: start with a trusted friend, build a small circle, and save the family talk for when y...

 The moment Christina saw a woman looking back at her in the mirror changed everything. "I can't really describe the euphoria," she reveals. "It was like finding something I didn't know was missing."

Christina's journey began with childhood signs that went unrecognised. Growing up in the 1990s, she always gravitated toward traditionally feminine activities and friendships with girls, yet lacked the framework to understand her identity. When her father bought her football tickets as a treat, she innocently asked, "Have I been really naughty? Is this a punishment?"

Her journey took a troubling detour at u...

When Patrick Kitana Ettenes bluntly told his father "I suck dick, daddy" at 15 years old, it marked just one turning point in a life brimming with extraordinary challenges and triumphs. Born in Barbados in 1983 to a Dutch father and Trinidadian mother, Patrick's childhood was a paradox of privilege and pain—his father's high-profile security work with prime ministers and diplomats couldn't shield him from relentless bullying due to his feminine expression.

Patrick's shocking classroom experiences included teacher-orchestrated "games" where students chased and attacked him, leaving him with bruises and scratches his mother eventually noticed. Despite this trauma, he...

What happens when you've spent nearly seven decades hiding your true self? Wendy Cole's story is a testament to courage, resilience, and the transformative power of authenticity.

Born in the late 1940s, Wendy knew from age three that she was a girl, despite being assigned male at birth. At ten years old, she bravely dressed in her mother's clothes and declared her truth—only to face threats of psychiatric commitment in 1950s America. Her journey took another painful turn in the 1970s when a psychiatrist called her a "freak" during her second attempt to transition, forcing her ba...

Welcome back to Coming Out Stories after our six-month hiatus! As our seventh year begins, there have been moments when giving up seemed tempting. But looking at the increasingly hostile world around us, it's clear that now is precisely the time these stories need to be heard.

Season Six arrives during a critical period for LGBTQ+ communities worldwide. Here in the UK, the Supreme Court recently ruled that gender is defined by biological sex rather than gender identity, effectively undermining transgender existence and eroding hard-won equal rights. The FA has implemented a ban preventing trans women from...

How do you stay true to yourself when both society and your own family won't accept you?

Kuchenga Shenje is a remarkable trans woman, writer, and journalist, who first understood her true gender identity at just three years old.
Kuchenga's story is one of resilience and spiritual strength. Her childhood experiences shed light on the challenges trans folk face in a gender-normative environment and she shares the solace she found in trans representation on 90s talk shows.
Kuchenga's story is a powerful testament to preserving your true self against adversity.

You can follow...

In this episode,  meet the hugely successful author Simon James Green.

Simon writes books for a YA audience that include vital representation for LGBTQ+ teens.  This has led to his books being vilified and even banned. 

Simon talks about growing up gay in the UK in the shadow of  Clause 28, a time when  being true to oneself seemed nearly impossible. 

Simon recounts his personal journey of gradual self-revelation—a roadmap marked by subtle hints and professional expressions rather than a single defining moment. This powerful narrative underscores the importance of visible LGBTQ+ role mod...

Imagine growing up wanting a Barbie doll but feeling afraid to ask for it.

In this episode, award-winning author Dean Atta, shares his poignant journey of self-discovery and the courageous story of coming out at 15. Dean reveals the trials and triumphs of navigating childhood and adolescence as a queer individual, offering a heartfelt reflection on his first crush and the strength he found within himself amidst rejection and misunderstanding.

Dean talks about the challenges of coming out within a mixed-race family during the 80s and 90s. We also discuss the powerful themes in his memoir, "...

What does it mean to grow up LGBTQ+ in a conservative environment?
Jordan Gonsalves is a podcaster and journalist from New York, who shares his deeply personal journey of understanding his sexuality in the conservative suburbs of Houston, Texas.
Jordan's reflections on childhood bullying, societal pressures, and the early realization of being different paint a vivid picture of the struggles many LGBTQ+ individuals face during their formative years.

