Co-Parent Dilemmas
There are at least two sides to every conflict, and when it's between divorced or separated parents, sparks can fly. In each episode, co-parenting experts Diane Dierks and Rick Voyles answer listener questions and talk about the benefits and risks of letting go vs. holding on to the conflict in a variety of complex topics facing co-parents today. Do you hold on for the sake of the children or let go for the same reason? Episodes are released every Sunday at noon. Listeners can email diane@cpdilemmas.com and pose a question/dilemma that may be answered on an upcoming...
E5.E26. Narcissists in Co-Parenting & Time for a Pause
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Today, we are replaying one of our most popular episodes entitled “Narcissists in Co-Parenting.” We also want you to know that starting this week, we are taking a podcast pause for a little while to re-evaluate where we go from here. There is a lot of content for you to listen to while we’re on pause. If you are a new listener, this will give you time to catch...
S5.E25. Falsely Accused
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Diane & Rick discuss the issues that arise when a co-parent is accused of parental alienation or child abuse. What drives the accusation, and what can be done to enlighten court professionals?Â
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The Balance of GrayGod, doubt, and proof walk into a podcast... it goes better than you’d expect!
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S5.E24. The Dangers of Secret-Keeping
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Diane & Rick answer listener Rachel’s question about how to respond to her kids when their dad has asked them to keep a secret from her. They explore different ways kids are put in the middle with secret-keeping and the risks associated with it.
VIEW THE VIDEO OF THISÂ EPISODE ON YOUTUBE!
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S5.E23. “Is There A Case Worse Than Mine?”: Cringeworthy Co-Parents
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Diane & Rick discuss some of their most difficult co-parent cases after listener Devin emails, wondering if any case is possibly worse than his! They discuss the importance of professionals working with the non-impossible parent Â
VIEW THE VIDEO OF THISÂ EPISODE ON YOUTUBE!
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S5.E22. When Children Parrot the Other Parent’s Extreme Opinions
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Listener Thomas asks how to respond to his 13-year-old son, who declares extreme political ideology that Thomas knows is coming from the other house. Should he respond? Stay silent? How do you counteract extreme ideas or values that go against yours when it comes from your kids? Diane & Rick break it down.
VIEW THE VIDEO OF THISÂ EPISODE ON YOUTUBE!
LINKS FROM T...
REBROADCAST: The Impossible Dilemma
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Bethany calls in with a frustrating dilemma, and Jeff emails about a similar frustration. Diane & Rick discuss how difficult it is to be placed in a position of choosing your own peace vs. your child’s emotional welfare. This seemingly impossible dilemma is quite common among high conflict co-parents, and it requires a logical view of multiple variables to makes sense of what feels senseless.
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S5.E21. Parent/Pediatrician Meet-Up: Brainstorming ideas to assist non-impossible co-parents
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Diane & Rick bring together a group of pediatricians and moms who have difficult co-parents to discuss innovative ways to work together. Kids of divorce often get stuck in the middle when a high-conflict co-parent weaponizes the medical community, leaving the other parent feeling marginalized and misunderstood. They discuss various ways parents use medical professionals to their legal advantage and what professionals might do to minimize the conflict instead of...
S5.E20. When Dad and Teen Explode: Who’s Hurt & Who’s at Fault?
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Utah listener Heather wonders what more she can do to protect her two sons from their verbally abusive father. The 14-year-old explodes with dad, while the 13-year-old son witnesses the drama and tries to keep things from getting worse. Diane& Rick discuss the different roles children play in the family system and what Heather can do to help each child feel emotionally safe (while also complying with the court-ordered...
S5.E19. Plan B Challenges! When Plan A is Not an Option
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Texas listener, Christa, answers a challenge Diane made in a previous episode to give her any dilemma, and she would suggest a viable Plan B. Diane & Rick discuss whether or not what Christa presents are co-parenting dilemmas or general parenting issues, and they provide suggestions accordingly. They also discuss the DRAGON method of devising a Plan B.