Growing up within a devout Catholic family, the fear of being gay led to years of self-suppression, but during an internship in San Francisco, Jordan found freedom...

What does it take to come out after 55 years of hiding your true self?

Kevin O'Connor, an author and a gay man found the courage to embrace his identity after decades of living a different life.
In this episode, you’ll hear Kevin's reflections on his early inklings of being gay in the 1960s, his struggles with authenticity, and the pivotal moment when his youngest son came out at 16, prompting Kevin to finally confront his own buried feelings.

This episode delves into the complexities of coming out later in life and the transformative power of...

Happy Pride Month!

Today's episode comes from brilliant children's author Robert Tregoning

Robert shares his journey from a rural village in County Durham, through the turbulence of the '80s and '90s, to becoming an advocate for authenticity and self-expression. From childhood memories of defying gender norms to finding solace in understanding friends, we uncover the impact of societal expectations on his formative years. We also get a sneak peek into his new book, "A Fairy Called Fred," and hear the incredible story of how he met his husband.

You can learn...

Ben Green grew up trans in a small Connecticut town.

Now an activist and author of "My Child is Trans: Now What?" Ben reflects on just how different his childhood was to his sister's as he tried to navigate the complexities of gender identity without any trans role models.
This story explores the profound impact that representation—or the lack thereof—can have on a young person's journey to self-discovery and authenticity.

From the supportive embrace for his bisexuality, partly due to shows like "Modern Family," to the more challenging acceptance of his trans iden...

Imagine embarking on a voyage of self-discovery that doesn't truly begin until the age of 40. That's the  reality for Jenny, a trans woman with a tale that unfolds with laughter, adversity, and, above all, authenticity. As she reminisces about her childhood in Woking and the challenges of expressing her true identity pre-internet, Jenny's experiences from makeshift gender expression at home to her eventual powerful coming out in Manchester shine a light on the journey many in the trans community face.

For Jenny, the world of Drag was a haven that embraced her when she needed it most, b...

Imagine the courage it takes to forge a path as a black queer woman in a world where your identity intersects with a rich tapestry of culture, tradition, and belief systems. This is the life of Anna DeShawn, a social entrepreneur from Chicago. who came out in a religious household and went on to create spaces where queer voices can echo and resonate.

In an intimate exchange, Anna and Emma navigate the  complexities of family acceptance in the black community, revealing both the struggles and the victories and the evolution of her identity through terms like 'queer...

From his first inklings of being different at a summer camp,  to the seismic shift that occurred when he saw real gay representation in corporate America, Michael's journey is one of struggle, resilience, and triumph in the face of adversity.

Michael's story not only peels back the layers of his own coming out journey, but also addresses the emotional challenges that often linger beneath the surface of the LGBTQ+ community in a city known for its progressiveness, New York City.

Michael  is also director of brand marketing and communications for Archer, a new dating app co...

Remember that gut-punch moment when everything you thought you knew about yourself was turned on its head? That's where Kirsty Loehr found herself at 16, blindsided by the realisation that her sexuality wasn't what she'd always assumed...

In this episode, meet Kirsty, author of "A Short History of Queer Women," and hear  her journey of self-discovery against the backdrop of a Manchester council estate. This episode peels back the layers of what it means to come to terms with one's queer identity, pre-social media whirlwind and without a blueprint for what lies ahead.

With humor and h...

 Moe Ari Brown, was born into a working-class, religious family and raised on the South side of Chicago amid the Black church's rich traditions. Moe felt invisible  during their youth but at college, they had an epiphany – that gender identity and sexuality are not fixed points but vibrant spectrums.

As a relationship therapist and guide, Moe's insights are not only personal milestones but also lighthouses for others on similar journeys, from their bisexual awakening to the discovery of a transgender community that felt like home.
Moe also discusses the tribulations that bisexual daters encounter!

Find...

Growing up in Peterborough, in the centre of England,  Arthur's story tells of the intimate struggles of growing up with a gender identity that defies societal norms.

With insights into the complexity of coming out to loved ones when you're trans, the battles fought within gender clinics, and the ongoing need for visibility and support for trans youth, this episode is a celebration of the trans community as they face very difficult times.

This episode also celebrates TRUK United FC—the safe haven Arthur helped create for trans men to unite through the love of foo...

Imagine discovering your true self at a time where even the word "transgender" was seldom whispered, then fast-forward to seeing that reality reflected on national TV!

Annie Wallace, a pioneering trans soap actress, takes us through her life, from her earliest memories of gender identity struggles,  to life in Aberdeen's  first gay bar, and the bullying endured by those who dared to be different, through her influential role behind the scenes of beloved TV characters like "Coronation Street's" Hayley Cropper to her own starring role as Sally St. Claire in the Channel 4 soap opera Hollyoaks.

An...

Gary's story is proof that life does indeed begin at 40!

Gary's journey through marriage, heartbreaks, and eventual joy in finding deep love will bring a real smile to your face.

The Secret Is Out tells the coming-out stories of LGBTQ people —...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Presented by Emma Goswell

Produced by Sam Walker

You can now support the podcast directly and get your hands on our beautiful custom merch! Just head to: https://buymeacoffee.com/comingoutstories

As the curtain closes on our 2023 series, we bring you the incredible story of Ann!
Beginning in Liverpool in the late 50s and early 60s  – a time when innocence mingled with confusion in the absence of visible LGBTQ+ role models,  Ann's tale then takes us through the swinging 60s of London, the rigid discipline of army life, and into the heart of personal discovery and selfless, passionate activism.
Anne's story reveals not just her struggles and triumphs but also the landscape of a society grappling with change and the evolution of our community.

This is an e...

 Verity Smith is a trans gay man who is passionate about playing wheelchair rugby.

After first coming out as a lesbian in the 90s, Verity played women's rugby and was too afraid to come out as trans, as there were no policies in place for trans players in the game and he would have had to give up the sport he loved.

He did eventually come out and was faced with a barrage of transphobia and discrimination.

After a devastating  injury incurred on the pitch, Verity ended up in a wheelchair, but found an...

Born into strict Muslim traditions in Syria and raised in Jordan, Luma is a beacon of hope and courage for all of us in the LGBTQ+ community.

Her personal coming out story is complex; spanning cultures, religions, and generations. As a young adult in a country where being gay was considered a crime, Luma came out to her parents and was disowned, it took many years until her own daughter played a pivotal role in reconciling their family. Luma is also testament to the importance of chosen families within the LGBTQ+ community.

Luma is also...

From Nigeria to the UK,  Reverend Jide's Macaulay, otherwise known as the 'happy, holy homosexual,' reveals his life's story.

From braving patriarchy and toxic masculinity in Nigeria to enduring conversion therapy in London, Jide's testimony is nothing short of inspiring. His deep-seated faith in God and in himself, and his relentless pursuit of acceptance, not only for himself but for the entire LGBTQ+ community, shine through his story.
Jide outlines his journey into Christian ministry and challenges the often-misinterpreted biblical verses referring to same-sex relationships.
We also delve into the harsh realities faced by t...

What does it take to live authentically in the face of adversity and societal norms?
Juno Roche is an iconic figure in the transgender community and a notable author.
With a life composed of resilience, identity, and transformation, Juno has a wealth of experiences - from growing up in a tough family to navigating the world of LGBTQ+ culture during the 70s-80s, and discovering her true self amidst personal challenges.

In this conversation you'll hear about Juno's  childhood experiences, her battle for identity, and the challenges she faced as a transgender person in a p...

Get ready for a heart-stirring journey as we welcome you back to a brand-new season of Coming Out Stories. After a (rather long) pause, we're returning with a line-up of extraordinary stories that transcend across the LGBTQ+ spectrum, painting a picture of resilience, hope, and love.

Be captivated by the story of a brave gay priest standing against all odds, including his own father, to fight for LGBT rights in Nigeria.

Meet Juno Roche, a transgender woman whose life journey is as awe-inspiring as the script of a Hollywood blockbuster. 