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S5.E18. “My Feelings Matter!”: Does Every Feeling Need Validation?
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Listener Todd asks if he should validate his child’s feelings, even when she says she doesn’t like him? How far does a parent go, and are feelings valid (representing truth) or simply experiences to be understood? Diane & Rick suggest it’s important to explore the root of feelings, including assumptions, misinformation, mood, and delusions, before judging them. They also discuss the responsibility of both the sharer AND the he...
REBROADCAST: Do I Give In to My Child’s Request to Stay Away?
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This is a REPLAY of one of the show’s most popular episodes (S4.E17.). We’ll be back with new episodes next week. Diane and Rick look at a conflict that on the surface might seem easy to resolve for the Non-Impossible parent. But upon further exploration, they unpack the long-lasting consequences of giving in to a child’s request to stay away from school events and activities.
S5.E17. Reunited after Alienation: Non-traditional Parenting is Key
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Listener Ben has been awarded custody of his daughter after the court determined her mother was alienating her from dad. He asks how to best parent his daughter after the trauma of alienation. Diane & Rick break it down and provide helpful, non-traditional advice to help him climb this daunting mountain.
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S5.E16. Commit or Don’t Reconnect: Kids Need Consistency and Dependability
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Listener Kristen asks advice about her 9-year-old reengaging with his dad, who has been an extremely inconsistent parent. Diane & Rick discuss the harm to children when a parent consistently disappoints them by moving in and out of their lives. They discuss ways the listener can engage professionals to promote long-term success for the child.
CLICK HERE to access the AFCC website. We...
S5.E15. Who is Served by the Right of First Refusal?
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Diane & Rick respond to recent social media posts about first right of refusal, a clause in some parenting plans that requires co-parents to give the other parent the option of being with the children when they are unable to fulfill their court-ordered parenting time. They explore the reasons behind this concept and question whether or not it is a good practice in high-conflict situations.
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S5.E14. Grieving the Holiday Split
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Listener Kyle asks what the best holiday split is for teens. Diane & Rick ask a deeper question about what drives holiday negotiation in the beginning, when grief is most prominent. They discuss the importance of seeing the holidays through the children’s eyes instead of the parents’.
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S5.E13. Donor Family Drama
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Diane & Rick address listener Laura’s dilemma with her ex-wife, who decided to introduce their two children to the donor dad’s family without her permission. They discuss the complications that come with divorce and adopted children, as well as the legal messiness when a biological parent decides to re-enter the picture after the kids have been adopted. Also discussed is what constitutes a “major” decision in co-parenting.
S5.E12. CRITICAL SKILLS: Pt. 3 - Why Using a Plan B Works
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In this third of a three-part series of why critical co-parenting skills work, Diane & Rick explore the importance of utilizing a Plan B when conflict arises. Somewhere between Plan A (a successful negotiation) and Plan C (going to court), there is a child-focused solution that doesn’t require the permission or agreement of the other parent.
CLICK HERE to access the Silver Bullet Survivor podcast me...
S5.E11. CRITICAL SKILLS: Pt. 2 - Why Using a Structured Email Protocol Works
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Diane & Rick address Emily’s email about her know-it-all co-parent. They discuss the goal of utilizing a structured way of communicating and why it succeeds in managing the toxic co-parent, while ant the same time, adhering to a parenting plan that requires co-parents to share relevant information about their children.
CLICK HERE To see the link to this week’s good news story.
To s...
S5.E10. CRITICAL SKILLS: Pt. 1 - Why Validating Your Kids’ Feelings Works
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Listener Trenton wants advice on how to respond to his 10-year-old daughter when she expresses frustration about going between two homes. In this first of a three-part series on why critical co-parenting skills work, Diane and Rick discuss the feelings/thoughts/values triangle and what is foundational about its use for all parents.