Join us on t...

Kit: I never understood why all my friends were obsessed with boys.  Then I came out, fell in love with women and lost my mind!

In this, the final episode of season four, meet Kit from London.

It took Kit a little while to realise she was a lesbian and she didn't come out until she was 30.

Follow Kit on twitter for news on where to catch her show 30 and Out.

The Secret Is Out tells the coming-out stories of LGBTQ people —...
...

Valentino: My family simply didn't know how to raise a gay child

Valentino grew up as a gay man and now identifies as being gender fluid, and whilst they are currently living in Manchester, England they were born and raised in Bermuda.

They have quite the life story and this episode only really begins to scratch the surface.

Please be aware:  This story contains descriptions of sexual activity and is centered around the subject of being groomed. You may find some of the content uncomfortable or triggering.

For more o...

Dharma: The teacher told me to play with the other boys, but I knew I wasn't a boy.  It was a secret I kept for a long time.

Dharma Kelleher is a pansexual crime writer, based in Phoneix, Arizona who puts lesbians and trans women at the heart of her novels.

She grew up in a small town just outside Atlanta.  She knew as a very young child that she was trans.

Find out more about Dharma's work here.

The Secret Is Out...

Clifford:  My dad suggested conversion therapy and I let him sit with that idea, I was literally the first gay person he knew.

Clifford is our first sapio sexual storyteller.  A real world citizen, he is of Indian heritage, had a Catholic upbringing in Dubai in now lives in Australia.

He speaks about what being sapio sexual means to him and how his family reacted to his coming out as gay.

The Secret Is Out tells the coming-out stories of LGBTQ people —...

List...

In this very special eisode, we're sharing an intervew we did with Brad Shreve on his excellent podcast Queer We Are, a show where Brad talks to  entertainers, activists, politicians, artists, athletes, and more of the most interesting LGBTQ people from diverse backgrounds.

We hope you enjoy it!

Find out more about Brad and Queer We Are 

The Secret Is Out tells the coming-out stories of LGBTQ people —...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Presented by Emma Goswell

Produced by Sam Walke...

Brad: For more than 30 years I convinced myself "I can't be gay. I will change someday"

In this episode, we're back in the United States, to the Californian desert to meet Brad.

Brad didn’t come out until his 30s, by which stage he had married a woman and had had a child.

Brad also came out in a way that we've never  spoken about on this podcast before...

Find out more about Brad and his podcast Queer We Are 

You can find out more about The Trev...

EJ: I’ve had quite the internal war about how I identify. I don’t want to use the labels that society gives us!

EJ is a young person who lives in a small  town in Ohio, USA. 
They identify as a gender queer masc lesbian.

The Secret Is Out tells the coming-out stories of LGBTQ people —...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Presented by Emma Goswell

Produced by Sam Walker

You can now support the podca...

Andrew:  I told myself that being bisexual was just a phase.  It was not!

Andrew identifies as bisexual. 

He hails from Scotland and is behind the LGBTQ+ sports website Pride of the Terraces.

Although he is now very  open about his sexuality, it was a big decision for him to come out in a newspaper.

The Secret Is Out tells the coming-out stories of LGBTQ people —...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Presented by Emma Goswell

Produced by Sam...

Grady

Grady Throneberry  is the first openly gay police chief in Kentucky.

He didn't come out until his sixties and what a story he has to tell!

Married to a woman, with grown up daughters, he lived in his words as a "straight, conservative man" until 2018.  Until he was outed, very publicly, which led to him being called into the Mayor's office for a meeting...

Find out more about Grady and his book My Journey to the Rainbow on his website gayandgray.net

...

Lucy Lou

The moment I put that dress on, I thought "I'm here!"

Lucy Lou is a trans woman who waited nearly 40 years to become the person she always was.

The Secret Is Out tells the coming-out stories of LGBTQ people —...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Presented by Emma Goswell

Produced by Sam Walker

You can now support the podcast directly and get your hands on our beautiful custom merch! Just head to: htt...