CLICK HERE to get the pyramid graphic mentioned in this episode.
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S5.E9. Is It “Wrong” to Move Out of State?
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Listener Georgina asks about the consequences of moving her 12-year-old daughter away from her dad. They discuss the reasons why she is feeling the need to escape and how helping her daughter develop appropriate coping skills may neutralize the moving dilemma.
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S5.E8. What Medical Professionals Need to Understand about Impossibles
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At the prompting of a loyal listener, who is also a pediatrician, Diane & Rick address issues that come up in high-conflict co-parenting that medical professionals often do not understand. They provide suggestions to professionals to assist those with impossible co-parents in navigating their children’s healthcare with a little less stress.
God, doubt, and proof walk into a podcast... it goe...
S5.E7. The Nuts and Bolts of Parenting Coordination
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Diane & Rick discuss what parenting coordination is, how it differs from co-parent counseling, who qualifies to be a PC, and what should be expected in the process. Mentioned in this episode are guidelines that most trained professionals follow. To view, go to AFCC or APA for more info.
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S5.E6. The Teen Dilemma
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Listener Heather wonders how she should respond to her 14-year-old son who, out of the blue, has decided not to return from the other parent’s house. Should she fight for him or let him have his way? Diane and Rick talk about the dilemma some teens face between craving love and approval from one parent that may result in hurting their other parent.
S5.E5. The Alienated Step-Parent
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Diane & Rick explore the not often talked about subject of the pain of the alienated step-parent. Listener Tanner writes in to ask how to deal with the guilt of not being able to fight for a step-daughter who has only known him as a father figure in her life. Without legal rights, what can he do to let her know he has not abandoned her?
S5.E4. Is the Medical Tug of War Worth It?
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Diane & Rick address listener Mindy’s dilemma around the struggle between her and her co-parent around medical decision-making. They discuss conflicts around common childhood issues such as ADHD, sensory disorders, anxiety, autism, dental appointments, etc. and whether or not pursuing court action as a remedy is better for the child than other alternatives. Should she hold on or let it go?
S5.E3. The Pitfalls of Mediation
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Diane & Rick discuss mediation and some of the issues that can interfere with the process if co-parents are not well-informed. They explore the pitfalls of using the shuttle only technique, the coerciveness of marathon sessions, and what happens when mediators fail to trust the process.Â
Ethical principals discussed on this episode can be viewed at:
https://www.jamsadr.com/mediators-ethics
h...
S5.E2. The Newbie’s Guide to Going to Court
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Listener Terry asks for advice on how to approach filing a contempt action and what to expect in the process. Diane & Rick discuss several points to consider, including variances among county courts, choosing a good family law attorney, setting appropriate goals, understanding what the court’s responsibility is (and is not), and having realistic expectations.
Past episodes referenced in this episode are S1:E43., S4:E39., S3...
S5.E1. Is He a Narcissit or Just Immature?
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Listener Frannie emails Diane & Rick to ask why her co-parent doesn’t want to teach their children life lessons. The hosts discuss the importance of helping children become resilient and cautions co-parents about the messages kids learn when parents label the other parent’s attempts at parenting as wrong or abusive.
God, doubt, and proof walk into a podcast... it goes...
S4.E54. Interview with the Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast
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Diane & Rick are taking a short break. To round out season four, they are featuring interviews where they were guests on other podcasts! This week they join Karen McMahon of the Journey Beyond Divorce podcast and discuss strategies to live peacefully despite having a high-conflict co-parent. Also explored is the six-step process to easier co-parent communication.
God, doubt...
S4.E53. Interview with the Mom’s Moving On Podcast
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Diane & Rick are taking a short break. To round out season four, they are featuring interviews where they were guests on other podcasts! This week they join Michelle Dempsey-Multack of the Moms Moving On podcast and discuss what it means to be a non-impossible co-parent and helpful communication strategies with a difficult ex.
God, doubt, and proof walk into a...
S4.E52. Interview with the How to Split a Toaster Podcast
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Diane & Rick are taking a short break. To round out season four, they are featuring interviews where they were guests on other podcasts! This week they join Seth and Pete of How to Split a Toaster for an engaging conversation about the DRAGON method of approaching co-parent conflict. They explore how parents can conquer their fear of communicating with a difficult ex.
S4.E51. Interview with the A Little Bit Culty Podcast
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Diane & Rick are taking a short break. To round out season four, they are featuring interviews where they were guests on other podcasts! This week, they share the interview they did with Sarah Edmondson and Nippy Ames of the A Little Bit Culty Podcast. Sarah and Nippy were featured on the popular HBO docuseries, The Vow, which explored the abuses of the NXIVM cult. In this interview, they discuss...
S4.E50. Keep Your Friends Close, and the Girlfriend Closer!
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Listener Sherry emails about her concern that her co-parent is not paying attention to their infant’s medical needs. But when the girlfriend enters the picture, things blow up. Diane & Rick discuss the importance of not alienating support people from the mix, especially when it involves a child who cannot speak for herself.
God, doubt, and proof walk into a po...
S4.E49. Is AI (Artificial Intelligence) a Narcissist?
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Diane & Rick explore how AI might assist co-parents in constructing productive co-parent communication. What they learn is that AI has not yet learned enough about toxic people to understand how certain types of communication may feed into their motivations, instead of managing them. They conclude it could be a helpful resource, but is not yet ready for prime time!
God...
S4.E48. Tell the Truth or Let Kids Discover It On Their Own?
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Listener Veronique shares that she is paying for all her children’s activities, but they have no idea their other parent is shirking his responsibility. Is this protecting the kids or hurting them? Will they just take advantage of mom if they don’t know it’s hard for her to bear this financial burden alone? Diane & Rick discuss that saying”no” to kids can be a healthy option. They also...
S4.E47. He Laughs at His Ability to Violate the Court Order
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Diane & Rick respond passionately to Danielle’s email about feeling the need to file a court case, knowing it will only embolden her co-parent to continue his campaign against her. They discuss the risks/benefits and the true dilemma she faces in making this very difficult decision. Also explored are the ways to navigate parenting while managing a legal battle.
Bill McGee’s book - Half the...
S4.E46. Boundaries Matter - Even When You’re Cooperative!
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Listener Robert wants to know what an acceptable amount of co-parent communication is when two co-parents are getting along well. His recent relationship tanked when his girlfriend couldn’t abide his overly friendly interactions with his ex. Diane & Rick explore the need for boundaries and how kids can blame a new partner when the relationship between their parents is suddenly altered when one of them decides to move on.Â
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S4.E45. ALIENATION - PART THREE: Time Can Heal the Protective Alienator
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Diane & Rick explore the possibilities of transforming the parental alienator when he/she grows emotionally over time. They discuss the importance of BOTH parents recognizing the passage of time and respecting their child’s developmental growth. The parent who accuses the other of alienation can have more responsibility in the process than they may be willing to concede.Â
God, doubt, and...
S4.E44. ALIENATION - PART TWO: “My Mom Was an Alienator”: A Therapist Tells His Story
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Jake, a mental health professional, joins Diane & Rick on this episode to tell his story of dealing with narcissistic abuse and alienation from his mother growing up. They discuss how it felt to him as a teen, how he came to realize his mother’s disorder, and how he reconnected with his father, who represented Jake’s emotional place of safety. The hosts explore the importance of setting reasonable boun...
S4.E43. ALIENATION - PART ONE: Can the Alienator Be Rehabilitated?
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In part one of a three-part series on parental alienation, the hosts take a complicated look at the phrase "parental alienation" and what the various forms are. They discuss the oversimplification of this issue in the family court system, and the desensitization professionals experience as a result of it being over-used as a defense strategy. Part two of the series features an interview with an adult survivor of PA...
